posted April 05, 2014 12:50 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by usc277:

For some reason, I started to lose interest in her...we recently spoke for hours on the phone day after day for about a week....then am blocked...I too am a player but I have never felt like this with a woman before and didn't know how to act..I learned

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I wouldn't say she sounds like a "player", or if she is she isn't doing it very well. A player would be more up front and obvious about things, not say/do one thing one minute and another thing the next. She's giving you conflicting messages and it sounds to me she doesn't really know WHAT she wants.

Either way I personally wouldn't put up with this "hot one minute, cold the next" behaviour.

posted April 05, 2014 02:36 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Jo B:
I wouldn't say she sounds like a "player", or if she is she isn't doing it very well. A player would be more up front and obvious about things, not say/do one thing one minute and another thing the next. She's giving you conflicting messages and it sounds to me she doesn't really know WHAT she wants.

Either way I personally wouldn't put up with this "hot one minute, cold the next" behaviour.

I'm glad the feeling has worn off a bit for you. Having physical space away from someone is a good test of how much they REALLY matter to you in your life. If this friendship had any solid foundation, you'd be missing each other.

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Do you think she has feelings for me?

Because she said she would have married me had we been single ? But then said I'll never love u ?? Conflicting...

posted April 05, 2014 02:43 PM            

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Originally posted by usc277:

Thanks for the reply..
I too think she's not a good match on the long run, she's not very well educated...(unlike my Harvard grad wife)

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Ah! Yeah I don't judge people, and neither do you I can tell, by their education or lack therof BUT!!! But, it DOES seem to matter sometimes. I prefer that my long term partners have equal or higher education than me. I merely have a modest BA from the University of California, Santa Cruz. One of my exes also graduated from that college and we seemed to have a deeper sympathetic rapport than my exes who never went to any colleges. My current love has a BA from the University of Virgina and I admire that in him. Something about the whole college experience seems to open people up to having to LISTEN to other people's opinions etc...

quote:

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Originally posted by usc277:
I was hurt for a while, but I do have a good feeling about the whole situation, I never really gave her what she really wanted at the beginning (sex) and by saying she would have married me had I been single boosted my ego, that she considers me better than her husband...

So in my mind I have lost some battles with her but won the war ultimately...

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posted April 05, 2014 03:01 PM            

I'm certainly not implying you are in this category at all by the way, but you see what I mean!

posted April 05, 2014 09:19 PM            

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Originally posted by Leolady82:
Ah! Yeah I don't judge people, and neither do you I can tell, by their education or lack therof BUT!!! But, it DOES seem to matter sometimes. I prefer that my long term partners have equal or higher education than me. I merely have a modest BA from the University of California, Santa Cruz. One of my exes also graduated from that college and we seemed to have a deeper sympathetic rapport than my exes who never went to any colleges. My current love has a BA from the University of Virgina and I admire that in him. Something about the whole college experience seems to open people up to having to LISTEN to other people's opinions etc...

[QUOTE]Originally posted by usc277:
[b] I was hurt for a while, but I do have a good feeling about the whole situation, I never really gave her what she really wanted at the beginning (sex) and by saying she would have married me had I been single boosted my ego, that she considers me better than her husband...

So in my mind I have lost some battles with her but won the war ultimately...

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posted April 05, 2014 10:17 PM            

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Originally posted by Jo B:
Also the point about you apparently being a higher social class than her... materially better off, having a "prestigious" job (just quoting you from your earlier post ) may have triggered her saying "I could have married you". Maybe she was thinking of that. Sorry, some women are just mercenary in improving their lot. Why do we often see rich but not particularly attractive older men drawing their pension and even close to death married to young, hot looking women? Money! lol

I'm certainly not implying you are in this category at all by the way, but you see what I mean!

She might have sexual feelings for you (I don't doubt that actually) but whether she's right for you on a deeper emotional level is questionable. She's obviously young, probably coming to terms with being pregnant and the limitations that's going to impose on her freedom as a woman - ie putting ANOTHER human being's needs before her own. She's already said she neither loves her husband, NOR you. That says a lot to me about her selfishness. I'd stay away if I were you.

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posted April 05, 2014 10:51 PM            

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Originally posted by usc277:
Wow USC Santa Cruz, I went there for a 6 week program on renewable energy in 2009...I liked UCSC. Nice gym. Actually great gym and the town is cool

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posted April 05, 2014 11:40 PM            

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Originally posted by Leolady82:
Beautiful campus, great gym/track. The town has degraded since 2010. Many shootings and general ghetto-ization. I've lived in San Francisco since 2011 and it's much cooler...

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posted April 08, 2014 09:51 AM            

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Originally posted by JustAmanda1216:
This truly is the most interesting thread I've ever encountered on LL. I've been coming here for years, off and on, since 2002 I think and this, hands down, is the most interesting and twisting thread...I've never seen a man post something like this here...so, it's getting a little alien from me, because that's what is it...alien....

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Whats alien...the story or me posting it?

I think the most shocking aspects of the story for me are 2 things..

1) how I would fall in love with someone who cheated so fast on their husband..I mean she should still be in honeymoon season...I also know if we connected I wouldn't be able to ever trust her around other men because of what she did to her husband..

2) how a newly wed would do such a thing with a stranger, on a plane and so early in her marriage..., as for me I never felt like this before with anyone..I delete her no. And am moving on..also one thing that bothers me is that my wife knows everything and her husband knows nothing about all that happened...so she got away with it even though she instigated this whole thing.

posted April 09, 2014 12:35 PM            

I am learning a lot about myself and what is love and what isn't. And unfortunately I've not been "in love" with anyone since my exhusband and that was quite a while ago. A very long while ago. I'm not sure if I even know how to fall in love and stay in love now. But I do know how to feel lust for someone and then be all starry eyed for them..which fades fast.

posted April 09, 2014 01:37 PM            

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Originally posted by JustAmanda1216:
I am not sure why I feel it's so alien...maybe everything? So, you told your wife about this encounter and infactuation? I mean, don't you really feel it's more of an infactuation than love? It was a temptation that turned into infactuation?

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Yes I was thinking that usc's situation sounds more like infatuation/lust then real love. I don't really believe in love at first sight because it takes a while to truly get to know someone in order to realise you love them (in my experience anyway).

I think with men (more than women) they often confuse being "in love" with lustful feelings at the beginning, then often later on when the dust has settled and they see their love interest in a clearer light, they can easily separate "lust" from "love" or merely "like". Hence the categories they put women in: "lover", "wife" and "just friend" (who might or might not be a f*ck buddy).

Men are good at compartmentalising. lol

posted April 09, 2014 03:57 PM            

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Originally posted by Jo B:
Yes I was thinking that usc's situation sounds more like infatuation/lust then real love. I don't really believe in love at first sight because it takes a while to truly get to know someone in order to realise you love them (in my experience anyway).

I think with men (more than women) they often confuse being "in love" with lustful feelings at the beginning, then often later on when the dust has settled and they see their love interest in a clearer light, they can easily separate "lust" from "love" or merely "like". Hence the categories they put women in: "lover", "wife" and "just friend" (who might or might not be a f*ck buddy).

Men are good at compartmentalising. lol

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Thank you Jo B and Amanda