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Author Topic:   How to Move On After a Soul Mate Relationship?
LuckyLeo
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posted September 13, 2017 12:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LuckyLeo     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I had a relationship with a man that I know in my heart was a soul mate. Since the relationship ended, I can't think of being with anyone else. The thought of being intimate in any way with someone else makes me sick and my skin crawl. I feel like I am his and his only. We broke up many, many years ago and have had no contact since. I don't know how to fully move on since I don't want anyone else.

What is the meaning of this? Is this normal for a soul mate relationship? Will this ever go away?

Please don't quote this.

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Randall
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posted September 14, 2017 07:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I wish I could say it would.

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margym0o
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posted September 14, 2017 04:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for margym0o     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I know it is hard, the heart is a fickle creature and does things we cannot explain or understand.

As tough as it may be, you have to take a step back and evaluate everything "out of body." You have been broken up for many years already, and have had no contact...not even a civil friendship. Is he pining for you, the way you are still pining for him? Do you want to give someone the satisfaction of knowing that they have such a firm grasp on you, to the point where it affects your happiness in life? You only have ONE LIFE to live, and this might sound harsh...but to waste these precious years lamenting over a lost love is quite literally that...a waste. You NEED to give other people a chance. You NEED to allow someone else the opportunity to get to know you, as much as it is impossible to think about. You may surprise yourself. It sounds cheesy but it is true...there are 7 billion people on this planet, and you don't think it is possible there SOMEONE else out there you can form a genuine connection with?

Our hearts and minds also have a funny way of blocking out the bad and remembering only the good when in pain. Doesn't everyone experiencing heartbreak only want to think about how pretty they smelled, how bright their smile was, how cuddly there were, or how cool they looked in that rock t-shirt? What about the time they ditched you for their friends, or put down something you like, or chewed really loud when they ate, or was rude to that waiter that one time.

You can put your ex on a pedestal and pretend they are the most magical being to ever walk the face of the earth, but they have faults just like everyone else...and the fact is your relationship ended for a reason, otherwise you would still be together. Only you know what that reason is, but it was obviously negative enough to drive you apart and then never speak again.

On the topic of soulmates, it is very possible you experienced a profound connection with this person enough to call him your 'soulmate', but he is YOUR soulmate...are you his? Also keep in mind, that we can have more than one soulmate in a lifetime. Many notable astrologers on this forum can affirm that. A soulmate doesn't always necessarily have to be ROMANTIC either. They can be your mom, your dog, your neighbour, your best friend...

I have someone who I know for a fact is part of my "soul group" who I was in a relationship with for a few years, but I know now it was not meant to be romantic. We have known each other for almost 10 years and still keep in touch. Our relationship ended amicably. I still feel like what I had/have with him is special, and unique, and unbreakable. We can pick up where we left off. There was never any hate or bitterness. He allowed me to leave on my own terms and was never angry about it. He must have known that whatever we had was not going to end but it was going to...change. Only he and one of my other girlfriends can I truly say are part of my special "group."

Sorry if this is long, but I feel your pain, I think most of us have been there at some point...but you have to learn to put YOURSELF first, and keep a very realistic mindset about what you are going through.


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Randall
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posted September 15, 2017 07:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Randall
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posted September 16, 2017 08:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by margym0o:
I know it is hard, the heart is a fickle creature and does things we cannot explain or understand.

As tough as it may be, you have to take a step back and evaluate everything "out of body." You have been broken up for many years already, and have had no contact...not even a civil friendship. Is he pining for you, the way you are still pining for him? Do you want to give someone the satisfaction of knowing that they have such a firm grasp on you, to the point where it affects your happiness in life? You only have ONE LIFE to live, and this might sound harsh...but to waste these precious years lamenting over a lost love is quite literally that...a waste. You NEED to give other people a chance. You NEED to allow someone else the opportunity to get to know you, as much as it is impossible to think about. You may surprise yourself. It sounds cheesy but it is true...there are 7 billion people on this planet, and you don't think it is possible there SOMEONE else out there you can form a genuine connection with?

Our hearts and minds also have a funny way of blocking out the bad and remembering only the good when in pain. Doesn't everyone experiencing heartbreak only want to think about how pretty they smelled, how bright their smile was, how cuddly there were, or how cool they looked in that rock t-shirt? What about the time they ditched you for their friends, or put down something you like, or chewed really loud when they ate, or was rude to that waiter that one time.

You can put your ex on a pedestal and pretend they are the most magical being to ever walk the face of the earth, but they have faults just like everyone else...and the fact is your relationship ended for a reason, otherwise you would still be together. Only you know what that reason is, but it was obviously negative enough to drive you apart and then never speak again.

On the topic of soulmates, it is very possible you experienced a profound connection with this person enough to call him your 'soulmate', but he is YOUR soulmate...are you his? Also keep in mind, that we can have more than one soulmate in a lifetime. Many notable astrologers on this forum can affirm that. A soulmate doesn't always necessarily have to be ROMANTIC either. They can be your mom, your dog, your neighbour, your best friend...

I have someone who I know for a fact is part of my "soul group" who I was in a relationship with for a few years, but I know now it was not meant to be romantic. We have known each other for almost 10 years and still keep in touch. Our relationship ended amicably. I still feel like what I had/have with him is special, and unique, and unbreakable. We can pick up where we left off. There was never any hate or bitterness. He allowed me to leave on my own terms and was never angry about it. He must have known that whatever we had was not going to end but it was going to...change. Only he and one of my other girlfriends can I truly say are part of my special "group."

Sorry if this is long, but I feel your pain, I think most of us have been there at some point...but you have to learn to put YOURSELF first, and keep a very realistic mindset about what you are going through.


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Randall
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posted September 17, 2017 06:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wise advice.

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LuckyLeo
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posted September 18, 2017 12:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LuckyLeo     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you both so much for your kind replies and advice.

MargyM0o, you're right, it is a waste. I know youíre right and that I have to give others a chance. My problem is that I have this instinctive urge not to. Itís a reaction, I donít know where it comes from or how to stop it.

Unfortunately, remembering his flaws doesn't help much. For some reason they never affected my overall feelings for him. In fact, his flaws made me love him more. I felt like I was drawn in like a magnet despite the things I didn't like about him. It all felt out of my control.

I understand what you mean about not putting someone on a pedestal, itís important to remember not to do that. But I don't think I am. What I miss is the feeling of completeness. Being in his arms, I felt like one half of a whole. I felt the safest I have ever felt in my life and felt like I was where I was meant to be. I felt like I was home. I felt like I had waited my whole life to meet him. I felt like everything I had ever done in my life, every step I had ever taken, was to lead me to him. Without him, everything feels like I'm backtracking or regressing in some way. Itís hard to explain. Iím sorry if this all sounds cheesy. But this is the truth of my experience.

I should mention that I knew nothing of soul mates or astrology when I met him. It was this relationship that led me to learn about both. I mention this because I donít want to come across as someone who labels every person I have feelings for as ďmy soul mate.Ē

I really appreciate your encouragement. I donít talk about this to people in my real life so it was really nice to read your response.

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LuckyLeo
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posted September 18, 2017 12:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LuckyLeo     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
double post!

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Randall
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posted September 19, 2017 10:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Randall
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posted September 20, 2017 01:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Glad you were helped.

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LuckyLeo
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posted September 20, 2017 08:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LuckyLeo     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks Randall

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TaurusVenusGirl
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posted September 21, 2017 06:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for TaurusVenusGirl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I loathe it when others to tell me to "move on" or "get over it" or "there's someone else out there for you".

And the one I despise the most?, "You can do so much better than him/her". Ultimately we are all the same and come from the same place. No ones soul is better than someone else's soul.

Everyone moves on when they are ready too. There is no correct length of time. What works for one doesn't work for another.

Everyone's healing process works differently and has its own journey to get there. Its a process only you will understand.

Our emotions and experience are different for all of us.

It took me 11 years to get over the first guy I loved, even though I hadn't seen him or spoken to him in most of that time.

I never realised I had shut my heart off completely and let no one else in. It opened from seeing an energetic healer only because they picked up on it.

Then after the last soul mate love, I learned to accept that romantic love is not for me.

Its a choice I have made and am happy with it. The pain is gone, and my heart is still open. I have massive strength knowing I will never be hurt again as love from the opposite sex is not in my blue print for life.

So when you are ready, and you know what you want or dont want, you'll heal and be ready to move on, if you choose to.

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waxlobster
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posted September 25, 2017 03:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for waxlobster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Why did you break up?

Does he love you as much as you love him? I mean you'll know this intrinsically...

If you feel how you describe then it sounds like a close soul connection. For whatever reason you are meant to tread your own path for now and to focus on your self/selves.

Please don't try to force yourself to be with anybody else, why would you feel the need to do that? Don't let society, or peer pressure guide you, trust your instincts. There's no need to go against your feelings....

It's amazing how many people pressure us into being with somebody, settling down, doing the expected thing. The thing is I've never known somebody who has truly felt love ever put that pressure out there, it's usually words from those who simply don't know how true love actually feels.

When somebody tells you to 'move on' then you can generally be sure they've never experienced the kind of love that binds you...if you have though, and it's mutual, you'll always find your way back into each others' lives and hearts. ♥

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Randall
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posted September 26, 2017 04:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wise words.

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Randall
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posted September 27, 2017 02:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
From both of you.

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Orange
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posted September 27, 2017 10:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Orange     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Leo, what kind of synastry aspects did you have ? Did you have a Venus-Saturn aspect in your synastry? Who was the Saturn and who was the planet person? Any Pluto?

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Randall
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posted September 28, 2017 10:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Orange:
Leo, what kind of synastry aspects did you have ? Did you have a Venus-Saturn aspect in your synastry? Who was the Saturn and who was the planet person? Any Pluto?

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LuckyLeo
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posted September 29, 2017 01:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LuckyLeo     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
TaurusVenusGirl, Thank you for understanding. It sounds like you had a similar experience to mine. When someone has touched your soul, even when you don't have contact with them, they stay with you. I'm glad you were eventually able to get over your first love. I hope I can say the same one day.

waxlobster,
Thank you for your beautiful post. I'm trying to think of how to explain why we broke up. It's very complicated. There wasn't just one reason, although there was a main one.

Basically, I broke up with him because I was in a bad place in my life and I started to feel like it was selfish of me to 'keep' him. The relationship was overwhelming and I was scared. There's a lot more to it, but that is the best I can sum it up.

The problems mainly came from the fact that I was living in a dysfunctional family situation. I didn't realize how badly it was affecting me until I met him. It was like he shone a spotlight on my life and it was like I was seeing my life clearly for the first time in a long time...or maybe ever. I realized I had a lot of work to do on myself in order to heal and to untangle myself from my family.

You asked about his feelings toward me. I don't know if his love was to the extent mine was but he did tell me he loved me and I could tell that he did. He wasn't someone who would typically stay in a relationship for more than a few months. But he was with me for longer and very serious about me. He was always trying to advance the relationship. He was eager to get married and have kids. I felt stressed all the time that I was holding him back. He didn't put pressure on me, I put it on myself because I cared for him and wanted him to be happy.

I wish there were hope for us to come back together, but there isn't. About a year and a half after breaking up, he called me repeatedly, but I didnít take the calls. I was still in such a bad place and didnít feel that I could handle speaking to him. He went on to marry someone else.

Thank you for saying I shouldnít force myself to be with someone else. The reason I feel the need to do that is because I am a woman who is now in her 30s and I would like to have a family and children myself. I feel like if I don't do it soon I will miss my opportunity. But when I think of having children, I only think of having his. It's just very difficult.

Hi Orange,
You must be very intuitive. His Saturn is almost exactly conjunct my Venus with an orb of 4 minutes (0.04 degrees). Venus is my IC ruler and in my eighth house. During the time we dated, Saturn transited over this conjunction a couple times. Transiting Saturn approached the conjunction, slowed down and stopped on the same degree as our conjunction (this was a very difficult time for me, and we broke up for a few weeks) and then retrograded. It retrograded for a few months and came back over our Venus-Saturn conjunction again which is when we broke up for good.

My Saturn is quincunx his Venus by about 2 degrees.

As for other synastry aspects, almost everything is a hard aspect. We have a lot with our North Nodes, which are widely square each other. His North Node is conjunct my Venus and Mercury, and my North Node is conjunct his Moon (and his Venus and Mars but it's kind of a wide conjunction). This is echoed in our composite chart which has a Sun/Venus/North Node conjunction.

As for Pluto, my Pluto is trine his sun and his Pluto is parallel my Venus.

Let me know if you want any more information on the synastry. I am interested to hear your thoughts on it.


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Randall
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posted September 30, 2017 05:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Feel free to post the synastry in Interpersonal Astrology.

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Randall
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posted October 01, 2017 01:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The chart.

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ariesdragon
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posted October 04, 2017 04:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ariesdragon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Randall:
Feel free to post the synastry in Interpersonal Astrology.

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Randall
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posted October 07, 2017 08:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Randall
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posted October 08, 2017 07:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks, AD!

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Randall
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posted October 09, 2017 10:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Orange has keen insight.

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LuckyLeo
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posted October 09, 2017 12:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LuckyLeo     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
How do I post the chart?

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