posted August 22, 2012 08:53 PM            

We had crazy Saturn contacts and the connection was definitely karmic.

They are usually toxic and yet we can't stop thinking about those people.

posted August 22, 2012 09:48 PM            

But yeah, it was my first time with the whole love business. I don't usually let myself get vulnerable. At first it was so easy to let my guard down with him. I honestly felt safe and secure. I felt like he knew me.

The 8th month period that I spoke about before was not an no contact period. It was just a period that was filled with constant fighting and threats to end it. We'd stop talking a few days and come back. Majority of the time I initiated it and then he'd say something to make me melt. lol He'd apologize or what have you, and I'd try again.

I think the beginning of the 8 month period was when he did something that was like a kick to my stomach. It came out of left field. I totally lost my grounding and way in the relationship after that. I guess I shut down fast. He felt it. lol. I just wasn't able to open my heart again no matter how sorry he was. I tried though I honestly did. As I did and I kept thinking, "Ok I'll get over this. It's ok.", he'd be very aloof, distant. He was jealous of my talking to others but I was a nutcase if I disliked his behavior. And I simply could not make him understand the double standards going on.

Also, even though he was very apologetic at first, he started defending the same actions later. He started blaming me. I mean that's now how it works. If you can't realize your mistake how can I expect him to ever fix it? The onus was on him. Somehow though I think he expected me to just forget and move on with him. After the 8th months we had a huge fight. <--Had a lot of those. lol

But this last time something in me snapped. I gave up. He said, "He wished he never met me. That he hated me." That's all it took. I blocked him immediately from all my accounts and then erased/ privatized the ones he knew about. I apologized to him 2 days later. It was my way of I guess unloading and being mature. I basically left an offline message with a few sentences saying that I was sorry for causing him grief and that I wouldn't bother him anymore. I also out of hte kindness of my heart wished him luck in life. Anyway, he replied a few days later saying he hated fighting with me esp when it got that bad. And that he wished me luck on my upcoming test. I think he expected me to run back to him like usual, because when I didn't reply he asked me if I had even seen the message.

Anyway, there is a saying that sometimes that fact you didn't receive something is a blessing. Maybe I was just wasting time with him and I was meant to meet someone, who would genuinely love me. Also, had I not gone through the emotions of this, how would I have figured out what I TRULY needed in a man? Theory is one thing. And honestly before starting this relationship I knew what I wanted, but was a bit confused and because of the inexperience doubtful. AFTER this experience though, I basically reaffirmed what I first wanted. I guess I proved my theory of hte relationship that suits me with practical experience.

And I did love him. I genuinely did. I guess in it sometimes I didn't know why I kept going back but I learned the amount of love I am capable of giving. It was certainly a learning curve. And yes I do miss what we used to be but I don't miss what we became.

I know I hurt him too. The pain was definitely not onesided. I don't find pleasure in knowing that I caused him grief. Oh well, I tried to work on it. I genuinely did. I just don't think he'd understand if I sat there telling him how he should think or feel. He has to feel and think on his own. If he comes to a different conclusion then that's how life willed it to be. That's how his karma and my karma are meant to go.

Anyway, I'm not afraid of karma. It's helping me get stronger. It's helping us get stronger.

Now we won't be duped. We'll not go with the motions but we'll put our feet down sooner.

I'm feeling deja vu right now. It's so weird.

posted August 22, 2012 10:33 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
Also, I am curious, did you guys have some hard Saturn aspects going on?

We had crazy Saturn contacts and the connection was definitely karmic.

They are usually toxic and yet we can't stop thinking about those people.

Karma can be such a ****.

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YES! We did. Terribly bad Saturn aspects in the synastry and also a bad one in our composite.

My Saturn fell in his 7th house and opposed his Retrograde Venus-Mercury conjunction in Virgo (ouch, for him... I wouldn't want this combo personally, and in the 1st too).

His Aqua Saturn opposed my Cancer Mars in his 12th house. Double ouch.

posted August 23, 2012 12:45 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dreaming111:
Weird...my guy had venus rx conjunct mercury in virgo in the first too. : /

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OMFG...SO WEIRD... I feel terrible he had a similar placement. That's really bizarre...

posted August 23, 2012 05:45 AM            

Dreaming, your guy has Mars square a Saturn/Pluto/Moon conjunction!

And the guy I was involved with had a Mars/Saturn/Pluto T-square and his Moon was loosely conjunct his Mars.. almost part of the T-square.

Our composite is a mess, with a Saturn/Moon/Pluto T-square..

Oh and 12th house stuff going on!
We had: his Venus in my 12th, and there was secrecy and lies going on. He'd just ignore me and wouldn't talk, or tell lies..

I know now, that Saturn in hard aspect to Mars, natal or synastry, can be horrible. From coldness to actual abuse..

I am so sorry it happened to you.

But you've learned good lessons, and I think I have too..

I hope.

I'll send you guys emails..
So we can talk in private.

posted August 23, 2012 12:34 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dreaming111:
This is weird I got you message. I have moon pluto conjunction with him as well...Get this my pluto is also in the 12th and his moon of course is in my 12th.

I feel or I should say felt the same as you did. It is an uphill battle.

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OMG... this is so bizarre too! I can't believe that you had the same thing, especially the Moon-Pluto conjunction in the 12th. It definitely can be described as 'uphill battle'. I really did have so much control over him but it became an obsession. He really did seem to have a hard time opening up to people and I really wormed my way into his heart and I think it freaked him out.

posted August 23, 2012 01:58 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
Wow guys.

Dreaming, your guy has Mars square a Saturn/Pluto/Moon conjunction!

And the guy I was involved with had a Mars/Saturn/Pluto T-square and his Moon was loosely conjunct his Mars.. almost part of the T-square.

Our composite is a mess, with a Saturn/Moon/Pluto T-square..

Oh and 12th house stuff going on!
We had: his Venus in my 12th, and there was secrecy and lies going on. He'd just ignore me and wouldn't talk, or tell lies..

I know now, that Saturn in hard aspect to Mars, natal or synastry, can be horrible. From coldness to actual abuse..

I am so sorry it happened to you.

But you've learned good lessons, and I think I have too..

I hope.

I'll send you guys emails..
So we can talk in private.

---

posted August 23, 2012 02:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sweet-scorpion:
OMG... this is so bizarre too! I can't believe that you had the same thing, especially the Moon-Pluto conjunction in the 12th. It definitely can be described as 'uphill battle'. I really did have so much control over him but it became an obsession. He really did seem to have a hard time opening up to people and I really wormed my way into his heart and I think it freaked him out.

I think I'm going to avoid dating Leo's from now on. I think at this point in my life I really need a sign that has more humility and can focus on the give and take of relationships more.

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Honestly what I realized was that the aspects from time to time switch ownership. While his moon was conjunct my pluto. I was also very very emotional; and when I wasn't so obsessed, oddly he became really obsessed with me. I wish we would have just been on the same page. I can handle emotions lol I'm a scorpio moon.

The weird thing about that leo comment is I seem to only get interests from leos. I've never been around taurus, or capris, etc.

When I was in that 8 month phase of getting over him, talking then not talking to him, a friend of mine, who was a leo professed his love to me. He wrote a blog about me and how he'd wait for however long it took etc. I felt extremely burdened and guilty. I didn't want him to feel like I was tossing his affections aside and not understanding them. I mean, I felt 'A' did that to me, so why then would I want another person to go through with it? Anyway, I felt really guilty as if it was my fault the leo friend was in love with me. I tried to talk and reason with him. Then eventually I felt he wasn't being fair because he expected me to be in love with him right then and there! I mean he knew everything and he still felt like a victim. Sigh. Well that lasted a good few months and then it seemed like he had brushed off and moved on. lol So much for the "waiting forever" statement huh?

I read somewhere that Leos will say they love you, impregnate you, meet your family and STILL have the guts to up and leave or not really mean any of it.

I think I've had a bad experience with leos. I need to find another sign..lol

posted August 23, 2012 02:14 PM            

He doesn't get along with his brother or father much. His mother is also very bossy.
Kinda feel bad for him, because I was a strong personality. Well I was only when he effed up. Otherwise I was really easy going and caring.

He'd say he liked that I was feisty and untamed. lol Idk about that and the fact that leos will say almost anything.

But he was very nonconfrontational, very polite, and kind. It's because he did bottle it up. When I would push enough buttons he would spill the beans and was brutally honest with me. I ended up telling him taht he was only honest when he was emotionally exploding. That's the truth in his case.

He's a very sport person as well, so as long as that sort of person remains physical and let's his energy dissipate, he's less likely to raise a hand. Also....he's a bit of a softy. He can't stand blood etc. lol... He'd get really upset if he watched anything about fighting etc. I'm not like that. I'm pretty tough.

posted August 23, 2012 05:03 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dreaming111:
Honestly what I realized was that the aspects from time to time switch ownership. While his moon was conjunct my pluto. I was also very very emotional; and when I wasn't so obsessed, oddly he became really obsessed with me. I wish we would have just been on the same page. I can handle emotions lol I'm a scorpio moon.

The weird thing about that leo comment is I seem to only get interests from leos. I've never been around taurus, or capris, etc.

When I was in that 8 month phase of getting over him, talking then not talking to him, a friend of mine, who was a leo professed his love to me. He wrote a blog about me and how he'd wait for however long it took etc. I felt extremely burdened and guilty. I didn't want him to feel like I was tossing his affections aside and not understanding them. I mean, I felt 'A' did that to me, so why then would I want another person to go through with it? Anyway, I felt really guilty as if it was my fault the leo friend was in love with me. I tried to talk and reason with him. Then eventually I felt he wasn't being fair because he expected me to be in love with him right then and there! I mean he knew everything and he still felt like a victim. Sigh. Well that lasted a good few months and then it seemed like he had brushed off and moved on. lol So much for the "waiting forever" statement huh?

I read somewhere that Leos will say they love you, impregnate you, meet your family and STILL have the guts to up and leave or not really mean any of it.

I think I've had a bad experience with leos. I need to find another sign..lol

---

That is a really good point. I totally agree that Moon-Pluto conjunction in particular can switch sides. I really wonder if right now, he's feeling all those weird feelings I had about him initially. Maybe that's why he was avoiding me and then did the 'we'll only ever be just friends' BS. Maybe I'm too much to handle all of the sudden.

I just have this weird feeling inside like a storm is brewing... that things aren't going to end so easily with this guy. Maybe I'm being too dramatic. I almost hope so.

I am also one who attracts either Fire or Water signs but never the solid, stable Earth people [Cap Sun/Cap Moon] or my fellow Airs [Aqua or Libra influence] that I really desire. Fire guys in particular, I do not get along well with. Maybe it's because I'm Fire void? It's almost like because I am void, they are too much for me to handle... IDK though.

WOW. That is SO weird. A whole blog about you? And putting you on the spot like that? Sigh... sounds like the typical Leo ring master. Jump when I say jump - love me when I say love me. LOL. Doesn't make any sense. The Leo guy I was recently involved with was childishly victim-like also... getting annoyed with me for not hanging out with him for just one day, and it was the day after he was acting weirdly to me too. And even with this whole thing, after the intense make-out, he acts like I'm the big bad monster and he's the innocent victim, when really he's the one responsible for starting this whole mess.

posted August 23, 2012 07:59 PM            

Yeah, I think also with my dynamic, I had venus in leo and was a cancer-gemini sun, and this guy was a mars in cancer and leo sun. Maybe we related and understood each other. I could tell when he was playing games. lol And I think he knew exactly when I was retaliating. lol

Initially I was the more distant one in the relationship. When I started getting more into the relationship, I noticed he would mimic my gestures, words or thoughts from early on. I think maybe he registered and stored that info to use against me..?
I think that's unfair because well you grow into a relationship; you don't just jump right in.

Anyway, 'A' told me that he loved me first. I never told anyone I loved him, so I couldn't say it then. It took me 3 weeks and a pep talk from my dad to get there.