posted October 19, 2003 01:35 PM         

BTW, Sorry I haven't been around much, I have to really work hard this year, it's extremely important in the long run even though I don't know where it will lead me. I want to come up with good topics at Pilgrim's Progress but I haven't figured it out yet. I need some more patience. Thank you!

posted November 03, 2003 10:12 PM         

I sense this whole college thing is already destined and I have to unfold it as I go along. I just can't give up and believe me I've tried.

posted December 04, 2003 10:20 AM         

You knowflakes are my heros with the studious habits and excellent grades!!!

juniperb

posted December 14, 2003 11:15 PM         

I've been losing a lot of motivation to do my work. My first term I got High Honors, I've been praying to myself to keep it up, but unfortunately a love interest has intervened, and I can't keep my mind straight.

Because I have Venus in Aquarius I always have a knack for finding the most unattainable person to fall inlove with. Who ever said that love makes you stupid was correct. I haven't been able to focus on my work, and now I feel completely confused.

Because I'm a Pisces/Gemini I am one of the most torn people you'll ever meet. Recently, my first job was being a Bus Person at a resturaunt. All I did was clean tables, and set them up for servers. I was not a server, because I had not been promoted. It was one of those jobs, where you punch in a clock, and work for a specific amount of time doing the same thing over, and over again.

For awhile, I did a good job, I picked up dirty plates, picked up 80 pound trays on my shoulders, in which I only weigh 96 pounds. I did takeouts, dragged linen bags, took out the trash, stocked up on supplies. Wore a terrible uniform. I did a lot handy dandy things that were boring, unsatisfying, and shear slave like work for a measly 7.25 an hour, for three days a week, and only four hours long. Not a bad deal right? Wrong!! My heart is not built that way. In the summer I did four days a week, but I shortened it due to school work. School work is also another mean aspect I have to deal with.

I wanted them to promote me, because as a waiter, you had more interesting things to do, instead of picking up dirty plates and cleaning tables. However, they did not promote me, I was getting upset over this. I worked there for six months, it was completely unsatisfying to say the least. There were these two other girls who were bus people, they worked there for less than a month, and got PROMOTED!! I was really mad. I felt extremely insulted as if I was slapped in the face, and I was not a horrible worker.

One day at shear frusteration, I had to do a lot of tedious take outs, and my boss showed up, and out of stress I said something snippy to him. It wasn't mean, it was snippy. He looked at me in silence and walked away. Then he told me that in a week he wanted to talk to me. So I politely said sure no problem. I knew it was bad.

The week passed, and I went to his office. He told me that I was not performing well in work, because it was obvious that I was unhappy. Then he began to scream at me, saying that I wasn't being enthusiastic enough. The reason I wasn't being promoted was because my body was there, but my Soul and Spirit were out of town. Meaning I had no motivation to be picking up dirty plates, and dragging linen bags.

Well maybe that is becuase I was a Bus Person for 6 months, and after awhile you lose your interest. On top of that I was being treated like some idiot, by mean members of the retirement community. The real reason why I wasn't being promoted was because I always looked depressed. I constantly seemed unhappy, and in away that was true. I was unhappy, and worst of all it showed on my face, so everyone could see my true feelings. In the end, he told that he would give me 6 weeks to improve or else I will be fired. After he told me that, I knew exactly what I was going to do. I QUIT ONE WEEK LATER.

I was at the whims of my Astrological Chart. My sixth house (work) contains Saturn and Uranus. My Saturn wanted me to stay there for a few years, and I worked really hard, but went about completely unnoticed. My Uranus was completely and utterly miserable beyond belief. My Saturn wanted me to stay there and suffer, while my Uranus was like, "Hell no!! She is bolting out of here. No way are you winning this time." So I quit unpredictabely, and found a new job 2 days later. I never thought I'd leave the safety zone and I did. My whole entire family worked there, and I was the first to quit for good. I'm proud of myself. I'm never going back there again.

posted December 14, 2003 11:35 PM         

So far I've been planning to become a teacher, but I'm concerned that it won't be satisfying enough. I thought about being a therapist or psychologist, but I don't agree with those concepts, and I'd much rather learn and teach philosophy.

I'm really confused with myself, I really want to go to college, but my motivation for doing school work is getting lost right now.

I want a husband and children so bad, but I can't help but wonder about that North Node in the 10th house with Sun and Jupiter there too. I'm afraid I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I have a head full of dreams, but nothing is layed on the ground. I just haven't found myself yet.

The other day, something struck me, I guess you can call it the acting bug. But I'm going to attempt the school play in April. I haven't performed on the stage since I was in the second grade, and I was the leading character too. I believe I need to attempt this, just because it's something that might interest me, but I'm not sure yet.

I don't want to fall into something, that so many people have fallen into, and have brocken their heads. I just want to see what it's like. Maybe it's something that I've been looking for all along. I don't know, we'll see.

I'll keep all of you updated on my soul searching. Also I'm finally getting a Digital Camera, I'm planning to take lots of pictures, and making a tiny website about me and my family. Everyone at LindaLand will finally be able to see what I look like. Big Surprise!!!

-StarLover

P.S. Forgive me if I've been sounding really egotistical, I just don't know what I'm going to do.