posted January 28, 2009 10:52 AM         

What you fear is in the future, and needn't be a part of what is happening in the Now. You do not have to have sex with him in order to be with him. The issue of sex can wait until later, much later. If he truly cares about you, if he loves you, then he will understand, and he will help you. He can wait. When the time comes to have the conversation about this issue, this fear, you can deal with it then. All you have to do is be honest. But that time is not now, and you are letting a fear of the future ruin what you could be experiencing Now.

You are a great person, steelrose, and you deserve to be happy. If you can't deal with your fear right now, then make it wait until later. Don't let it control your every thought.

I know this is all easier said than done, but it is also true.

I know you can be happy, in a relationship. Go get it!

posted January 30, 2009 02:09 AM         

Good girl... He's very attractive... I think women must have thrown themselves at him... I'm sure he's had a lusty past... then he had that girl who abandoned him... I suppose thre's something traumatic related to women... I can see that there's two types of women for him... The ladies, the godess-like creatures, caring sweet, pure... and the ****** , dirty and very sexually attractive, the dangerous and not classy... I've seen two of them he used to mix with as a teenager... :roll eyes: I even read that his venus in Capricorn could mean that he only falls in love with ladies or ****** ...
I can see the pattern... he lost his mother... his sisters may have become his only emotional tie... I can see that women are important for him... then he went through a crazy period abroad, with many women with little qualms... Then back and found a proper girl, the one who would care for him forever, love... and then betrayal... then another crazy period... He learnt that women use you... he needs to be loved... but still free... his ex-girlfriend must have tied him short... for the way he spoke about her... and then found me... another lady type...

He tried a sexual approach two years ago and I retreated... It took him one year... but it's so obvious that he likes my body... that he desires me...
I don't know if he has sex around now... I'm not his girlfriend... I would say that he doesn't but maybe he does... I think he's waiting for me... waiting for himself to heal... to trust that it will be fine... beacuse I'm a lady, more precious, it's not just sex... and sex could ruin what he has...

Why does a man that chooses not to have sex without love have to be gay? I must confess I did think that for a while... not 100% gay because I sense the physical reaction that I cause him... but at least mixed-up... I even asked him once... He's not... He wouldn't have lied to me, I think I would have seen it in his eyes, I would have seen the confussion or the lie...

We met at work... He worked at another site belonging to the same company, quite far, in the islands and came to visit my office... He saw me and I sensed the physical impact. He stayed looking at me not knowing who I was... and asked one of my workmates to be introduced... Weeks later he was working in my office and he has been ever since... He started approaching me right away, he tried almost everything until that party, when his intentions were clear... then everything slowed down... until now that they appear to be slowly picking up...

You should see him in pictures before meeting me and how he is now. Happiness can transform people, even physically... He was broken before... now a light burns in him...

posted January 30, 2009 02:18 AM         

I don't remember much... There was a camper van involved and I was in a short of trip with friends or family...

What I remember clearly is one part where I was searching in the internet for a flight abroad... In particular, Disneyworld... It's funny because his name is the same than the city where the park is, so I was "searching for a flight to him" literally... And I was speaking to him in the phone regarding to the flight, a warm and lighthearted conversation about options, which flight I could get, where I should stay... Going to fantasy land... going to him...

posted January 30, 2009 05:14 PM         

He was cool, pretending not being excited... but he was... the tone of his voice gave him up...

Yes, we only see each other at work. He has never come to my house... I think we need to go through several other stages first!!!

I have read on sexual intercourse, yes. It doesn't help. My terror is still there. It's something deeper than mere ignorance... I think the only way to overcome it is actually go through the ordeal with love... getting through the test with a man who loves me and stays.

What am I going to do?? Not sure... First of all, relax. I need to see things with perspective and the current eclipses are making me mad... I've felt frentic and very irritable recently... unable to appreciate his tender presence, his disturbed attitude by my unexpected behaviour... I love him too much to lose him in a whim...
However, I did noticed some change... Before I used to be absolutely mesmerised, knocked down by his mere presence... I was a kind of addict... Now, even when I love him to pieces, I can control myself much better... I see things from a cooler perspective... while he is more and more enthralled... he is growing so fond of me without noticing that I can see the day when he will surrender... I only need to do two things: give him space and pamper him... but in the right measure... if I feel neglected, instead of going crazy and start demanding, I should cool down and retreat...

posted January 31, 2009 11:45 AM         

I was dating a guy who wasn't him. I had had a previous date and I had forced myself to have a second date even when I din't quite like him... He was handsome, strong and tall, had defined muscles, blond hair and very clear blue eyes... but I didn't want to be there... it wasn't him... He was quite the opposite to what my one is... to the one I love...

I stepped in his car... somehow I felt a bit unconfortable... his eyes were penetrating... I could see that he did like me... but I didn't want to be there... I was doing what I was supposed to do... look for alternatives... date other guys trying to start from zero, trying to forget about my one, trying to have a boyfriend instead of waiting and waiting...

posted February 03, 2009 01:54 AM         

Apart from being oversensitive (my teeth ache as if I was extremely stressed, my lips burn with something similar to cold sores, I wake up during the night very tense with no apparent reason... etc), I'm dramatically low and sad... I don't know why... There is some energy floating around...

posted February 04, 2009 01:11 AM         

I think that last dream is in the same line as the others.

Your subconscious mind is exploring the possibilities ... things you think you should do, things you don't want to do, looking at "alternatives", forgetting about "him", not forgetting, etc.

I think your friends represent all those different thoughts in your head, your subconscious mind, and from this we can see that you do not want to give up on "him", but at the same time you are still held in check by your fear of "being with" a guy on your own.

The corridor, however, suggests that you are beginning to change, to begin a transition from giving up your power/control (stepped into his car) to taking it back (headed towards your office).

What do you think?

posted February 04, 2009 06:14 PM         

Yes, I also think, all these friends, work colleagues, family members in every dream are all part of me...

It's weird because this guy was physically similar to me, very manly, but still eye, skin and hair coloured as I'm... but I felt somehow threatened... as if I could not fully trust him because he would take advantage... because he desired me but did not love me... because it wasn't him, because I didn't love this guy... because I was forcing myself to prove that I could have a life without him... but I couldn't... because there was no other than him... I wanted that guy to be him... Maybe the trick is how opposite that guy was to him... I always feel safe with him... as if I was at home... that guy was like the other side of the coin...

Is that guy simbolising "men" or the "purely sexual interest"?? I felt much more confident and relaxed when my friends guarded me...

posted February 09, 2009 03:16 PM         

The private detective rang while I (the lover) was with him pretending to be someone else, trying to uncover our secret...

posted February 09, 2009 03:20 PM         

Eclipses always affect me a lot...

posted February 15, 2009 10:19 PM         

How have you been? Have you seen you fellow lately? How is it going with him?

posted February 16, 2009 04:38 PM         

These days I have kept dreaming but I can't remember the plot... Today this guy was the main character but I can't remember anything... We'll see if I'm luckier next time...

Reading about last lunar eclipse, I found out that the Sun was sitting right on Chiron... so I could see the wound in my soul... The Sun was also very very close to Neptune, so I saw it in my dreams... constantly...

posted February 17, 2009 02:06 AM         

My sister was there and one of my male cousins (belonging to the same gang I usually dream with).

A bumble bee. Very, ver noisy... We tried to lock it in the balcony (the balcony is closed with windows all around) but it managed to get back in the house through a hidden gap... We were kind of nervous and scared... The thing bit my sister in her head and I ran to the kitchen and closed the door to hide from it, to avoid the bite... I let my cousin in and then my sister, being more reluctant last time thinking that the bumblebee would be following her... She cried in pain...

posted February 19, 2009 10:30 AM         

The hotel dream is certainly a reflection of what is going on in your mind, and all of the parts you played are aspects of yourself.

The wife/bride reflects your feelings of "resentment and mistrust".

The Lover reflects your feelings of "love, devotion and sadness".

The private detective reflects the part of you which is "trying to uncover [your] secret", trying to discover and understand just what is happening and the causes.

The last scene is quite telling. Subconsciously you have chosen the feelings of love and devotion that are your 'Lover' aspect, realizing the sadness of the Lover does not have to be. You said it yourself ... "I could break the immobilism". You can break it, you can break "out of its grip". 'Time' here represents the on-going situation/experience of fear and uncertainty which has haunted you all of your life, and you can stop it. You have that power.

posted February 19, 2009 10:52 AM         

The issue repesented by the bee (quite possibly your relationship issues) is threatening to attack a core part of yourself, represented by the kitchen, such as emotional/physical nurturing ability. A kitchen can also represent transformation, so it could be that this issue threatens your ability to transform.

That makes sense, doesn't it? I think you are making progress in overcoming your fears. I think this very noisy and intimidating bee, which represents this issue, feels the pressure you are putting on it to leave, so it is fighting back. You are taking back control, and the old mindsets do not want to change.

Does this make sense?

posted February 21, 2009 01:50 PM         

Time belongs to Saturn's holon... Saturn is in fact the God of Time... Why is all pointing to Saturn all the time??? What am I trying to tell my conscious self?

posted February 23, 2009 11:50 AM         

You are full of Love, I can feel it. And Love is the most powerful force of them all. You will succeed.