From: Heiskell, TN 37754
Registered: Dec 2004
posted June 10, 2005 05:45 PM
I got brave this morning as I got ready for work.
I picked up the phone, dialed your number, and tolerated the sound of your voice.
It was when I hung up that it hit me.
Like a ton of bricks it sent my tears into overdrive.
The absolute, irrefutable, undesquised distaste in your voice.
You so obviously did not want to hear from me.
And as such , I think it is only fair that you be the bull headed person I know you are and stop leading me along.
If you are wanting to see the end of me, then say so.
I will leave.
I will bow my head, because all I ever wanted to do for you, was make you happy.
And if not being with me is what will make you happy, then just remember to take my heart out and polish it every so often.
I don't want it back if I am to survive.
This guessing game kills me.
I ask a question, you dance.
I never know my limits with you.
I remember the very words you spoke to me on our first phone call.
"Hi Kt, I'm so sorry I didna call sooner, but I was more nervous than I have ever been"
What happened to that?
I remember the words you told me on the night of the accident.
"Kt, you really have NO idea how much I like you...I am thinking its turning into more than like..i'll let you know."
Where did that go?
You see, I don't like playing mind games I can't win.
I don't like playing games with you period.
Someone who knows what is going on between us offered the wrong excuse for you behavior.
"maybe he met someone and is afraid to tell you."
That had better not be the case, but if so...then again I will leave gracefully.
Just remember my heart is in your pocket.
I can't take it back if I am to be brave.
I did something today I hadn't done in so long, I cried in public.
Fight for him is what that lil voice in my head is telling me.
Take what you know is yours it says.
Kt, you know this is it..you have searched too long and hard, you know yourself inside and out..don't let him make the worst mistake of your collective lives.
But what if it is me making the mistake?
I can't find the bravery to ask you what is going on.
I can't find the strength to face whatever it is that you will say.
And I HAVE to be brave if I am to survive this.
I will survive this, I'd just rather you survive it with me.
They say you will miss me.
They say you are crazy about me.
They say you love me too.
But they don't speak to you.
They see you YES but they don't speak to you.
They don't see what is hidden in those beautiful blue eyes of yours....
I don't know what else to do.
love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove.
Registered: Aug 2004
posted June 11, 2005 12:03 AM
Ohhhhhhhh, Leo_on_fire. I just want to pet you and make you feel all better! I know this exact feeling all too well.
Take care, and if you want to talk about it, I'm here.