|
Author
|
Topic: It just came to me..........
|
pixelpixie
Moderator Posts: 2126
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
|
posted October 06, 2005 02:29 AM
 
..........and I wanted to share it's significance.
I am not looking for pity or anything, absolutely not.. but some of you know *most probably do* that I have been unsettled a long time within my relationship, and that it causes me great sadness because he is really a stellar guy, and together , we HAVE been awesome, but it has felt for a long time now, that it is pretend.. so we have been progressing to the point where we were talking about amicably separating.. even though on the surface everything is 'fine' I suppose...... but it isn't working inside, and I can't acclimate myself to acting.So............. This is where the *it just came to me* moment happened....
I was *incredibly tired, but wired and sad hard balls in my belly*
........Sitting here, thinking about the last two days, and the unfolding of this... and the gradual acceptance into reality.... My husband proposed to me Oct 4th, Seven years ago.
We officially 'broke up' Oct 4th, now.
What does this mean?????????????????
It's wacko, and significant.
Please enlighten me to the chapter, or verses or whatever, of The Saturn Seven year cycle.. and why my brain clicked into NOW to complete it, unconsciously.
IP: Logged |
Peri
Knowflake Posts: 771
From: Kyiv, Ukraine
Registered: Dec 2003
|
posted October 06, 2005 03:22 AM
The Torrent Leaves
Rise up nimbly and go on your strange journey
to the ocean of meanings where you become one of those.
From one terrace to another through clay banks,washing your wings with watery silt,
follow your friends.
The pitcher breaks.
You’re in the moving river.
Living Water,how long will you make clay pitchers that have to be broken to enter you?
The torrent knows it can’t stay on the mountain.
Leave and don’t look away from the Sun as you go.
Through him you are sometimes crescent, sometimes full.
Info on Saturn cycles:
http://astrospeak.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1055860.cms http://www.dkfoundation.co.uk/Articles1.htm
http://www.widgetsworld.co.uk/search/go.php?art_id=524
Light and strength to you, Pixie 
IP: Logged |
Ra
Moderator Posts: 522
From:
Registered: Jun 2005
|
posted October 06, 2005 03:44 AM
You bet your *** it's significant. I don't know much about the Saturn Seven cycle specifically, but I am aware of seven year cycles ... completion, an end and a beginning, maturation, evolution. This was meant to be, that's what I think.  IP: Logged |
lotusheartone
Knowflake Posts: 2549
From: piopolis, quebec canada
Registered: Jul 2005
|
posted October 06, 2005 03:51 AM
pixelpixie,
I was awoken from a sound sleep
I was weeping with you
my dear
it's so hard
You are so brave
I commend you
admire
respect
and Love you
10 4
good buddy
twin soul
in
reach
I'm not preaching
I have tears
running down my face
I embrace you
with
a hug
of
LOVE
on your journey... ...
IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 4104
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004
|
posted October 06, 2005 04:20 AM
Hi PixI agree with Ra......7 year cycles.....that is why it is known as 7 year itch.......either it stays or goes away. Well you know I have been there twice before.....and you know my story now.....so I am gonna be here for you girl when you need a shoulder....... Just give us a shout........  ........when you need to talk.... Lots of love
Sue xxx xxx
IP: Logged |
Lialei
Knowflake Posts: 223
From:
Registered: Jul 2005
|
posted October 06, 2005 09:16 AM
'can't acclimate myself to acting."Understand so much, pix.
Kind of feels like you are sleepwalking and going through motions? And asking yourself, 'is this normal?'...'Oh, everyone goes through this after they've been together this long'..and the more it bothers you, you begin to wonder if it's You? Why can't you be easily fulfilled and satisfied like everyone else seems to be?
'am I expecting too much?' Well, hope I'm not presuming here, but anyway, if that what it is like for you, then I've just been there myself. And realized I had to live my life Truthfully , wherever that led. If it brought us closer from it, in honesty, then wonderful. If not...I had to go my own way.
Felt as if I was wasting my potential and throwing away my life in apathy otherwise.
It was a hard, long road. But...the horizons are full of possibilites. Follow your heart and perhaps he will to. But either way...you will still have your Full Loving Heart. Wondered about the 7 year cycle too. In our case it was just about 2 cycles. And a composite Venus/Saturn opposition certainly brought challenges in itself. He, Saturn and me Venus. Saturn's stern and fatherly kind of love.... in time, too restricting for my rebellious and fiery Sagittarian Heart. A caged bird with clipped wings...slowly dying inside. ...sorry to digress. Much love and hopeful understanding to you.  IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Moderator Posts: 2126
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
|
posted October 06, 2005 09:26 AM
Thanks everyone, I appreciate it.I am physically and emotionally drained.
One more day of work until a few off.... I have worked eight days, with only a small reprieve between, in a row, tonight is my ninth...... and it is super busy right now.. my feet are swollen.. the balls of them!!!!! How wonky. Like they are bruised... anyway.... and I am on my menses. I am so hyper aware of everything right now.. like clarity is shining on everything, even the crap things :Like an exhausted body.
He was not ready for this. I broke hm and felt like a horrible person for not accepting his gentle love like I usually do .. but I felt.. 'well sure! We'll get along, everything will be fine, and I will still be pulling away from you because we are so different, that as soon as it comes up again, despite the 'easy' stuff, I will be dismayed further.
It is a cycle we are purpetuating, and I needed, this time, to not accept it.
Break it.
No smashed dishes, no lack of respect.. just "We are so different, let's take a look at why this isn't feeling right." and when he buckled, I buckled, but stayed cold because I had to. He's quite mature about it now.. realizes he can't cling to the past, or me.
**********sigh********* IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Moderator Posts: 2126
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
|
posted October 06, 2005 09:35 AM
Lialei~
""""Kind of feels like you are sleepwalking and going through motions? And asking yourself, 'is this normal?'...'Oh, everyone goes through this after they've been together this long'..and the more it bothers you, you begin to wonder if it's You? Why can't you be easily fulfilled and satisfied like everyone else seems to be?
'am I expecting too much?'"""""
No presumptions, that IS it. Yes..
Thanks.
IP: Logged |
fayte.m
Knowflake Posts: 2631
From:
Registered: Mar 2005
|
posted October 06, 2005 09:35 AM
pixelpixie 
I understand. I know how it feels.  I hope that helps.
Wow! I just realized my first ex...was a cycle of 3x7! And the second was 7 years exact!
So there must be something to it all..the 7s.
Best of love and good luck to you Pixie. IP: Logged |
trillian
Moderator Posts: 3712
From: The Boundless
Registered: Mar 2003
|
posted October 06, 2005 09:52 AM
Pixie.
Whatever you need.
------------------
The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine. -Indigo Girls IP: Logged |
FishKitten
Knowflake Posts: 989
From: beautiful, hidden mountain village, BC, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003
|
posted October 06, 2005 11:21 AM
I once met a man on Oct. 4, married him on Oct. 4 a year later, then broke up with him on Oct. 4 seven years later. Pix...if you are following me, I suggest you purchase some really good rain gear. lolBut seriously...like Trillian said...anything you need. IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Moderator Posts: 2126
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
|
posted October 06, 2005 11:57 AM
Thank you, my understanding, gracious, and lovely friends all over the world.Fishkitten~ WOW! How interesting is that!
I'd love to follow in your footsteps.. hmmmmmm.. I have been thinking about a new career... I wonder about archeaology or writing/producing...????
 IP: Logged |
Saturn's Child
Knowflake Posts: 848
From: Just left of center
Registered: May 2004
|
posted October 06, 2005 12:12 PM
Pixie...strength, and clarity and hope I wish for you. You are a strong and vibrant woman so I know you'll be fine. Just know my heart is with you. IP: Logged |
ScotScorp
Knowflake Posts: 474
From: Saint Louis, Missouri
Registered: Aug 2004
|
posted October 06, 2005 12:52 PM
PP: IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 3341
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005
|
posted October 06, 2005 01:07 PM
I'm glad you're talking about it. You know how I feel about it already. Sounds like you're communicating well with him right now, and that's really good. IP: Logged |
26taurus
Moderator Posts: 9386
From: the stars
Registered: Jun 2004
|
posted October 06, 2005 03:30 PM
Like Ra said, "This was meant to be."All of it. But you know that.
Lots of Strength and Love to you, pix. I'm here for you if you need. IP: Logged |
Sun_Scorpion
Knowflake Posts: 1579
From: UK
Registered: Aug 2003
|
posted October 06, 2005 05:00 PM
Oh PixelPixie Wishing you loads of love and light for this time, dont know what else I can say to help! Always here to listen and support though. 
And the seven years and the Oct 4th date does sound very significant! IP: Logged |
MAGUS of MUSIC
Knowflake Posts: 1171
From: poughkeepsie,NY,usa
Registered: Jun 2002
|
posted October 06, 2005 06:04 PM
IP: Logged |
proxieme
Knowflake Posts: 5316
From: Southern 'Bama
Registered: Aug 2002
|
posted October 06, 2005 11:11 PM
You know. IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Moderator Posts: 2126
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
|
posted October 07, 2005 03:22 AM
Thank you all.
Karma is biting me in the ass right now, and I suppose I deserve it, so I shall face it and try to find clarity.
I hurt him beyond words.
I mean, I initiated leaving when I realized it was different than a passing thing.. a connection I have........ that he discovered, and left in a note ... when I got home from work tonight.......... no kids.. his personal furniture gone.
Wow. This fecking sucks.
I wanted to leave that part out of it, as I didn't want to hurt him unnecessarily. Now I have.
Damn it.
I can't even talk about it, I feel such shame...
But in my defence, it is a huge connection and when I realized it was more than flirting and friendship, I initiated the breakup. And no, I haven't even 'been with' this man. but perhaps it is the nature of the connection.. ( astounding!) that has me feeling shame and completion.
I just wish I could white-out that part where he feels like shite..... *sob*IP: Logged |
teaselbaby
Knowflake Posts: 532
From: Northeast Ohio
Registered: Sep 2002
|
posted October 07, 2005 03:31 AM
IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 4104
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004
|
posted October 07, 2005 03:54 AM
Pixie, Pixie, Pixie........Time....time.....time..... In time.....things will heal.....you will look back wtih a lighter heart and clearer head......I PROMISE...... I will walk thro that fire with you, hands held tightly, heads held high....... I LOVE you girl......I feel you...... Sue xxx
IP: Logged |
Ra
Moderator Posts: 522
From:
Registered: Jun 2005
|
posted October 07, 2005 03:56 AM
IP: Logged |
SunChild
Moderator Posts: 2337
From: Oz
Registered: Jan 2004
|
posted October 07, 2005 03:56 AM
 Pix, everyone's said it all, so I'll just send my love to you. ~*~*~ ~*~* ~*~*~ ~*~*~And I know the last part, that hurts the most...sobs indeed.  ------------------
"...and dreams, don't ever forget, are the first step in manifesting wishes into reality"
-Linda Goodman IP: Logged |
Peri
Knowflake Posts: 771
From: Kyiv, Ukraine
Registered: Dec 2003
|
posted October 07, 2005 04:28 AM
Pix, it's darkness before dawn  IP: Logged |
Lindaland
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! 
