posted June 20, 2011 12:59 AM            

Ami ((( ))) You came to me with support and offer a listening ear and I thank you too. My own mother isn't there for me so it feels very motherly of both of you. I don't know if I could keep it all inside.

17 weeks

I'm ready to face it now, I used to avoid looking at babies at this week gestation, I even wanted time to pass very fast when I was at 17 weeks with all my children, getting to 16 weeks, then 17 and then feeling the baby move is a reminder of the aborted one, it was heart retching, the movements of the aborted baby were frantic, as if she was unders stress. Things got better when I got to 20 weeks with my other children and past that. Arriving at 17 weeks definitely triggers something.

There are so many stories like mine. Sad.

I had a D&C or was it D&E?. I was dilated with drugs and then under general they used a curette suction I think. I don't know which is method is worse, there are others. There is no abortion method widely practiced today which is not extremely cruel to the unborn child. I'm pretty sure they suck out the baby in peices, emptying the uterus of everything as I just saw on some websites. I never have had the courage to see it but now I am looking at what the procedure is and what is done and what the result is. Absolutely disgusting and horrifying. If the doctor at the time explained to me what they actually do I would have run for the hills. For some reason there is a viel covering it and no one talks about the details. I didn't know that my baby was even that big, I really didn't. I thought they knock you out (which they did), and the baby also is knocked out (probably not) and they remove him or her from your cervix since it's small and the baby just dies because it no longer getting oxygen. I thought at the time it was like a fingernail size!!! I freaked when I felt her moving just before the procedure, for the first time, I knew she was bigger than I thought. Not just a clump of cells like they make out. Imagine you wanted to scream 'no' while drowning in waves of general anethsetic. Yuck. It was like she was saying "hey I'm in here!". No one bloody told me and I didn't have the internet back then. I was so blind and ignorant. but I heard the baby is sucked out, placenta and all, in peices!! I didn't know this but reading other abortions around the same time the mother is induced labor and births the baby after a certain stage. To know my own baby was ripped to pieces is very hard to accept.

I just saw a pic of a 20 week abortion and the baby is in ten or so peices, I remember now that a friend told me that in highschool, when I was quite young and I thought it was not true just a rumor, and I never believed her, I wish I had now.

I watched abortion videos - warning this video is extremely graphic http://www.abortioninstruments.com/and http://www.abortioninstruments.com/abortion_videos.html http://www.abort67.co.uk/
I had to watch it for my own healing. I have to face it.
If women saw the truth before they went through the procedure I'm sure there will be many of those who don't go through with it so they wont regret it later.
I mean give them the option to watch a video such as this or see some photos of the real deal. I know I would have watched it and changed my mind.
I know some who would not watch it and go through with it because that is what they want.
But it could save heart ache in the future for many women who were ignorant at the time.

posted June 20, 2011 01:35 AM            

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I have never written anything like this before. My hands are sweating at this very moment. I have been compelled time and again to address this issue and I'm ready to confess. In 1990, I committed murder. I killed my baby. I should be in prison serving a life sentence, but I'm not. Was it because only a handful of people knew and kept silent, or perhaps they never solved the case, or maybe I had a really good lawyer? Realistically, none of these reasons are correct. Unfortunately, the murder I committed was legal. I guess it was legal because no one ever saw the baby, never felt its soft skin, never smelled its sweet breath, never gave it a name. Actually, there wasn't any justification for such horror and there still isn't. This society needs to understand that there isn't any difference between "unborn" and "newborn". Murder is murder, any way you look at it.

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It's so strange how i kept this bottled up for so long, each day i'm facing more and more of it, going through all sorts of emotions, today I am watching videos, and reading stories of regret. At night I speak to God about it. And sometimes I just cry for her body temple that I destroyed.

posted October 11, 2011 08:26 AM            

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Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.

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