posted April 25, 2004 09:31 AM         

My bottom line is, who do you love the most? The woman/family being abused or the abuser? Please please save your family .

juniperb

{{{hugs}}} Tink, I`ve so been there Look at what a remarkable woman you became Your soul shines!
juniperb

posted April 25, 2004 10:15 AM         

T, it wasn't my intention to force you into defending yourself. I'm a fellow Aries, I believe in action...and I only wanted to help you fan the fire to get the he!! out!

And I absolutely believe that if you allow his abuse to continue, you sanction it. There are ways out. You live in the best of times to get out. 40 years or more ago, you would have been trapped indefinitely, or have had to be an extraordinarily strong woman with huge support from your family. Now there are places that can help...again, I urge you to seek out astro junkie. But be aware, she will tell you the facts straight.

You're an Aries. You're a warrior. You can do it.

Listen, I have had friends who let their boyfriends and husbands abuse them in various ways. They b!tched about it till the cows came home, even those who suffered physical abuse. Even those who weren't married, stayed with these men!! So after a while, I came to see that they stayed because it was their choice, which in turn allowed all the abuse to continue. They just wanted to b!tch about it, then go home and freaking beg for more.

I am NOT comparing them to you. But...if you allow this to continue, you will have to come to a realization about yourself.

I want to send you loads of love and strength, loads of tough love, because I want you to stand up and become the beautiful being of light and love that I see here, living your life to its fullest, and surrounded by the beauty I know you crave.

If your family doesn't understand, then you have a tougher road to walk. But there are those of us here who will help you as we can.

Start that paper trail. Let the Humane Society know. Go see a lawyer, explain the abuse. Get things started, and you will be amazed at how they fall in place. God/dess is there to help you, just reach out your hand.

And...you did say that you had suspected the abuse of that puppy all along, that it wasn't really a surprise after all.

posted April 25, 2004 11:09 AM         

i really didn't 'know' he was hitting her until the other night, and that was a deliberate attempt to make me become hysterical. she does jump around a lot and under your feet...that's what i thought she yelped about. i won't give him that opportunity again.

i have a few books by experts in dealing with this kind of situation. they all say that the key is preparation. there are so many details to take care of, or the risk of losing everything you're working so hard for is just too high.

i am doing all that and more. i have been....i really thought my relatives would help, and realizing they won't, that they are against me in this, was a huge blow. i know, something isn't right about this scene -- i agree! my dad told me a whole story about one of his friends whose wife accused him of the same thing and he got full custody of their one year old.

there are many ways of turning these arguments against me, the books i have explain exactly how it is done, and this type of behavior is exactly that of my husband.

i don't want to be in this another minute! i thought i'd be out of his life completely long before christmas last year.....

so i'm approaching it the best way i know how. all your support helps tremendously. thank you so very much.

and with almost no money, that does make it a little harder. but juniper....we will be well gone before anything like you describe can happen.

posted April 25, 2004 10:37 PM         

do you mind my asking how you accomplished your freedom from this man? if you'd prefer to email me my address is talaith@mail.com.

and again....to everyone who took the time and kindness to post here....thank you very very much. i needed to hear everything everyone had to say. i know that, deeply and truly. you are such very strong women with hearts of steel and gold. there is so much strength in your sadness, and triumph in your experience. you are God's own, shining and fierce. i do love you all.

posted April 26, 2004 10:24 AM         

I'm sorry if you felt I put you on the defense when really I just wanted to get to the heart of that matter- see it wasn't so bad.

1) You don't have to worry about drugs / alcohol as an issue being thrown at you in court

2) We all get stressed about death - you almost losing it with the possible death of your father - even if you had been to psych services for that or stress related to the potential death and ex boyfriend- that is OKAY!! That won't hold you back.

3) Your family will not be a cause in keeping the kids from you if it comes down to an ex-boyfriends opinion of your mental health. Any good attorney would rip that argument to shreds as well as bring in the ex-boyfriends baggage - so I doubt he will testify. Also, since he and your family are not pysch experts their testimony will be irrelevent / heresay. They can also testify to your state of mind when abused by your current husband.

My getting to the heart of the matter was so that you could create an argument in your mind - think of all the things he COULD say against you and counter them with real facts. Having this - even this post printed out demonstrates that you sought help. You have already created a paper trail You can turn this over and say that you recognized a problem and sought some kind of advice. Then you go to a lawyer - like was suggested earlier - someone that has great experience in spousal abuse (see there is a pattern - your hubby, possibly from your earliest conversations, picked up that you had been abused before, so he knew he could do the same).

TINK,

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you had to endure such a terrible childhood and that your mom went through so much abuse. I am also glad to see that you have taken that pain, heartache and learned to use it for good. You are a very compassionate and wonderful person.

Blessings,

posted April 26, 2004 01:53 PM         

God/dess Bless us All!

posted April 26, 2004 09:43 PM         

Talaith I too hope my little diatribe didn't come off as an attack. That's the last thing you need. From your other posts it is more than obvious you are a good mummy who takes her job seriousely. I did not mean to imply differently. I'm sure that juni will give you some helpful advice. And I'm confident you will make your escape. You can do it. Everyone here is cheering for you. Ride this wave of love and sympathy and sisterhood right on out of that place.

posted April 26, 2004 09:54 PM         

I am sorry if my reply to you was too blunt.

I am still worrying tremendously for your puppy.

You did state that; "he's been cruel to her before, out of anger, but i thought he had stopped, because we had talked about it."

posted April 27, 2004 10:53 PM         

I can really relate to what a lot of you ladies have shared, whether it involves family members or personal relationships. It's such a bad situation because of the emotional ties that keep us hanging on. If the people doing these things were not so close to our hearts in the first place, it might be/have been easier to get out sooner. It really is abuse, not just of our minds, hearts, and bodies ... but of our trust and faith, as well.

Such powerful women here, I can't get over it. You have all inspired me and touched my heart more than I am able to express. Thank you.

posted May 04, 2004 06:17 PM         

i just saw this.

whispers: i hope you are okay, wherever you are

love,

posted May 11, 2004 10:37 AM         

I check this thread almost every day. I am sure I am not alone in feeling a bit worried. I hope we did not scare you away. Everything was done and said with respect and love and a desire to help. Even if you do not want to "get into it", please let us know that you are allright.