posted April 21, 2004 10:57 PM         

i was sitting in our living room in the dark, just kind of meditating, and she ran in, as she always does. he called her back to take off her harness, and then whipped her with it!

i don't think he knew i was sitting there.

i didn't know he was doing this...i've heard her yelp before, but i thought it was because he accidentally stepped on her toe. now i know he does it quite frequently, because i've heard that yelp often as of late.

maybe he did know i was sitting there and didn't care....he's been cruel to her before, out of anger, but i thought he had stopped, because we had talked about it. although at the time he did say that she was his property and that he was allowed to hurt her if he so desired. but he does know how i feel about that kind of behavior, which is why i suppose he doesn't do it in my presence. this is even worse, that he does it behind my back. that was just pure cruelty, plain and mean!

it's so hard for me to accept that he's really like that....

i didn't say anything, because i knew that would make him very angry, and that he would take it out on her even more. i've learned this the hard way. but i feel so miserable just letting it go.

he is a lot bigger and stronger than i; he doesn't like me, and he doesn't care at all what i think....

posted April 22, 2004 12:08 AM         

but when he did, he just gave me a cold angry stare, and said, what? what are you looking at? why are you looking at me like that? i'm sure he was looking for a fight.

i was just kind of shocked, and said that i hadn't said anything. he then walked into his room/office and closed the door, leaving me sitting there in the dark.

posted April 22, 2004 12:41 AM         

May I ask why you're with him if you're scared of him, and he doesn't like you?

posted April 22, 2004 01:07 AM         

i am working on it...the only thing that keeps me in the relationship -- my baby son...whom he has threatened to take away from me.

i do have faith in the universe...we will be fine.

thanks for your reply, angie.

posted April 22, 2004 09:25 AM         

there are anonymous hotlines you can call that can advise you on this. women should not be forced to live in fear of their spouse.

you are such a gentle soul, I can imagine how difficult it must be to hear him refer to your pup as 'property' that he has the right to hurt if he wants. actually, he has no more right to abuse his pet as he does you. there are laws against animal abuse, though i don't know if he's strayed into inflicting that much harm.

posted April 22, 2004 02:13 PM         

It's difficult, but you can do it. You're stronger than you think.

posted April 22, 2004 04:33 PM         

Second, and this is something you can do right away. GIVE THAT DOG TO SOMEONE ELSE.

I am so angry right now I could just scream. You will be just as responsible for that dogs pain and that psycho dirt bag you are married to if you do NOT give that dog to someone that can love it. Your pathetic loser husband is beating that dog and causing irreparible damage. I KNOW because I adopted a cat that was beaten before he was thrown out of a car and taken to the ER hospital I worked at as a tech.

I HATE hearing these stories - worse yet - I hated being the tech that took care for those animals. There is nothing like wrapping up a cats three broken legs because the man was angry that the wife didn't do the dishes. It was cases like that which made me cry myself to sleep at night. An animal has no defense - and a child is the next step. Please get out of there.

IF you keep that dog there, then you are allowing it to take the abuse. Get rid of it - take it to a shelter tell your loser husband the dog ran away or was too much trouble. DO NOT SUBJECT her / him to anymore pain.

There is also an alternative - take the dog to the vet. Explain what your loser hubby is doing. The vet will make a record and in some states animal cruelty is a felony. You can use that record to justify you leaving and KEEP your baby son.

I wish I knew your husband - I would have no problem beating him senseless with a bat, lease or anything else I could find. Jerkoff!

posted April 22, 2004 06:16 PM         

i believe in what you're saying. i've explored, a little, some of what you're talking about. i have some of the literature, etc.

i've tried talking to my relatives numerous times. my mother says we just have to learn to work it out. my father says that my husband has the advantage and that he will get my son. he said his attorney thinks the same thing...that all the things i'm saying are just 'alleged' and that no court will believe me. he made it sound that, essentially, for this to work out for me, my son and i both would have to be seriously physically abused and be able to prove beyond a doubt that my husband did it.

since telling me this last year, i have tried to communicate to him that my husband's behavior continues and worsens. now my father no longer responds to my emails or returns my phone calls.

i believe my husband's behavior is deliberate, not just that of a controlling personality, but that he is trying to accomplish something by this treatment. i don't know what, but to cause me to react in such a way that it will appear that i am to blame. i used to respond, but i realize now that is his intent, to cause me to lose control.

after thinking about it today, i realize that he knew i was sitting there, and whipped the puppy simply for the purpose of provoking me. in the way fishkitten mentions. and he has abused her much more severely previous to this instance. we talked about it then, and although he never was sorry, i did believe he wouldn't do it again.

i know that i must go in the direction you mention. i've just been living with this for a long time now, and it eases up now and again and then i think maybe he is letting it go....

but it always comes back, meaner than the last time. i just have to face that fact.

he is very charming, and i get dissuaded by his strong energy and personality. and then he pounces out of the blue, and no matter how much i resolve, it takes me by surprise every time. and it hurts too, because i have always cared for him so very much.

but no matter what i've done, no matter what anyone thinks i 'deserve', my babe and puppy do not deserve this. and i know he would tyrannize them even more if i weren't here. he uses his this threat of viloence against them to intimidate me now, but without my presence, he would bully them even more, as they can't even speak for themselves. the hardest part is knowing that he will hurt them even more if i say anything to him.

i really didn't realize, or didn't want to believe, that he is like this, but now i can't deny it. i always thought that even if he didn't love me, he would at least love them enough to treat them well.

i've recently found some information that helps to explain part of his behavior, and while this is so alien to me, it does help me understand that i have to approach this in a different way:

abusive and controlling relationships

yikes...this so very disheartening......

but i know we can't go on like this.

thanks so very much for all your support.

posted April 22, 2004 06:23 PM         

i have tried to give her away. i did take her to the humane society, but he went and got her back. she is very gentle and sweet, but sounds unbeleivably ferocious and is extremely protective of us. and she just adores him! but people won't even come to our house out of fear of her.

so i will try what you said pidaua...ok....no fear.....hard to do.....
oh, he will be so mad if i do that....

but i will.

posted April 23, 2004 10:47 AM         

There is no way on earth that the humane society or any animal hospital would release that animal to your husband if they knew it had been abused. It is against the law and now even Veterinarians are responsible for reporting abuse to the authorities as well as any drug use (yes, we would get animals in that got into their owners Heroin, Marijuana or crack stash).

I am sure your dog adores him..because canines are about pleasing the leader of the pack and your family has become your dogs pack. Beating an animal is sick and disturbing.

I am with Nephthys, if I knew where you lived, I would call the cops. Right now there are many programs highlighting saving animals from abuse. A whole show is dedicated to that on the animal planet - SPCA or Animal Precinct.

You just don't understand how much it hurts - or do you? Think of how you feel when your sicko hubby hits you - now think of how your animals feel. They have no voice, no recourse, only confusion and pain.

You father is wrong and I think something is not completely right about this whole scene. What parent in their right mind would tell you to just deal with it? How can you really think your hubby has an advantage? Are you a drug addict or have you had any problems with psychiatric treatment? I ask this only because those two things would cause problems in the courts.

But - most courts award the wife the house, children and support. Reporting your hubby to the Humane society WILL create a paper trail and can be used in divorce proceedings. BUT - you have to WANT to fight. You have to WANT to get out of that situation and not let anyone hold you back. We are living in an age where women have strength and fight in wars for God's sake - you can beat this and come out with your child.

I don't care how much money your husband has...half or more than half, of that will go to you. Find your inner Goddess, use your Aries power and take it on. If you need help you have recourses available as well as people here that can help you find legal aid.

Just let us know - more than that - you also have friends here that will always be able to lend a hand..or shoulder to cry on.

Love and Light

posted April 24, 2004 10:23 PM         

Seek out astro junkie...If I recall correctly, she has some experience with abused women. She is most often in Soul Unions and the Astrology forum

There are ways out. But as I believe it was Pid who said, you have to want out. Go talk to a lawyer, one who has experience with abused women. Start that paper trail.

And if you don't...then you are sanctioning every lousy rotten thing he does. You are giving them all your stamp of approval.

posted April 24, 2004 11:48 PM         

so now i find myself in defense of myself....

i have an ex-boyfriend, who once tried to convince my family that i needed counseling because i no longer wanted a relationship with him. they like him a lot more than me. does that count as 'psychiatric treatment problems'? oh, and once i was quite stressed when my father almost died. he thought that wasn't appropriate either. since i cared more at the time about my father than i did him.

i have tried, and am trying, to exit this scene with as much of myself and the rest of my family as intact as possible. and i have the information. and this is a very complex situation.....and it takes time and delicacy to do it right.

posted April 25, 2004 05:38 AM         

I think on some level you are also aware that your ex-boyfriend was wrong about his assessment of you. Perhaps your morale is so down from your current situation that you are beginning to doubt yourself instead of trust yourself. It is a common thing to experience when you've been exposed to such manipulative violence (mental and emotional as well) and I don't think you should be feeling guilty about that. Just recognize your situation, trust yourself, and take appropriate action. In doing this, you will also begin to work on your ability to love yourself fully again, and have faith in all aspects of your health and well-being, and your life in general.

I know it's very easy to tell you to not be afraid. You should not at all feel ashamed about having feelings of fear, now or in the past. It is entirely understandable. But you can start trying to feel courageous and powerful again, and start challenging that fear, right now and make a strong path for the future for yourself and those little ones in your care! You CAN do it! There is no perfect time to wait for, not sign to hang your wishes on ... just start taking the first steps towards your freedom and you'll begin a chain of events that will lead you there! Have FAITH and please KNOW that it will work out for the best ... it IS working out for the best right now, with your strong positive desires to make a change. You deserve to feel safe and happy and loved and powerful and so many other wonderful things! They are already inside of you, and your concerns for your wellbeing and those in your care is just proof that you are ready to move on to that better stage in your life. You have the information ... see that as a sign that you are ready to take another step forward. Yes, it is a complex issue in some ways, but it is also a very simple issue in others ... whatever karma or feelings or thoughts or anything else that you feel is involved is secondary to you and your child and dog's safety, health, and wellbeing. Those other things will resolve themselves in time, and I believe you've had more than your share of suffering already. I feel that you are aware of that, as well. It is time for you to enjoy the pleasures that life can offer because they are as good (possibly better) and as valuable lessons for your soul!

Please don't feel that you are having the burden of your husband's negative actions thrust upon you by anyone here. I'm sure you get enough of those kinds of things from him as it is. Read the posts here without fear or defense and know that you are loved and cared for, and that your best interests are at heart! I think that perhaps what some meant by pointing out responsibility in the matter is that it is your responsibility to stand up and take action and stop the suffering and abuse, for yourself, and your child and pup.

If your family doesn't stand by you, then let it go. We stand by you here. Your Higher S-elf stands by you. The many positive forces and beings in existence stand by you. You are never alone. Pray, chant, meditate, make affirmations, breathe deeply, stand barefoot in the earth and hug some trees! Then head out there and start a paper trail, talk to attorneys and knowledgeable sources, and give thanks for each new day and the promises they hold for the wonderful future that awaits you! Blessed BE!

PS
I agree with Tink, as well. Please keep posting, whether it's about how you feel about this and your assured progress, or about anything else ... just so we know you're doing well.