posted February 14, 2010 11:57 PM         

He called me this evening and I told him i wasn't interested. He asked me why, and when I gave him my reasons, he told me my reasons were ridiculous, which made me feel ridiculous.

I told him I didn't want to get together with him... and by the end of the phone call we had somehow made a coffee date tomorrow... ??!?!?!?!! I feel like I want to cry.

EDIT.

posted February 15, 2010 12:14 AM         

I don't at all like the 4 planets in Aries - and ZERO Pisces, when you're a Cancerian Leo.. That's a red flash-light for me.

I'm a Piscean Aries. I find people with zero water a bit hard to deal with.

This kind of thing just happened to me a couple of weeks ago with a woman who kept bugging me to "experiment" with her. I felt like throwing her into the pool by the end of the night - It was very frustrating.

These people (in my experience) - They beg.. They victimize themselves.. They do everything to coax you into it.. and you end up feeling sorry for them. I've learned from past situations.. and when this happens now - I'm very CLEAR about my NO.

I'll say it nicely the first time. I'll explain myself some.. but if it goes on and on.. I'm not nice anymore. Meta - I wouldn't show up to the date at all, but it's up to you. If he calls - don't pick up.

posted February 15, 2010 12:27 AM         

I think my biggest issue is that I genuinely like him as a friend, but he has added this horrible romantic tint into the mix. He has made it impossible to just be platonic.

posted February 15, 2010 12:43 AM         

quote:

---

I can't stand him up-- i'm too watery to be impolite!

---

lol I know.

I DO understand *sigh*

Ok - so it's an awkward situation due to your circle of friends and him being popular etc.. Instead of showing up to the date, could you send him an email?

I honestly don't think you should show up. He seems very pushy.. If you show up - you’re on his territory (that's how I think he'll see it - he'll see it as a *win* that he persuaded you to date him and he'll be under the impression that he can persuade you to do anything).

I'd email something like this:

"I guess the difference between friends and lovers is in the chemistry. I don't believe we have romantic chemistry. I don't feel anything for you other than friendship and I will seriously become extremely frustrated if you keep persisting and suffocating me.

posted February 15, 2010 12:50 AM         

You sound like you don't like him.

That grand cross in the synastry is scary in the context you are giving.

posted February 15, 2010 12:56 AM         

He called you ridiculous because he wouldn't get what HE wanted from you. And you fell for it.

Look at your original question: "Am I being bullied?"

No one can "bully" you into a relationship unless you allow it. Be honest with yourself. It's hard to turn down a physical attraction, it really is. I can predict that you will go there tomorrow and you will want to assert yourself, but you won't. It's harder to assert yourself in person than it is on the phone where you have a semblence of detachment and safety.

I guarantee, if you go tomorrow you will get involved with him. Then in a few short days or weeks we'll see another post here telling us that he broke your heart.

If you want to be true to yourself and your convictions, cancel the coffee tomorrow.

I hate to sound harsh, but sometimes it's necessary. This guy knows he'll be able to pull the wool over your eyes better in person than on the phone.

posted February 15, 2010 01:17 AM         

quote:

---

I guarantee, if you go tomorrow you will get involved with him.

---

I agree.

quote:

---

If you want to be true to yourself and your convictions, cancel the coffee tomorrow.

---

I agree.

quote:

---

I wouldn't want to continue being friends with someone who doesn't respect me.

---

posted February 15, 2010 01:39 AM         

Strictly avoid, nothing great in the synastry. His Chiron conj your Mars is another danger. All he wants from you is sex for a few weeks before he plans another chase.

posted February 15, 2010 02:56 AM         

Raymond

------------------
"Nothing matters absolutely;
the truth is it only matters relatively"

posted February 15, 2010 03:22 AM         

It's not being bullied. It's coming up against someone who won't take no for an answer....and there is something in the end that's unbelievably attractive about this.

Yes I can hear you all shrieking
"Yuk no! That would never happen to me!
That is until you are on the recieving end.
What is more flattering to our ego?

I found my ex husband repulsive in the beginning but his seemingly thick skin and cheerful rejection of all my insults had a strange effect on me.

There is something brave about people who don't fall at the first fence.
After 3 months of my constant cries of
"Leave me alone. I can't stomach you"
he did leave me alone and withdrew.

Oh clever man. Oh foolish bunnies

The end to this tale is of course I missed the attention and sought to get it back in my life.
With the inevitable conclusion that we spent 7 years in a roller coaster/emotionally draining/ exhilarating relationship which of course ended in an absolute shambles.

posted February 15, 2010 03:40 AM         

At least yours was/is half-normal hehe. Three months isn't too bad (before he withdrew LOL). I had a year-long stalker who eventually moved to Canada - Thank Jesus! I never ever missed the attention. I couldn't believe I finally got rid of him. Until one day he sms-ed again *from Canada* saying "I still remember you gorgeous".. I was in one of my classes at Uni (in a Lecture) and I nearly screamed my head off. It was like something out of Bride of Chucky for me.
God that guy gave me the creeps.

posted February 15, 2010 04:13 AM         

Marry them is another solution, I suppose.

I know what bunnies is saying here, and I hope it makes equal sense if I say that I think you really need to dig deep and decide if you really aren't keen at all on this man. If you aren't, tell him to p!ss off and stop finding ways to justify your decision. You aren't answerable to him, so he doesn't need to know your reasons.

posted February 15, 2010 05:19 AM         

If that's what's happening - and that's only over a coffee - think about how persistent he could be about sex too.

posted February 15, 2010 11:02 AM         

HAH! My husband came after me with a vengeance (including the hundreds of times we broke up over the years) and I couldn't get rid of him. At the end of the day it was easier to marry him!

posted February 15, 2010 01:26 PM         

If you don`t have anything substantial or helpful to contribute, why not just shut up for once?

Meta,

posted February 15, 2010 02:45 PM         

no is no.

if i say no and someone is still pressuring me to do anything, i go from no, to, oh hell no in less than 10 seconds.

even social outings can seem like obligations, and if you think about it, you really don't owe anyone anything, not even a reason. if you don't feel like going somewhere, don't go.

he is ignoring your feelings, so ignore his, it isn't rude it is necessary, so when you say no and he is still talking you into whatever, zone out and all you will hear is blah blah blah, i am a puffed up bossy..and then when he says...so, you going? say, oh, you're still here? sorry gotta run. smile and dart off.

sometimes people only understand when you use thier tacttics back to them, it is called being on thier level, decipher thier level, meet them there for as long as it takes to reach an understanding, then, off to live...being rude with pushy men is a skill you and every woman needs to hone. trust me on this kiddo, he is one of many and you are precious. time for you to take a hike dude..... isn't really all that mean..... and do not, i mean do not.... for one second ....even think about leaving the tip or picking up any part of the tab if you attend a lunch you didn't even want to be at.

practice the uncomfortable long silence. sometimes that works with those types too. after the no has been said and the conversation is still why not come on, just long uncomfortable silence on your end can really get the point across, count the seconds, and maybe the minutes, and then,,,the obligitory, uhm...yes, i'm still here...uh, i already gave you my answer...you watery types need to toughen up for your own good.