posted March 10, 2010 10:43 PM         

Of course there are 40 year old hookers.

But, you stated yourself that your man is taking care of his children, so then, your situation is different.

I don't care who dates who at what age, what I get upset with is men who leave their families FOR another woman, often times younger, and then the first family suffers. That isn't fair.

You are educated, and, entirely different from the girl who turned my life upside down.

She never had a job. EVER. Not one.
She only lived off other people.
AND she consciously chose to go after a married man. Not saying he isn't at fault too, he is, it takes two.

Just, saying, why would you intentionally go after an older man, who is married with children, why? If you like older men, great, find a single one.

It's hard to explain how it feels, unless it happens to you.
But, really I have no issues with age differences per se, I'de be a hypocrite, since I dated someone 15 years younger for three years.

But, he wasn't married, was never married, and doesn't have children.

GemGemGem's ex is single now, but that doesn't make it hurt less, and by that I specifically refer to the case of the child.
Children suffer the most in these cases.

posted March 11, 2010 10:37 AM         

Yesterday was the initial shock, but I feel better today as all the information has absorbed and I've had time to get used to the idea that he's really moved on, so I can now do the same.

All of you who've been in a similar situation and felt what I felt, thank you so much for sharing your experiences. It's hopeful hearing from those who've been through it and have had the strength to overcome it and move on.

I apologize if the age topic offended anyone. I do not think age, or race, or gender should ever be a factor when two people are in love. I was just speaking from my own experiences that when I was 21, I was naive and immature, and could never see myself being with or having anything in common with someone in their late 30's, unless they had the same maturity level. I was not a committed, solid or even stable person at that age, and didn't know what I wanted from life. Now at my current age, I find myself attracted to older men, and wouldn't think twice about dating someone 10-20 yrs older than me. There are some sexy, older men out there.

I don't know whether she will leave him or not. For his sake I hope she doesn't, so he can finally be committed and settled and content. She's definitely gotten used to living in his house, being wined and dined, and being flown all around the world First class, so she's found her Sugar daddy. She's never worked a day in her life, so she probably won't be leaving him, unless she wants to get a job and work like the rest of us. I think she's a pretty smart girl, considering she got him to propose after only 1 1/2 years of dating. This is the second girl he proposed to in the 2 1/2 years we've been divorced. He's had two fiance's since our divorce, and I haven't even had one real boyfriend.

posted March 11, 2010 11:50 AM         

Not all women who date older men, or older men who date younger women, are doing so because they're lost. Or in lust. It's not always about sex. She could be very mature. You can't know unless you get to know her.

I just think that you're wasting your energy hating her and hating him. You're just hurting yourself more in the long run. I haven't been married, and i haven't a child to a man either, so i can imagine that the love you feel for him is, or was, seemingly infinite. However, I think you should redirect your energy from trying to figure out where his brain's at, and focus it on letting go, and healing.

posted March 11, 2010 11:53 AM         

But to answer your question Meta, I am not in love with him anymore, but part of me will always feel something for him. I'm trying to get over it, all his hurtful, selfish acts and what he did to me, and our daughter, but this will take a little longer than 2 1/2 years. I'm trying to forgive him, and eventually forgive myself.

posted March 11, 2010 11:59 AM         

it is aan Hawain method of forgiveness.it appears that we are forgivin the other,but this method is infact,to forgive ourselves...

posted March 12, 2010 01:06 AM         

He paid for her child to impress her. I don't know what made me to it, but one morning I just got up, and tore the house apart.
I found receipts/bank statments for so many things! He was buying her furniture and electronics. There were tons of charges on his bank card for a specific restaurant. I'de never heard of it, so I looked in the phone book and found out what town it was in. That is how I discerned all these other things. His ATM withdrawls in THAT town when he told me he was out with the guys and all that stuff.

In the meantime, we had an eviction notice because he didn't pay the rent.

He brought her into a bar that my Mother's best friend frequented. He didn't know that. So, I had first hand information, as Mom's friend would sit next to them and listen to their conversations. Apparently, he led her to believe he had money, by always having a stack to flash when they were out together.

I didn't use the axe until she stalked my children and they noticed it. They were frightened. Then she took his phone when he was asleep, and got my number. She began taunting me with texts. She would forward me all HIS texts to her.
I took all I could and finally called her.
That ended with her in tears, so she had her Mother call me. That one ended bad too.

I got drunk and found the axe. I am NOT proud of it, I just wanted to make you smile, because I know how you feel. It's devastating, but I promise and swear to you that it gets better, and all that stuff about closing a door and opening a window, is TRUE TRUE TRUE, it ended because there is someone out there better for you, and this has run it's course.

posted March 12, 2010 10:31 AM         

I can't believe what he put you and your children through. The woman was obviously crazy, and to bring someone like that into your lives deserves more than just an axe to his car.
I completely understand how you felt that moment when you first found that credit card or atm receipt and you start piecing things together and feel more and more frantic as you start connecting the dots and searching. I felt that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach when I saw all the text messages on my ex husband's phone from his mistress, and the receipt for a Harry Winston ring! Harry Winston????!!! Really!!!??? He always complained about barely having enough money every month to pay the bills!

I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. Thank god you and your children are safe and hopefully he is out of your life for good. I think you handled that situation with such strength, and I admire how you were able to hold it together when everything was falling apart, and still managed to be a good mother to your kids. Me, I was completely useless and broken during my whole divorce process, all I did was stay in bed and cry like a baby. I should have been stronger and stood up for myself. The most extreme thing I did was throw a napkin at his face and walk away.