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Author
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Topic: Really????!!!
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GemGemGem
Knowflake Posts: 125
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 10:04 AM
 
My ex-husband just got engaged to a 21 yr old. I don't even know what I'm supposed to think or feel. First was shock, and now I'm numb. Part of me thinks it's funny, but then another part feels sad. Mixed emotions up and down. We've been divorced for 2 1/2 years now, and he's visited our daughter maybe twice. Never calls, never writes. I always thought we got divorced cause he had issues with marriage, and was never really the family type but obviously I was wrong cause he's jumping into another marriage just 2 1/2 short years after our divorce. I guess it's not so much that he has issues with marriage, as issues with marriage to me. He left our family behind to jump right into starting a new one.
I know this situation is not uncommon, and I knew he would probably get re-married eventually, but just a short 2 1/2 years later, and to a 21 yr old? He's turning 37 this year and she's right out of college! I am not knocking relationships where there is a difference in age, but i'm just really confused and saddened by the fact that he could leave his wife and child, never visits, writes, or talks to our child, then jumps into another marriage so soon with someone so young. What could he possibly have in common with a college girl? Sorry, this is a sad, pathetic vent. I found out this morning on Facebook of all things! It's kind of stupidly funny. I've posted his transits and chart in case anyone is interested for educational purposes. Thanks for listening!  IP: Logged |
wheels of cheese
Knowflake Posts: 1340
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 10:15 AM
quote:
Sorry, this is a sad, pathetic vent
No it's not hun. It's a lot to process. I wouldn't know what to do with that either. Not a clue. I think it seems a shame that he is unable to keep the bond with your child, which should be uppermost really. And perhaps if this new woman was closer to his age she might be more inclined to encourage him to see that as something he should at least attempt to preserve and develop, and may perhaps support him in that. I'm not knocking the young either but I'm 36 and I sure wouldn't have known about that sort of stuff at 21. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know. So, all I can say is hello, and thinking of you. IP: Logged |
wheels of cheese
Knowflake Posts: 1340
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 10:18 AM
My sister is going through similar. Her ex husband doesn't see his daughter. No contact for 2 years now. He has problems with alcohol and we hear he's getting married to someone who owns a bar. It's hard. Why would you not want to see the child you made?IP: Logged |
Ami Ann
Knowflake Posts: 553
From: US
Registered: Dec 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 10:34 AM
(((GemGem Gem)))
Keep talking!I think we can understand the broken heartedness you are feeling. x o x o AmiIP: Logged |
mermaid26
Knowflake Posts: 110
From: just visiting you know
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 10:46 AM
I'm no expert but there are "Aquarian Aqe" planets doing their work, breaking and shaking up the illusion of inappropriate age differences, at this very time. Look at how society is playing on the "cougar" illusion right night on network TV. Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Robert Browning had a six year age difference that appeared so taboo. For me, wisdom has nothing to do with earthly age. The outer planets in Scorpio and Virgo are making lots of cross generational conjunctions and to Saturn, etc... Preordained times of life challenges, where Saturn and Uranus do their universal lesson teaching have and always will be in operation. (Saturn sevens, 7 year itch, mid-life crisis, whatever term one knows) Perhaps there are clues there. We still have our free will choice by how we react and choose. Windows and doors should be viewed as opportunities for positive change and growth. It's hard to see clearly til we have passed through the experience though. I am glad you are seeking to understand this upset. This is evidence of your willingness to learn, know, and triumph. The younger generations are pretty evolved by natural design, with more advanced on the wheel outer planets. This is a blessing, as we don't want to evolve backwards. My children seem so much smarter than most adults, heck at 6 & 9, they blew my mind with their more encompassing views of life in general. Every angle transmits light. May you find your answers and peace.IP: Logged |
wheels of cheese
Knowflake Posts: 1340
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 10:48 AM
Mermaid, you're a dude.IP: Logged |
GemGemGem
Knowflake Posts: 125
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 11:00 AM
I don't understand it either Wheels of Cheese. But then again, in the years we were married I never understood him. Maybe that's why he chooses to be with someone so young...she will never tell him what to do or challenge his decisions. It's like your sister's ex-husband, and how he's marrying someone who owns a bar. I'm sure she doesn't lecture him on the evils of alcoholism. She's an enabler. Some people want to challenge themselves to improve, grow and be a better person and will choose to be around people who support them in that, and some people want to be left to do exactly what they want without having to hear about it, or be held responsible and will surround themselves with enablers. All I know is that when I was 21, I knew very little about life, and even less about what I wanted out of life. There's something to be said about being mature for one's age, but nothing can substitute for the lessons learned with time and experience. For her sake I hope she's mature and knows what she's getting into. Maybe he's stopped taking drugs, and drinking excessively and changed for the better. Maybe it'll all work out and he won't make the same mistakes he made with me. Thanks Wheels of Cheese for the supportive words!
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GemGemGem
Knowflake Posts: 125
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 11:01 AM
Thank you for your sweet words Ami!  IP: Logged |
DiandraReborn25
Knowflake Posts: 1324
From: Portugal
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 11:17 AM
GemGemGemi understand you feel hurt.it is normal and you´re human,and we women,are so sensitive to thse things...specially when children are involved. time will heal it,whatever you are feeling right now. from lookint at his transits i dont see anything special,i dont see that there says a happy marriage...he is having neptune on his asc..he is seeing eerything rose coloured now....i think he will get hurt...soon venus will cj his kiron..and he is having stellium in his 1st...is his a sort of an affirmation of him to the world?an image that he wants to show?but that probably intimately he is lost?saturn is close to pluto...not an easy aspect to have...  IP: Logged |
lalalinda
Moderator Posts: 458
From: nevada
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 11:34 AM
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popcorn
Knowflake Posts: 917
From:
Registered: Aug 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 12:53 PM
My sons father who I left when our son was only 6 months said to me once a time. It bring so much pain to meet my son when I know someone new man took my place. He also said it feels more easy to not meet him/me at all.I said nothing and have never force him to meet our son. I think it comes one day they meet each other anyhow. Today my sons father and my son have good contact. My son feel he always are welcome to his father and his family. Sometimes I think there are something behind everything we make. IP: Logged |
popcorn
Knowflake Posts: 917
From:
Registered: Aug 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 12:56 PM
Gemgemgem. I'm sorry for you but you are so young so you will never be without love. You will meet someone who deserve you better than him. IP: Logged |
cpn_edgar_winner
Knowflake Posts: 1895
From: Toledo, OH
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 01:14 PM
man, the last thing i wanted at 21 was a 37 year old man. did not find them attractive at all.thats gotta smart gemgemgem. i want to say mean things to make you feel better, but i know it won't help. i hope you find someone who really loves you and your child....i also hope you know this hurting is only temporary, things will get better. they really will. IP: Logged |
meta_4
Knowflake Posts: 705
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 02:12 PM
In terms of why is he dating someone younger, the first thing that popped out at me was:Venus in Aquarius. Plus it's aspecting Uranus. He's not looking at her age; it might not even be a factor of consideration to him. Whatever he likes about her, he likes it because it's unique. She keeps him guessing, and challenges his mind by being different from others. My guess is that he couldn't handle marriage because it became predictable. He could see his life ahead of him, and that didn't sit well. So why's he jumping into the marriage-bed with some new chick? Because he probably thinks it will never be stable. She'll always be unpredictable, and that works for him. Now, whether or not that will actually happen is another matter. Just stay strong. I can't imagine how upset you are. Just remember- why would you want someone like that? He's not what you want anymore, so keep your head up high. IP: Logged |
Diana
Knowflake Posts: 1476
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 02:29 PM
His yod is being activated by pluto. That is big.I'm guessing you divorced when pluto hit his NN. Divorces/breakups happen a lot when pluto hits NN. I think it rx's again, and if I remember right it gets somewhat close to that degree again, so that will most like;y be when he marries or they breakup.
He just had eclipses in his 5th and 11th houses. In June he'll have another in his 5th.
I wonder what will happen when t.sat rx's back into his 7th. It'll either cement the relationship or kill it.
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GemGemGem
Knowflake Posts: 125
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 02:44 PM
Popcorn, I could maybe believe the reason he doesn't visit our daughter is because it brings him pain, but in actuality I think it's more laziness and indifference that keeps him away. He doesn't even ask for pictures. I'm happy to hear your son and his father have strengthened their bond over the years.
I too think it's best to let the relationship play out in its own do time. I never contact him or pressure him.
As for love, haven't had much luck in that department, especially since the divorce. Maybe I never fully got over him, and maybe I never will. As for now, I'm just surprised and saddened by the whole thing. Thank you for your kind words Popcorn!
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GemGemGem
Knowflake Posts: 125
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 03:00 PM
cpn_edgar_winner, when I was 21 yrs old, I would never even glance at a man in his late twenties, let alone a man in his late 30's! he's almost 40. But as Meta said, maybe he sees something unique in her. Maybe she can be the one to change him for the better. Who knows? Diana, thank you for the insite into his transits. For some reason he seems immune to any and all hard transits, which is why I think he never emotionally grows. He builds this wall when things get tough, drugs up, drinks and gets through without having learned anything. I am curious to see what effect the Saturn RX will have when it goes through his 7th again. Either way, I wish him the best, and hope he's learned from his mistakes. IP: Logged |
Sanchenuss
Knowflake Posts: 207
From: Clinton, SC USA
Registered: Nov 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 03:07 PM
It is the animalistic side. He planted a seed with you and part of him has accomplished that mission and wants to spread his "franchise". Some 21 year old girls are very intelligent, mature and spiritually advanced in this current era. Most older men would love to have a young fresh twenty one year old to "start over" with. The age twenty one is when a woman is at her peak physically. Some younger women need "a father". I don't mean to sound harsh but sometimes truth is pretty brutal. Two and a half years is a very long time for a man.IP: Logged |
GemGemGem
Knowflake Posts: 125
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 04:08 PM
Thanks for the brutal honesty Sanchenuss!
 I'm sure many men would love a fresh, new 21 yr old to start over with. Meanwhile, I guess I'll go back to my knitting and room full of cats.  IP: Logged |
starkiss1
Knowflake Posts: 339
From:
Registered: Jul 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 04:24 PM
don't worry,GGG, he will do the same to her.  IP: Logged |
popcorn
Knowflake Posts: 917
From:
Registered: Aug 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 04:37 PM
Sanchenuss. Wait and you will see...I say, Yes you have right just now but when she is 35 and want younger men... in the time he is 55 it's not fun anymore.IP: Logged |
GemGemGem
Knowflake Posts: 125
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 05:03 PM
I don't know many near 40 yr olds leaving young, pretty 20 yr olds, but thanks anyway for trying to make me feel better Starkiss!
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GemGemGem
Knowflake Posts: 125
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 05:04 PM
Popcorn, I don't know about a few years from now, but right now he parties like an 18 yr old at 40! LOL!IP: Logged |
amowls*
Knowflake Posts: 1005
From: richmond va
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 05:09 PM
Does he at least pay child support????And really I hate it when "biology" is brought up in things like this because WOMEN would like to date a younger man too. You think women are attracted to balding, beer-gutted old men? Please. A man's sexual peak is 18. A woman's sexual peak is 30. Please don't say things "well you know, biologically it makes sense that men want a younger vessel for his seed" because it 1) makes it okay for guys to act like immature (and sometimes creepy) idiots and 2) it reduces women to mere baby making machines. IP: Logged |
jane
Knowflake Posts: 575
From:
Registered: Jul 2009
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posted March 10, 2010 05:11 PM
His scumbag ways sound like they could be from his yod that points to a retrograde Saturn. Making that retro Saturn even more significant is that it's in the 5th house (solar feel) and cnj his Cancer Moon. Mercury and Venus pointing to it. He's refusing to mature his mind and relationships, and this comes out in his approach to love and children (5th house territory). I'm sorry someone like him got into your heart. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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