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posted August 11, 2010 01:47 PM            

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Ok, so at this point I'm basically talking to myself. And about past lives, no less! Yep, I'm perfectly normal.

But I can't stop! These charts are an endless treasure trove of illumination. I looked up where the SPAIN asteroid falls in both charts.

First Chart: 19* Scorpio cnj fixed star SERPENTIS
A malefic degree, tragedy, misfortune, the "Accursed Degree".

Second Chart: 3* Taurus cnj SHARATAN
Violence, defeat, accidents, injury, danger, honours

Effect "Unfortunate" for both.
Character "Mars/Saturn" for both.

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posted August 20, 2010 04:24 PM            

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quote:

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That pattern got me fearing how people would react to my freedom, especially lovers since that relationship is so emotional.

With my SO, I got over that fear during our reconciliation. I didn't realize at the time that I was making that progress, but I can see it now. I stopped associating sharing in an intimate relationship who I really am with a violent reaction. And since I stopped making that association, I was finally able to be completely upfront about what I wanted and needed. I felt free to be 100% myself with him and loved for who I am.

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Interesting... I just posted something about freedom versus love in racole's Karma thread. I have no problem with someone doing their own thing, as long as they aren't doing somebody else.

*edit.

I think my own reactions come from my childhood. I was wondering if anything would come up in my regression, concerning the experience where I may have been someone's mistress in another life - if any of that was real - but nothing did. (The hypnotherapist was very nice, though. She put me at ease, was extremely outgoing - more energetic than she looks in her picture.)

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posted August 20, 2010 04:59 PM            

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When I was three, I was smooching a seven year old. My Venus in Gemini kicked into high gear early, so I guess it's good that something brought it back down to earth.

Mum said that she saw us out on the porch, I was sitting on his lap. She kept an eye on us, saw him whisper in my ear, me get up and lie down on the porch, and him moving to lay on top of me - she threw open the door and called out, "milk and cookies, anyone???"

Mum asked me why I felt like a freak in school. She mentioned D (a boy I mentioned in hippichick's thread, I think - a Sadge with Mercury/Venus in Scorpio, from what I remember), that he was the best looking boy in school, and came around my house every night wanting me to go out. When I asked her why he never actually asked me out, if he really liked me *that* much, she responded, "Don't you remember? You told me to tell him 'no'." (to going out to play, not going out. I was exhausted from other things going on.. of course, he was the one who had girls throwing themselves at him, so I guess he wasn't missing out in that way.

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posted August 20, 2010 05:32 PM            

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This is fascinating - your stories here. I have Moon/Venus trine Pluto (from the end of my 7th/beginning of my 8th). I take relationships very seriously, but I've always been very good about letting people go their own way. He doesn't like me that way? It hurts, but life goes on.

I wouldn't dream of demanding that someone love me. What I do demand, is that someone not mess with my head.

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posted August 20, 2010 05:46 PM            

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Rejoicing at a new nightmare.

quote:

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He may have been on the Inquisition's side, I may have been on the side of the more radical set, and I cheated on him with someone who had my views. That "memory" on the stairs could've been of me about to go visit a prisoner. By catching me, he confirmed the affair.

Such a cliche. And boy is he going to love that interpretation.

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posted August 21, 2010 09:59 AM            

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DD, I'm sorry, I meant to respond to you last week.

I don't trust anyone who claims to have all of the answers, either. Ever since I was a little girl, the word "guru" bothered me - celebrities and the press talking about gurus (I thought it was creepy). I think you're right about children, too.

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posted August 21, 2010 10:28 AM            

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Teasel,

yes, I never liked the word "Guru" myself, at least not in the sense it seemed to be used, demanding blind faith and obedience and even worship. *shudders* Not for me.

Funny though I also asked my mother to "forbid" me doing things I didn`t want, but somehow was afraid to admit myself.
Like I didn`t want to go on a vacation with a friend of mine so my mum "forbade" me to go.

It`s never been easy to set up reasonable boundaries. Either there are no boundaries at all, or they are so high and inpenetrable, that really noone gets through. Still searching for the middle. lol

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posted August 21, 2010 10:29 AM            

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Jane,

very nice talking with yourself. I enjoyed reading it immensely.

I never thought horary could used that way, but it seems it can!

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posted August 21, 2010 04:22 PM            

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I want to find DD's past life thread, but this one is closer (and my computer is mucking about).

Peri mentioned Hypnos in another thread, and I had transiting Karma inconjunct my natal Hypnos, a well as trine my Ceres/Chiron/Sun in the 6th. Transiting Hypnos was sextile my Psyche/Mercury, in Gemini (my 8th).

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posted August 21, 2010 04:28 PM            

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quote:

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Funny though I also asked my mother to "forbid" me doing things I didn`t want, but somehow was afraid to admit myself.
Like I didn`t want to go on a vacation with a friend of mine so my mum "forbade" me to go.

It`s never been easy to set up reasonable boundaries. Either there are no boundaries at all, or they are so high and inpenetrable, that really noone gets through. Still searching for the middle. lol

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I haven't asked my mother to forbid me to do things, to get out of them, but I did use my anxiety as an excuse - which only made things worse, because I ended up associating myself with an anxiety disorder, rather than remembering and building my strengths.

My boundaries waver as well - either being too soft, or almost impenetrable. I'm usually too soft, having held a few grudges in my time (younger years).

I'm having trouble letting go of something right now, and found myself wanting to talk to the person involved, but also still having those horrible feelings and wanting to argue, because I still didn't feel *heard* (as well as just dealing with certain things and feelings that would have been easier to take five or ten years ago - I'm afraid of really becoming bitter over something).

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posted August 21, 2010 06:24 PM            

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My problem is that once I let someone in, it is almost impossible to let them go (emotionally); of course I would never demand of them to stay, if their path needs to lead them away from me.

Maybe that is the reason my boundaries are so high in the beginning, so that almost noone gets through, cause once they are in, they are in, if you know what I mean.

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posted August 21, 2010 09:31 PM            

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Same here. The bitterness I've felt, is a side effect - I hardly ever feel it. I've always said that once someone has been a part of my life, they're always a part of it (if they choose to be).

That's where the softness comes in: despite any amount of hurt, there's still love there. (So far, anyhow.)

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