posted August 17, 2010 02:42 PM         

coldness? callousness?

i am having difficulty coming to terms with my own nature, i have swings of lots of emotions, crying, emo, tears, bla bla..

then i swing to this really cold state where i dont feel anything, no emotions, no feelings, almost unable to feel love.

what is wrong with me? i feel like i can't feel.

or feel attatched sometimes, then the opposite swings in..

it is causing me trouble in my relationship, i feel so deeply and so attatched, then other times its the complete opposite.. i feel insecure of weather i love or am in love, and it of course makes her insecure..

then other times im feel so deeply, so attatched, so everything.

in general i feel a ballance of both inbetween, feeling feelings just not too deeply or emotionally. then i feel so secure about it.

is anyone else here unemotional? lack of feeling in nature? how do you deal? is it because im a guy?

sigh..

im just scared im wasting some ones time, heart, or potentially going to hurt them or turn out that i don't love them, what if i dont love her? i really feel like i do as i write this but other times im not sure if i am fooling my self, or if its just my nature to not Feel.

i just hope i can be sure for certain and make sure what is right happens.

posted August 17, 2010 02:49 PM         

Ami
PS My personal reading from IQ was one of the BEST investments I ever made.
A new phase of my life opened as a result.
There are answers to your dilemma,Letram
The situation you find yourself in is not your fault.
The readings will give you a sense of direction.
I am sensing you need a sense of direction, most of all.

posted August 17, 2010 02:55 PM         

When you think your up, you get knocked back down right?

Feel hopeless and lost, just wanna give up?
Then something changes your mind for a while?
Then you get knocked back down?

Sound familiar?

Learn from your mistakes, do it quick. Get yourself out of this repeating bubble of depression and go do something else for as long as you need to in order to feel better.

**im not advocating physical harm or something else crazy**

Learn whats bringing you down and whats bringing you up,

Change it untill you find something you honestly feel is good.

Dont stop till you find it.

This will give you hope to get out of bed every day,

Its there waiting, for you.

posted August 17, 2010 02:59 PM         

If I stop and start thinking: What do I feel?
There sometimes is just no resonance, only a big questionmark. An "I don`t know". How does it have to feel to feel, to know I am in love.

Personally I think it has to do with my dominant mind, with me analysing all the time.
I noticed that whenever I stop thinking about that, and just AM in the moment, which involves physical involvement, hugging, touching, but also laughing, dancing (though you do not want to see me dance), moving, being in the moment, the feeling is there, so strong actually that it startles me, too.

I have learned that from a particular musical actor. He is such a physical actor, in a very sensual way, just with a strong physical presence, the first impression I got about him was: "He`s REAL."
And when I was talking to him, I really didn`t think (maybe I should have ), it felt like he was so real, that it infected me, too. I started feeling real myself (I have never been so convinced I am really here, which is difficult to explain).
Maybe just that I was not convinced of my physical realness, not at home in that shell that hinders my mind and soul from flying where it wants to, completely.

In some strange way, he "grounded" me.
He still does, when we coincidentally meet somewhere, almost like his presence alone anchors me in the Here and Now.
It`s fascinating to me, and my mind longs to analyze this mechanism until I really understand it, but something tells me that my mind is not of the stuff capable to understand that thing.

Well, I am rambling, yet what I wanted to say is for me to feel I have to find a way to stop thinking about how I feel. Do you understand what I mean?

posted August 17, 2010 05:28 PM         

Ami you have prominent Gemini.

What I see you guys have in common is a tendency to over-think things to a great extent.

I don't know either of you in RL, and Letram - I have not talked to you as much as I have to Ami. This is just a general opinion I have re: both of you, based on what I've seen on here/msn.

posted August 17, 2010 05:39 PM         

You have more Saggy/Jupiter influence.. which could also run from serious emotions, but maybe it's a little different to the Mercurial reaction. Maybe you are running because you don't want to feel tied down or boxed into a situation.

Whereas they feel inadequate because they feel these "pesky" annoying things called emotions - that interfere with decision making (Gemini) and working ability (Virgo).

For instance, I had a Virgo Mercury man tell me that he would prefer to have no feelings at all, no emotions at all, no problems that distract him from achieving his work/career potential. He was very serious about it.

(Some people mentioned the Moon. Well this man's Moon ^ was dignified in Taurus, with no harsh aspects I recall)

posted August 17, 2010 05:47 PM         

I am NOT saying you are trying to say anything hurtful or disparaging or demeaning but it is.

The reason it is is cuz that person's reality is real to them and as such must be entered in to with them if you are gonna give any real help.

Otherwise, the person will close down in shame and just shut up their feelings, maybe push them down but still have them.
Do you know what I mean?

Ami

posted August 17, 2010 05:48 PM         

I may seem different on LL than here. Well, okay, I seem to be at peace most of the time, but I don`t always feel it.
Actually I am right there with them, overanalyzing everything. Probably due to my Mercury conjunct Sun and Moon in Aquarius.

I am not afraid of being "tied down", but only if it is the right person.
How do you know it is though?

Anyway, I may not be really critical of my emotions, that is something I have left behind in 2006, though it had been haunting me for years. That feeling that I was only allowed to feel certain emotions, and others not. Took me some while to figure out that I have the right to feel everything I feel, as long as feelings don`t equal to expectations.

But anyway, I am rationalizing almost all emotions away. I can talk about them for such a long time, until they lose their "danger" to me.

posted August 17, 2010 05:49 PM         

If in the middle of the explosion, I told you not to--that would be analagous to what you are doing.
I have seen you and other fire signs explode and go off.
I am wise enough to know to let it run it's course rather than shame you cuz *I* as an Air sign would not do that and I would not(usually lol)

I am not saying you are not right but it is not helpful ----at all .
I don't want to start a fight.Please ,know that but these are important points.
Just consider what I am saying.

Ami
PS If you cannot hear this now, it is OK. I don't want to debate it cuz I know it with my gut and am not open to change on it.
I learned it through a very hard lesson which I will not get in to here and hasten to bring up cuz it shuts down the other person.
However, a person's reality is always real to them--no matter what it is.
You have to start with that if you are to offer ANY help.
Just think about it.
We can agree to disagree, too.

posted August 17, 2010 06:02 PM         

Ami
PS This is the issue in a small nutshell---Would you rather be right or help?
All my posts could be condensed down to this.

PPS I really do not want to get in ANY sort of a fight.
I am not saying you do--but I am just stating my reality and don't want to debate it further. Thanks for understanding !!

posted August 17, 2010 06:06 PM         

quote:

---

Would you rather be right or help?

---

posted August 17, 2010 06:09 PM         

x o x Ami

posted August 17, 2010 06:10 PM         

I don't know what in your chart would explain the way you feel, but I know how I cope with it.

posted August 17, 2010 06:12 PM         

Oh no - not at all. I don't mean to say 'Don't think that much'. It was not criticism. Just an observation.

From my perspective you both over-think things.
When I read Letram's post I find it very self-critical.

This is not criticism of his own self-criticism.. nor yours.

This is just something I am picking up on, when I read.

Letram was asking WHY he is like this and he wanted an answer based n Astrology. I gave an answer. It is one of many possibilities.
Just my thoughts on this, atm.

Yin -

quote:

---

Letram, I think your feelings are perfectly normal.

---

Yes. Exactly. So do I, and I have said this to Letram in chat.

posted August 17, 2010 06:15 PM         

x o x Ami

PS One day, I would like to pick your brain about your great boundaries , too.
I need them lol

posted August 17, 2010 06:23 PM         

letram,

I think that it's good that you opened up about the emotional stuff.

From what you told me, it all seems like your t-square

lunar t-square can reflect mood swings

I understand from experience of having my own lunar t-square

it's bipolar-like but not necessarily the manic-depressive,psychotic. It can be mainly mood swings that aren't severe. It could be PMS-like. Males have their own type of PMS too. Irritable Male Syndrome which can be connected to fluctuating testosterone levels.

The unemotional,lack of feeling part seems to be reflected by your Moon square Uranus

I have Moon square Saturn,and I can't relate to being unemotional,lack of feelings

the way the aspect works for me is that I feel sad,depressed,insecure as well as as feel bad and guilty for being emotional.....remorseful too......but that might be the Moon square Saturn-Neptune opposition that I have.

often times, I try to create an emotional wall out of protection.

I do think that it's partly from society......"males aren't supposed to cry", and so I am conditioned to hide how I feel or instead of tears, I show anger (I have Moon conjunct Mars with 7'17 orb which I feel and relates to how I experience my mother who is a hothead type)

my Mom is very similar to me emotionally. There are times, I think my mom is bipolar.
From what she told me, my biological father is very similar to me emotionally too. I was basically born to parents who were very similar emotionally. Both have moon in watersigns. My mother has Moon in Scorpio,and my biological father has Moon in Pisces like my maternal grandfather and myself.

Fish oil helps me be less emotional,moody,sensitive.
The Omega 3 fatty acids, DHA and EPA in it.

------------------
Raymond Andrews,
President,Executive Director of Developmental Neurodiversity Association
Supporting the Neurodiversity Movement

posted August 17, 2010 06:30 PM         

Ami

posted August 17, 2010 06:32 PM         

In Astrology of Sexuality, Martin Schulman describes the 5th house as how we love and the 11th house as where we swing to when we need a break from that absorption. Too much time "in love" can drain us. Too much time detached can depress us. We're all trying to find our optimal balance.

If the transition is bumpy and the contrast sharp, perhaps that can be explained by
~the Moon and Venus (sign, house, aspects)
~the state of the 5th and 11th houses
~the state of the 5th and 11th house rulers

posted August 17, 2010 06:33 PM         

I'm not sure where it comes from.

My lack of shame comes from a feeling that absolutely everyone, including myself makes mistakes and fuks up. It simply happens.

I don't want to be perfect.
I don't want to be better than the average person.

posted August 17, 2010 06:42 PM         

x o x Ami

posted August 17, 2010 06:45 PM         

I have moon conjunct Mars---8 degrees. It is my only moon aspect.
Could this be considered an unaspected moon?
I know you don't think so, Dyn-a but I wonder if other Astrologers would say that.

Thanks so much for any help.

Ami
PS Don't mean to hijack,Letram, but was thinking about the moon cuz of this thread.

posted August 17, 2010 07:19 PM         

Ami,

it is hard, i feel normal about it in my own sense, this is how i tend to feel generally when im thinking about things through out the day, im much more mental-thinker orientated than feeler. i know this.

i really relate to what DD had to say, when i don't think about how i feel, let things flow, i tend to feel much more. so perhaps it is indeed all a mental/mercurial thing that can root the cause.

But, in general, as a rule, im not a deep feeler, i Am a deep thinker. deeply mental. i do have the capacity like anyone else to feel deeply, and feel very emotional, but it all in general feels like its in a very small compartment of me, locked away where it never can come out, i dont think i want it to, i dont think the kind of person i am is interested in what i feel.

but those emotions are potent and deep is what i do know.

but on a daily basis i always feel so mental, alot. and i wonder if this is why thinkers are not feelers much. (i agree and 'believe' in the jung personality types like i do astrology).

in my relationship she seems to FEEL deeply often, and feel daily. (in jung, she is FJ, i am TJ, i wonder if that goes along with this, incase no one knows, that stands for Thinking Judging & Feeling Judging).

there are just other factors that make me insecure about weather i love her or not, i guess from others perspective it all seems silly potentially, but when something matters so much to you, and there is any insecurity in you, you may end up making topics like this!

im not sure if i should go into more about my relationship and what im experiencing, i'd like to but i also fear to..

i do Not doubt iQ's abilities, perhaps someday i may invest in his abilities

raspberri,

i do have saturn square moon 1 orb between aries moon and saturn in capricorn.

MBlake,

i really value your words and appreciate your post, unfortunately im not sure i can apply your advice this time in this, i don't think my post explained myself as well as it could have. i also don't have pluto strong in my chart, unless Pluto-ASC square is considered. transits, i have pluto in my 5th, square my venus, square my moon, oppose my jupiter, cnj saturn/uranus/neptune. part of a grand square at the moment. perhaps you refer to this??

it is intense at the moment i can say

DD,

i really can relate to everything you talked about in your post, i think you are onto a big part of waht it is. i'm not sure it explains the nature we speak of, but i think it explains why we swing between feeling anything, and feeling nothing. as for people who feel nothing, im not sure its the sole reason, it might be natal placements elsewhere, or aspects.

i will remember your advice, and try it, i think it will work for me atleas to a degree.

i relate to the whole first part of your post completely.

Dy-na,

i understood your post when i read it, Ami - thankyou for looking out, i do think there was a little misunderstanding but i am glad you two didnt fight over it!

i am Definitely an over-thinker, i think too much, i know this.

i guess i have to make efforts to watch it and tone it down for sure, again, if i don't, and i let things 'flow' i tend to feel more, thanks to DD i realize this, i think rose also caught onto this, she advised me similar in a more subtle way.

its just some reasons over time and lately, its made me more insecure, and made me 'anaylze' and mentally keep watching my feelings, but all the thinking is probably whats making it hard to come by its self.

my mercury is dignified and its also a singleton, its also dignified by house (in the 3rd house, tihgtly conjunct the actual 3rd house cusp), and it holds rulership of my 3rd.

p.s. i would love to talk to many people on this forum in chat, all of you are very great folks and all so very helpful, i really appreciate it

Venus in Gem

my moon is in Aries, Uranus is square it by sign by being in Capricorn, not so much by aspect, if its considered a square, its wide - 7 orb.

Ami,

i think if she meant that, she meant to forget about worrying about it, but it is also true, i can't really forget, it matters so muc hto me, i can be a secure individual and tend to be but i do also have very insecure parts of me, and insecurity is not something i like, i attack it until its secure, this topic is just another way im trying to face an insecurity im going through, i do not feel shamed for coming forward about this.

for me, it wasnt hard, being ashamed, bearing pride, etc are potential inhibitors, and if anything make us all weak, we need confidence, the strongest accept things and deal with them, those that fear and avoid it arent as strong. everything has a right time, there is a right time for everything. anyway..

Yin,

thankyou for your reassurence, it helps me feel more ok about it all and does help a lot, i suppose my concern and worry about this matter is potentially working against me in this, it is hard when it is such a big deal and matters so much to one.

i never concerned for being on or emotional before, she is my deepest and is the only woman i have actually had real feelings for.

its that very reason i feel pressured to feel these feelings often, but i think my natural state is to not feel anything, which makes it hard for me to feel deeply often.

which makes me insecure to not feel, i feel like i need to feel often, probably one reason is because She does.

thankyou Yin, i will take onboard your words and advice once again

Dyn-a

im definitely self critical, i wasnt trying to be self critical here though, self-analytical for sure. i think this is a problem, the way i Might be, and i don't like it if it is so, but im not putting myself down about it. i just really care and concern for her, im trying to be responsible in the sense where i have some ones heart that i care for thats in my hands, if what feelings i have arent love, or dont qualify for me loving and being in love, then i must know, and do the right thing.

but im trying to work out if i just have a different nature, or if i have a problem.

thankyou for your observations, they are always appreciated and pick up on something!