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Author
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Topic: Did God(as You See Him) Give Us Our Chart?
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katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 5523
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 08, 2010 03:15 PM
 
ami i am not all that conversant with your life story. but what DID you mean when you said your mother knifed you today...are you talking literally or figuratively? if she is physically (or otherwise) assaulting you why are you spending time in her presence? that WOULD constitute putting your head in the sand...i do hope you are not still putting yourself in harm's way, that is not healing...IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Knowflake Posts: 1885
From: South of France
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 08, 2010 03:29 PM
Dear Kat
I should not laugh but it makes me think of a dog with three legs who has been in an accident named Lucky 
I mean it figuratively which is bad enough. You are right!
Thank you for being a caring friend (((Kat)))
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Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend. IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 5523
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 08, 2010 04:17 PM
it is one thing to forgive and another thing to make yourself a punching bag, literally OR figuratively...and another again to accept your parents for who they are...but when healing has occurred those jabs don't feel like knives anymore but just the outward flailings of a soul in pain...? if that makes sense.i healed my own relationship with my mother, who was no monster but we had plenty issues!,unilaterally. she never gave me a hard time again, you would have thought she heard me making my decision. it really works, and even if the other person DOESN"T heal, their weapons become more like balloons than knives - they may irritate but not hurt. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Knowflake Posts: 1885
From: South of France
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 08, 2010 04:33 PM
You are right, Kat ,in the sense that once you can get to the point of the decision, the rest is easy.
I am glad you got there!
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Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Knowflake Posts: 1885
From: South of France
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 08, 2010 04:40 PM
I think I can hone healing down to one word----the TRUTH.
Seeing the truth in yourself--ALL of it and being able to see the truth in others and in life will make you an emotionally balanced person.
It has taken me this long to get to this fork in the road where now I know the map, at least.
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Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Knowflake Posts: 1885
From: South of France
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 08, 2010 07:56 PM
This was the first day since I was 14 that I had my head above the fog.
I think the answer is very simple but hard when you are not used to doing it.
You have to ferret out truth, always, in everything.
Hiding, in any way, will make you sick. ------------------
Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Knowflake Posts: 1885
From: South of France
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 10, 2010 09:38 PM
I was not allowed to have a simple stomach i.e.take care of myself.
My stomach had to have tentacles to take care of my mother all the time.
If I ever wanted to take care of myself in anything, I was humiliated and punished sufficiently that I never tried it again. That is what I am seeing, today. I see it. That is a start.
"People of the Lie "by Scott Peck talks about people whose lives are ALL lies.
It is lies, lies, lies, lies until you drown.
You die cuz a human can't live with lies.
IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Knowflake Posts: 1885
From: South of France
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 21, 2010 08:39 AM
I am just thinking out loud and want to think what you think.
I feel sorry for myself, sometimes, Ok, a LOT.
I look at my Aunt's daughters.
They had a mother whom they could go to with problems and guidance.
My mother did gorilla warfare on me for my entire life up until,now.
Now, I pick up my Pluto and whack her  .However, I compare myself to people who had good mothers and I feel like I will never overcome her influence and become a "normal" person.
What I mean by that is someone who feels their feelings, can act in their OWN behalf, has a sense of identity which they are true to. I am thinking that maybe my mother was FATED to happen to me cuz of the synastry. The synastry with her is exactly what happened.
So, was it meant to be? Could it have been different i.e that she had treated me well if she wanted to. PLEASE, anyone who wants to diss me,don't.
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Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Knowflake Posts: 1885
From: South of France
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 21, 2010 08:53 AM
Each aspect in synastry tells a part of the story until it is rounded out. Her Pluto conjuncts(exact) my Cancer Mars. She took away my ability to act in my own behalf. She crippled my drive.
Mars in Cancer needs no help with this, as you know  HER Neptune conjunct(exact) my chart ruler Pluto .
She fogged my primal instincts which she did . She made me so confused about my primal sense. Hence, I could not fight back to her abuse. Her Sun conjuncts my Chiron(exact). She came to ME, a child, for healing . She sucked out my guts in some primal way. Asteroids add to the picture but the aspects without asteroids tell the story. If anyone is sick of my story, please don't write.
I am hurting and trying to make sense of it. If you can't say anything helpful, just let my posts sit here.
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Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Knowflake Posts: 1885
From: South of France
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 21, 2010 09:00 AM
I used to be a normal person. What *I* call normal is someone who is on their own side.
Then, I became some crazy mutant who had to take care of everyone else in order to get an ounce of self esteem.Then, I was so nervous no one would like me that I became a nervous wreak with a continual stomach ache which I am now . I know what it is like to be normal. You like yourself. You think,"Yes, I am good and bad."
"Yes, I can be a jerk, a big jerk if I let myself go but so can everyone else cuz it is human"
Human is not "pretty".
I really wish it was like Heaven where there are no ego's.
However, people like that are in mental institutions cuz they won't face "real". ------------------
Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Knowflake Posts: 1885
From: South of France
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 21, 2010 09:18 AM
Scorpio knows "real"
Scorpio can look and see. It is it's nature. It is the garbage pail of the Zodiac,maybe.I used to be able to face "real". I thought,"I am strong enough to defend myself against anyone who hurts me"
I took pride in my strength. I was rarely the aggressor, practically never. However, if you whacked me, you would get one back
Isn't that health?
I think so.
I got so distorted in this Alice in Wonderland world where up was down and down was up. Maybe, that was what Lewis Carrol was writing about :when life makes no sense cuz your basic "sight" is myopic to the point where it renders you sightless. ------------------
Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Knowflake Posts: 1885
From: South of France
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 21, 2010 09:24 AM
I am just simply climbing out of a vat of hot oil.
I grasp my hands on the side. They slide down. I do it again and again and I get some traction.
I go up an inch and think I have made a mile. I have to respect the process. It is real.
The people who didn't are no longer with us,in many cases, cuz they couldn't respect that it was an ACTUAL climb. You were not being a baby. You were not needing someone to step on your fingers and send you down the side of the vat. You were needing a hand by your side to just hold it, maybe. ------------------
Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Knowflake Posts: 1885
From: South of France
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 21, 2010 09:30 AM
When I told my mother that I always had a core of self, Thank Goodness.
I could HEAR her thinking,"Why didn't I get all of her?"
She wanted all of me but Fate/God didn't allow it cuz I had enough strength to hold on to some core inside. Trying to build that core in to an entity is my goal. For the people who never lost your core, maybe you don't even know what I am talking about.
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Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Knowflake Posts: 1885
From: South of France
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 21, 2010 09:38 AM
I hate her for doing this to me but maybe she couldn't help it cuz of the synastry. Maybe(and more like it) she was overwhelmed by her issues/feelings/past and she just threw it out on me like some magnetic force on a child who can't fight back.It was probably this. My energy,as a child, was a pure energy and attracted her black goop energy. She took the black goop, made a fast ball of it and threw it, with all her might.
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Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Knowflake Posts: 1885
From: South of France
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 21, 2010 10:51 AM
I see how I undermine myself(Mars in Cancer ? )
I see EVERYTHING as failure. In a radius around me, everything screams "Failure, failure, failure"
I stuff things in closets. It is part of self hatred .
Then,I see my self hatred peering out at me as things fall down or are squished in balls, unusable to wear
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Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend. IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 3046
From: Bay Area, CA
Registered: May 2009
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posted October 22, 2010 02:45 AM
What the hell is this thread about?
IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 3046
From: Bay Area, CA
Registered: May 2009
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posted October 22, 2010 02:50 AM
Ami, I don't know what the deal is with you and your mom, though obviously there are problems (hey, been there with my own mummy). But I just want to say that I don't believe 'god' gave us our charts. I'm not sure I believe in that kind of god at all. I think it's more like, we're at the intersection of fate and free will, and god is what looks into our eyes at that moment and goes, So...what's it's going to be, huh? I realize it's rather unromantic, and simplistic, but you'd be surprised how complicated we like to make it.I've had to take care of my mother for most of life, and she was no picnic I can assure you, ***** from hell etc, ad nauseum. But at some point, you've got to let the lady off the hook, because you realize that it's yourself you're keeping on that hook all the same. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Knowflake Posts: 1885
From: South of France
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 22, 2010 04:58 AM
Hi MVM Well,it is not about the "outside" her. It is about the "her" that is inside me. That one will haunt me ,forever,if I don't face it.
I know you were not trying to diss me.
You were asking a legitimate question. She is in my head and I am trying to get her out. You have to SEE it. You have to SEE your life.
She will direct my life from the grave, from thousands of miles away, from next door. The price YOU must pay for exorcising it is to SEE it.
That is what I am doing. ------------------
Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend. IP: Logged |
visions
Knowflake Posts: 12
From: france
Registered: Feb 2010
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posted October 22, 2010 05:10 AM
god give me 5 exaltation planet and a double grand water trine ! i have to thank god to be one of his chosen few !IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Knowflake Posts: 1885
From: South of France
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 22, 2010 05:17 AM
I know I don't have to explain it as a way to justify myself but since you asked a legitimate question, I will, MVM. Say ,for example, you see a Hollywood star like Elizabeth Taylor or Jennifer O'Neill. They are beautiful woman, have it all etc. They marry 6, 7 or 8 times and it fails.
If you look at Micheal Jackson who had it all ,as far as wealth, fame ,popularity. Why was his life so tragic?
Well, they were running side by side with old patterns.
Actually, the old patterns WERE their life.
They were running on an old gerbil wheel round and round even though their life circumstances were different and changing, the internal programming was the same.
The way to heal is in three simple words," Know the TRUTH"
You shall know the truth and the truth will make you free. The truth MAKES you free . It is a giant healer with the power to remake anyone's life no matter how far down you have gone. The price is SEEING it. That is very hard. If you have lied to yourself, there is massive pain in seeing it, massive ,gut wrenching and sobbing pain. However, the end result is freedom. I am getting there, slowly. If it is not someone's path or desire to do what I do, that is fine .
People have allowed me to do it the way I see fit and given me gobs of love and support.
If anyone has a legitimate question, I am happy to answer.
Occassionly,someone tries to harass me. Then, I get Pluto out ------------------
Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Knowflake Posts: 1885
From: South of France
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 22, 2010 08:12 AM
I don't know if I can explain this to anyone who has not been there but when you are traumatized, it stays with you all the time.
The people who traumatized you are in your "aura" like ghosts.
You carry them around and you are frozen back in time.
I have read about it on a PTSD website. It is an awful feeling. I can't believe I can even heal.
God is bigger than any human experience and can help you overcome anything.
The prescription is the "truth" It is not easy at all but is as necessary as any pill or medicine for an actual disease.
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Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Knowflake Posts: 1885
From: South of France
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 22, 2010 08:16 AM
I am gonna talk about my Venus Retro experiences .
They have to do with seeing distortions about my mother/myself.It is ultimately myself,of course. I am trying to cut myself out of the horrible web I was in as a fly to a spider with the web wound around me in a death knot. Each truth I see opens it a little and allows me to walk out. I saw two things this week. One is that she deliberately sets traps for me and then blames me and pounces on me when I fall in .
I could not face that as a child. I could not face it until now, actually.
Some things you think you MUST be imagining cuz how could your mother DO that to you but she was and is.
That is reality. ------------------
Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend. IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 3046
From: Bay Area, CA
Registered: May 2009
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posted October 22, 2010 10:24 AM
Wow, it's not like anything anyone is going to say to you is going to change your mind, so why the hell even bother.
It's like watching an asp biting itself. Nice.IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Knowflake Posts: 1885
From: South of France
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 22, 2010 10:29 AM
That sounds like a bad insult but I am in a good mood so I will let it go ------------------
Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend. IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 3046
From: Bay Area, CA
Registered: May 2009
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posted October 22, 2010 01:02 PM
It's not meant to be an insult. It just means you keep re-injecting yourself with your own personal venom from the past and it's like a vicious cycle, so no matter what anyone says, you will keep doing so, and re-infecting yourself with your memories. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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