posted October 22, 2010 02:32 PM         

I have more to think about and will be back ,later.
I may wait for you to respond to this ,though.

posted October 22, 2010 07:49 PM         

I don't think you're bad with any of the things you're saying you're bad at! I think you're hard on yourself.

You are very articulate about your emotions. As you get older, you will naturally connect with people who are a great match for you and help you feel safe to open up.

Re: this crush, I would let this guy pursue you, and if he doesn't, stay open-minded about the guys who DO pursue you.

The whole thing of trying to read someone's mixed signals is playing into some of your insecurities, it seems...and may be causing an overintense vibe or energy in the situation, that could be effecting both of your responses. If you decide to sort of let the crush go, he will either fill the space by making some clear moves, or you will hook up with someone who is a better match.

posted October 23, 2010 06:46 AM         

quote:

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Re: this crush, I would let this guy pursue you, and if he doesn't, stay open-minded about the guys who DO pursue you.

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Yeah, I still am kinda into him...but again he isn't doing anything so at this point its kinda a pointless thing. Plus I've told him how I feel, at this point he knows where I stand. Plus I'm not devestated we aren't talking...I know where I stand now so its pretty much sorta over.

quote:

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The whole thing of trying to read someone's mixed signals is playing into some of your insecurities, it seems...and may be causing an overintense vibe or energy in the situation, that could be effecting both of your responses. If you decide to sort of let the crush go, he will either fill the space by making some clear moves, or you will hook up with someone who is a better match.

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Yeah, I'd love to not have mixed signals but I don't think I've ever dealt with a guy who actually consistently didn't give mixed signals. I'm the type of person I'd rather someone say they hate me to my face than be passive and not tell me where I stand with them.

quote:

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You need a guy who is warm, loving, straightforward, and clear, in my opinion.

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I'd love a guy like this...but to be honest I don't think I'll ever meet him. At this point in all my years of dating I've come across this rarely...and then when it happens the guy changes and then stops caring. And then magically after me the VERY next girl they meet and date they are PERFECT to. It's a pattern...I am like good luck chuck (if anyone has ever heard of that movie lol).

The Aqua ex (and I hate admitting this) was the VERY first guy (and only guy) who actually made me feel loved, cherished and appreciated the way I needed and have wanted to feel (perhaps due to the earth sign connection, his Virgo Moon Trine my Cap Moon and Taurus Venus). That's why I took everything so hard. He was attentive, checked up on me, text everyday to see how I was, and protective (such as if I would pull an all nighter he'd say something along the lines of he wanted me to sleep so I don't do bad on a test, or if I drove a long distance he'd want me to text him when I got there so he knows I made it ok). It was the little things that mattered.

But then he changed a little before we slept together, and started to care more about his friends. And then after we slept together he REALLY changed, he made it seem like I was an afterthought and that I wanted all his time. When I just wanted a day with him alone. Even after when we had broken up and tried multiple times to be "friends" he critized me and said he didn't want to be responsible for my feelings, and dealing with me he had to, I was too sensitive and cared too much about everything, or that I waasn't compatible with him as a friend because he doesn't care about anything.

The entire time I dealt with him, I didn't want all of him...just part of him, but he made it seem like I demanded too much from him. I could also tell that mentally he wasn't there...things changed he was aloof.

In the end he even told me I was a good girlfriend, and an amazing person...but at the end of the day I was expendable so much he (understandably) wanted to move on, but still didn't have to be as cruel as he was. I looked at it as if I was such a good girlfriend, and person at the very least you'd want that person in your life somewhat because you know they genuinely care for you...even if you aren't interested in them romantically.

He said he didn't stay friends with exes...but he was able to re-add (just recently) his old ex gf of three years (that he was in love with)...so I'm guessing in his mind he wants to get back with her and she's not an ex that is over in his mind.

posted October 23, 2010 07:12 AM         

I am seeing some of the reasons you are struggling.

posted October 23, 2010 07:25 AM         

I will go on until I have that answer.

Mars oppose Moon. This could be a factor in your current area of struggle.
Your Mars conjuncts Sun and ASC so is a very strong part of you.
It opposes your moon ,which is your heart, your childlike love.
Your drive (Masculine,yang, direct, forward thrusting, take charge) part is opposing your "I love you cuz you are the yummiest, sweetest,most adorable man in the world " part(the moon)
Mars trines Saturn so you have a grounding for your drive. You can get things done in the material world.

posted October 23, 2010 07:39 AM         

Venus
-In taurus in 11th house
-Opp Saturn
-Trine Moon
-Opp Pluto by Sign but inconjunct it by aspect
-Biquintile Neptune
-Sextile MC
-Semisquare Sun

Mars
-In Cancer 1st house
-Conjunct Sun
-Conjunct Asc
-Opp Moon
-Inconjunct Uranus
-Inconjunct Jupiter
-Trine Saturn
-Sextile NN
-Trine MC

Moon
-In Cap in 7th house
-Square Pluto
-Opp Mars
-Sextile Saturn
-Sesquisquare Chiron
-Sextile MC

Saturn
-in scorp in 5th house
-Sesquisquare asc
-trine MC
-Opp Venus
-Sextile Moon
-Trine Mars

Pluto
-in Scorp in 5th house
-Trine Asc
-Trine Sun
-Square Moon
-Square Mer
-Opp Venus by Sign, inconjunct it by aspect
-sextile Neptune
-Semi Square Uranus

Chiron
-In Gemini in 12th house
-Semi Sextile Sun
-Sesquisquare Moon
-Trine Mer
-Trine Jup
-Opp Uranus
-Square MC

I have some conclusions,so far. Tell me what you think. I have not gotten to Chiron ,yet , and some other things but I have a sense of what may be the problem.

Yin is the feminine energy. Yang is the masculine energy.
Everything in the world can be divided in to yin and yang.

I think your struggle is between opposites.
You have Venus oppose Saturn. Your love nature(Venus) opposes the planet which restricts(Saturn).
You are pulled between the feminine, receptive Venus and the Saturn who says "Eat your vegetables ,first"
It is like you are going out to play but your mother has dressed you in a huge ,bulky ski suit and you can't move.
(I am from a cold weather area lol)

This conflict is within you but our conflicts play outside us.

You have a strong Mars and a strong Cancer. This would be yang(Mars) and yin(Cancer)
Again, your nurturer, warm fuzzy, nest builder(Cancer) is struggling with your drive, "get it done", "I am in charge" (Mars)

You have moon square Pluto which again puts your heart( the part that IS child to child love) in a square with Pluto.
Pluto is nuclear power and the deepest ,most primal parts of us.
Your heart is struggling against this part of you for control of WHICH one will come out,if you will.
You must find the balance within yourself of vulnerability and strength.
I feel THAT is a key issue.

Your 5th house Saturn makes it hard for you to come out and play. Again, it is the ski suit issue, maybe.
You feel bound up in tight clothes(Saturn) You want to throw them off and play like the other kids but you hold back.

Pluto further shows this house will have upheavels cuz Pluto shakes up the affairs of that house.

I see your own issues playing out as ALL of ours do.
When we heal the inside, the outside changes.
Let me know what fits and what doesn't

posted October 23, 2010 07:50 AM         

Great illustration of that aspect, Ami.

May I add something?
I think that when someone comes along who plays out the Saturn-part, or you think (subconscously) he would be good to play out Saturn, you project your Saturn on him. He will display (as you see it) all the coldness, the "No`s", the disinterest Saturn is capable of.
In turn your Venus is "free" for you to express. You can feel your Venus for once without your inner Saturn apparently (as you have projected Saturn on another person in the outside world).

Of course it is still something reaching from inside into the outside world; a healthier way would be to find a way to satisfy both sides in you. I am not sure how to do that though.

I have a similiar thing, in my case it is a Mars-Neptune-conjunction.
For a long time I have developed heavy crushs on gay guys. One reason for it may have been the Mars-Neptune-conjunction in my chart.
I projected my Neptune onto them (the confusing, illusive, eluding part, but also the creativity, sensitivity that came with it), so my Mars, my "desire-nature" was free for me to feel.

Another way this aspect turned out for me was the strange fact that I always had reduced energy, I never could go for what I wanted. Unable to fight for myself (Mars-Neptune par eccellance). BUT if there was a caritative cause, usually a minority that needed help, my fighting spirit suddenly sprang free.
Social outsiders are symbolized by Neptune, too, so again my Mars, my fighting spirit was free, to fight FOR Neptunian causes.

I am trying to accept both sides of me now.

Try to meditate on what Venus and Saturn are trying to tell you; in which houses do they fall, which houses do they rule? Which other aspects do they make?
Get to know that side of you. And learn to embrace it, love it (Saturn will take some time to convince that he is / you are really loveable, but he will eventually, if you treat yourself with the respect you deserve).

This crush, no matter how it will end in relationship-context, is meant to tell you something about yourself. Find the message it contains to you and follow it.

posted October 23, 2010 08:02 AM         

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZtbASCE7ZY

posted October 23, 2010 08:06 AM         

Just from reading your post,DD, some big things clicked in for me.
I don't have any oppositions and only a generational square. However, my synastry with my mother tells my story.
My chart is easy if you don't look at that.
I do not have the struggles that you are writing about with Mars/Neptune or that Girly has with Venus/Saturn.

Maybe, I am wrong in interpreting it this way but it seems like I have an easy chart.

I wondered WHY I did not have an easy life.
In fact,when I would have my chart done before I got in to astrology, they would seem to indicate "Just go out and do it, Girl"
I had a Libra ASC then until PDF found my correct ASC which is Scorpio.
The Libra ASC made my life look even easier cuz I did not have an 8th house stellium, etc.

Does this make sense ,DD?
My chart was easy if you did not look at the synastry with my Mother.
Then, it got very hard. She was the only person or even situation that was hard in my life.
It is a single issue for me. I did not have bullying, huge struggles with many things that people talk about.
It was her and her only.

posted October 23, 2010 10:32 AM         

I do project either my Saturn onto guys or my Venus. Generally with Saturn ruled guys they end up being the Saturn...because its who they are and not really due to not wanting me or not. In the case with this guy he IS a Cap Sun and VENUS conjunct Saturn...so he's VERY Saturn ruled. Even if he was into me he wouldn't be expressive either. So no matter what he'd still hold back. Even the Aqua with the Cap Venus conjunct Nep...sometimes he'd be lovely dovey and sweet...but then boom he'd become cold and distant...and then not do vulnerablity. So my Venus Saturn aspect tends to play out heavily with Saturn ruled guys.