posted November 03, 2010 05:41 PM            

And, the transits for September...

ALSO, you said a year and a half you bumped into each other for like the first time (since the breakup)...

Would you post YOUR transits for when you 1st bumped into eachother... was interested to see if that's when Pluto was crossing your ascendant, or conjunct your venus placement...

posted November 03, 2010 05:45 PM            

i've been trying with all my might to find the date for when we first bumped into eachother a year and a half ago but can't! i can give you an approximate date but it might be off by a couple of weeks..

posted November 04, 2010 12:08 PM            

I'm sorry. My life's been crazy hectic. I popped in a few days ago and saw PlutoSquared doing a stellar job . I took it as a sign that I shouldn't feel guilty about my delayed return.

That's what I love about signs. We can see in them anything we need to see.

I'm not really in an astro frame of mind atm, just grabbing the time I have to visit LL. Really just letting you know I'm here. I'm queer. Get used to it. Wait, that's not what I meant to say. Freudian slip! *geisha giggle*

posted November 04, 2010 12:47 PM            

quote:

---

after his first huge descent into paranoia i talked to him after giving him time to calm down (can't remember if i wrote about that one but he basically was SOOOo upset and kept telling me 'can't you see i'm a good person? don't you want me to be happy? i really need you to forgive me'- ALL for no reason i could see at all, since none of that was a concern to me at all and i don't think i expressed ANYTHING that could have been taken that way) and explained myself and how i don't hold grudges at all, i'd forgiven him long ago, and i have ALWAYS wanted him to be happy, etc. he listened and understood -it seemed?!- but it's like he's back into this mindframe again and because of this block, nothing else can be resolved between us! i don't get it. man..

---

Sounds like this is how your Saturn on his NN-Dsc is playing out.

You are an authority figure to him. Not as a parent, but you reflect back to him his integrity.

You saw him at his worst. Since then, he's been transforming into someone new. He needs you to see who he is now. He needs you to see that's he's not posing. He needs you to confirm that who he is now is really and truly him.

I think your forgiveness and acknowledgment of his innate worth are only part of what he needs from you. That's a Moon/Neptune kinda vibe, but he needs Saturn from you. He needs you to judge him for who he is at this moment, hold him accountable for who he is at this moment, and congratulate him for who he is (you guessed it) at this moment.

Every time he sees you, he's thrown back into self-judgment and time travels to his old self-perception. You may be the last step to complete his self-transformation. If you acknowledge he's a different man right now, that will help him truly believe that about himself. It's sorta like, up until now his new self was in delivery. He needs you to help him see that he's already born and here.

posted November 06, 2010 06:16 PM            

i really do appreciate your input (and yours too, pluto!). i haven't fully processed this all yet, or what i feel about him. a friend of mine told me that she talked to him and that he's been acting weird around me is because he's not proud of how he used to be and things kept going back to the past when we'd talk (even though i never held that stuff over his head. EVER). so yeah, this is how the saturn/DC conjunction is sadly playing out.

today i'm just sad about it but there's nothing i can really do i don't think. maybe someday i'll take him aside and force him to hear me out, but he's had this tremendous wall up against me and i don't think it's coming down any time soon.

posted August 11, 2011 05:59 PM            

haha. that took a while. i'm ready because since the eclipse in june every time i have seen him he has seemed really open and sweet but i have not felt ready to talk to him until i saw him a couple of days ago and we had the most amazing eye contact and i miss him incredibly much and i am very sure it is mutual. but of course i am still scared of the past taking over again. so whenever i see him i avoid him. this one time though, i saw him across the street while i was sitting in a diner. i called out his name in my mind and he turned and looked straight through the glass at me.

posted August 11, 2011 07:39 PM            

so yes, concurrent to my slowly discovering there may have been some deception involved in my most recent foray into love, i started noticing my ex as detailed in this thread smiling and looking toward me with gentleness and sincerity (whereas as i mentioned before he'd descended into major paranoid emotions the last few months we'd been interacting, last fall). so yes, i guess you could say i am ENTERTAINING the idea of allowing myself to create a space in my life for him again, as friends. at the same time i still have feelings for other dude, but he's got to make some adjustments before i'll even consider that. the weird thing is that i think i have equally strong feelings for both these guys, only they feel differently. with both there is a predominantly piscean flowey quality and a great sensual connection but that is where the similarity ends. with my ex from 16 years ago, we have INSANE jolting exciting fireworks tearing through my cells WOW attraction (that is also extremely comforting) which i think has *GOT* to be our jupiters exactly conjunct and exactly on our composite DC. it's just so thrillingly expansively warmingly wonderful and whenever we see eachother i believe we are both overwhelmed with excitement. he was my first long term bf and i still think of him, physically and in his general mannerisms, as the perfect man.

me and the other guy on the other hand have something really smooth, slow, warm and gentle. the feeling is like ahhhhhhhhhhh.. mmmmmm.. cuddling in a hot bubble bath.

so yeah.