posted September 28, 2014 08:25 PM            

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they also all seemed to either already have kids or wanted some. Like it would bring them unconditional love and the insurance that their partner wouldn't leave.. Seriously. My ex once said "WHAT IF I WANT KIDS ONE DAY!??!??!? WE'LL NEED MONEY!!!" when I said I should work less hours and go back to school while I was still young. I found that pretty immature and honestly, how am I ready for kids!? I can barely take care of myself and my cat

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I'm glad you mentioned this. As I told you I'm not a psychologist.. but what you said in this paragraph is a pretty strong indication to me that you either do not have BPD at all - or if you do, it could be a very mild version.
The person I know with BPD wanted kids more than anything, right away - exactly as you said - to ensure I don't leave.

You mentioned wanting to go back to school.. and being annoyed about your husband's reaction.. This is *good*. This shows you care about yourself and your own priorities in life.
In my experience, the person with BPD puts their partner on a huge pedestal - They would literally do anything for their partner, they would drop anything in their own lives if their partner asked them to.. and they expect the same treatment in return.

posted September 28, 2014 08:46 PM            

I was annoyed by his reaction, but as I said, I was in a "I can't disagree" state. I felt angry and betrayed though, and it wasn't easily dismissable. At the same time, I was ok with it. Almost as if I wanted -him- to be BPD?
It is a lot easier for me to see these things once I am single. I do lose perspective when I get 'too close'.
He didn't ask me to lose all my friends, but it felt natural.. I was so far away, and when I went back to my hometown for a few days to see my ex-best-friend, he seemed very annoyed. But no, he NEVER asked me to lose my friends. It just happened..
I had made only one friend in that city, and even though X claimed not to be jealous (I am questioning that now, years later...), he kept everything inside until he 'blew up' one time, because I was acting jealous of a girl he secretly saw after work, he told me that it wasn't ok for me to be jealous, because he "never said anything when you see your fat weed-smoking friend who's just trying to **** you! do you think he wants anything else!?"

posted September 28, 2014 09:30 PM            

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Originally posted by ifaf:
Geeky, I can relate so much to the "testing", so to speak. I want to know early on if someone will leave me over something like that. I don't have the confidence to act upon it though. I always fear I'll be considered crazy if I do it. Hence the "if I dont see it, it isn't there and I can live with being with the wrong person" Except I decided not to give in to any desire for companionship until I'm happy with myself completely and fully trust myself and have a stable career.
We have the same signs, too! not on the same planets, but that's interesting.

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It's something I eventually matured out of (the testing & game playing) but until I did, I didn't really care if people thought I was batshit crazy. I knew that I was and I wanted someone strong enough to handle it.

However, every one in a while, I throw a little temper tantrum of sorts and I wonder if I am truly upset or just trying to push people away. I literally have to stop and ask myself if what I am mad about is worth being mad about. Usually, the answer is no.

Anyway, I never could get a solid diagnosis. I've been told generalized anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder & PTSD (three different doctors). I kind of lost faith after three different opinions. Bipolar disorder makes the most sense, but I am not really objective enough to analyze myself.

My aunt was diagnosed with six different disorders (same doctor, all together) and she is collecting disability for it. I can say she's pretty messed up and the whole family has pretty much cut her out. She doesn't even make any effort to see my cousin (her son) and he's only nine.

One of her disorders is borderline personality disorder (BPD). The other five are bipolar disorder, panic disorder, ADHD, narcissistic personality disorder & OCD. I have no idea how one gets so many disorders into the same body, but that is what her doctors say. The scary thing is that I can see some of that in myself. It makes me wonder how much is truly mental illness (hereditary maybe?) and how much is environment / learned.

I'm not overly concerned with it though because overall, I can manage my life just fine. I'm married and the relationship is stable, my career is good, kids are good, etc. Maybe my hormones are cooling down now that I am headed closer to 40. *shrugs*

posted September 28, 2014 09:44 PM            

I'm really glad you have a stable life. I'm only starting to get back on my feet right now, and I've seen lives destroyed by BPD-not only the 'patient''s life. Not usually good at sympathies but that's something I understand and feel for.

I can relate to what you just said, and I wonder if I'll ever not relate. I can also see the same thing in my mother. She'll throw a fit about something completely irrelevant and I may be wrong, but I do 'feel' that she realizes she's being irrational, but won't admit it afterwards.

posted September 28, 2014 10:10 PM            

This is just my personal experience, but if you've seen the 1971 movie Johnny got his gun, you'll almost know how I felt when I was started on Prozac and was left home alone for weeks. I slowly lost my sense of self, of being alive, mentally and physically, until I went to see my mother in her bed one night, wanting to cry but having nothing left in me, I was barely able to speak and used all the strenght I had left to say "mom, I can't feel a thing anymore but it hurts so much."
The psychiatrist told me "I'm keeping you here indefinitely" the next day and only raised my dose, added more pills, etc and kept me there for 3 months instead of doing the reasonable thing - stopping the meds and making me see a therapist.

posted September 29, 2014 12:55 AM            

I know someone with this. People that live with her start to resent her overtime because of her actions and the choices she makes. I don't blame them, she is hard to deal with. She doesn't mean to hurt anybody but its like she can't help it.

nothing really stands out to me in her chart besides her afflicted moon and a couple oppositions. Maybe her Mars trines Uranus?

posted September 29, 2014 01:08 AM            

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Originally posted by Heather:
Would bipolar disorder be considered the same as BPD?

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posted September 29, 2014 08:29 AM            

I have thought about speaking to a psychiatrist for a while, just to see what they would make of me. However, I'm really not too keen on sharing my personal life, so a bit of a dichotomy there.

I don't see anyone as having any control over me, and I am incredibly anti authoritarian in that way. I don't do well with people telling me to do this or that. Not even in the work place. Ask, at the end of the day we could all turn around and say, "No thanks, I don't think so" Remarkably polite, I'd usually include some choice expletives. For example, there is someone who is supposedly important, but as far as I can see does nothing, he visits maybe once every three months, he asks for a tea or coffee. I drink neither, and I am not going to make him one, when he is standing right next to the kettle, cups, coffee, sugar, and milk. Why can't he make his own damn coffee? I see it as him trying to use his position, whereas, there is the whole guest hospitality thing. So this is part of what makes me wonder about BPD, that kind of set outlook maybe paranoia. That, I'm too important to make coffee, maybe he doesn't see it that way, but I do, and that is what matters to me. I'm not really relationship material, I've had very few, and I don't really get particularly close, or feel inclined to either I do push people away, or never really make myself available. There has been one exception. I would not say I'm particularly in need of reassurance and such, but I do struggle with general negative feelings, just a sense of emptiness in some ways. I've never really had anyone in my life, so I am probably unaccustomed to this. Then I vacillate between feeling someone in my life would be a good thing, and wondering what it is they would add to my life.

I would never take drugs to resolve anything. The brain is such a complicated organ, we really don't understand it, and I think it is a terrible idea to alter the brain chemistry and potentially become addicted to the substance. In my mind it's essentially substance addiction. If you need prozac, or whatever, to feel "normal" that's not right. What people need to see is that "normal" is different for different people.

posted September 29, 2014 04:20 PM            

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Originally posted by ifaf:

Narcissistic personality can co-occur pretty often too, and we'll usually end up with a fellow 'crazy' who can handle our own crazy. sadly my father is a lost cause, definitely narcissistic personality.
I'm curious to know how your partner is?
It would be pretty cool to know that I'm not doomed to be with a narcissistic man

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My current husband is great. As "normal" as they come. Astrologically speaking, he's a calm, cool Capricorn. I find him a little too emotionally detached at times and he is very guarded. I get frustrated when he won't make a big display of emotion like I will (I have Venus in Scorpio intensity as well). However, that calm, cool demeanor suits me well I think.

I say that because my ex-husband (and ex-boyfriends / lovers) used to engage in those big fiery displays and WWIII would be underway!

My ex-husband was never diagnosed, but he can be described as someone with paranoid personality disorder. Life was hell with him! He was constantly looking for signs I was cheating or lying to him. He would also get upset over nothing by reading into things that should be taken at face value. He kept a notebook of my actions, facial expressions, how often we had sex, etc. and would FREAK OUT if the pattern was broken. Nothing I did was innocent or self-centered... it always had to do with being hostile towards him (in his mind).

He would end up getting fired or quitting his jobs (when he did work) because he always felt wronged or picked on. Oh and someone was always out to get him. Always.

He scared the hell out of me once by staring at me while I slept. I opened my eyes and he was staring at me and not in an adoration kind of way. I asked him what was wrong and he said, "I saw you." I was like, "Saw me what? I was sleeping." He replied, "I saw you walk in naked from the neighbor's house." I sat up, not only alarmed but now annoyed that I was being accused of something while I was sleeping. I told him to stop acting crazy and it was a bad dream. He persisted with his nonsense and we ended up fighting. He threw his wedding ring out the window (we lived in a third floor apt) and it hit the street. I started bawling because he was leaving me over something I wasn't even awake to do.

In hindsight, I should have let him go. Instead, I lived with that for several more years before he finally left. He was also a big liar and cheater, so he left his family for his high school sweetheart. The irony is that she was married too and when it came down to it, she wouldn't leave her husband. I LOL'd when I heard that news. Stupid jerk.

posted September 29, 2014 07:56 PM            

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Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
(...)

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Yeah, my view on the mental health industry is very much influenced by my bad experiences, but I agree with pretty much everything you said.
My therapist told me that some clients of hers have been fellow psychologists, psychiatrists, doctors, teachers, etc. and reassured me that it's not just me having issues with authority - a lot of them choose these positions so they can be in control/power and are far from being immune to personal bias and entitlement.
Why can't he make his own damn coffee?
Because why would he!? He's important, damn it!
I'm pretty sure it's healthy not to give in to these people. It's personal entitlement... If someone invites me over, I don't expect them to make the coffee. So, there's no universal rule that states everybody needs to be served lol.

IDK whether personality disorders are even 'real', but based on the criteria, and the number required for a diagnosis, I doubt you'd have bpd.

posted September 29, 2014 08:12 PM            

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Originally posted by Geeky:
that calm, cool demeanor suits me well I think.

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My ex-husband was never diagnosed, but he can be described as someone with paranoid personality disorder.

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posted September 30, 2014 07:03 PM            

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Originally posted by ifaf:
Did he have a scorpio moon too?

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Gemini Moon in opposition to Neptune, Mars, Venus, Mercury & the Asc. :/

He had Moon trine Pluto & trine MC.

He also had both Venus & Mars in Scorpio.

posted September 30, 2014 08:41 PM              

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Originally posted by Lonake:
FireMoon, does he hold a lot of hatred toward society? That obsessive mental pattern could be turned inward, the suicidal impulse. I'm thinking specifically of Kurt Cobain, also with a Merc/Pluto opp. His across the health axis as well, tho from Pisces to Virgo. Taurus/Scorpio is about the body and meeting its immediate needs and desires, for money, for power. Survival. Is that a theme?

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Hi Lonake, sorry for not responding sooner this is just a heavy subject for me tbh... And yeah he had a lot of hatred towards society, as a fellow sag moon I was astounded and didn't know quite what to make of it. I mean I have my moments of ranting and whatnot but he takes it to quite the morbid level. Also yes about immediate needs and desires, he lives in one re-occurring crisis after the next... NN in Cap 2nd house (conjunct my Sun) what else can I say really lol

posted October 02, 2014 12:01 AM            

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Originally posted by ifaf:
^I'm getting off topic but just wanted to say, I know a guy whose sun, moon, venus, mars, and maybe other planets too were in sag and he's the most pessimistic, depressed, lazy person I've met and blames everything on "the others"... Pretty sad

Anyway, I'm basically bumping because I'm still hoping for a response from Voix

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My ex-hubs was Sag Sun / Sag Asc. The other placements I listed above.