posted April 02, 2011 02:33 PM            

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Why do you in theory have to "get over someone?"

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It's more that fixating on how you wish something was playing out closes you off to letting things unfold organically in the moment. It can block your own feelings from changing and evolving. And it takes you out-of-sync with the other person, so that you're responding to your fantasies/hopes/goals about them instead of truly interacting with them and taking their cues.

Maybe this is not happening with you--in which case what's probably going on is just a simple age thing. That yes, it's rare at any age to meet people you mutually love and who have the same desires for the same kind of relationship that you do...and at under-25, lots of guys (and girls) are flaky and will move on rather than stay together for years. In the next 15 years, it's highly likely you'll meet someone you adore who has compatible desires.

But I think it's an interesting general question...I see posts on these forums all the time from Cancer-influenced women who are obsessing about, say, a Libra who is not calling them (to use an example from the last thread I remember)...and the flavor is sort of "I care about him so deeply, so something is wrong with him for not wanting me." (I'm not saying you are doing this, GrlyGirl, it sounds like you aren't.)

When what is important to an air guy is whether HE is excited, stimulated, and challenged by HER, not the depths of her feelings for him, which might just make him feel obligated and smothered. This doesn't make him an ******* not worth anyone's energy--it just means his needs and desires are different from hers. I hate all the posts in response that are like "He's just immature and scared and an ass and Running from the Depths of your True LOve, just be patient and he'll come back"....or, "He's an ass and not worth your time"...and the Cancer-influenced woman responds with all the evidence that he's an ass, which begs the question of why she pines for him so much. It comes down to this icky emotional control--"my love for him is so deep that it should be very important to him"--which is not about anything mutual happening between the people, it's just about the tyranny of her emotions. It's dangerous when "love" becomes a mask for wanting something...I think the Cancer-Capricorn axis often struggles with these issues.

It can be hard to balance meeting self-esteem needs with the Cancerian desire to nurture and merge with a partner. In my case with my Aries, I felt all these needs that actually were covering up for my fear, and my being not ready to REALLY be open with him in the moment. I am still in love with him, and I am thinking of ending things with the guy I'm seeing now in order to just work on my own issues for a bit.

I wish CoconutCancerMoon were on this thread, she always has brilliant insights on this stuff.

posted April 02, 2011 03:14 PM            

I do think that I can be obsessive and clingy (just about all my personal planets touch Pluto...and I'm a triple Cancer) but I do get angry being described that way or even showing those traits...its just so icky and I REALLY don't value that at all. In my personal opinion they are bad traits for anyone to have. I don't want there to be such an extreme...where I'm either completely your friend and super great or I'm super intense and really into someone etc. But like I said regarding that guy I used to be into that you saw my posts I do get super intense and then finally a light switches off and I'm a good friend. So I'd like to find more of a balance with that.

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When what is important to an air guy is whether HE is excited, stimulated, and challenged by HER, not the depths of her feelings for him

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posted April 02, 2011 03:20 PM            

Looking at transits, 7th ruler Saturn is in applying square with natal 1st ruler, Moon.
Over the last 15 or so years, Saturn has made it's way round your chart in bad aspect to natal Moon (from the seperating square to this applying square)

Thankfully, after having the worst over now, you can look forward to a more solid 15 years where you have a chance to meet better partners, someone in the mould of Capricorn. Someone to look good on your arm for the public, a wise mothering influence (in a man, yes) and a stable partner who supports you all the way.

As far as your personality goes, Cancer rising can be clingy to some, not really one who is independent. The intense square to Pluto will not help in this regard, if that really is you.

posted April 02, 2011 03:50 PM            

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But again isn't this true to all ppl? Signs aside if someone doesn't feel something a spark etc, then the depth of someones feelings for you are irrevelant.

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I don't think it's true for all people at all--some water signs I know, both men and women, make someone really important to them because of that person's love for them, NOT AT ALL the other way around. I have a male Pisces friend who tried to leave his girlfriend because he didn't feel "in love" with her, but he went back to her because he felt she was a sweet girl who loved him deeply and would be devoted to him. Some people are looking for excitement...some people are looking for a famous or flashy partner...some people are looking for fun or adventure...some people are looking for comfort or security...some people are looking for a conquest or a challenge. Different people seek different things out of relationships.

I think with men especially, "she really cares about me" is a more compelling reason to be involved for water guys than for others. Fire guys are often more about "she's really hot!", air guys "she's really cool!" Emotions are more central in attraction for some people than others.

I am friends with some exes and not others, but I really disagree that not being friends after a breakup is wrong. Sometimes the emotional quality of things with someone you might really like as a friend IF you'd never been romantically involved is totally different because you have, and precludes friendship. If someone felt smothered by the quality and intensity of your emotion in a romance, s/he might worry that that emotion will cross over into the friendship--when the whole point of breaking up was to get freedom from that.

Other reasons friendships with exes don't always work include:
-it can be uncomfortable for the new partner you're with
-something that happened in the relationship made you uncomfortable and not want to be close to that person, want space from them forever--this has happened to me

After the end of a romance, if someone doesn't want to be friends, it's less like s/he's rejecting the other PERSON, more like s/he's rejecting the RELATIONSHIP, which sometimes can never make a transition into something platonic. Because most of us have many, many friends and only one partner at a time, the quality of a romance ending is different (and often needs more space and distance) than the quality of a friendship ending (which would be because you were deeply hurt/angered/turned off by the person as a human being.) After a romance ends, you might value the person as a human being but need to disconnect with them anyway and not try to be friends.

Even with platonic friendships, sometimes you can value the person and wish them a nice life or whatever, but feel uncomfortable/hurt/smothered/bored by the quality of your interaction and dynamic with each other, and want to move on from the friendship. It just happens less often with purely platonic situations, since it is easier to set boundaries. It is VERY hard for some people to backtrack and set boundaries after a breakup...and sometimes ongoing involvement feels yucky...for example, if you know that person will be hurt, jealous, or even just over-interested when you fall in love with someone new. Or you think that s/he wants something from you (a certain kind of closeness) that you REALLY DON'T WANT with that person.

In one case, there was a Cancer guy who I was not interested in who wanted to be friends....although I respect him and think he's talented and funny, the "friendship" felt really icky, because it felt like he was using our contact to meet certain emotional needs for a kind of closeness to me that is more appropriate in a romance, and that I did not want. He was not connecting to ME and what I was feeling, just pursuing what he wanted. So I cut it off.

posted April 02, 2011 04:06 PM            

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When what is important to an air guy is whether HE is excited, stimulated, and challenged by HER, not the depths of her feelings for him, which might just make him feel obligated and smothered. This doesn't make him an ******* not worth anyone's energy--it just means his needs and desires are different from hers. I hate all the posts in response that are like "He's just immature and scared and an ass and Running from the Depths of your True LOve, just be patient and he'll come back"....or, "He's an ass and not worth your time"...and the Cancer-influenced woman responds with all the evidence that he's an ass, which begs the question of why she pines for him so much. It comes down to this icky emotional control--"my love for him is so deep that it should be very important to him"--which is not about anything mutual happening between the people, it's just about the tyranny of her emotions. It's dangerous when "love" becomes a mask for wanting something...I think the Cancer-Capricorn axis often struggles with these issues.

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Lucia- I couldn't have said it better myself! I feel that way a lot of the time when I see some of these threads.

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I don't have a problem with someone not wanting me that isn't an issue. If he wasn't stimulated by me or I didn't fit that's ok in any relationship. But I guess the whole worthless feeling is in terms of being friends after.

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Ok... I'm going to speak to this only because I am one of those Virgos who cuts off ties completely and does NOT remain friends with past people I've dated.

I *think* that perhaps why you feel such a need to be 'friends' with a person that you used to date is because to you, perhaps still having the connection means that there WAS a connection in place. If the other person cuts off ties completely, perhaps you felt like they never cared about you TO BEGIN WITH (which is upsetting for anyone). And of course, I can't speak exactly to what you think or feel, but that's my theory.

For ME, it's the opposite. When a guy calls me a 'friend' (like: "Hey buddy!") it feels callous, like he never really romantically cared about me at all. If his feelings were so lukewarm that I'm now his 'buddy' how do I know they were ever genuine to begin with?

PLUS, I would never put up with someone who wronged me, friend or otherwise. Unfortunately, in the majority of cases for me, the guy turned out to be cheater/deceiver or a player and so I felt the only option was to cut them out of my life. I don't want to be around anyone who knowingly hurt me.

Anyway, my point of telling you this is not to say that you should change your viewpoint on the friendship with the guys you used to date... More as a possible explanation as to why some of these people have cut off ties with you. I don't think that you should feel SO BAD that this person isn't friends with you after the relationship is over because he likely DID have feelings for you during the course of the relationship. Don't think that just because a person doesn't want to be friends with you afterward means that they never cared about you to begin with.

posted April 02, 2011 04:09 PM            

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I do think that I can be obsessive and clingy (just about all my personal planets touch Pluto...and I'm a triple Cancer) but I do get angry being described that way or even showing those traits...its just so icky and I REALLY don't value that at all.

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I see what you're saying. But they're not traits, they're BEHAVIORS and patterns. In my case, identifying those behaviors has led to an AHA moment, where I can start looking at what's behind them, to break the patterns, and STOP the behaviors.

They aren't traits, they're actions and choices--and although they do not block unhealthy love (some guys are soooo turned on by those patterns--usually escapist guys), IMO they block joy, confidence, healthy love, and real mutual intimacy.

posted April 02, 2011 07:33 PM            

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This guy truly is an ass. I'm not saying that to have evidence that he isn't.

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Yes. He truly is. And he also very immature. I know that he is young - early 20s? But he acts like a teenager.

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I held out as long as I could on thinking he was a great guy.

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I actually remember that you did and that you always tried to defend him.

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But really he is a major jerk.

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I am so glad that you have finally come to this conclusion.
Because the way he treated you on several occasions (which you mentioned on LL) - was plain jerky behaviour.

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I don't have a problem with someone not wanting me that isn't an issue. If he wasn't stimulated by me or I didn't fit that's ok in any relationship.

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EXACTLY! I completely understand you.
The problem is that he was disrespectful and mean in his behaviour --- which is entirely unnecessary, regardless of whether he is "in love", "in like", "in lust" or "in nothing".

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But I guess the whole worthless feeling is in terms of being friends after. That is where I don't appreciate things like that.

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posted April 02, 2011 08:21 PM            

I see that Enchantress already said it:

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If this guy was such a jerk, why would you still want to maintain ANY sort of a relationship with him?

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And the reason is--speaking for myself, not GrlyGirl--that lots of people with Cancer-Cap have an EMOTIONAL AGENDA. Like, "I decided I had these feelings for you, so I want it to 'turn out' a certain way." And instead of being open in the moment to what is really happening in our own feelings and in our connection with the other, you'll find us acting out destructive patterns like asking other people (other than the guy himself!! internet strangers, our friends, our mom!) to tell us how he is feeling or to explain his behavior.

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I really liked him, and it just sucks that my emotions won't catch up with my mind that we are done. I do wish there was a way to just switch off emotions as feeling deeply for me is very uncomfortable.

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I know, but there's a real upside to that emotional style too. The downside is clingy, desperate, painful....the upside allows Cancer-Caps-axis-influenced to be very devoted to someone over the long haul.

I think what's destructive is when Cancer-Caps start asking other people to interpret/explain how their love interest feels or what he wants...instead of keeping our own counsel, or, better yet, really listening to him and paying attention to his actions. There's a good side to having emotions that don't just turn off....but when we freeze those emotions into an AGENDA where we want something from the person, that's a destructive pattern that I think needs to be broken.

posted April 02, 2011 09:15 PM            

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I don't think it's true for all people at all--some water signs I know, both men and women, make someone really important to them because of that person's love for them, NOT AT ALL the other way around.

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I agree with this. And let me just clarify I AM NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL (and I hope you have gathered that). To me its not enough for someone to care about me. It has to be mutual or else the other person will eventually get hurt. And I have seen this...but generally with Pisces/Pisces influenced guys.

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but I really disagree that not being friends after a breakup is wrong

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I *think* that perhaps why you feel such a need to be 'friends' with a person that you used to date is because to you, perhaps still having the connection means that there WAS a connection in place. If the other person cuts off ties completely, perhaps you felt like they never cared about you TO BEGIN WITH (which is upsetting for anyone). And of course, I can't speak exactly to what you think or feel, but that's my theory

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Yes and no. I try to find something to like about everyone...and I don't even date people I can't be friends with down the road or that I picked up that they don't value friendship. So for myself I think its wrong to try to not be friends. You have to remember my Venus and NN are in the 11th, and I have a yod btw Jupiter in Aqua, Uranus in Sag and my Sun/Mars Conjunction...so I tend to value Aquarian traits in general especially relationships (Venus). And friendships are very important to me more than my romantic relationships. If a guy can't be my friend and has only ever looked at me from a sexual, emotional, or romantic standpoint I personally feel like that is wrong and takes away from who I am as a person and its frankly uncomfortable. Plus I feel that whatever has happened in the past is the past may be the relationship is bad or whatever or he cheated. The past is the past. And people are independent of the circumstances they are in. Maybe he was a terrible bf but not a terrible person. I also have to stress (and I'm not sure if you believe me Lucia as I think you kinda assume Water signs are all the same) but when I am over it emotionally I can be friends and don't get emotions for them at all ever again (literally not even jealously with ppl they are dating...I've even introduced one of my exes to a friend he is now dating...and we hang out all the time. BUT this is an Aqua Rising guy with Virgo Sun) regardless of how they feel. And this has gotten me in a lot of trouble with exes because they take my friendship and think it means I still want them even though I have been clear I'm not interested in trying again.

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I see what you're saying. But they're not traits, they're BEHAVIORS and patterns. In my case, identifying those behaviors has led to an AHA moment, where I can start looking at what's behind them, to break the patterns, and STOP the behaviors

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posted April 02, 2011 09:26 PM            

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And the reason is--speaking for myself, not GrlyGirl--that lots of people with Cancer-Cap have an EMOTIONAL AGENDA. Like, "I decided I had these feelings for you, so I want it to 'turn out' a certain way

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Again I really do hope you are not including me in this. I don't have an agenda when I stay friends. I am no longer into them as boyfriends. But they are cool people who I can have fun with...why wouldn't I want to stay friends.

I will admit with the Aqua...especially right after we broke up I was quick to make him a friend (genuine friend) but then it became about holding on. So that has been the only time ever where I had an agenda other than truly liking the person as a person.

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I know, but there's a real upside to that emotional style too. The downside is clingy, desperate, painful....the upside allows Cancer-Caps-axis-influenced to be very devoted to someone over the long haul.

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I think what's destructive is when Cancer-Caps start asking other people to interpret/explain how their love interest feels or what he wants...instead of keeping our own counsel, or, better yet, really listening to him and paying attention to his actions. There's a good side to having emotions that don't just turn off....but when we freeze those emotions into an AGENDA where we want something from the person, that's a destructive pattern that I think needs to be broken.

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I'm getting the impression that you are lumping me into a pile without reading and understanding what I am actually saying. While I do value your advise, I disagree about feeling super deeply. You don't seem to understand that while I have the capacity to feel deeply its VERY uncomfortable for me (and a bit like sticking my hand in fire). I don't feel deeply about most anything or even emotional. I don't actually get attached to the guys I date most of the time. Nor do we click or aren't on the same wave length. Or I flat out don't have fun with them. But when I do...those attachments are deep. And the downside isn't that I am clingy or desperate...as if to say I am this way with all my relationships where I feel something. I almost seems like you are sticking with placements (such as me being a Cancer/Cap) and missing that there is more to me (such as aspects). I like stability yes and I am loving...but you are missing that I do want someone who is a friend and lover, that is fun and super intelligent. And with the Aqua I did behave very clingy and do regret that as it is not a reflection of how I want a relationship. I myself don't value clinginess so it would be fitting that I would have allowed someone that same respect.

posted April 02, 2011 10:40 PM            

It is those patterns--of obsessing over the minutae of someone's signals, asking other people to help strategize how to get what you want from the person (rather than seeing what unfolds, keeping your own counsel, or just connecting with that actual person instead of a bunch of outsiders)--that seem so familiar to me and what I feel I'm struggling with with my Cap-Cancer axis. That stuff is a sort of private ritual that you can do alone with your computer, VERY different from actually connecting or relating to a person. I do associate it with things that block real intimacy.

In the posts I've seen on LL with that focus, when I see the poster's chart they usually have natal issues on the Cap-Cancer axis, combined with 8th house/Pluto stuff. I don't believe that ALL people with those placements natally would manifest those patterns. But I've seen it here over the past four years. (Which is when I ended my long relationship and started obsessing over my unconsummated crush on the internet--so I got really curious--what drives people to do that? What would motivate someone to post a "tell me how to attract this person" thread?)

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I almost seems like you are sticking with placements (such as me being a Cancer/Cap) and missing that there is more to me (such as aspects).

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posted April 03, 2011 12:39 AM            

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Like that thing with a Virgo a couple of years ago? I was thinking more about that than the Aqua when I talked about having an agenda for what you wanted to happen, emotionally.

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Ok...I'll give you that, I did obsess about the Virgo, but still I don't judge you based off your posts like 4 years ago. And I really don't want the same to happen. But I liked him, and it happens. And now he and I are great friends.

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I've just noticed lots of Cancer stuff happening in those "How can I attract this person?

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Again I don't notice this. I see it an many signs and Cancer is def not one that I notice it in (as just about all the posters on here have asked that question at one point or another). I'm not sure what you are focusing on.

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Obsessively trying to strategize and go over it with strangers or confidants, instead of living it out within the relationship itself.

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In the posts I've seen on LL with that focus, when I see the poster's chart they usually have natal issues on the Cap-Cancer axis, combined with 8th house/Pluto stuff. I don't believe that ALL people with those placements natally would manifest those patterns. But I've seen it here over the past four years. (Which is when I ended my long relationship and started obsessing over my unconsummated crush on the internet--so I got really curious--what drives people to do that? What would motivate someone to post a "tell me how to attract this person" thread?)

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Something about these posts about blanket statements about Cap/Cancer stuff kinda rubs me the wrong way. I'm not sure if I'm the only one that just kinda finds your posts to be I can't quite put it on my finger on it...not true...and def focusing on what you want to see. How many people on here post about attracting someone and they don't ALL have Pluto/8th/Cancer/Cap stuff. In fact I haven't even noticed half the people that post on this to have that. This is something a lot of people do on here no matter what sign they are. And that is fine. I view this site as a spring board and I think others do as well...which is why they do post...oh my (insert sign) person is being whatever, or we have such and such aspect in synastry how does he feel about me. Astrology is fun and I think people naturally want to attract a person they like. I don't think being here is any different than buying a book on increasing attraction, or what to do to increase intimacy between people, or asking an advise columnist how to attract a so and so. And I don't equate anyone on here posting about how to get so and so with blocking real intimacy or not connecting with someone or even that person being a Cap/Cancer influenced person. I'm sure that many people here have lives and yes they are into someone and want to know how to attract that person but does that mean they aren't open to meeting someone else who will hit on them if they have feelings. Also people when they like someone do have a tendency to focus on their behaviors...does that mean they are obsessing. No that just means they are into someone and need to vent it out. And yes some are obsessing. But to just say something like what type of person asks a question like how to attract so and so...is kinda weird. And just about any forum you go to...even yahoo answers has this and it certainly isn't limited to astrology. That's why their are entire sites devoted to attraction.

posted April 03, 2011 01:44 AM            

Obviously, *I* think my observations are accurate, of course, or I wouldn't post them! But I am also open to rethinking them.

You opened this thread saying "I've never really had anyone genuinely care for me, or probably be in love with me....So astrologically is there something that is keeping me from actually finding guys that truly care for me."

Astrology might be "fun", as you say, but this question sounds anguished to me more than fun...and so did your threads over many years...and I think looking at behavior patterns over years is a lot more revealing than looking at one moment, or one case. I see a lot in common between your responses to the Virgo crush, the Capricorn friend, and the Aqua...and I think breaking those behavior and thought patterns might be a very important key to solving the problem you started this thread with. For some reason, you've erased most of your own posts in all of those old threads, which is too bad, because it might be helpful to you to go back and get a sense of repeated patterns in the emotional quality you've brought to muliple relationships.

I don't think any aspect or placement in a chart has a fixed manifestation in everyone---so to understand natal issues, I believe we have to consider the person's real-life behavior. Someone might manifest a Neptune-Sun conjunction by lying all the time, another person by being a great musician. So I'm thinking about your posts and how (to me) they seem to reflect your chart...also thinking about cookbook interpretations I've read in books and on google...also thinking about threads I've read on this site by other posters, and how their posts seem to connect to their charts...and thinking about people I know in real life, whose charts I've seen.

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How many people on here post about attracting someone and they don't ALL have Pluto/8th/Cancer/Cap stuff.

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I hear your argument that it's just me, and that my observations are "not true"...and I will take some more time to think about it.

To me it seems like looking at your behavior patterns over time--in your natal potential and in life--might help you make a change re: the problem you're describing("I've never really had anyone genuinely care for me, or probably be in love with me.") Which does not sound light or fun. If you find my interpretation of those patterns inaccurate, hopefully you can accurately trace them on your own or with other's help, to stop behaviors that are blocking you.

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But to just say something like what type of person asks a question like how to attract so and so...is kinda weird. And just about any forum you go to...even yahoo answers has this and it certainly isn't limited to astrology. That's why their are entire sites devoted to attraction.

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And the people on those sites seem to have a disproportunate number of miserably unconsummated crushes, and obsessions with an ex, than the people I know in real life who do not post on those sites. (I do talk about it with friends, because the problem fascinates me.) I don't believe that thinking about relationships in that way is universal. And I also see a huge difference between people who go online for advice about a partner or someone they are dating, and those who want advice about winning back someone who has left them, or attracting someone who is not interested in them--one seems like information sharing to me, the other seems like a needy, obsessive, and desperate ritual. Same with people posting their synastry with a love partner, versus with a crush.

posted April 03, 2011 02:00 AM            

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that may not even be a Cancer/Cap trait, it could just be your personality

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but still I don't judge you based off your posts like 4 years ago.

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If I asked, "Why am I having trouble finding love?" Then the answer, "Well, gee, maybe the fact that you spent two years obsessing over crushes who weren't asking you out, had a brief relationship where you felt anxious, and then spent the next six months obsessing over him after it ended" would be a VERY ACCURATE answer!!! Whatever you attributed that to, astrologically.

posted April 03, 2011 07:42 AM            

GrlyGirl, my non-astrological two cents: go read a book called "Why men love b*tches", by Shelly Argov. Don't let the title put you off. It changed my dating life when I was about your age, and a "nice, caring, affectionate girl". Best of luck! [/b][/QUOTE]

posted April 03, 2011 08:17 AM            

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And the reason is--speaking for myself, not GrlyGirl--that lots of people with Cancer-Cap have an EMOTIONAL AGENDA. Like, "I decided I had these feelings for you, so I want it to 'turn out' a certain way." And instead of being open in the moment to what is really happening in our own feelings and in our connection with the other, you'll find us acting out destructive patterns like asking other people (other than the guy himself!! internet strangers, our friends, our mom!) to tell us how he is feeling or to explain his behavior.

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In the posts I've seen on LL with that focus, when I see the poster's chart they usually have natal issues on the Cap-Cancer axis, combined with 8th house/Pluto stuff. I don't believe that ALL people with those placements natally would manifest those patterns. But I've seen it here over the past four years. (Which is when I ended my long relationship and started obsessing over my unconsummated crush on the internet--so I got really curious--what drives people to do that? What would motivate someone to post a "tell me how to attract this person" thread?)

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Errr...look around you: there are a bazillion people on this site of every influence who do this. Heck, there's a thread in which a Taurus MAN is doing this because he can't let go of his Cancerian gf who has OBVIOUSLY moved on.

No offense, but I really don't agree with your take of Cancer-Cap energy because that's not how I've experienced it (Cancer Sun/Cap ASC). Its not a bed of roses, I agree, but for a totally different reason. Someone had a thread on it a while ago and it basically summed up everything for me. There was a thread on this once where everyone with a Cancer-Cap conflict was able to voice their problems (Betty Boop probably remembers this) and a common theme came up: a conflict between being openly emotional and being able to freeze an ice cream cone on your own butt. So basically, its self-sabotaging. Or maybe I say that because I'm a heavy 12th houser. Who knows? I just know for sure that I don't have any desire to enforce any emotional agenda on other people. That's just plain selfish and more of a sign of being unevolved than anything else.

posted April 03, 2011 08:30 AM            

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I like "Think Like a Man,Act Like a Lady" better than "Why Men Marry Bitches"
I like the latter,OK,but it is my least favorite book of that genre lol

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I didn't read either of them, lol. The "why men love bitches" is her first book, and deals only with dating advice. Never been a fan of marriage advice, hated "The rules" book.

posted April 03, 2011 09:20 AM            

I certainly don't manipulate anyone on purpose, and I don't think I'm "unevolved"--more that in the few years transitioning out of an intense, long, committed relationship, I've unconsciously engaged in some approach-avoidance and other self-protective behavior. Which is for sure self-sabotaging--and I definitely want to break/change those patterns--but it's not selfish or unevolved, IMO. More a challenge that will hurt me until I work it out than any wrongdoing toward men I'm involved with.

I haven't found that Taurus man thread you mentioned! Thank you for your $.02...I am interested that people find my association between those tendencies (being obsessive and desperate, and clinging to a fixation on someone not-interested) and Cancer/Cap to be inaccurate, and I appreciate all of your other perspectives.

Maira, no Sag or Aries here--Leo! Leos aren't usually blunt, in my experience...a lot of the most gracious LLers are Leos (Betty Boop is, yes? as just one example...and Vertiver, and CoconutCancerMoon/EverEvolvingSpirit), so I don't want to blacken the reputation of the whole sign!

I get frustrated with things that seem to come around over and over on here over the years--the poster (who has now left the site) who met a new Soul Mate/Twin Flame/life partner every three weeks or so. The poster who had an affair with a married man and justified it with their "once in a lifetime" connection, and then the next month had a "once in a lifetime" connection with someone else. While I accept that my attribution of the obsessive/fixated/overly tenacious thing to Cancer/Cap may be wrong, I don't think I'm "seeing what I want to see" when I notice obsessive behavior as a pattern over YEARS with certain posters. I hope I'll solve my problem someday--maybe it was Neptune opposite my Sun, and it will go away right away. Maybe it was just natural growing pains for someone with a 7th house Cancer stellium to suddenly be single after so many years.

GrlyGirl, I'm going to get off your thread, if not off the site. BM's "hiatus" sounds like a good plan! I hope you'll find good ways to solve your problem, and helpful advice.

posted April 03, 2011 11:47 AM            

Other than the Cap/Cancer association, I completely agree with you. The problem seems to be specific to astrology boards too. Some people just cannot let go of things when things are past EXPIRED, and this is where astrology can be toxic for them. Because it may give them that glimmer of lost hope (that is probably non-existent) and they keep holding on because they see some signs of so-called soulmate activity in their charts or composite. Vicious cycle.

posted April 03, 2011 12:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lucia23:

I get frustrated with things that seem to come around over and over on here over the years--the poster (who has now left the site) who met a new Soul Mate/Twin Flame/life partner every three weeks or so. The poster who had an affair with a married man and justified it with their "once in a lifetime" connection, and then the next month had a "once in a lifetime" connection with someone else.

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*shrugs* Some people just naturally meet a lot of soulmates in life. The more lives you have lived the more soulmates you have. Some connections are really shocking.
I don't see anything wrong with looking into the relationships we have with people. It's how we learn. It's interesting and fascinating. Just the whole human need of companionship is fascinating.

GrlyGirl- I think working at the self-esteem is really good. I hate to sound cliche, or repetitive but the whole Law of Attraction seems to have some basis. I have found with myself that if I choose to look at the silver lining I deal with things more easily. It helps me work towards a higher better purpose than my tendency to mope and say 'woe is me'. Other times it's also the environment I'm in. I've noticed I'm more negative when there are other negative people around me and distancing myself is the best way for me to deal with it, even if they're my own family. It becomes too large a burden to bear.

Neptune conjuncts your DC giving you this ideal partner in your head that you may not always find. And can easily dissapoint you when you meet someone who you thought was 'perfect'. I also think that venus opp saturn contributes a feeling of unworthiness of love. There might be a deep subconscious feeling of not deserving to be loved that could stem from childhood. Therefore making you put this out there, (unknowingly) and attracting the wrong partners. Again, sounding cliche, you need to learn to love yourself. I'm not a fan of that phrase but it's easier to say...I feel like you need to accept yourself for who you are. Accept that you have deep emotions that make you feel uncomfortable. Figure out why they make you feel uncomfortable in the first place and you are half-way to understanding how you relate to people and why your relationships are the way they are.

posted September 17, 2023 05:58 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by northernlad:
i have some of the same issues. i was born 10 days before you, so our charts are a little similar. i have venus-saturn opposition, except my venus is in the 5th and saturn is in the 11th.

the only advice i can offer is that i've kind of come to terms that maybe i'm just not meant to be with someone right now and i'm focusing my energies elsewhere. if it's meant to be, we'll meet someone special when we meet them.

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