posted June 20, 2011 02:52 PM            

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Originally posted by avocadosandwich:
It's interesting that you have the same kind of experience in life, and I'm willing to trust in that! You mentioned earlier on that "once your identity was constructed" or something along those lines... was this something that you consciously sought after or did your identity stabilise on it's own? I'm feeling a little old to start being "myself" whatever that might be, but I wonder if I'm a late bloomer because I didn't realise what a cipher I was before!

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That was part synchronicity, part hard work. I had a very good friend who made me realize that I was like this. After my divorce, I spent almost five years being single and looking "for myself". Somewhere along the road she came along and helped me.

The bad news is that we'll be shapeshifters all our lives. The good news is that once this is brought to consciousness, you can be more selective about the shapes you pick

Jung's theory on the shadow suits the descendant, but is also very descriptive of the 7th house - we search for pieces of ourselves in others. We can let them live them for us or we can integrate these parts and "own" them.

posted June 20, 2011 03:54 PM            

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You made me think about something though - I wonder if I don't subconsciously steer away from people with a lot of water because I would reflect back characteristics which were discouraged by a primary formative influence.

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I'm starting to think this is the key thing that happens when one has Sun Opposite Asc, especially if sun is in fire or water, and Ascendant is in Earth or Air. Its almost like Ascendant was enforced upon me, with no personal say, and I wasn't really allowed to express the Sun. People couldn't seem to deal with the emotional and receptive part of myself so I found myself trying to conform and lose myself in the process.

posted June 22, 2011 07:10 AM            

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Originally posted by avocadosandwich:
I used to write, actually, but I stopped quite a few years ago. It got no recognition in my new immediate circle (ie. it didn't fit with what the new "me" was) so maybe that's why I stopped.

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Ah you see it doesn't matter whether others back up what you're doing! Now on the other hand as a singer-songwriter I gravitate towards others who are, as I find they inspire the process so I totally understand but.... I do it because it's a part of ME. It makes me happy and feel connected to who I really am

posted June 22, 2011 04:55 PM            

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Originally posted by maira:
The bad news is that we'll be shapeshifters all our lives. The good news is that once this is brought to consciousness, you can be more selective about the shapes you pick

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I used to think the shapeshifting was a gift - when I had some control over it! It seems that I've lost control, and regressed for a few years. Hopefully you are right, and I can maintain some consciousness in the future!

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By the way, how old is "too old"? I'm thirty

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posted June 22, 2011 05:06 PM            

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Originally posted by Benedict Moon*:
Its almost like Ascendant was enforced upon me, with no personal say, and I wasn't really allowed to express the Sun. People couldn't seem to deal with the emotional and receptive part of myself so I found myself trying to conform and lose myself in the process.

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That's really of interest to me! I *used* to be very soft and gentle on the outside(on the inside I still get very soppy and emotional) but I had it scared out of me by my mom, who called me weak and hypersensitive. Interestingly, my husband shares my Pisces sun sign, and his father (who was the real kick-ass enforcer in his family) shares the same sun sign as my mother! I wonder if it hasn't contributed to our problems - he isn't who he is, really, because of his influences, and I'm not who I am, really, because of my influences AND succumbing to his expectations (which possibly aren't his at all) of life! Sorry, that was really roundabout...

My ASC is Virgo, which I don't entirely reject or anything (hey, it's me, after all: I don't turn down any possible identity) but I was often told as a child, "You weren't supposed to be a Pisces. You were supposed to be an Aries. That's who you really are!" No wonder I have problems,

posted June 22, 2011 05:38 PM            

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Originally posted by waxlobster:
Ah you see it doesn't matter whether others back up what you're doing! Now on the other hand as a singer-songwriter I gravitate towards others who are, as I find they inspire the process so I totally understand but.... I do it because it's a part of ME. It makes me happy and feel connected to who I really am

You may find the same. Creative people never quite feel right if they don't have an outlet

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I will try. Everytime I've sat myself down to write I've heard those voices saying, "How's that going to pay the bills?" and, "Shouldn't you be washing the dishes instead?" and, "Aw, you're sh*te anyway, give it up." That's all my own baggage (well, minus the bills and the dishes parts - those actually have been said to me, and having seen the financial outlook and the state of my house, I'd have to agree!). Plus, I've been too busy trying to learn the skills and interests of those around me to attend to anything else. It's been going on for so long now (without me really noticing) that I've forgotten who I am. Maybe I need to start writing about my journey out of this abyss!

posted June 22, 2011 07:02 PM            

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Originally posted by avocadosandwich:
That's really of interest to me! I *used* to be very soft and gentle on the outside(on the inside I still get very soppy and emotional) but I had it scared out of me by my mom, who called me weak and hypersensitive. Interestingly, my husband shares my Pisces sun sign, and his father (who was the real kick-ass enforcer in his family) shares the same sun sign as my mother! I wonder if it hasn't contributed to our problems - he isn't who he is, really, because of his influences, and I'm not who I am, really, because of my influences AND succumbing to his expectations (which possibly aren't his at all) of life! Sorry, that was really roundabout...

My ASC is Virgo, which I don't entirely reject or anything (hey, it's me, after all: I don't turn down any possible identity) but I was often told as a child, "You weren't supposed to be a Pisces. You were supposed to be an Aries. That's who you really are!" No wonder I have problems,

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That's a bit nutty of them to say, and some people would even say that *we* choose when we're born. Of course, that would mean my soul didn't wish to be a Leo either. LMAO *I get it though: I think I can count on one hand how many times I've openly cried. But hey, when you're told frequently that 'big/good kids don't cry', what do you expect?

Its interesting with your given dilemma that you ended up marrying your DC (which is also your Sun) and the same issues are still playing out because husband went through the same conditioning. Its actually depressing, when I think of it. Its like there really is no room for us in this world. Whats odd for me is that my father has the same sun as me, but he was never into sensitivity...he's mostly fire and air though.

posted June 22, 2011 07:05 PM            

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Originally posted by avocadosandwich:
LOL I'm pushing 40. I think having children has been in a blessing in that it has spurred me on to say "Who am I, really?"... but then there's no time to give that subject some careful thought. I've got a wee one who just came in to tell me "LOOK LOOK LOOK!" and it is hard to think straight. I feel old, because I feel "under the gun!" I'm worried about passing on some awful legacy of spiritual shapelessness to my kids!

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I get what you mean about shapelessness