posted July 20, 2011 08:30 AM            

I have Pluto on the MC. What you say about not submurging into the group is correct for me. I once got the sack from a job, told I was too independent. I wouldn't toe the line, although I tried - that is I wasn't purposely being rebellious. I guess it comes out no matter what.

What energy do you get from me? It curious to get an insght into how one comes across. Please be kind

posted July 20, 2011 09:23 AM            

Well, remember I have Pluto sq Moon too, but I remember a particularly vivid scene reminiscent of Pluto/IC. It was at night, a storm, thunder, the wind was moving the house around a bit cos I remember that the chandelier hanging from the ceiling was swaying. In a downstairs room where my mother was now staying, an office converted into a makeshift hospital room, she lay in her bed having these strange seizures (by this time she had 4 brain tumors), she was writhing around, frothing at the mouth. My aunt, who had flown in from Texas the day before, sat at her side clutching her hand, holding the rosary and repeated The Lord's Prayer over and over and over that night, for hours, endless, sometimes soft, sometimes shouting, always in tears, sometimes in Spanish, sometimes English (my mom's family is from south Texas) and sometimes in words where I could not make out the language save for the fact that it was pure anguish. I stood alone on the staircase, sometimes sat, peering into that room, and I just could not believe my eyes and what was happening, what was going to happen. That was, and remains, the longest night of my life. Even though I gave birth 38 minutes before midnight and didn't have a good night's sleep for a year, it does not come close to comparison.

She died on the day the doctor gave the OK to allow her to stay in a convalescent home, that now she was sick enough to afford round-the-clock professional care. They took her over there in an ambulance and she wasn't even hooked up to all the monitors before she passed on. Always said she never wanted to die at home to leave us with that memory, but we moved a year later because to walk into that house after her death the life had been removed and I had never seen a place so quiet. You never think of objects imbued with any life, they're just things, but when I opened the door to the house, Ami, I could not even step foot inside, the emptiness surrounded that interior like a fog that stole everything away, everything that had meaning was dead. I could have never imagined that a home that I grew up in could feel like that.

A memory like that, you go back to every so often, and you remember how close it is and how death takes hold. I remember in the months before her death when at home and the door opened, I would look every time and it always felt as if Death was looking in and wondering if the time was right. When the door was closed it felt as if Death was waiting on the porch. The day she died I was sitting in that same spot when the door opened and 2 men wheeled in the stretcher, I think that's when I knew she would die that day because they immediately looked at me, then looked at each other with despair and really hated their job at that moment because they knew they were taking away a dying woman and that that woman was my mother.

Since her death when I was 12, I traveled alone by Greyhound bus from California to Texas when I was 17 on summer vacation to take care of her mom (my grandma) who was also dying of cancer. I was happy to take care of her, I was older and the shock of seeing the dying was gone. I loved being there for her the way my mother would have, and I made her meals, and stayed with her when she needed someone to talk to and was quiet and held her hand when she needed the time to cry. The dying pass through stages like that, moments of 'sanity' (just like you and me) and being present intermixed with moments when it envelops them and they go to a spot in their minds that you can't travel to. Sometimes they want you to be in the room and sit on the chair by their bed and watch tv with them or read to them or listen to their stories, other times they need to be alone to start making that break and preparing themselves. It was just something I needed to do. Just after I had begun the fall term of school she passed away, and we traveled by plane for her funeral. Then from 16-18 I visited often with my other grandmother in California and took care of her as well when she was sick, her husband had died a few years earlier and she would hallucinate that he was still alive, etc. It was very painful to go through her death, she was like a mother to me.

posted July 20, 2011 09:37 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sassaqua:
Hey Ami,

I have Pluto on the MC. What you say about not submurging into the group is correct for me. I once got the sack from a job, told I was too independent. I wouldn't toe the line, although I tried - that is I wasn't purposely being rebellious. I guess it comes out no matter what.

What energy do you get from me? It curious to get an insght into how one comes across. Please be kind

Oh and, what you say about being larger than life, I know what you mean but, I'm wondering about Pluto - being the feminine planet it is too - that maybe it's more underhanded, quiet, attentive to under the surface stuff, behind the scenes, subversive... etc? Maybe it's not so "larger than life"? I could be wrong, I'm not all that confident with Pluto, I think it's because mine is sparcely aspected.

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Darling
I do NOT get Pluto energy from you.I feel a depressed energy so I will have to say Saturn lol
However, we met when you were at a low point in Personal Readings so factor that in.

I will just write out the energy I get from you. You can do if for me too

I feel you are lost to yourself. I am too so I know that feeling.

I feel you want to grab on to yourself so badly but you don't know how cuz you never learned how to love yourself.

So,you are floating in a pool of love in that you can give it to others but you,yourself, have none to drink.

I know all this cuz this is me
Does that fit, Baby?

posted July 20, 2011 09:55 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Darling
I do NOT get Pluto energy from you.I feel a depressed energy so I will have to say Saturn lol
However, we met when you were at a low point in Personal Readings so factor that in.

I will just write out the energy I get from you. You can do if for me too

I feel you are lost to yourself. I am too so I know that feeling.

I feel you want to grab on to yourself so badly but you don't know how cuz you never learned how to love yourself.

So,you are floating in a pool of love in that you can give it to others but you,yourself, have none to drink.

I know all this cuz this is me
Does that fit, Baby?

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Wow ami, thanks for your honesty. Don't mince words do you

The last two paragraphs are a worry, ans "so badly"?

I am capricorn rising, yes, venus capricorn too.

posted July 20, 2011 09:59 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sassaqua:
I asked you to do feedback on me - not you!

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Well,one only knows from one's own experience.Do you want me to erase it ALL?

posted July 20, 2011 10:01 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sassaqua:
No, no, I am joking. It's good - thank you. I mean it!

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OK It is hard to tell from text

posted July 20, 2011 10:11 AM            

You? From first impressions I don't feel you are lost (it must be me then ). You speak of traumas, but I get the impression you are not afraid to confront and heal, therefore, you are brave.

It's really quite hard to do this.. I'm stumped. I kind of get a feel, but cannot conclude so I am reluctant to comment for lack of info. I get the feeling you might have lots of cats

posted July 20, 2011 10:20 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sassaqua:
Yes for sure

You? From first impressions I don't feel you are lost (it must be me then ). You speak of traumas, but I get the impression you are not afraid to confront and heal, therefore, you are brave.

It's really quite hard to do this.. I'm stumped. I kind of get a feel, but cannot conclude so I am reluctant to comment for lack of info. I get the feeling you might have lots of cats

You have been on this forum a while, maybe it's kind of home to you(?), (I'm prolly a bit more reserved, and cautious in comparison because I'm new, it's my cap ascendant on the forum so far)

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Awww thank you for that.
I hate cats.You prolly get that cuz you think I am a little strange

posted July 20, 2011 10:42 AM            

PS I will ignore the cats.

posted July 20, 2011 12:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Moonfish:
I have Sun & Mars conjunct Pluto and Ascendant trine Pluto.
My emotions are very intense, but I only reveal them to people I'm comfortable with. Other than that I love being a loner, not much of a people person. kinda shy.

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With Sun conjunct Pluto--was your father a Pluto like figure? Was he a Mars type figure cuz you have Mars there,too?
This is interesting to me cuz I am trying to see people's parents in the person's natal. Thanks!

posted July 20, 2011 12:31 PM            

I've also noticed that it makes people want to trace their "roots", as in trace their lineage and find out where they came from.

posted July 20, 2011 12:32 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
With Sun conjunct Pluto--was your father a Pluto like figure? Was he a Mars type figure cuz you have Mars there,too?
This is interesting to me cuz I am trying to see people's parents in the person's natal. Thanks!

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posted July 20, 2011 12:54 PM            

My ex-Pisces has Pluto on his IC and what typified him was a total lack of fighting spirit to release himself from her tyrannical wings, from her dominant hierarchy in which every g-f he ever had became ruthlessly excluded.
SHE decides what's best for him & the family and the weirdest thing is that somewhere somehow he's convinced she's always right - he even said once that she has proven him, int.al with every warning she ever gave, to BE always right. And so as a numbskull/the perfect servant he continues to treat her like a Goddess monarch master ruler ppff and allows her to override his whole personal identity, without showing the slightest piece of his True (Addicted) Self.
And hooray!.. the women he teams up with may be witness of it! (not nice but it was also an interesting & instructive journey)

Belonging to his family, he would give his life for it. (for how long?)

A while ago I wrote a piece about him, his dictatorial mom and my experience with it. Last night I almost suddenly drove to his moms house to put my writing in their letter box. Very confronting words but I feel relieved and I've finally said what I always wanted to say..

posted July 20, 2011 01:04 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Moonfish:
Actually, both of my Parent's charts are influenced by Saturn. My mom has Sun square Saturn & my dad has Moon square Saturn - his mars is in Aquarius. However we're all water signs, even my dog lol. They're aspects are nothing like mine though.

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No Moonfish
What I meant was---OK---Let's do this--tell me about your relationship with your father? How did you view him?

posted July 20, 2011 01:30 PM            

whoa, what a story!
I cannot even begin to describes how deeply it touched me.

But I think it demonstrate Pluto`s possible manifestations well. Of course it does not have to manifest the exact same way. But there is just something very extreme about Pluto, even if it could be about extreme withdrawel from a public stage.

I think maybe it is safe to say, that however Pluto manifest, it has some "polarizing" effect.

posted July 20, 2011 01:43 PM            

I agree very much with your take on Pluto.

Pluto is not always a powerhungry ***** .

Sometimes it feels as if people emphasize one possible side of Pluto so much, that all the other, more hidden, layers get lost.

And that is one of the clues for Pluto, it is HIDDEN.
It`s not a second Mars, and most of the time it is very very quiet.

posted July 20, 2011 01:56 PM            

I had the 4 people who raised me die within a two year span, so I have an understanding
of what you went through.
Although, you handled it with much more
grace, whereas I went into self destruct mode.. for quite some time.
This was ten years ago for me.
There have been lots more deaths since then,
they seem to come in cycles
like every 18 mos- 2 years.
I think I am getting better at handling it.

posted July 20, 2011 02:22 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
No Moonfish
What I meant was---OK---Let's do this--tell me about your relationship with your father? How did you view him?

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