posted November 27, 2011 10:51 AM            

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Originally posted by Maka:
I cheated once this summer for the first time..nope never again.

For those contemplating to cheat, it's not worth it.

It doesn't matter how many excuses or lies you want to tell yourself to justify cheating the end result is always hellish.

Just leave or grow a pair of balls and state "Hey I got needs that need to be met too!"

It's a sexual urge that can be easily solved with a creative mind.

So yes I'm one of those cheaters who will never cheat again.

And yes I owned up to it and he left me, but I brought it on myself and now I'm in a self revelation mode and I've been celibate for three months.

Been there done that, don't need to put myself or my loved one through it again.

And yes I've been cheated on with my best friend, I forgave her and it took her ages to gain my trust back, but now she has it..she ***** it up again..friendship is terminated like I terminated the douche bag.

-out-

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posted November 27, 2011 01:20 PM            

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I'd also be curious to look at the charts of people who cheated in *one* relationship, but who later reformed and didn't cheat in other relationships afterward (as well as the reverse: people who were faithful in early relationships but became cheaters).

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I've done it once. Why? 2 Factors:

1) I cheated in my last relationship and I sincerely did not give a f*ck. My ex is an ******* and you know how people are always like "BUT NO ONE DESERVES TO BE CHEATED ON." This one did (not that he ever really knew... he had suspicions but it was never confirmed for him). The main thing that holds me back from cheating is the guilt. I did not feel any guilt when it came to this dude.

2) It was with someone that I think I will always love and who can never love me back because he's just not capable of it. I ALMOST cheated on my other ex with him too (the ex that came before the as*hole ex), but I couldn't do it to the guy. So I broke up with him instead, which was also terrible. Thankfully, I'm dating his friend now so he wouldn't do it to him so the temptation isn't there (but boy, was he ****** when he found out I was dating his friend).

I've got a chart that screams cheater, actually. I've only done it once so.

posted November 27, 2011 01:28 PM            

The next time a situation creeps up, you would then do the same intellectual after-the-fact justification to relieve your guilt conscience.

posted November 27, 2011 03:34 PM            

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Originally posted by amowls**:
The fact of the matter is, I'm not the girl who cheated on you. We're not all the same. Our situations are not remotely similar.

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Man, I have so much to say on this topic and I don't know if it will come out coherently. I realize that cheating is a sensitive subject for most of us, but amwols is right. It all depends on the person and situation. One can live with a partner for 40 years, abhor him and wishing that they cheated, but never do. How is that morally right? That person might think that cheating or leaving will hurt the partner and chooses instead a lifetime of misery.

Also, have you ever considered that most of the things we do hurt others? Our very existence is based on survival and destruction. We show some empathy as opposed to animals, but at the end of the day, we compensate by acting worse (killing for fun).

Back on topic, what I'm trying to say is that everything is relative. I had severe anxiety attacks until I removed the verb "should" from my vocabulary and replaced it with "want", "it would be good to...". We "should" not have to do anything. It would be good to no hurt others if one can help it. But what if he or she can't? Should he/she live in guilt and shame for the rest of their lives because they were coward and couldn't verbalize their different wants and needs?

posted November 27, 2011 03:42 PM            

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Originally posted by amowls**:
Duh. I should've never dated my ex in the first place but I was emotionally fragile at the time of entering the relationship (I had spent months emotionally invested in another dude who didn't seem to care and the depression and low self esteem was there) and I couldn't leave him, either (emotional manipulation). I didn't start the relationship wanting to cheat on him, obviously. The affair was towards the end and when the ex wanted to end the relationship, I said "okay" and felt relief. And the fact of the matter is, I don't care if he's hurt. I simply didn't/don't care. I told him to never contact me again. I've never cut someone out of my life like that.

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posted November 27, 2011 03:55 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Maka:
I cheated once this summer for the first time..nope never again.

For those contemplating to cheat, it's not worth it.

It doesn't matter how many excuses or lies you want to tell yourself to justify cheating the end result is always hellish.

Just leave or grow a pair of balls and state "Hey I got needs that need to be met too!"

It's a sexual urge that can be easily solved with a creative mind.

So yes I'm one of those cheaters who will never cheat again.

And yes I owned up to it and he left me, but I brought it on myself and now I'm in a self revelation mode and I've been celibate for three months.

Been there done that, don't need to put myself or my loved one through it again.

And yes I've been cheated on with my best friend, I forgave her and it took her ages to gain my trust back, but now she has it..she ***** it up again..friendship is terminated like I terminated the douche bag.

-out-

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I can't take back a cheater, anyone that can betray that kind of trust is something close to being dead to me. I can forgive the person but things will never be the same so theres no point IMO.

I always wonder about people who cheat, if they really do feel sorry for what they did and mean it when they say it will not happen again. Maybe you're the minority.

posted November 27, 2011 03:57 PM            

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Originally posted by defeat:

the pisces mars people i found to be some of the worse cheaters

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posted November 27, 2011 04:00 PM            

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Originally posted by amelia28:
hubby has venus square mars and is true I feel he has never given his heart in bed fully to me because his venus and mars energy at are odds but he does love me very much its just that him not been able to blend venus and mars energy well puts quite a damper on our sex life for me since my venus conjuncts my mars so for me these two energies are one and blend with no problem.

He also has moon in gemini and gemini rising which make him very talkative and intellectual combined with virgo in the 5th making him want to schedule sex, not spontaneous. I have to accept him as is and work with him but this incompatibilities between our styles and priorities have led to me cheating.

I give myself emotionally bc of venus in cancer and physically bc of mars in leo when I have sex. On top of this my venus and mars conjunct each other by one degree so sex is like a body and soul blending together type of thing for me and for him is more intellectual and something he is not spontaneous about or feels completely at ease with(libra in mars square leo in venus and virgo in the 5th).

He has never cheated though and I gave him a free pass which he refuses to use but told him pass doesn't expire.

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Whats the Moon in Gemini like??

posted November 27, 2011 07:05 PM            

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The fact of the matter is, I'm not the girl who cheated on you. We're not all the same. Our situations are not remotely similar.[/B]

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Exactly! Every situation is different so expecting everyone to handle a situation the exact same way is unfair and shows lack of deductive reasoning and analytical skills or an inability to see both the details and the big picture when looking at a situation.

posted November 27, 2011 07:30 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by amowls**:
I've done it once. Why? 2 Factors:

1) I cheated in my last relationship and I sincerely did not give a f*ck. My ex is an ******* and you know how people are always like "BUT NO ONE DESERVES TO BE CHEATED ON." This one did (not that he ever really knew... he had suspicions but it was never confirmed for him). The main thing that holds me back from cheating is the guilt. I did not feel any guilt when it came to this dude.

2) It was with someone that I think I will always love and who can never love me back because he's just not capable of it. I ALMOST cheated on my other ex with him too (the ex that came before the as*hole ex), but I couldn't do it to the guy. So I broke up with him instead, which was also terrible. Thankfully, I'm dating his friend now so he wouldn't do it to him so the temptation isn't there (but boy, was he ****** when he found out I was dating his friend).

I've got a chart that screams cheater, actually. I've only done it once so.

Gemini Rising
Aqua Sun, conjunct Mercury in the 9th
Libra Moon in the 5th opposite Jupiter, trine Chiron & Mercury
Venus in Pisces in 10th, square Saturn, Uranus & Chiron, conjunct NN
Mars in Sag in 6th trine Jupiter
7th in Sag (Jupiter in Aries in 11th), conjunct Saturn/Uranus, Neptune in Cap in 7th

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No offense this is the dumbest post I've read on this site.
no one deserves to be cheated on.. no one. not even someone that cheats on you. you don't fight fire with fire. Attempting to rationalize irrational behavior is nonsensical IMO...

Your ex didn't deserve to be cheated on. No excuses who cares if you were or were not emotionally dependent (aka unhealthy/codependent) on him, you should have left him. Cheating on anyone cannot be justified. It's disrespectful and shows the level of lack of self love and respect you have for your partner and yourself.

but it was in the past as you've stated. I truly hope you changed your thinking because no one deserves to be cheated on. With that train of thought you will have no right to get upset if and when someone cheats on you because according to your logic "he deserved to be cheated on" well the man you decide to love one day will say "she deserved to be cheated on."

posted November 27, 2011 07:58 PM            

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Originally posted by mintgirl123:
Yeah. And having been cheated on..

Boy. Everytime I think back the same emotions come rushing. And I start having issues breathing lol...
I don't ever want to put anyone through even 1/5th what I had to go through. It kills people's spirits and hearts.
Just don't do it. Break up if you can't commit/aren't terribly happy for whatever reason. Treat others the way you would like to be treated.

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posted November 27, 2011 08:04 PM            

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Originally posted by amelia28:
It took me 4 years to get over my ex who got involved with a new chick two months after we broke up so he can get over me and lasted with her like 4 or 5 years and now wants to get back with me but I dont. Four years to get over this guy. I literally wanted to die but I dont hate him at all. In fact I care about him and am in extremely good terms with him. Why dont I hate him? because I took responsibility for my own healing instead. I spent those 4 years finding a solution to heal myself and not blaming him but trying to understand. Seeking understanding, taking meds for about a year, taking flower essences and a therapy called emotional freedom technique did the trick for me. I highly recommend you look for a counselor that can provide this therapy for you "emotional freedom technique."

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I probably do need to google it or sth lol. I'm mostly over it, but I just have inside of me and everytime I really think about it for an extended period of time (longer than fleeting thoughts) it does hurt.
With my last ex, and a couple of other guys I talked about it (cos they wanted to get with me and I just wasn't interested or ready) and all of them told me how incredibly solemn I get when I talk about the past. Lol. SOLEMN that's the word all 3 guys used.
I'm not sad most of the time, it's just like a scar that's part of me now. The past year and a bit has been hard. But he did teach me alot so I'm thankful. I have really turned all my pain to productive growth.

But yeah, your husbund sounds controlling. Don't let things get too bad. If being free and not married to him makes you happier, it'll be better to leave him for your own happiness.

posted November 27, 2011 08:05 PM            

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
In all honesty, that sounds a bit disconcerting and I'm a bit worried for you. Obviously you know your life better than me, but it sounds like he is controlling with a temper and refuses to let you leave. I'll keep you in my thoughts and I sincerely hope that you make the right decision for yourself. Loving someone is one thing, but if someone is putting you in harm's way or is putting your life in danger/your happiness and well-being at risk, that's another thing altogether. Love doesn't mean that you sacrifice your entire self for someone or that you have to give up your own happiness and safety.

As I said, I'll keep you in my thoughts.

I don't think that all people who cheat are bad people. I do think that the act of cheating is wrong, but, at the same time, I know that I've made mistakes and have done things that I shouldn't have done/should have done things that I didn't do, so I'm far from perfect. So, for what it's worth, I don't think that you're a bad person. Being less judgmental is one of my goals (while still holding true to my own values), so thank you for putting yourself out here and for reminding me of that goal and for inspiring me to continue to try to live up to it.

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posted November 27, 2011 08:12 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by mintgirl123:
Yeah. And having been cheated on..

Boy. Everytime I think back the same emotions come rushing. And I start having issues breathing lol...
I don't ever want to put anyone through even 1/5th what I had to go through. It kills people's spirits and hearts.
Just don't do it. Break up if you can't commit/aren't terribly happy for whatever reason. Treat others the way you would like to be treated.

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I'm a loyal devoted kind of lover I don't like flings of any ofthat stuff Im a one man woman lol! Cheating is repulsive. I understand other people are attractive it's ok to find people attractive but to take that to the next step, emotionally cheating, physically cheating is repulsive one of the most disgusting acts. In my opinion it's worse than murder, cause with murder the person is dead but with cheating it's there forever and ever those feelings that scar you are imprinted into your skull. Sorry don't mean to sound dark... but it even makes me upset when I see or hear people justifying cheating.......

like my friend told me "I think it's okay to cheat if your partner doesn't show they love you." I was like "What is the matter with you? Just because you perceive them not showing they love you doesn't mean they don't!" People show love in lots of ways... sometimes my bf is always busy but I get it, he's working a lot, and after work he is exhausted but he will call me and check up on me. But am I gonna go cheat on him because he's actually not being a lazy person like most guys his age? No! I would never! Goodness I would kill myself before I cheat on someone the guilt is overpowering..

posted November 27, 2011 08:15 PM            

I don't know what vows, if any, you ladies took when you got married, if so.

I take my vows extremely seriously, and they include: ".....to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part. "

I phrase my comments in that context. I abide by my vows.

You ladies can go justify your actions all you want. I'm not here to pass judgment because I inherently fall short in many other ways and will be judged myself one day.

That's all I have to say.

posted November 27, 2011 08:19 PM            

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Originally posted by amelia28:
ok I love my husband and have tried breaking up though bc of the issues we have and he literally doesn't let me leave the house when I do. We have different sex drives and he has a horrible temper which lead to me cheating. I am trying to help him get better with his temper issues and he has told me he prefers I cheat than leave him so not everyone universally deals the same way with issues related to been cheated on or cheating. Anyone in my shoes would have left him if you knew all the details of our relationship but he has a real good heart and a lot of good things so I am trying to work things out and help him heal. LIFE IS NOT BLACK AND WHITE but feel free to think just like everyone else does, its easier I get it.

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Well Amelia thats really sad. Is he abusive towards you?

I'm sorry that you're in this situation. I don't mean to pry but do you sincerely love this man? Or did you/were you forced to love him in anyway? Just curious.

The fact that he would rather you cheat then leave is unhealthy. You mentioned he has abandonment issues. It's better than hearing "If you ever cheat on me i will kill you"...