posted December 14, 2011 12:55 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by cappy1277:

I can't really reason with all this...it's too complicated of a situation to even delve into. we're talking about getting into a person's psyche to figure out why they do the things they do. It will never make any sense to the person that believes that they make more superior choices because they choose not to deal with certain situations. Instead of trying to figure someone out looking for concrete answers and question their intelligence and emotional stability, we all should come together to try to bring a more holistic, empathetic solution.

---

Beautiful. You are trying to understand instead of judge. Judging is a piece of cake, anyone can do it. Trying to truly understand from a place of compassion is more challenging and shows you are more evolved.

Judging stems from hate I feel and the hate stems from lack of understanding.

posted December 14, 2011 12:56 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by cappy1277:
Yes I can believe that a synastry or composite chart can point to tendencies of abuse but I don't think you can really pinpoint it to an aspect in the natal. There's always a positive & negative side.

---

Yes the polarities ...you are very wise.

posted December 14, 2011 01:00 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mintgirl123:
I grew up having a dad with major anger issues, a mum who had anger issues too. They fight everyday, so my whole life's been alot of conflict. They have also treated like I was never good enough. No matter how well I did with school. How much I did around the house. No matter how much I try, it hasn't ever been appreciated. All they did was put me down. So just a life time of expectations. A lifetime of shouting and screaming and condemnation. Both parents are scorpios.
I guess I never realised how it affected me until I got older. Seeing how my childhood was like, it was just a matter of time before I got involved with sb who saw my weakness and milked it for all it was worth.

Sucks but that past relationship did teach me alot. I've broken the cycle lol. My last ex was a really good guy, he was super sweet. But he wasn't for me.

My parents haven't changed. I can't wait to move out.

---

Mint...I am sorry man! .

posted December 14, 2011 03:13 AM              

Everyone has their story and here's mine:

I was in a long-term relationship that eventually became physically abusive on his part, verbally abusive on mine (or so he claims - he's just a big baby who can dish out the truth no prob but can't take it).

I stuck around cuz I was too busy with a full-time job and a somewhat full college curriculum, so analyzing a relationship wasn't exactly at the forefront of my mind lol. Ok, hindsight being 20/20, I realize how stupid that sounds....but I was REALLY busy and also I grew up in a culture and time wherein domestic/verbal abuse is common.

I did leave eventually but 'twas due to boredom, tbh. I felt like there was no more room for growth. Combination of Uranus transit 7th, tUranus trine nVenus, & Saturn Return.

Not sure if my Moon-Venus square played into it. It seems to cause me great dissatisfaction in a relationship though....I think I want a certain thing but am actually not emotionally equipped to handle it in reality. Moon square Venus can also signify challenges in relating to women.

posted December 14, 2011 03:37 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by amelia28:
Beautiful. You are trying to understand instead of judge. Judging is a piece of cake, anyone can do it. Trying to truly understand from a place of compassion is more challenging and shows you are more evolved.

Judging stems from hate I feel and the hate stems from lack of understanding.

The more judgy the more hate the person has inside of them.

---

those two are not even remotely exclusive.

and FYI, it's a human trait, to judge. its really annoying when I hear/see people act like they are so above basic human traits apparent in all of us. you judge, whether you're aware of that which judging from your posts seems like your oblivious, you're not above anyone or anything.

posted December 14, 2011 03:51 AM              

Juuuuuuuust kidding. Seriously though, just because it's "human" doesn't mean it's right to give it free rein. Some people say "it's human" to cheat on a spouse but that doesn't make it right. To evolve means to rise above base impulses.\

quote:

---

@Capricorn
question, so you stayed because you were busy?

---

quote:

---

what do you think about that logic, now that you are free from that person and the relationship?

---

quote:

---

do you still share the same thoughts as you did in that moment to now?

---

quote:

---

what about domestic abuse do you find normal? as you stated.

---

quote:

---

what sign is moon and Venus in?

---

quote:

---

you mentioned reality.

---

posted December 14, 2011 03:54 AM            

quote:

---

Not sure if my Moon-Venus square played into it. It seems to cause me great dissatisfaction in a relationship though....I think I want a certain thing but am actually not emotionally equipped to handle it in reality. Moon square Venus can also signify challenges in relating to women.

---

posted December 14, 2011 03:59 AM            

Ive hard nessus, moon, pluto and never been in an abusive relationship.
My father and mother has also hard aspect in their chart and are kindly people not abusive at all.

I think its better to look at what kind of childhood people got. The childhood say more about what kind of man/ women we feel attracting to. I think its not impossible to change pattern ...

posted December 14, 2011 04:48 AM            

I still think that's an excuse "bills, money," IMO if you cared about your children and your well being and theres, you'd leave, because anywhere is better than being in an unpredictable home, not knowing what new excuse you'll give to your boss again, to explain the broken jaw, ruptured ear drum, brown arm etc etc and so forth. I'm not saying these women don't care... but it is questionable...

posted December 14, 2011 04:58 AM            

It's like being cheated on. Before my whole ordeal, I was so adamant I'd ditch the guy if he disrespected me, but when I was in the situation, it was alot more complicated. Emotions were involved afterall.

posted December 14, 2011 05:01 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
I'd also say that perception can play a role.

Some people who have had very stable and good home lives (thinking of people whom I know personally) think of everyone as good and see the good in people immediately. They might feel like something is off or weird about a person, but dismiss it quickly. So, people with good self esteem can also become victims. I'd also say that some people just naturally have strong personalities or high self-esteem or had parents who were either feminists/supported women's rights, so some people were brought up to recognize abuse and take action, whereas others without that upbringing would not have the same advantage.

While I do think that the first time someone hits you should be the last, and I can understand lindisfarne's point about not putting up with abuse, I also think that this is easier for some than for others, so I do try to not judge people in that situation. After all, I screwed up big-time recently, and have screwed up really bad in other situations, so I can't really say that I've never done anything that I regret. In fact, I'm going through regret right now. And, as others have pointed out, practical things like having no home, fear of being killed (or of having loved ones killed), children, money, etc. also come into play, along with mental/emotional health.

As for astrology, I'd say that the moon, Venus, and Mars would be good places to start looking (moon = childhood, Venus = relationships, Mars = attraction) but, as has also been pointed out, you can't tell how a chart will manifest. You can have bad placements but avoid the bad situations.

---

posted December 14, 2011 05:11 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mintgirl123:
^At the end of the day, you're still on the outside looking in.

It's like being cheated on. Before my whole ordeal, I was so adamant I'd ditch the guy if he disrespected me, but when I was in the situation, it was alot more complicated. Emotions were involved afterall.

---

and same the cheating, been cheated on. dropped him ASAP was heavily involved emotionally. clearly it's different for everyone but it kind of seems like an excuse. excuses can be good or bad...

posted December 14, 2011 05:19 AM            

but I genuinely am having a half battle here. excuses is what comes up for me. but that doesn't really have to be taken negatively. sometimes often than not when people hear the word "excuse" it's seen as an extreme thing in some cases it is. I'm going on about nothing.. sorry.

I don't want you to think that I am saying I'm somehow better basically. because im not. its a habit of mine, that when I've been faced with obstacles in life and I've overcome them as I consider myself very resilient.. when others are put into similar situations, I have a hard time understanding why they are struggling, I think "here's the solution, do it cause it works" and when that person still struggles i still don't understand it. I think, "if I'm resilient, you can be too. this isn't hard. you can do it. if I can, you can to. so why can't you?"

does that make sense? I can describe it in a way of
say frog jumps to the next rock, his friend is left behind cause he is stuck, I give my friend frog the solution to how I made it onto the next wrong, my friend frog is "stuck" and I can't understand how or why after ive figured it out, my friend rock should be able to.

posted December 14, 2011 05:21 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by lindisfarne:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by mintgirl123:
[b]^At the end of the day, you're still on the outside looking in.

It's like being cheated on. Before my whole ordeal, I was so adamant I'd ditch the guy if he disrespected me, but when I was in the situation, it was alot more complicated. Emotions were involved afterall.

---

and same the cheating, been cheated on. dropped him ASAP was heavily involved emotionally. clearly it's different for everyone but it kind of seems like an excuse. excuses can be good or bad...

[/B][/QUOTE]

It took me like 2 months to drop him lol. I think I was in shock for most of that time. Didn't help that he fed me alot of lies and like manipulated me further and stuff.
Like it felt like I was floating and not even present? It was a weird feeling. Really out of body experience ish.

But yeah! I've changed. Now it's like 3 let downs and you're out. Ain't gonna put up with any BS ever again! *punches fist in air* LOL

And I did keep trying to end it. But it's hard when the guy is bloody crying in front of you and telling you they've never loved anyone as much as they loved you.
And even though he was a total liar and cheater, I know he meant those things. Call me naive or whatever lol.

You know what I've learnt? I'm usually very good with keeping my heart distanced, and ALWAYS had the upper hand in previous relationships, but the one time I really like FELL for someone deeply.

posted December 14, 2011 06:14 AM            

He was like such a bad guy, but as the same time I thought he was the one. Like I had no doubt about it. I really thought he was IT.

posted December 14, 2011 11:32 AM            

Yea since I got my share..

Becoming aware of the abuse so that it will literally penetrate you from one moment to the next just needed the trigger of one heartbreaking event, in my case.
Imagine this sudden moment that you realize 'this wasn't LOVE at-all!!'
My gosh.. driven by the biggest anger and lack of opening I kicked his frontdoor to thousand pieces & splinters of glass and even the police came and felt sorry for *me* (yea ofcourse five female police officers )

Men they can play it so soo sooo well and subtle, their pretending love to GET sex or to GET this or that... it's a crime really and ow man it can be soo subtle that you can't be aware .. it can happen to anyone and prob. the way you deal with it is written in the chart. An obvious Moon square Mars in my kicked door-case.

posted December 14, 2011 11:45 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by lindisfarne:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by amelia28:
[b] Beautiful. You are trying to understand instead of judge. Judging is a piece of cake, anyone can do it. Trying to truly understand from a place of compassion is more challenging and shows you are more evolved.

Judging stems from hate I feel and the hate stems from lack of understanding.

The more judgy the more hate the person has inside of them.

---

those two are not even remotely exclusive.

and FYI, it's a human trait, to judge. its really annoying when I hear/see people act like they are so above basic human traits apparent in all of us. you judge, whether you're aware of that which judging from your posts seems like your oblivious, you're not above anyone or anything.

[/B][/QUOTE]

Believe it or not, it's possible to work on being less judgey. When I was your age, I was kind of like you. My SN is in Virgo, judging is somewhat inherent in my nature.

Then I went through a Neptune trine Moon transit. Judging got exhausting. I wanted to stop being this bitter, hateful person, who's self righteousness had gotten WAYYYY out of control. I started to reign it in and actively tried to be my North Node (Pisces). The transit is over now, but I still approach situations by trying to understand them instead of taking a critical lens to them.

I still have pet peeves. Women who call other women sl*ts, for instance, is my biggest. I don't think I can stop judging them lol.

Anyway, my ex boyfriend was emotionally abusive. Sometimes I wish he had hit me, then I would've left him a lot sooner. I stayed with him for a year, but was having an affair with someone else for the last 4 months. I just couldn't leave him for some reason.