Lindaland
  Astrology 2.0
  i need to understand boyfriend's character trait (Page 1)

Post New Topic  Post A Reply
profile | register | preferences | faq

UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone!
This topic is 2 pages long:   1  2 
next newest topic | next oldest topic
Author Topic:   i need to understand boyfriend's character trait
chocogold
Knowflake

Posts: 29
From: USA
Registered: Aug 2010

posted February 14, 2012 06:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for chocogold     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
sorry, long post
please excuse my english

he is virgo sun, moon and mercury
mars and venus in leo conjunct
neptune, uranus, jupiter in sag
saturn in scorpio

you are dating someone

a. person responds, 'i didnt think it was important for you' after failing to comply with a request/desire. why should person go with his own interpretation of things that I do know are important for me?

b. person doesnt seem to be able to be in tune with your feelings. e.g. when you are hurt or sad. if the situation is not affecting person, person becomes sarcastic or tries to make jokes (supposedly to make you feel better).
if i tell on him, he responds, 'i didnt think it was such a big deal for you'

c. person doesnt do things such as looking at something and thinking, "she mentioned this" whereas if i see something that person needs, i buy it to surprise person.

d. person and i have been seeing each other from saturday nights to sunday afternoons for 3.5 years.
sometimes, we hang out at other days.
whereas i want us to spend nights more often, person seems fine with this arrangement.

rarely does person takes the initiative to see me more than our date nights. and if i tell him about spending more nights together, he says 'he has work tomorrow'.

he is very practical, and likes to have everything like a schedule but, i would think that person would start feeling a desire to see his girl more often and ask to come over more often.

now, person has no problem with helping and likes to share. so i would not call it selfishness. person is very service-oriented, respectful, funny, good person.

however, the 'not being able to see things from your point of view or how important some things are for me' is something else.

for example. there was a robbery in my area.
we did our date night but then, i told him that i wanted to spend the night with him the next day.
he had work the morning after.
i had to beg him to let me spend the night with him.
he would say, "you'll be fine on your own"
at the end, he said ok.

dont men for the most part feel honored when their girlfriends want to spend time with them?
or at least, a guy's protective side comes out and he wants to protect his girl?
in spite of work? he had nothing huge going on like a project, supervision...nothing going on on that day. and it is not as if i told him not to go to work.

is this self-centeredness? self-absorbed? many sites seem to use them as synonym for selfishness but i think they are different.

the thing is how can someone be self-centeredness and not be selfish?
im trying to understand the difference between the two.
because he is not selfish.
after all, if he didnt care about me, then he would be selfish...
now, i agree that he doesnt care about me as much as i care about him and that he is not valuing me as i value him.
and we will def. have a talk
but, i need to be able to understand these differences to explain it.

so, there must be a clearer explanation.

thank you.

ps

i always hear of mars and venus in leo being generous
but, person never gives gifts, except on b-day
and thus far, in three years
he has never made the effort to plan ahead for my b-day even though he knows b-days are important for me...
if i tell him,
he says, "you know how i am"
"i didnt think about it"
"i should have"

but he never makes more of an effort...

he never makes future plans either.
he states that he is in the moment

we talked about children...
and he said, "you can have the children you want, and i can have the children i want"
but, as in separate manner...never us or inclusive...

i feel he wants a girlfriend but, he acts and thinks like a bachelor

IP: Logged

chocogold
Knowflake

Posts: 29
From: USA
Registered: Aug 2010

posted February 14, 2012 06:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for chocogold     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
another thing,

person and i had a recent conversation on what would happen if i got pregnant..

i told him that i cant promise anything now, as in, say i would do an abortion or not,
that it is hard as a woman, that it would depend on many circumstances

he stated, very mechanical, that he would truly want it gone...but, he had a problem that i could not make my mind right there and there.

now, i dont want children right now. im in mid 20s, he is 28...
im still young.

but, isnt it normal for men to become more...
attached, have greater sentiment to a pregnancy instead of being so cold about it?
i mean, we ve been dating for 3.5 years

it felt as if, the idea of me getting pregnant would be horrendous...but in a way that spells, 'i dont want you to have my children' and not, 'im not ready to be a father yet'

IP: Logged

mintgirl123
Knowflake

Posts: 1979
From:
Registered: Nov 2009

posted February 14, 2012 06:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mintgirl123     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
This probably isn't a guy thing, seems like he's not into you at all. Not emotionally invested in any sense and seems really selfish.
Obviously you deserve much more than this.
When a virgo loves you, you'll become his world. And he has a leo venus and mars! He should be sweeping you off your feet. But this is only if he's really feeling for you, which tbh...From everything you wrote... He isn't =(.
Drop the loser lol.

IP: Logged

anongrl10
Knowflake

Posts: 4255
From:
Registered: Sep 2011

posted February 14, 2012 06:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for anongrl10     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Have you read the book (or seen the movie) with the title "He's not that into you"?
You know the answer already. I am not going to be cruel and say it out loud.
From where I sit, he sounds like a jerk esp the lack of effort for your b/day and the horrendous comment about "his children" and "your children". He doesn't love you or he would be seeing a future that includes you both.
A person can be good but still not love you.
That's the bottom line. This arrangement is great for him because he has everything he wants from a relationship without the feelings. If you don't dump him, you basically tell him that you're alight with this arrangement (regardless of what your say in words -- actions speak louder).

IP: Logged

chocogold
Knowflake

Posts: 29
From: USA
Registered: Aug 2010

posted February 14, 2012 06:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for chocogold     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
thanks everyone...i agree with you

i just need to get everything straight for dumping time...because
i know he will be asking questions

i think he does love me, but, he is not in love with me...

IP: Logged

cappy1277
Knowflake

Posts: 801
From: philadelphia,pa
Registered: Jul 2009

posted February 14, 2012 06:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cappy1277     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well in my opinion you really don't owe him any explanations except to say that you need more from him that he obviously cannot offer. He is quite aware of what he is doing.

IP: Logged

anongrl10
Knowflake

Posts: 4255
From:
Registered: Sep 2011

posted February 14, 2012 07:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for anongrl10     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I agree with cappy.
You simply are not getting the love you want. Period. It's like explaining to someone why you don't like a dish. Is it possible? It's a matter of taste. You wanted it more salty, less sour, better done, whatever. It's your right to say "no, thanks, I don't like it, I want something better/tastier".
When it's dump-him time, I hope you let us know!

IP: Logged

chocogold
Knowflake

Posts: 29
From: USA
Registered: Aug 2010

posted February 14, 2012 07:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for chocogold     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
this is hard

i have to test for the bar exam on july
im not sure if this is the right time to do this
because i dont want emotions to affect my studies...

so maybe, i should wait

what do you guys think?

IP: Logged

cappy1277
Knowflake

Posts: 801
From: philadelphia,pa
Registered: Jul 2009

posted February 14, 2012 07:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cappy1277     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think you have been sitting on the fence about this one for too long. You're uncertainty shows that deep down inside you don't want to let it go but under no circumstance should you allow yourself to be short changed like this. You deserve better & know it. July is a long time from now....

IP: Logged

anongrl10
Knowflake

Posts: 4255
From:
Registered: Sep 2011

posted February 14, 2012 07:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for anongrl10     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
^^ seconding this

It's been overdue. I know you hope he loves you and all, or that he will finally wake up, but he won't. I bet he will be very "understanding".

You are stronger than any emotion. Plus you will be doing this FOR you, so all the more a reason to feel empowered by this breakup.


IP: Logged

chocogold
Knowflake

Posts: 29
From: USA
Registered: Aug 2010

posted February 14, 2012 07:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for chocogold     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
cappy...

when i break up, i break apart,
and i want to do well in the bar

i thought, after i take the bar, i can dump him...

but yes, it is too long

IP: Logged

cappy1277
Knowflake

Posts: 801
From: philadelphia,pa
Registered: Jul 2009

posted February 14, 2012 07:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cappy1277     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
But ask yourself what are you really breaking apart about? You already know there is a disconnect , he can't fulfill the most basic emotions for you & it's becoming a drag. You need to pick & choose your battles wisely on this one because from what I see, no matter the outcome, it's still going to hurt...the only difference will be that you are dragging out the healing process if you choose to stay.

IP: Logged

aquaguy91
Knowflake

Posts: 312
From: zeta reticuli
Registered: Jan 2012

posted February 14, 2012 07:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i am very sorry to hear your story ,because its never fun to care more about someone then they care about you,i have been there done and done that and it never works,i can tell that you really care about the guy from what you have written and i know its tough but you have to leave him before you become even more emotionally invested and get hurt really bad,i know its easier said then done,but in the long run you will be happier then if you hang on to him,find a man who values you as much as you value him and accept nothing less,i wish you the best of luck.

IP: Logged

mintgirl123
Knowflake

Posts: 1979
From:
Registered: Nov 2009

posted February 14, 2012 08:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mintgirl123     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Better to break it off now than drag it on. Ripping off the band aid will be better in the long run. =)

IP: Logged

SaggiMC
Knowflake

Posts: 1212
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2012

posted February 15, 2012 11:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for SaggiMC     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
data and life stories don't mean much to me I'm afraid I'm visually orentiated and need to SEE charts pleae?

Perhaps you should post in PR forum

How to post your chart… http://www.linda-goodman.com/cgi-bin/ubb/ubbmisc.cgi?action=getannounce&ForumNumber=11&Start=2455736.99&End=2459389&Session=

Basic astrology forum, How to approach Synastry http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum12/private-jjLYZw161/HTML/000667.html
Please remember to reduce the orb ratio down to 40% as the max orb between planets is 3'

when you get this chart, please also post the *pdf file*, above left of chart look for *view additional tables (PDF)* This will bring up 2pages –at a glance planet to planet. Scroll down to last page and *aspect grid*

problem is uploading to photobucket you have to change this from abode format into a picture. This is done by getting the relevant page/grid/bit in front of you,on screen then( if bit big press ctrl and - to reduce image). the press ‘prtsc sysrq’ - top row inbetween pause break and F12. This has copied to clipboard.

Paste into Paint or some other photo software. Crop the picture and save to hard drive, then upload to photobucket, select chart press IMG and past link into thread.... done


Basic astrology forum, Learn the basics, Free courses + House systems. http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum12/private-jjLYZw161/HTML/000671.html

------------------
I love the parable, “If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day, BUT if you teach him how to fish, you feed him for life.”

IP: Logged

Starry~*
Knowflake

Posts: 285
From: New York, USA
Registered: Nov 2011

posted February 15, 2012 02:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Starry~*     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Chocogold,

I do sympathize with your current situation and I know it must be hard for you.

After reading your post, something really dawned on me. And I don't mean to say it in an offensive way or insulting way, it's just a generalization/observation.

If you know he was like that before you guys started dating, why are you complaining now?

I'm asking this because towards the last thing you talked about (him doing special stuff for your birthday) you quoted him saying "But you know that's how I am". If he really said that then from his POV, he expects you to know the type of person he is and he thought you ACCEPTED him for WHO HE IS.

Right now, it sounds like you want him to change into someone HE ISN'T. Example - letting you over besides date nights, planning stuff to do with you besides date nights, be more emotionally intune with you, being more caring and sensitive to your moods, etc..

You said you guys have been together for 3.5 years. Obviously, the honeymoon phase is over. This is when people really get into their true selves and it's up to whether or not the other person can accept them truly for who they are. If you can't and this is truly really bothering you, then you should tell yourself to move on (easier said than done, I know). He is NOT going to change.

Alot of my girl-friends get into relationships wanting to try and change the man (The WRONG reason). But when they are met with resistance, the girls start complaining.

Yes, there should be certain things that the man in the relationship should do. Like you said, he IS sharing with you, he IS helping you and he DOES respect you. Perhaps to him those are the core things in a relationship, which is in conflict with what you think a relationship should be.

"he is very practical, and likes to have everything like a schedule but, i would think that person would start feeling a desire to see his girl more often and ask to come over more often."

- That sounds like something that would happen during the honeymoon phase. The want, the chase, the excitement. After that, it's back to reality - work, duties, other responsibilities, friends, family and girlfriend.


Chances are, if he's not like that now for 3.5 years, he will not be like that for the next 90 years. It's not about who is more justified/ "correct" - being more emotionally intuned or being more practical. It's about your different views and definitions of a relationship. If it's really THAT different and it's REALLY bothering you, you should sit down, have a mature talk about everything you said on this board with him.

Keep in mind, people and situations don't change over night. It takes time and effort, and especially if you guys are going to talk this out and try to figure out a middle ground or a solution.

After all this being said, your future is what should REALLY count for you. Therefore, it's good for you to focus on your exam in July and put that as your priority.

**EDIT**

PS - What are your motives? You want to go over more and spend more time with him...do you want to move in with this guy?? If so, let him know. What are your goals/intentions for this relationship?

IP: Logged

YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake

Posts: 1607
From:
Registered: Oct 2011

posted February 15, 2012 03:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for YoursTrulyAlways     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
With all due respect, a man who loves a woman would want the woman around him more than anything else in the world. There is the expression that "love conquers all."

I am a man. When I was dating my wife, I was around her ever single minute I could, before work, after work, and even during lunch at work. On weekdays, on weekends and every day. 19 years into my marriage, I still rush home after work to be with my wife. I rather be with my wife than anyone else in this world.

With all due respect, the question you should ask yourself is how much does he truly love you.

IP: Logged

Starry~*
Knowflake

Posts: 285
From: New York, USA
Registered: Nov 2011

posted February 15, 2012 03:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Starry~*     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
With all due respect, a man who loves a woman would want the woman around him more than anything else in the world. There is the expression that "love conquers all."

I am a man. When I was dating my wife, I was around her ever single minute I could, before work, after work, and even during lunch at work. On weekdays, on weekends and every day. 19 years into my marriage, I still rush home after work to be with my wife. I rather be with my wife than anyone else in this world.

With all due respect, the question you should ask yourself is how much does he truly love you.


Every man, every woman - are all different.

Spending time together doesn't necessarily mean bonding.

Talking alot doesn't necessarily mean communicating meaningfully.

IP: Logged

YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake

Posts: 1607
From:
Registered: Oct 2011

posted February 15, 2012 03:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for YoursTrulyAlways     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm not even going to go into communication. First of all, you cannot communicate and bond without a physical presence, no disrespect to IMs or e-mails or Facebook or Skype or whatever. That isn't spending time together, which is the basic foundation of any relationship.

IP: Logged

amowls**
Knowflake

Posts: 1182
From:
Registered: Dec 2010

posted February 15, 2012 03:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for amowls**     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
but, isnt it normal for men to become more...
attached, have greater sentiment to a pregnancy instead of being so cold about it?
i mean, we ve been dating for 3.5 years

it felt as if, the idea of me getting pregnant would be horrendous...but in a way that spells, 'i dont want you to have my children' and not, 'im not ready to be a father yet'


I don't want children. If I got pregnant right now, I would definitely get an abortion and not think twice about it. It depends on the individual and how attached they are AS A WHOLE to the idea of having children. Clearly you're okay with having kids, even if you acknowledge that you're not "ready."

Anyway, doesn't seem like he's super into you and perhaps even too comfortable after 3.5 years of being together. You can't really change him. He doesn't see you as a priority. I would break up with him, honestly.

And do it NOW. Don't wait until after your bar exam. You'll find another excuse to not do it because it's not the "right moment." NOW is the right moment. The exam is 5 months away.

IP: Logged

Starry~*
Knowflake

Posts: 285
From: New York, USA
Registered: Nov 2011

posted February 15, 2012 03:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Starry~*     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by chocogold:
but, isnt it normal for men to become more...
attached, have greater sentiment to a pregnancy instead of being so cold about it?
i mean, we ve been dating for 3.5 years

Yes. DATING for 3.5 years. Not MARRIED for 3.5 years. There's the difference. Sentiment? Normal attachedness about pregnancy? this all sounds like things coming from a couple who's married and already know that they wanna spend the rest of their lives together and know they want a family together. Not necessarily a couple who's just dating, or in the process of learning to accept and get to know each other.

Ask yourself this: Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him? If he got on one knee tomorrow and asked you to marry him, would you say yes?

If you can't even answer that, then there's a problem.

And again, "normal for men". You are trying to fit the description of how every man should be like into a box. Generally speaking, there should be a ballpark, but everybody has their story and their reasons.

IP: Logged

YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake

Posts: 1607
From:
Registered: Oct 2011

posted February 15, 2012 03:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for YoursTrulyAlways     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Gimme a break. A guy who doesn't know whether he wants kids, how many kids or when he wants kids after 3-1/2 years of dating doesn't know his cranium from his posterior.

Sounds like he doesn't want kids. Period.

IP: Logged

Starry~*
Knowflake

Posts: 285
From: New York, USA
Registered: Nov 2011

posted February 15, 2012 03:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Starry~*     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Gimme a break. A guy who doesn't know whether he wants kids, how many kids or when he wants kids after 3-1/2 years of dating doesn't know his cranium from his posterior.

Sounds like he doesn't want kids. Period.


Be it as it may, that's HIS problem and HIS preference. The main focus now is HER not the GUY. So, Stop focusing on THE GUY cuz obviously it's all pretty much laid out on the table. You guys can bash, diss, insult men/the guy/generalize, say he's a SOB/cranium from posterior, however you want.

She should know and decide whether she wants to be with him or not, given ALL these.

IP: Logged

cappy1277
Knowflake

Posts: 801
From: philadelphia,pa
Registered: Jul 2009

posted February 15, 2012 03:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cappy1277     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Men & women who are truly into each other will try to get as much quality bonding time as much as possible, schedules permitting. Someone cannot be so regimented that they will only spend time with someone as scheduled. Its not like she hasn't put the effort into getting more time....she has asked after all. But he still turns her down.

After 3.5 years he has not figured out where he wants to be with you in life, then its possible that he doesn't figure you into his life at all. We all work through stages of a relationship & after all these years you should know where you stand. Leaving him might be the best decision....it can go one of two ways- the time apart will have him decide where you two are finally going or he's out of your life for good...which in turn will allow you the time to heal & find someone who will emotionally fulfill you

IP: Logged

chocogold
Knowflake

Posts: 29
From: USA
Registered: Aug 2010

posted February 15, 2012 05:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for chocogold     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Starry~*:
[B]Chocogold,

If you know he was like that before you guys started dating, why are you complaining now?


im not complaining...
i said, i need to understand the meaning of this trait
so i could explain it because he will be asking questions...
that is the reason i placed these examples

it is not about complaining
it is about awareness and understanding

IP: Logged


This topic is 2 pages long:   1  2 

All times are Eastern Standard Time

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Administrative Options: Close Topic | Archive/Move | Delete Topic
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
Hop to:

Contact Us | Linda-Goodman.com

Copyright © 2012

Powered by Infopop www.infopop.com © 2000
Ultimate Bulletin Board 5.46a