posted March 18, 2012 08:34 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Betty Boop:
Teasel it's interesting because online I've seen (and also heard of) people with Aries Merc who are not self-centered or egotistical - like you and sand for example.
But in RL I have never met one.

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I can be self-centred in other ways. Sometimes I think I make myself sound like an angel, when I'm noisy (without meaning to be), messy, and I can be bossy. I'm also having more problems with forgiveness right now.

posted March 18, 2012 11:30 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Betty Boop:
I know a guy like this who has an Aries Mercury.
He just doesn't understand that he did anything wrong.. and when someone gets hurt - he always feels like actually the other person is over-sensitive.
So it is never him. It is always someone else.

I'm friends with a girl who has a Leo Mercury. She does not like saying sorry either.. but as opposed to the Aries Merc guy - she makes up for it in other ways and acts extra nice towards the person, which still counts.

Other than the two of them, I've actually met a bunch of Virgo Mercury people who will never apologise come hell or high water.

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posted March 18, 2012 11:48 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall
Even if I feel I am right, I can still apologize for hurting someone.

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posted March 18, 2012 11:52 PM            

The only times I don't apologize is when the other person was clearly at fault (after I've told them ten million times that what they are saying or doing is not ok) and they are still doing whatever it is that they are doing, and I'm having to put my foot down and essentially never speak to them again. I don't apologize for standing up for myself, in other words.

posted March 19, 2012 12:44 AM            

Though I do have problem with people apologizing and it is not a sincere apology.

For example someone hurting your feelings and they give you a crappy sarcastic "Look man, I'm sorry didn't know you WERE THAT sensitive.."

It's like really? If it's not a sincere apology then save your breath..

posted March 19, 2012 09:52 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Linda Jones:

This is g-o-l-d

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posted March 19, 2012 09:55 AM            

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted March 19, 2012 09:55 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Maka:
I don't have a problem apologizing when I'm wrong.

Though I do have problem with people apologizing and it is not a sincere apology.

For example someone hurting your feelings and they give you a crappy sarcastic "Look man, I'm sorry didn't know you WERE THAT sensitive.."

It's like really? If it's not a sincere apology then save your breath..

-Virgo Sun/Leo Mercury

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I don't like that either.

posted March 19, 2012 10:06 AM            

What if someone says sorry but doesn't mean it? Maybe one says sorry only to get a desired results rather than heartfelt apology?

Perhaphs actions are better indications? Hehehe... just saying, cos to me, words are meaningless w/o accompanied actions.
I distrust words but always trust consistant actions over a period of time.

posted March 19, 2012 04:44 PM            

In a few cases it's been the opposite - where I know I've done something wrong and I feel soooo bad about it and really want to apologize - but my issue with showing emotions makes it so hard! I will do it though, but I'm always really nervous about it. I fear that my apology will come out as not genuine, like I just pretend I'm sorry.. It's like my words can never match the apology I need to deliver. I will WRITE you a fantastic apology, but say it? woaaah... scary! It's the same thing with showing love, words can never express my deep emotions lol I'll just jump in front of a bus for you and hope you'll get the message

posted March 19, 2012 06:27 PM            

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Originally posted by Ami Anne
I think a lot has to do with ego which we all have. The biggest prison is a huge ego which can be out front or hidden under a fake sweet exterior. Either way, it is a prison. The only way out is ego reduction but that hurts so badly that you want to die

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Ironic isn't it? I mean this whole ego development is psychologically necessary for the development of separate identities from our parents as we grow into young adults.

But after that it becomes a trap 'cause we have to spend the rest of our lives trying to keep it under control or else it can take on a monstrous life of it's own.

And yeah, the more attached we are to it the more painful it becomes to let it go.

Egoectomy anyone?

posted March 19, 2012 06:44 PM            

quote:

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I think a lot has to do with ego which we all have. The biggest prison is a huge ego which can be out front or hidden under a fake sweet exterior. Either way, it is a prison. The only way out is ego reduction but that hurts so badly that you want to die

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Good observation. I think for *some* people it hurts so much that reducing your ego makes you want to die. I've known some people with very overblown egos and none of them like having the truth pointed out to them (most of them are also very skilled liars).

posted March 19, 2012 06:47 PM            

Sometimes I think I need to have a chat to a psychologist because either I don't understand these things due to cultural differences or - maybe there is something else wrong with me.

posted March 19, 2012 06:52 PM            

I would love for a psychologist to break this down for me, so I can somehow get in the psyche of these people. Because I don't think I really get it.

posted March 19, 2012 07:11 PM            

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And also - sometimes I am wondering whether it really is a social thing or a cultural thing or an astrological thing --- OR --- alternatively - maybe it is just an individual thing based on their own personal childhood and upbringing..
I mean could it be that people who have this problem were brought up to be this way?
Maybe their parents made them feel embarrassed for doing the wrong thing... and went overboard with it...?
And - when it comes to displaying emotion - maybe in that situation, their parents made them feel embarrassed for displays of emotion - or told them to 'cut it out' when they were crying.. etc.

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Yes! It's funny that you say this actually. I just finished a book called 'Controlling People.' It is essentially about the mindset of people who verbally abuse and try to control/manipulate others. There are several interesting theories in it, but one of the big ones is that verbal abuse is "a lie that is told to you about yourself," and often that it is caused in childhood when (often verbally abusive) parents tell kids what their own experiences are. So, for example, the kid falls down, hurts himself, starts to cry, and the parent tells the kid: "You're not hurt! Stop crying! Big kids don't cry." (or whatever- this is probably a tame version honestly). The child then learns to doubt his/her own emotional and sensate (sensation) experience and learns that it is *wrong* to have those experiences. The theory is that we all have logical, emotional, intuitive, and sensate experiences. People who have been severely severely emotionally abused often doubt one or more of their own experiences.

Anyway...

quote:

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It's very difficult for me to actually comprehend how saying sorry would be such an ego blow for someone? I can't compute this mentally.

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posted March 19, 2012 08:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Betty Boop:
I had the exact same mental block.. when the topic of 'being emotionally expressive' and 'crying in public' came up.. which apparently is also seen as embarrassing.

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posted March 19, 2012 08:22 PM            

But its for different reasons. I dont see it as a pride thing or admitting wrong..

I will try to explain.

When someone says Im sorry, it means (to me) it was an accident. I didnt mean to ____.

So If I accidently step on someones toe while walking. I will gladly say excuse me Im sorry. No problem my quams whats so ever.
Now in another example.
If I say something in a blunt way and the person gets offended. Then Im not going to say Im sorry, why because I meant what I said..
Now thats not saying I dont have or use tact. Tact and being blunt is too different things.
I do releaze that sometimes my bluntness can be a little offending.. BUT I still meant what I said.. SO why should I apoligize. Because what I said was not an accident.. I didnt mean to NOT say that...

Now there has been an occasion where I hurt pisces feelings.. (yeah a leo hurting a pisces feelings) guess you never saw that one comeing lol
What I told him was..
If what I said some how hurt your feelings, that wasnt my intentions. I was just telling you my side of the situation and how I felt about it.

I wasnt sorry for what I said, but my goal was not to hurt his feelings. So I told him the truth that..

Now back to tact.
Lets say a friend asks how do I look in this dress.. I wouldnt say you look god awful..
I would use tact, and say I think you look much better,when you wear___ It looks really great on you.

If some one asks me do you like this dress..
I would say no its not my style.

Like if someone cheats on some one. Then when they get caught they say SORRY... PLEASE... dont fall for that..
What you accidently cheated?? You didnt mean to??? No you should say Im sorry I got caught, now that would be the truth.
I would never accept that type of apology, thats so fake..
Dont apologize for something you did on purpose.. That you had full control over..