posted March 26, 2014 10:11 PM            

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Originally posted by manderin:
Exactly. It means that if you're in a relationship with a cheater, you don't try to change their behavior or expect them to do something in return for you like stop cheating for you. you will stay with them and love them regardless of all their cheating. How is that healthy for either of you?

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posted March 26, 2014 10:32 PM            

I mean for instance - if someone hits you... do they deserve to be loved?
Or if someone just acts in a disrespectful way and crosses the line with you... Do they deserve to be loved?

In my mind they don't... or not 'always'.

So behaving in a respectful and mature way - would be one of my *conditions*.
I wouldn't continue loving a person if I felt they were disrespectful.
Hence, my love would not be "unconditional".

posted March 26, 2014 10:34 PM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
People disturbed by the concept of unconditional love probably have some negative experiences or at least seen them that can include loving someone abusive, enabling very destructive and criminal behaviors. In extreme cases this includes aiding in the committing of thrill killing and rape, and yes there are women who so "unconditionally love" their man that they do this, one even helped her husband rape and murder her own 14-year-old sister just because he wanted to have sex with a virgin and she wasn't one. Women who force their children to have sex with their father is another example of "unconditional love" and when you say unconditional love is the best then some hear that as "they should unconditionally love those who rape them on a daily basis."

The Nightstalker raped and murdered women, even cut out the eyes of one such woman to take with him as a keepsake. After convicted many women wrote him in love and he even ended up marrying one of them (while still in prison). There's a psychological term for women like this but they'd see it as unconditional love.

That is to say "putting conditions" on love isn't about "if you love me then you'll (insert buying something or doing some sex act, etc)" but rather being healthy instead of one of those sad victims in need of serious psychological help. It's also about loving & respecting yourself as much as someone else. That's the angle people who don't support the notion of unconditional love are coming at it from.

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Yes that would be my angle ^

posted March 26, 2014 10:41 PM            

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Originally posted by deepseablues:
You have to try to understand the concept first which is not just I'll love you no matter what and let you continue to eff me over, that is not the concept. That is being a victim, very different things

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That's a good explanation, and one I can understand. And under this definition I have unconditionally loved while also keeping them at a distance and don't dare hope for any reconciliation (that is I love them, but they are not really part of my life, and I won't allow them to be) which won't happen without major changes.

posted March 26, 2014 10:50 PM              

Not sure if that's significant or not.

Anyways, we have composite sun conjunct venus, mercury and Pluto; Neptune sextile all those planets and Moon trine Mars and Jupiter. Strong Saturn restraint though in that Saturn trined the stellium group of planets.

posted March 27, 2014 04:18 AM            

Have this with 2 and with both a composite Sun/Venus/Pluto/Juno stellium (sun/juno exact with both) sextile Neptune.

Also with both their Pre-natal solar eclipse conjunct my Pre-natal solar eclipse (which conjunct my venus).
One 8 years my senior, one 19 years my junior.

posted March 27, 2014 10:48 AM            

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Originally posted by manderin:
Exactly. It means that if you're in a relationship with a cheater, you don't try to change their behavior or expect them to do something in return for you like stop cheating for you. you will stay with them and love them regardless of all their cheating. How is that healthy for either of you?

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NO! Loving someone does not mean staying with them if they do things that are not acceptable to you. I might love someone who cheated or hit me but that doesn't mean *I* would stay with them. I would love them from afar. Just because someone can't meet your needs or requirements doesn't mean you stop loving them. It may mean you can't stick around an enable them to keep doing what they are doing. Although I've never been in that position in that I've never loved anyone who hit me or cheat on me (that I know of).

Anyway, "cheating" is a personal thing. There are plenty of couples out there who have open relationships. It seems to be a trend. If they are happy with that, then more power to 'em. I went on a few dates with a guy who then told me if we were to get serious he would expect an open relationship. I said, thanks but no thanks. I know he currently has a girl friend. So I imagine she's OK with that. It wouldn't work for me though.

My best friend is a highly flawed human. I love her anyway. I love my mother unconditionally. But I can't live near her. I can only deal with her in small doses because we are not compatible emotionally. When we get in the same room we combust. Although we have great conversations over the phone.

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Originally posted by geminigal2805:
Last I checked this topic wasn't doing all that great.
I think my concept of unconditional love is a bit different.
For me it means feeling intense affection/desire for the other person along with doing my best for their well being. Also it doesnt mean im gonna love just about anybody. We have our own standards. Also sometimes ppl love someone who they think are not their particular type. For me unconditional love doesnt necessarily mean the other person has to love me. Irrespective of my personal gains i love the other person.That being said if I were to love someone unconditionally and that person wants to murder/rape a person I would personally kick his arse or send him for counselling. I would try my best to put some sense into him. I would try my best to do what is good for him. Not what he thinks is good for him.i wont be his door mat.If I can't do my best to change his psycho intentions I would notify the authorities about this person's intention.

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posted March 27, 2014 11:02 AM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:

That said, that does not match the example given of Major Dobbins & Amelia given in the OP, at least I don't see it that way, it comes off as unhealthy to me rather than what you described.

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I don't know the whole story of those two, but it sounds like obsession, not love. I believe in unconditional love. I don't believe in love at first sight. I don't believe you can love someone without really knowing and understanding them first.

posted March 27, 2014 12:06 PM            

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Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
Bla bla bla. I don't wanna love any piece of **** , even from the distance. I'd feel pathetic if I couldn't fall out of love for a long time after reaching "the point of no return". My love has to be earned. Sue me

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Mine does too!

Why do people think loving unconditionally means loving any old ******* ????

posted March 27, 2014 12:09 PM            

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I would love them from afar. Just because someone can't meet your needs or requirements doesn't mean you stop loving them.

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posted March 27, 2014 12:26 PM            

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Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
Are you sure?

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posted March 27, 2014 12:45 PM            

It doesn't mean you become stupid and think "oh he's loving me unconditionally" after he punches you several times.

posted March 27, 2014 12:57 PM            

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You don't expect him to buy flowers or bring u to fancy dates.

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It doesn't mean you become stupid and think "oh he's loving me unconditionally" after he punches you several times.

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posted March 27, 2014 01:52 PM            

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Originally posted by I'm so cappy:

If you refered to me, that's defenitely not how I see earning/deserving/maintaining my love.

What I'm concerned with is how would the punched person feel about the abuser.

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If this person has earned my love it means he has wonderful qualities, that he is a good person, etc, etc, etc and then let's say one day he punched me, I would do what I did with my mother when we got into a physical fight when I was in my teens, I would forgive her as she did me, accept we made mistakes and then I would move out. I didn't stop loving her.

posted March 28, 2014 04:34 PM            

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Originally posted by I'm so cappy:

If you refered to me, that's defenitely not how I see earning/deserving/maintaining my love.

What I'm concerned with is how would the punched person feel about the abuser.

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Wasn't referring to you.

She would feel hurt. If she's smart or rational and know things aren't working, she would walk away. But she would still stay around to help the abuser get back to his life back on track assuming he's some drug addict or has temper/work issues.

Unconditional love is like the love of a mother for her baby.

posted November 25, 2015 07:34 PM            

I always love first unconditionally until others start putting their conditions on me.
Thus I look for people who do not give me their conditions and I do not have to put my conditions.

posted November 25, 2015 11:33 PM            

I will only love you if:

• You stay pretty, fit, and thin. If you lose your looks, you're not worthy of love and I will let you know it.

• You get good grades. If you get bad grades, you're worthless.

• You stay employed. If you have a set back, you're worthless and not worthy of love.

• You stay happy. If you're not happy, pretend to be for me regardless of how you really feel.

• You stay 'sweet.'

• You never express an opinion that challenges my own.

• You continuously reaffirm that I'm not <insert negative personality trait>, because I have low self-esteem.

• You always listen obey and respect your elders / parents even when they are constantly disregarding your emotional authenticity and therefore hurting you.

• Or any number of conditions people place on others that are unrealistic and hurtful. Think how some of your parents treated you when you did not conform to their standards. Some of us had decent parents who were patient with us. Some of us had abusive parents who hurt us deeply. That's conditional love. It's love on their conditions.

Unconditional Love

• Both partners come into the relationship understanding and loving themselves, therefore avoiding any emotional baggage pitfalls of, “If you loved me, you <insert random manipulation> for me!”

• Both partners genuinely love each other and would do anything to avoid hurting the other person.

• Both partners understand that abuse is not love and would love themselves enough to leave unhealthy relationships.

• Both partners accept each other, the quirks, the humanness and rawness of the person. There is no, “I can build this person up from xyz...Therefore, I can really love him!” or “If only he made more money, I'd marry him,” or “If only she can be the woman my parents want,” or to a child, “If only you were more acceptable to me, I would love you more.”

Conditional love is taught to us by our parents. To gain love from and be accepted, some of us had to act a certain way, or do a certain thing that would make our parents happy. We were harshly criticized for the authentic part of ourselves that did not conform to what was acceptable. Therefore, the child grows into an adult with self-hatred. Conditions are applied to relationships with people we cannot love “as is” because most likely it is a karmic relationship you're meant to struggle with or the person is not compatible with you, but you're in denial that you may be the problem.

When we talk about synastry between two people, we love to look for the love compatibility. The Venus/Mars. The Venus/Neptune/Pluto, Sun/Moon, Moon/Moon, etc. What does any of that mean if you cannot love that person without conditions? It's meaningless and you will end up unhappy. If a person is acting out in a way that is unacceptable to you, you are not compatible, or you have deep issues to deal with before getting involved with anyone, or that person has issues that are not suited or healthy for you. In that case, care enough about yourself to move on.

Abuse or deceit is not unconditional love. It's just abuse and deceit. If you decide to stay in such a situation while applying conditions to a person who does not respect you, it's like spinning wheels in mud. What is the point and why are you wasting your time? Love yourself to know that you deserve better.

I've had my fair share of conditional love, received and given. When you are mature, love yourself, and realistic in your approach with other people, unconditional love is possible. You have to be brave to love unconditionally without the pattern of baggage we all drag into relationships. Another human being is not responsible for your happiness. The happiest couples bring their own glowing halves to the relationship where they have self-nurtured and accepted themselves. If you are looking for someone to make you happy and whole, the relationship is one-sided and will either fail or continue on in a state of toxicity where both of you begin to resent one another, or worse. This is why twin flames cannot come together without some type of self work and awakening.