posted June 19, 2014 06:58 PM            

So, I decided about a week ago to give up entirely on any possible Reunion with my Twin. Since then, I've made that subtly known, and he's reacted with, it would seem, dosing me with my own medicine -- avoidance, or just all-but-ignoring me.

Fine. Whatever.

But then Tuesday, I felt as if I'd been sucked dry. Miserable without impetus. Despairing but lacking cause. Unexplainably filled with rage and despondency.

I suspect something is up with the tPSYCHE-MOON transiting my pMOON which is right on my nSNODE. But who can say? That's moved on to PIS now, and it's only worsened.

Maybe the tMARS on my pVENUS and pALMA which is on my nSUN? I think it's near nPLUTO, too. All in the p1H, too. Front-and-centre.

Or that tVESTA is there? Or tSATURN is squaring my nVESTA -- and nNNODE-OSIRIS?

I don't even know anymore. I'm so lost.

Surely this isn't JUST because I'm letting him go. I can't believe that. There must be some logical thing here.

If you guys would have a look, I'd really appreciate it. My heart, soul, and spirit are becoming a cesspool and all I can bring forth is vitriol; not at ALL like me.

17 JUNE 2014

PROGRESSIONS + TRANSITS

posted June 20, 2014 12:26 AM            

...

Transiting Saturn in the 3rd opp Chiron in TAurus, squaring the nodes, one in Leo, heart centered. Yeah it's probably a B but you have good things coming in too, like progressed Moon coming in to trine pVenus, but then it's also just past squaring natal Merc, which could reflect not feeling like you can get your point across like you want, or that the other persons being stubborn (fixed) and can't understand you. This is underscored by transit saturn 3rd making you more sensitive to it. But with moon coming in to venus you're sensitive to wanting peace and love..just not sure if you're getting it or just yearning for it..maybe it's just indicative of an easy time with friends or family, or someone close to you gets married or has a baby..that prog to prog aspect is usually pretty strong. But you have a lot coming up with saturn so hang in there. Saturn sq nodes can make you feel like you're stopped dead in your tracks, it'll pass. But it'll come back again in aug or so... :/ seems you're getting a chance to connect in with yourself at the emotional level, p.sun conj n.moon. And with your romantic/home/family needs with venus/moon. So its entirely possible that youre feeling stymied in a sense for a reason. Plus transit saturn coming up to conj the moon. Waves are headed your way. Saturn conj uranus in Scorp..emotional things unearthed here too likely pushing you in a new direction. Maybe things you normally push under the rug or are afraid to face. Uranus is the SN ruler, underscoring issues from the past.

Can't speak much to that since I don't know how you've handled yourself on that level.
Then also transit saturn coming up on p.sun.

Actually after moon trines venus it'll square the p.sun. That's also a turning point so imo you're in the process of breaking down before a big shift, which goes along with the shift on saturn/uranus. And saturn just in general making you /work/.

I dunno, what do you think ?

P.venus conj natal sun right? Prog asc in libra.
Next year uranus will opp that conjunction.
Then uranus through the 8th echoes saturn on uranus in Scorp. That's opposing the sun next year, sun rules 12thof hidden matters to you. I think you're getting in deep with things you've been hiding about yourself or inclinations you didn't know you had. I think that's a big part of the way you're growing here. Then this year jupiter through the 12th again getting in touch with yourself but this time Leo, ways you'd like to shine, finding better or new ways to get the recognition you want, or the love/people connection you want.
If this connects specifically to new or old relationships I'm not sure. Id rather see asc/dsc ruler action, which you will have when Neptune trines natal merc but that's a ways off. Merc to neptune much faster, quick insight to relationships at that transit. Look at solar arc merc to neotune and vice Versa too.

I know you write a lot helping people, i saw you helping people in IA so I wanted to look at the chart. Plus i could tell that you were really concerned. Anyway hope something resonated. Maybe have a think on chiron in taurus and self worth for a bit with saturn opposed, where you draw your true value from, cos with this transit it's better to figure it out than let it trip you up. It'll be tested. And with saturn sq the nodes, about your purpose and the direction in which you want to move, where you'd really like to spend your mental energy. Could be expending it in unproductive directions with it moving through the 3rd. I think saturn here is 'trying' to get your mercury square the nodes on track. Your mind may be overriding your emotional nature, again I don't know you just trying to read the chart. Nodal axis, the moons nodes, merc chart ruler and mc ruler is square the nodes from the 3rd. I think saturn is trying to balance you out.

posted June 20, 2014 04:15 PM            

geminigal2805, it means a lot to me that what I do here means a lot to you. I DO try and help where I can, and becoming a Moderator has helped me to do that even more effectively. That's why this strange drop in productivity, mood, and general sense of wellbeing not only comes at a horribly inconvenient time, it impedes me from doing what I do: helping.

It's been quite the year thus far; I never imagined that in starting the research thread into Twin Flames this January would lead to the discovery that I myself am a Twin Flame, and my ex producing partner being my own. Yeesh.

It's definitely a tough row to hoe, given the nature of the connexion. Letting it go -- whether for now or for always -- has not been a decision at which I easily arrived. Instead, it feels as if I really am missing something some days. But this may just be a feeling I have to get used to.

It's more crucial that I reconnect with my emotions -- as Lonake indicated the theme is definitely showing; and that IS the major theme of my life right now. I'm learning to be a truly emotional human being, rather than a preprogrammed robot of an individual, driven solely by logic and reason.

That's where my Twin right now, in terms of his own development. He's remained that sarcastic zombie of a person -- avoiding pain, but also avoiding love and companionship. Seeing him and connecting with his friends was an eye-opening experience. These are the people with whom he spends his time, and works with on a daily basis. And they're not close at all! Oh, sure -- he's Sagiquarius, (I joke) but still. To have a deeper connexion with your nemesis who you haven't seen in 2 years, and met online ... that's really saying something. To me, at least.

But the real deal-breaker was falling in love. We both had this level above which neither of us could go; it prevented us both from falling hard or getting in deep. Ah, but love is insidious. It reminds me of a song by Delerium, 'Innocente'. Ohh, how it haunted me in 2013, as things were collapsing.

'Darling, when did we fall? When was it over? I suppose that it's the price of falling; I fear that it's the price of falling in love.'

And for us, it ruined it everything. I wanted to heal, however; I wanted to grow and learn how to be vulnerable and let myself take risks with my heart. Finally. After so many years of shielding and protecting myself -- I wanted to try.

And he couldn't. His anger was all directed at me, and it destroyed me. So, here I am, the phoenix from the ashes, risen again.

I just didn't know I'd have SO much anger, or that the sadness would return from time to time.

It saddens me, though, the whole thing. The tragic disappointment that it is, as he's said. I never thought we'd REALLY come completely apart, or lose all that we had.

And that's what hurts the most.

Alas, it's gotten me to delve deeper. Being a Twin Flame, astrologically speaking, I have a wealth of information in terms of research. At times, it's hard to look at it; but I get by and I make it through. It just takes a toll, too.

So now I'm looking into what happens with us -- the disenfranchised Twin Flames. What Graduates do when it's clear that the thing you were born to do isn't happening. In which case, you've GOT to ask: why ever meet at all? Is it because of the art that came of it? Is it to fall so deeply in love with a person against all logic and reason that we can't justify it -- it just IS? To force us to accept that there are some things on levels we JUST don't understand? Levels of the soul and spirit?

Helluva lesson for two scientists, that one is; I'm the theoretical and social, he's the physical scientist.

In that sense, I'm sure it's worth it. But it's painful, too. I have a harder time with that part of it.

posted June 23, 2014 01:49 AM            

I am sorry it took me so long to write back. I posted on this thread a while back: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/225897-3.html

In the past two weeks there has been an acceleration of coincidence and synchronicity that it has turned out to be a real awakening experience for me and some others. I'll post charts later, my internet and photobucket arent work for me atm . I am pretty certain I am a Guardian Soul for at least one couple because I have found their Twin Flame (actually they had found each other already, but they didn't realize it or admit to it). The indicators are very strong for the Twins: A tight stellium in composite involving CERES-URANUS-NEPTUNE-ISIS-OSIRIS

posted June 23, 2014 02:48 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gabby:
Your progressed chart...is a twin to my natal chart!!

My Karma libra@5
My AC libra@7
My Venus libra@19
My Anti-Vertex and Destin libra@21
My NN scorp@22
My Psyche gemini@15
My Sun saggy@4
My P. Of Fortune saggy@21
My Uranus scorp@5

---

Wow! And your SUN is conjunct his MOON and my Guardian Soul's ASC! Heh.

posted June 23, 2014 02:57 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gabby:
I'm having a very tough time also, transit Mars is in my 1st...the retrograde was beyond a nightmare my feelings were all over the place. Sadness, anger and rage have been coming and going without any real cause, rhyme or reason and it's not over!
Still there is so much anger being directed at me but issues with anger/men are a theme to this transit and you have it your progressed 1st!
We also both have Venus and Pluto being affected also.
I've noticed myself getting angry and wanting to give up on certain ppl who are not giving me what I need. I have had no patience for it and I'm extra emotional about it to.
Its been a long period of time that transit Mars has been going back and forth in my 1st and your progressed AC!

I would think you might try to hold out before you do anything or make permanent decisions.
I agree this isn't a good or healthy thing your going through with him... but wait to act until Mars has moved past this and see how you feel then.
Even if you feel the same then as you do now and chose to make all the same decisions you won't feel so hurt, so extreme and feel so much anger with the whole situation.
Mars is messing with you right now....let Mars pass and then revisit this and see how you feel. Your emotions are going to be more extreme and tainted with anger right now...but it's not permanent! This will pass!!

---

Thank you, Gabby; thank you so, so very much for this. I honestly held off making any kind of real moves -- taking any sort of major action -- during the retrograde, but it wasn't even occurring to me that I was having 'my own' retrograde period of sorts. That DOES put a LOT in perspective, with such intense, overwhelming emotions, and no rhyme or reason, no; not at all. It's been driving me mad, since I'm usually SO detached from my emotions as to have a difficult time even determining or realising what I might feel. So to have them just bursting forth from me, with no clear cause -- very maddening!

I concur a lot of the rage stems from a sense that I'm not doing what I was here to do regarding him, which may be the way ALMA and JUNO are involved, as that's the aspect which denotes our Twin Flame connexion. Now to have my nSUN and PLUTO with it, and pVENUS joining the fray -- and tMARS going over it ... ohhh, yes. This makes perfect sense.

posted June 23, 2014 03:10 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by HiddenAries:
Hey IndigoDirae,

I am sorry it took me so long to write back. I posted on this thread a while back: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/225897-3.html

In the past two weeks there has been an acceleration of coincidence and synchronicity that it has turned out to be a real awakening experience more me and some others. I'll post charts later, my internet and photobucket arent work for me atm . I am pretty certain I am a Guardian Soul for at least one couple because I have found their Twin Flame (actually they had found each other already, but they didn't realize it or admit to it). The indicators are very strong for the Twins: A tight stellium in composite involving CERES-URANUS-NEPTUNE-ISIS-OSIRIS

Hopefully this will cheer you up IndigoDirae, because I couldn't have found out who I was and what I was meant to do if wasn't for you. It's actually all really beautiful once you start putting the pieces together. This could not be more easily seen by the manifestation of the pairing ISIS-KARMA at 15-17°CAN in my natal, which you will see in the Composite of the Twins was a key missing element in creating a Righteous Rectangle(Mystic Rectangle) along with a Kite pattern in their chart.

---

I honestly don't have words; I was just smiling -- beaming, maybe -- as I read what you wrote. It brought tears to my eyes. I felt the depth of emotion there, and your true joy -- the way your spirit was just bursting from that paragraph. Wow. I'm absolutely floored.

Yes, yes, it really does help me to know that I AM helping; that what I'm doing IS really helping to bring people together. I believe you, even without seeing the actual charts -- and I think you've given me the first REAL direction in terms of finding Guardian markers. It makes perfect sense, too!

There would have to be links to karmic points from soulmate pairings -- both in the natal, and the synastry and composite with one of the Twins. Of course!

posted June 23, 2014 03:27 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Wow! And your SUN is conjunct his MOON and my Guardian Soul's ASC! Heh.

That's really, really wild about how my pNatal is a mimic for your natal right now. Where is your nMOON?

---

My Moon Virgo@18.32

You know what else is odd, your progressed Venus is now on your Sun, mine is to!

posted June 23, 2014 04:27 AM            

The Twins composite(the birthtime for the younger twin is random because its unknown atm):

Composite of me with older twin:

Composite of me with recently found younger Twin (time of birth is unknown for the younger twin atm):

Natal chart of older Twin (accurate birthtime):

In this chart you'll notice that the Moon is right on the I.C. conjunct Kaali on the fixed star Antares. That really stood out to me, along with her chart ruler on the G.C.

Natal chart of younger Twin (unknown birthtime):

posted June 23, 2014 01:23 PM            

------------------

posted June 24, 2014 03:58 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:

So now I'm looking into what happens with us -- the disenfranchised Twin Flames. What Graduates do when it's clear that the thing you were born to do isn't happening.

---

I'm curious to know, what is it that you feel you should be doing?

I've seen you say things like this before, and I've mentioned this before; that what you do here and in your life, the way you help others is a huge deal...The impact you have here and in your life with others, is a huge deal...Maybe you just need to be reminded of that from time to time as you work through these more difficult periods

Maybe you feel like there was a failure because you can't be in a relationship with your twin at this time, but this is how I feel; to me, it's a success once you have become aware of and tapped into the energy of the union, whether or not you can have a relationship with "TF" (in the sense that you want it). Even more so when you can maintain that connection, and continue to expand as a result of it. That's how I define a successful (re)union...

quote:

---

Originally posted by geminigal2805:
IndigoDirae,
I just wanna say this to u. Im worried this might offend u. But reading yr post brought back some of my old memories.
I dont know but letting go of your twinsoul is a good decision.. I have followed your previous thread in the synastry forum. No one deserves this much hurt. I feel u. Knowing your twinsoul is right there and still lacking him must hurt badly. U need to be happy too. Stay positive. Will astrology help you get rid of this much anguish? Take time to heal. Be generous to yourself.
Take care. U r valued so much in this forum and it just makes us sad to see u hurt so much.

---

posted June 25, 2014 02:15 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
the theme is definitely showing; and that IS the major theme of my life right now. I'm learning to be a truly emotional human being, rather than a preprogrammed robot of an individual, driven solely by logic and reason.

---

Don't neglect to join one of the Saturn support groups as you feel the need, all are welcomed ill be there in jan prob. ******** and moaning about something or other saturn is gonna go over my uranus too, good times

...

posted June 25, 2014 04:26 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gabby:
My Moon Virgo@18.32

You know what else is odd, your progressed Venus is now on your Sun, mine is to!

---

posted June 25, 2014 05:01 AM            

It's funny you say this today. I had something of a breakdown this evening. The day wasn't much better. My husband and I had a good talk about it all. It's hard, because he's certain I'm trying to work through childhood psychological patterns with this person, and I'm trying to explain that this whole thing is way beyond my knowledge base. I know dealing with psychodramas. This is SO far from that it's insane.

The moment I stop and think about him; contemplate a relationship with him, I feel immediately like my brain's been hijacked. It feels crazy-foreign to me. Distant horizons. Impossible vistas. Maybe because the emotional pain was SO bad I've locked it away from my consciousness; dunno. All I DO, is that it seems so outside the realm of possibility, and completely illogical.

But that doesn't stop the ... the THING; I can't express it. I have no words for it. When I've become terrified during what was a very turbulent landing -- my stepdaughter crying in the window seat, me turning to my husband and saying, 'we're going to be all right -- RIGHT?' and him responding with a very clipped 'hope so,' as he hangs on to the arm rests -- what did I do?

It was something like prayer. I closed my eyes, I took a deep breath and I said, 'I need you. I need you NOW. You know what I'm talking about. HELP. ME.'

And here I am. The plane righted. It stopped dropping and shifting side to side, like a marionette on a string. And we made a very bumpy landing.

So, I don't know WHAT that is. I've had relationships. I've been in love. I don't know WHAT I feel with him -- except that NOTHING doesn't work. Not talking. Not communicating. Throwing these barbs at each other on Facebook, or the occasional refraining from doing so; showing momentary restraint.

I hate it. It's as if now he wants me to be miserable; NOW, he WANTS me to feel the sadness and anger he felt. Hell, I don't know. I really don't. Just that he stopped calling me in April. And I have NO idea why he wanted to see me so badly in May. None.

It's a disastrous mess. We have to be THE worst Twin Flames ever.

I thank you, through, regarding saying how I help people. Yes, that DOES help in these darker times.

It just used to be that all I'd have to do is think that we haven't talked to each other in awhile (few weeks, once it was a month, nearer the end) and he'd call within hours. I guess I've been blocked on that line. I get nothing. Nothing.

posted June 25, 2014 10:56 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Morph,

It's funny you say this today. I had something of a breakdown this evening. The day wasn't much better. My husband and I had a good talk about it all. It's hard, because he's certain I'm trying to work through childhood psychological patterns with this person, and I'm trying to explain that this whole thing is way beyond my knowledge base. I know dealing with psychodramas. This is SO far from that it's insane.

The moment I stop and think about him; contemplate a relationship with him, I feel immediately like my brain's been hijacked. It feels crazy-foreign to me. Distant horizons. Impossible vistas. Maybe because the emotional pain was SO bad I've locked it away from my consciousness; dunno. All I DO, is that it seems so outside the realm of possibility, and completely illogical.

But that doesn't stop the ... the THING; I can't express it. I have no words for it. When I've become terrified during what was a very turbulent landing -- my stepdaughter crying in the window seat, me turning to my husband and saying, 'we're going to be all right -- RIGHT?' and him responding with a very clipped 'hope so,' as he hangs on to the arm rests -- what did I do?

It was something like prayer. I closed my eyes, I took a deep breath and I said, 'I need you. I need you NOW. You know what I'm talking about. HELP. ME.'

And here I am. The plane righted. It stopped dropping and shifting side to side, like a marionette on a string. And we made a very bumpy landing.

So, I don't know WHAT that is. I've had relationships. I've been in love. I don't know WHAT I feel with him -- except that NOTHING doesn't work. Not talking. Not communicating. Throwing these barbs at each other on Facebook, or the occasional refraining from doing so; showing momentary restraint.

I hate it. It's as if now he wants me to be miserable; NOW, he WANTS me to feel the sadness and anger he felt. Hell, I don't know. I really don't. Just that he stopped calling me in April. And I have NO idea why he wanted to see me so badly in May. None.

It's a disastrous mess. We have to be THE worst Twin Flames ever.

I thank you, through, regarding saying how I help people. Yes, that DOES help in these darker times.

It just used to be that all I'd have to do is think that we haven't talked to each other in awhile (few weeks, once it was a month, nearer the end) and he'd call within hours. I guess I've been blocked on that line. I get nothing. Nothing.

And it hurts. It's an inexplicable, horrible, multifaceted pain I can't even articulate. I hate it.

---

Interesting enough...I'd like to help by just speaking my mind quickly based on your last post.

Two things that stuck out for me were facebook and THE THING.

posted June 25, 2014 01:18 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by maira:
I've been meaning to reply, but had no time, not that I do now. I think that you might have inadvertently cut the cord, do you think that's possible?
Will be back.

---

Yes. I do. When I meditated on being done; when I said I wanted to be free of it. I thought I WOULD be. I thought I was letting it go. That I'd feel relief. That I SHOULD be free of it.