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Author Topic:   The Acts of a broken heart.
Aries23Degrees
Knowflake

Posts: 1646
From: South Africa
Registered: Dec 2012

posted January 09, 2015 05:01 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
No judgment.This is a safe space for you.Should you wish to share.

What is the most extreme/weird/bizarre thing that you have done? All because of a broken heart?

And by "extreme" I mean that in retrospect, you look at yourself and think "what the hell was I doing?" etc.

But at the time,you were so deep in anger/hurt and pain that it just made sense to do it.

List the related aspects you believe are most responsible for that behaviour.

I'll go 1st;

I couldn't get over a Gemini ex of mine a long time ago.Our break-up was very back/forth(as it happens most time with opposite signs).

I used to listen to his voice messages on my phone and sleep with his picture under my pillow.Crying relentlessly for days.

He cheated on me and I couldn't take it anymore.Had to let him go. He claimed he still loved me, but I couldn't trust him.

Venus in Scorpio can't forgive infedility. Not on my clock.Moon in Cancer doesn't forget the hurt.

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charlie
Knowflake

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posted January 09, 2015 05:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for charlie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Nothing. My Cappy Moon makes me stone cold until all is processed. Might not be the best way to deal..

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venus2tinkerbell
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From: New York, New York, USA
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posted January 09, 2015 05:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for venus2tinkerbell     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I ended my first marriage. I ended it, but I was heartbroken about it. I was also really scared.

I got a job as a stripper.

The breakup was sudden. I didn't see it coming two months earlier, and I was the one who initiated it. The breakup was like removing the lid from a pressure cooker before the cooker had a chance to cool.

I blame venus sq. pluto for everything, but I think this one was Uranus. Uranus is my great and violent liberator, I think. I don't know what aspect it would have been...

Venus trine Uranus orb +3°21'
Mercury square Uranus orb +2°30'
Jupiter square Uranus orb +2°45'
Sun trine Uranus orb -7°20'
Moon opposite Uranus orb -9°45'

What do you think Aries23?

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Aries23Degrees
Knowflake

Posts: 1646
From: South Africa
Registered: Dec 2012

posted January 09, 2015 06:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by charlie:
Nothing. My Cappy Moon makes me stone cold until all is processed. Might not be the best way to deal..

No charlie.It isn't.But to each his own.

Thing is,all that build-up must find release.I just hope it doesn't make you a defensive,overly suspicious person.

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florence
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posted January 09, 2015 06:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for florence     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't think I'm as crazy as I thought, thinking about this.

If anything I think my reactions were the sanest part of the relationships

Probably, though, when I did two spells one of which involved planting something at a crossroads and I decided to do about four in the morning.

And I send angry texts but mostly I think anything like that I do purposefully.

Looking at their social media *Lots* and overplaying songs seems really odd in retrospect and just the sheer amount of journals I fill - I always start reading again if I find and go wtf but after the first few lines I just throw.

So it's not so much reactions as the length of time it takes me to get over which *is* extreme.

Venus in Taurus, 7
Sq Saturn
Sesq Pluto

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Aries23Degrees
Knowflake

Posts: 1646
From: South Africa
Registered: Dec 2012

posted January 09, 2015 06:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by venus2tinkerbell:
I ended my first marriage.I ended it, but I was heartbroken about it.I was also really scared.

I got a job as a stripper.

The breakup was sudden.I didn't see it coming two months earlier,and I was the one who initiated it. The breakup was like removing the lid from a pressure cooker before the cooker had a chance to cool.

I blame venus sq. pluto for everything, but I think this one was Uranus. Uranus is my great and violent liberator, I think. I don't know what aspect it would have been...

Venus trine Uranus orb +3°21'
Mercury square Uranus orb +2°30'
Jupiter square Uranus orb +2°45'
Sun trine Uranus orb -7°20'
Moon opposite Uranus orb -9°45'

What do you think Aries23?


Firstly,i applaud you for sheer guts and honesty in sharing that.Bravo!

Secondly I wanted to ask whether you have regrets?

You say that you ended your marriage and it was like taking the lid off before the pressure cooker got a chance to cool.

Was there a point where things were going to improve? And perhaps you may have prematurely cut them and prevented the inevitable? Shooting yourself in the proverbial foot?

I wouldn't assign all of that to Venus square Pluto.Just the hurt/pain and disappointment that came with love. A shattered(Pluto square) dream(Venus).

Jupiter square Uranus often brings expansion and progress in ways that may transgress one's expectations(Especially if Jupiter is in the 2nd,9th or 11th). But are very worthwhile for progress(Uranus).

I think this may be the aspect that took a chance on being employed in the so called "controversial" job you did.It makes one defy other's moral views(squre Jupiter) and gamble a lot with taking chances.

I wonder if you gained more than what you expected? In the way of friends made, perceptions changed as well as your frame of reference (morally speaking)? Because that is Uranus square Jupiter in action.

Now as for initiating the changes and feeling the need to break free from perceived constraining conditions(marriage)? That is all Uranus,Uranus, Uranus.

The Mercury square Uranus is responsible for abrupt action. That is why I asked you if you may have been premature?

But I tend to trust Uranus square Moon a lot. Much like Jupiter/Mars/Pluto square Moon,it brings on immediate insight or "prophecy" of what an outcome is likely to be. No matter how brief or fleeting the feeling.

You simply can't explain what is motivating the feeling,but you just "know".

Brave you are

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Aries23Degrees
Knowflake

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From: South Africa
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posted January 09, 2015 06:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by florence:
I don't think I'm as crazy as I thought, thinking about this.

If anything I think my reactions were the sanest part of the relationships

Probably, though, when I did two spells one of which involved planting something at a crossroads and I decided to do about four in the morning.

And I send angry texts but mostly I think anything like that I do purposefully.

Looking at their social media *Lots* and overplaying songs seems really odd in retrospect and just the sheer amount of journals I fill - I always start reading again if I find and go wtf but after the first few lines I just throw.

So it's not so much reactions as the length of time it takes me to get over.

Venus in Taurus, 7
Sq Saturn
Sesq Pluto


Interesting how Saturn and Pluto are highlighted in your response.I wonder if either make aspects to the Sun/Moon/Mars?

Saturn contains/denies,Pluto implodes and then broods.It takes a while for both to get "over" something.

Saturn uses "rationale" a lot.I see that you were embarrassed at your subtle emotional displays. Lol

Pluto tends to "wipe all from memory".So they opt to burn/destroy things than sell them.

My Venus/Pluto Scorpio placements love to destroy things in anger. Things that I was once passionate about.To them, it didn't happen and none shall ever speak of it. Ever!!

I think the saying "man at some point, comes to destroy that one thing that he most loves" is a very Pluto thing.

Don't know if Pluto ever gets over anything actually. . Ever!!!

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florence
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posted January 09, 2015 07:01 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for florence     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think just Saturn trines moon. Pluto is opp mercury, mercury trines mars and saturn

I do feel really embarrassed by any emotional displays. That someone brought that out in me hurts and feels shameful. When I think of actions and reactions though, maybe what and how I've said things is the worst but even at the time I take my Pluto form up to Saturn and ask if I can show my anger for a reason that will help. Pluto can be very clever and pretend there's a reason but on reflection, I don't feel any regret apart from the amount of time I process which is the worst thing and I feel really bad I can't get myself together until after I develop feelings for someone else which is very rare.

Then it does heal, I do get over it but definitely the hours are put in.

That's very interesting about Pluto - didn't connect that, thinking it a Uranus kind of processing. But yes I destroy including myself.

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Aries23Degrees
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From: South Africa
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posted January 09, 2015 07:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh no, Uranus is the wrecking ball(at worst). Concerned only with getting away from a perceived imprisonment.It is not involved in the restoration.

Not unless the restoration has strong intellectual insights that border on revolutionary.

Otherwise,it lets its next of kin(Saturn) deal with the boring mess of "after the breakup" etc. And Saturn is not very emotional-not unless in Aries,Scorpio Cancer/Pisces.

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florence
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posted January 09, 2015 07:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for florence     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
Oh no, Uranus is the wrecking ball(at worst). Concerned only with getting away from a perceived imprisonment.It is not involved in the restoration.

Not unless the restoration has strong intellectual insights that border on revolutionary.

Otherwise,it lets its next of kin(Saturn) deal with the boring mess of "after the breakup" etc. And Saturn is not very emotional-not unless in Aries,Scorpio Cancer/Pisces.


Hmm in that case I think I do try to use Uranus but only superficially can access it. I tried all my planets but venus is definitely in a strong lock with Saturn, some Pluto benefits

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LostSoulRebecca
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From: Europe
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posted January 09, 2015 09:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LostSoulRebecca     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
When someone breaks my heart, I try to show to people around that I don't care – I try to show that I am stone cold, that I am not hurt. I have Sun, Venus, Saturn, Neptune and Uranus in Capricorn.

But inside of me I get angry. Like a LOT. I feel betrayed and I try to do anything, that I prove to this particular person (whether is friend or romantic partner), what she/he lost. Perhaps I react this way because of my ASC in Scorpio?

I have my Moon in Aries, so normally I don't stay 'mad' for a long time, although I can’t forget on a long term if someone betrays me…

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bansheequeen
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posted January 09, 2015 10:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bansheequeen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Attempt suicide. Not sure. Maybe my impulsive aqua sun square mars. And my cancer moon that won't let me see reason when I am in an emotional state.

Crash my car on purpose. Probably the same aspects.

Well. Pretty much every thing was some kind of impulse action filed by emotion. So whatever makes me be like that.

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Abc333
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posted January 09, 2015 10:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Abc333     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
Interesting how Saturn and Pluto are highlighted in your response.I wonder if either make aspects to the Sun/Moon/Mars?

Saturn contains/denies,Pluto implodes and then broods.It takes a while for both to get "over" something.

Saturn uses "rationale" a lot.I see that you were embarrassed at your subtle emotional displays. Lol

Pluto tends to "wipe all from memory".So they opt to burn/destroy things than sell them.

My Venus/Pluto Scorpio placements love to destroy things in anger. Things that I was once passionate about.To them, it didn't happen and none shall ever speak of it. Ever!!

I think the saying "man at some point, comes to destroy that one thing that he most loves" is a very Pluto thing.

Don't know if Pluto ever gets over anything actually. . Ever!!!



In regards to Pluto and destruction; transit pluto was opposing my Venus when I burned everything that had to do with my ex fiance in a close friends backyard. I also threw my engagement ring and what was to be my wedding band in a river.

My ex fiance is a Scorpio with Venus conjunct Pluto and a Virgo Moon. When we broke up he became a clean freak almost to the point of OCD and threw out all of his hobbies he spent so much time and money on.

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Solar_Leo_Queen
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From: Planet Earth
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posted January 09, 2015 10:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Solar_Leo_Queen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well I told this guy's ex-girlfriend he cheated on her with me, regardless of him pleading with me not to tell her. He said something about her parents harming him if they found out. I was ruthless and ruined his life, but it was part of my plan to not let him "get away". He was seeing this girl at the same time he was seeing me and his long distance girlfriend and he never told me. I had to find out about it myself. Then I started telling the girl how horrible of a person he is; that he was a liar and a cheating ******* (which I still truly believe he is), in hopes of convincing her to not be with him. I was being delusional for thinking so at the time. I knew it wouldn't work and it didn't work.

I attribute this to my Mars in Libra square Neptune in Capricorn. I wanted to get even with him and did everything I could, even though I knew my efforts would only go to waste. I also have Venus square Pluto. That itself is a powerful and harsh aspect. I was trying to take control of him; trying to get him back and it didn't matter what the means were.

That was when I was really angry though. It was my first real heartbreak and I didn't really know how to cope with it. Having Moon in Cancer could really suck because my emotions run really deep and transiting Pluto was (and is still) opposing my Moon. I find it hard to control them.

Still not over him (maybe just a little bit), but I'm not as angry as I was. I feel at peace now and I'm hoping it will be that way for a long time.

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Abc333
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posted January 09, 2015 11:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Abc333     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The way I handle a broken heart now is much differently than the first time I experienced actual heart break that wasn't a puppy love thing. When my ex fiance and I broke up I was a mess, depressed, hysterical and suicidal. We lived together for the first month and a half after our breakup, I would alternate between fits of rage and seas of hysterical depression. I would take it out on him when the rage fits hit, picking fights with him and even attempting to hit him once. We attempted multiple times to be friends for the first year and a half until I just stopped contacting him and stopped responding to him one day. I disappeared.

My response to heart break now? To disappear. I won't fight you, I won't fight for you either. I will just disappear without any warning when it all ends. No contact, no response, nothing.

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bansheequeen
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From: Beachville, USA
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posted January 09, 2015 11:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bansheequeen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Abc333:

In regards to Pluto and destruction; transit pluto was opposing my Venus when I burned everything that had to do with my ex fiance in a close friends backyard. I also threw my engagement ring and what was to be my wedding band in a river.

My ex fiance is a Scorpio with Venus conjunct Pluto and a Virgo Moon. When we broke up he became a clean freak almost to the point of OCD and threw out all of his hobbies he spent so much time and money on.


Would the desire to destroy everything I a fit of rage be a pluto thing? This is how I get. I just want to ruin everything, ruin my life, ruin thier life, ruin physical things. I have Pluto sextile venus. Nothing too crazy. I the my wedding ring into a body of water too hehe.

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Abc333
Knowflake

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posted January 09, 2015 11:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Abc333     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by bansheequeen:
Would the desire to destroy everything I a fit of rage be a pluto thing? This is how I get. I just want to ruin everything, ruin my life, ruin thier life, ruin physical things. I have Pluto sextile venus. Nothing too crazy. I the my wedding ring into a body of water too hehe.

I have a lot of really nice natal aspects with Pluto, the only "difficult" aspect is probably Pluto opposite Jupiter and that doesn't really do much.

Destructive/ Self destructive tendencies don't always need to be present in the natal chart, it could present itself as a transit as well (ie - T Pluto opposite N Venus).

I will say that my Mars does square my Sun, that could be a contributing factor...

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Aries23Degrees
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From: South Africa
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posted January 09, 2015 12:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by LostSoulRebecca:
When someone breaks my heart, I try to show to people around that I don't care – I try to show that I am stone cold, that I am not hurt. I have Sun, Venus, Saturn, Neptune and Uranus in Capricorn.

But inside of me I get angry. Like a LOT. I feel betrayed and I try to do anything, that I prove to this particular person (whether is friend or romantic partner), what she/he lost. Perhaps I react this way because of my ASC in Scorpio?

I have my Moon in Aries, so normally I don't stay 'mad' for a long time, although I can’t forget on a long term if someone betrays me…


For resentment,anger and a tendency to "hold" on ,I would assign that (by order) to Taurus,Scorpio,Cancer,Leo,Aquarius.

So yes,Asc in Scorpio is definitely one. Scorpio doesn't forget and tends to implode.Resentment can build up for a very long time.

Where is your Mars at?

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Aries23Degrees
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From: South Africa
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posted January 09, 2015 12:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by bansheequeen:
Attempt suicide. Not sure. Maybe my impulsive aqua sun square mars. And my cancer moon that won't let me see reason when I am in an emotional state.

Crash my car on purpose. Probably the same aspects.

Well. Pretty much every thing was some kind of impulse action filed by emotion. So whatever makes me be like that.


You could be at the mercy of your Moon. Doing things to respond to the dissatisfaction within.


I find that Cancer and Aquarius have a certain kind of "erratic" quality about them.
I actually thought that Uranus is exalted in Cancer. Hmmm

With Aquarius,there seems to be a "I am outside looking in" perspective. But with Cancer,the movie can be very personal indeed.

That is why so many Moon in Cancer guys I meet whine and complain so much. They are the movie, taking all of life in and not being able to propel their POV from what is going on around them.

Internally,you are a lot more peaceful than you may think. Its just that water moons can, more than most, respond most heavily to what they observe in the here and now.

That experince becomes the signature of their feeling and consumes them to a point where they are not sure who they are part from the feeling.

I feel you my Cancer moon mate. One love!!!

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Aries23Degrees
Knowflake

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From: South Africa
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posted January 09, 2015 01:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Abc333:

In regards to Pluto and destruction; transit pluto was opposing my Venus when I burned everything that had to do with my ex fiance in a close friends backyard. I also threw my engagement ring and what was to be my wedding band in a river.

My ex fiance is a Scorpio with Venus conjunct Pluto and a Virgo Moon. When we broke up he became a clean freak almost to the point of OCD and threw out all of his hobbies he spent so much time and money on.


Its really quite extreme.A deep need to wipe the slate clean.I understand both yours and your boyfriends reaction to the relationship ending.

Let me tell you a story;

When we were younger,my mother used to teach us to bake.

At some point I was trying to get a "certain" result but couldn't. It kept on falling apart and the cake kept on collapsing.

I remember throwing the baking powder away,the cake flower and everything that reminded me of that "failure" Lol

Afterwards, i went to brood in my room-wanted nothing to do with baking not ever in my life. Ever!!(I was 8 years old back then btw).

And for a while(2 months to be exact),I didn't even want to attempt it again.

That is how intense my feelings got. It didn't occur to me then just how extreme my reaction was . My mother was a little disturbed- because she did find it unusual for a child to have such a strong reaction.

Pluto makes it personal. "Out damn spot..out!!" etc. Pluto wants to scrape all and start completely over on a differing path.With an untouched /pure cloth.

But here is the thing;whatever you start with the same kind of "all or nothing' resolve. If the results does not come out satisfactory,you are doomed to repeat the same destructive patterns. i.e wherever you run away to-you take YOURSELF with you.

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Aries23Degrees
Knowflake

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From: South Africa
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posted January 09, 2015 01:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Solar_Leo_Queen:
Well I told this guy's ex-girlfriend he cheated on her with me, regardless of him pleading with me not to tell her. He said something about her parents harming him if they found out. I was ruthless and ruined his life, but it was part of my plan to not let him "get away". He was seeing this girl at the same time he was seeing me and his long distance girlfriend and he never told me. I had to find out about it myself. Then I started telling the girl how horrible of a person he is; that he was a liar and a cheating ******* (which I still truly believe he is), in hopes of convincing her to not be with him. I was being delusional for thinking so at the time. I knew it wouldn't work and it didn't work.

I attribute this to my Mars in Libra square Neptune in Capricorn. I wanted to get even with him and did everything I could, even though I knew my efforts would only go to waste. I also have Venus square Pluto. That itself is a powerful and harsh aspect. I was trying to take control of him; trying to get him back and it didn't matter what the means were.

That was when I was really angry though. It was my first real heartbreak and I didn't really know how to cope with it. Having Moon in Cancer could really suck because my emotions run really deep and transiting Pluto was (and is still) opposing my Moon. I find it hard to control them.

Still not over him (maybe just a little bit), but I'm not as angry as I was. I feel at peace now and I'm hoping it will be that way for a long time.


Sometimes in our efforts to alleviate pain, we aggravate it by causing pain to others(ironically).

Nothing done with malicious intent ever settles in without boomeranging and making the initiate feel even worse-not to mention guilty.

We can't measure the guilt of others, only our own. And it can eat us alive until we have no choice but to do the hardest thing and that being; forgiving ourselves.

Yes Mars in Libra/Neptune in Cap can make one do devious/ underhanded things behind the scenes or talk ill behind someones back.

Where are your Venus/Pluto positions?

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wheresthemoon
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posted January 09, 2015 01:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for wheresthemoon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Typically nothing. I think Venus opposite Pluto makes me pretty prideful when it comes to things like that. I don't want to be needy...I want to see them come grovelling back to me.

My body is a different story. I have moon in the sixth house so I tend to get sick with breakups. After one I just threw up. With another I became violently ill for days. I had the flu and it literally came over me 30 minutes after the breakup.

There was a time when I was extremely comfortable with the guy when I called him relentlessly for days. I knew he still wanted to be with me, and we did get back together...but I acted pretty pathetic there for awhile. I actually sent him sappy lyrics via text! Lol

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Aries23Degrees
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From: South Africa
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posted January 09, 2015 01:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Abc333:
The way I handle a broken heart now is much differently than the first time I experienced actual heart break that wasn't a puppy love thing. When my ex fiance and I broke up I was a mess, depressed, hysterical and suicidal. We lived together for the first month and a half after our breakup, I would alternate between fits of rage and seas of hysterical depression. I would take it out on him when the rage fits hit, picking fights with him and even attempting to hit him once. We attempted multiple times to be friends for the first year and a half until I just stopped contacting him and stopped responding to him one day. I disappeared.

My response to heart break now? To disappear. I won't fight you, I won't fight for you either. I will just disappear without any warning when it all ends. No contact, no response, nothing.


Before reading this response, read the other one I gave to your earlier post.

Is the "disappearing act" working for you?

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Barbiegirl19
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posted January 09, 2015 01:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Barbiegirl19     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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venus2tinkerbell
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posted January 09, 2015 01:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for venus2tinkerbell     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
"Firstly,i applaud you for sheer guts and honesty in sharing that.Bravo!"

Thank you Aries23Degrees. It's certainly easier to share among strangers on the internet, but it is not something I hide in my everyday life either because it is part of who I am. It is an experience that has contributed to who I am.

"Jupiter square Uranus often brings expansion and progress in ways that may transgress one's expectations(Especially if Jupiter is in the 2nd,9th or 11th). But are very worthwhile for progress(Uranus).

I think this may be the aspect that took a chance on being employed in the so called "controversial" job you did.It makes one defy other's moral views(squre Jupiter) and gamble a lot with taking chances.

I wonder if you gained more than what you expected? In the way of friends made, perceptions changed as well as your frame of reference (morally speaking)? Because that is Uranus square Jupiter in action.

Now as for initiating the changes and feeling the need to break free from perceived constraining conditions(marriage)? That is all Uranus,Uranus, Uranus."


I was raised in a very spiritual environment. My marriage home was a very religious environment. Although the spiritual upbringing allowed me to develop naturally, I was also sheltered, and I felt confused when I had to grow up and function in the world. I couldn't relate to people and their drives, and I couldn't adjust to the pace of things. My marriage home gave me structure and a safe place away from my childhood home that I appreciated for many years, but then when I started to grow and change, it became too limiting and confining.

Dance and music are a huge part of who I am, and sex is love life and communication- connection. For too many years I had been denying my sexuality and emotions. When the marriage was over in my heart there was an explosion- the lid blew off the pressure cooker. I read Siddhartha, by Herman Hesse for the first time. And I understood it was ok to go my way. I hope that is not offensive to anyone. It was a deeply personal interpretation of the book.

My experience as a dancer was an incredible- it was both grimy and enlightening at the same time. At first the women didn't like me because they could tell I was on some trippy spiritual journey. they said things like they hated when women who didn't have to be there came there. I made a lot of money easily because of why I was there. It was in my vibe, and men and women gave me their money for complex reasons. That ****** the girls off even more. One night a few ganged up on me- one I thought was a friend. They didn't hurt me physically, but they hurt me. I cried. I didn't play tough. I cried like a baby. Every night after that it seemed like I had gained their acceptance. They would do things like wink at me when passing me, kiss me and slap my butt- the sexual things dancers do when they are friends. We'd drink and smoke together. It was weird. It was like they needed to see my pain before they could accept me.

And that brings me to why I was there. I learned ALOT about myself and people. but being there put me in touch with my own pain somehow. I understand cutters- people who cut themselves. That is what I was doing there, and I needed to do it. I needed to cut myself. I needed to touch my own suffering...I'm still understanding it.

About the girls- they were the nastiest, foul mouthed, meanest, most untrustworthy group of people I have ever known. they were also the most beautiful people I have ever know- simply because they were honest about who they were and where they were. they were more grounded and in touch with reality than anyone I can think of....

Yeah, I always thought Uranus took me there...

"I wanted to ask whether you have regrets? Was there a point where things were going to improve? And perhaps you may have prematurely cut them and prevented the inevitable? Shooting yourself in the proverbial foot?"

I regret how the end of every relationship of mine has to be traumatic for the other person. I regret it, and I fear it.

My mother stepped in and sheltered my children from my choices at that time. They were still pretty young, but she jumped right in- took over and was like, 'do what you got to do'

I worry about how they will take it when they find out.

Aries23 I love love love everything you wrote about my Uranus aspects. I relate to every one. Oh my gosh! Uranus/Moon all the time. Uranus/Jupiter all the time. Uranus/Mercury all the freaking time.

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