posted January 25, 2015 07:11 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
You're young. You have time! Don't stress about it.
The best places to meet people you could like and possibly fall in love with are places you truly enjoy going to... hobbies you enjoy, classes you enjoy etc..
Do the things you genuinely love doing, because it's the easiest way to attract like-minded people along the way.

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Thanks!

I've heard this so many times. It's painful to a certain extent. I may be young but I still want to experience some youthful/easy relationship without worrying about a life long commitment.

I don't want to get married, just fall in love. I've never been into the institution of marriage but as I get older, I'm warming up to the idea. I'm not planning on getting married before 30-35 though. The quest to finding a marriage partner is the least of my concerns.

I believe we all need to have relationships/flings during our teenage years/early-mid twenties to be able to filter what we want and what we don't want once we're ready to settle down. It's part of life to experience juvenile love. I haven't experienced this so I feel as though I've missed out on a crucial part of my personal development. I don't want to fall in love at 29 and get married right away. I'd feel trapped. It's hard to explain.

I have plenty of hobbies but there aren't many guys and if they are, they're not into me or I'm not into them. It's easier said than done because we all know "chemistry" has to be there.

Part of the problem is that I have a hard time finding guys attractive. I don't even check them out. For some reason, I have a disinterest in men on a physical level. I can find them objectively attractive but nothing sparks that "sexual attraction". They could even be a cardboard and I wouldn't even notice.

posted January 25, 2015 07:56 AM            

quote:

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Part of the problem is that I have a hard time finding guys attractive. I don't even check them out. For some reason, I have a disinterest in men on a physical level. I can find them objectively attractive but nothing sparks that "sexual attraction". They could even be a cardboard and I wouldn't even notice.

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You might find this site useful http://www.asexuality.org/home/

posted January 25, 2015 08:01 AM            

However, I'm not assexual at all (although it might seem like it). I was very attracted (sexually) to the guys I went out with. I have healthy needs/urges and I can fantasize on certain guys. The problem is that it takes me 1-2 years to find a guy I'm attracted to. It happens once in a blue moon.

When I say "no sexual attraction", I didn't mean it in its literal perspective. I meant in light of finding these men "attractive" in my eyes.

posted January 25, 2015 08:03 AM            

quote:

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The problem is that it takes me 1-2 years to find a guy I'm attracted to. It happens once in a blue moon.

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posted January 25, 2015 08:32 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by wonderingwoman:
Ok house ruler- thanks for explaining. I love dogs and like cats. So you would have a house full of dogs at old age??? Sounds chaotic, lol.

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posted January 25, 2015 08:35 AM            

I have no problem with my sexuality because I believe I have healthy urges. Like most people, I feel turned on quite often.

posted January 25, 2015 09:16 AM            

Anyway, I'm slightly younger than you and I've never been in love or the other way round (I think) so know you're not alone. Taking different factors into consideration, it's unlikely that I'll be in a relationship (or have sex, for that matter). My attitude is different though. The similarities between out charts I noticed: packed 5th house (with the Sun and Venus), Saturn in a romance house in its own house, air Moon, fixed Venus, Neptune influencing the DSC (Pisces DSC which is actually on your MC), Sun-Neptune, Sagittarius Juno and Lilith, Mars as the apex of a yod.

posted January 25, 2015 09:22 AM            

It's not a "problem" per se but it can cause trouble in (forming) intimate relationships, no?

posted January 25, 2015 09:32 AM            

quote:

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It's not a "problem" per se but it can cause trouble in (forming) intimate relationships, no?

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posted January 25, 2015 09:51 AM            

Yeah I know I'm still young at 25, but my automatic reaction has always been to suppress feelings so I wouldn't have to go through the awkwardness that comes with meeting someone. I make up excuses in favor of career, school and obligation to my family. But at the cost of loneliness, self defeat and missed opportunities.

posted January 25, 2015 10:11 AM            

I think my main issue is the fact that I've never met a man who recriprocated the feelings I had for them. There was no problem with the attraction component, the problem is the commitment they do not want to dive into.

posted January 25, 2015 10:29 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
If you want a casual relationship and you communicated it to them then it looks like you have a bad luck.

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"Casual" has several meanings.

posted January 25, 2015 10:47 AM            

Maybe you could ask yourself what pushes you to chose men that are unavailable to you the way you want them to be (commitment). I am pretty sure that some men have crushed on you and maybe considered making you their girlfriend but maybe you just didn't see them.

I think if you find yourself in a situation where you're dissatisfied and don't understand it then the best thing to do is to sit with yourself and ask yourself what you want then try to understand what you do that prevents you from getting what you want.

Maybe although you don't say it, but maybe you want something that is true, maybe those men lacked the "in love" factor. Maybe you just haven't met anyone YET that you fell "in love" with. And then you'll just have to wait some more.
Or maybe you've been in love but don't want to admit it, maybe you struggle with your feelings to an extent and that prevents you from being honest and thus getting a chance at what you want.

Also you said everyone experience young love and that is part of growth etc.. well there are many ways to experience love when one is a teenager and of course it's better when it's reciprocated and all but what if it's not. Does it make it less than love?
Many of my friends (all of them actually) have had teenage relationships, some lasted well into their twenties, some are still going strong. I did not. And well I don't think I am less evolved or not mature enough or that I don't know what a healthy relationship is made of. What I mean by this is that there is growth in what you've experienced. And some who might look mature because they seem to have it all together in the love department are just as lost and sometimes more broken than some teenagers.

posted January 25, 2015 10:52 AM            

quote:

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Many of my friends (all of them actually) have had teenage relationships, some lasted well into their twenties, some are still going strong. I did not. And well I don't think I am less evolved or not mature enough or that I don't know what a healthy relationship is made of. What I mean by this is that there is growth in what you've experienced. And some who might look mature because they seem to have it all together in the love department are just as lost and sometimes more broken than some teenagers.

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posted January 26, 2015 09:04 AM              

I'm a Cap ASC, with Saturn on DSC (2), Saturn return behind me.

Apart from "things get better with time", from my personal experience and what I know of astrology, we (DSC Saturnians) are not allowed to be casual at all in relationships. In fact, the area in the chart where Saturn lies is the one area you can never be casual about: anytime you try to do it, Saturn "strikes", something very serious happens, showing you that, unlike other people, that area is to be approached with maximum Saturnian energy . Saturn guides the way in that area and it will never allow you to be casual about it: Saturn in the 1st - you can't be casual, fleeting in all 1st house matters, basically you have to be a "serious" presence all around, in how you project yourself in the world; Saturn in the 5th - you can't be casual in love, if you are creative, an artist, you have to work very hard as opposed to other people, Saturn in the 8th - you can't be casual in sex, a one night stand for instance can bring you a lot of trouble, "redirecting" you to always be Saturnian in sexual matters; Saturn on MC - you have to work very hard, success never comes if you aren't generally responsible in whatever you bring out there etc.

Your style of dating has to reflect that. Show in your behavior from the beginning that relationships with people are something serious and profound for you. By this I mean do not date guys:

-who don't approach you first and pursue you for a while. You don't have to discuss what you expect in a relationship, this is a turn off; just tell them you need more time to know them better. Period. No other discussions are recommended. Then go out with them as friends (by this I mean platonic romance) for a while and have fun and enjoy knowing each other and building trust. Do not succumb to peer pressure or to the idea that sleeping with a guy as soon as possible, you hook him; on the contrary, it's the other way around. If a guy doesn't want to take his time or he is some kind of rush, he's not for you, never will be.

-who aren't single or who are unavailable or passing by. If you do get involve with a guy on a holiday for instance, a by passer lol, do not expect this to lead to anything more because it won't, not for a Saturnian.

- who don't pursue you themselves, let them do this. I'm focusing on this because I can see from your 5th Scorp stellium you are inclined to be attracted to unavailable types, those who are in a veil of mystery or even reject you, you probably tend to think you "fall" for those and chances are you probably obsess over them for a long time, but don't be fooled, it's not love, it's a lower frequency Plutonian issue: desire to conquer and own, especially the one who rejects us or is somehow unavailable, it's about Pluto and power, not love. Choose your interest among the guys who like you and are warm, nice and caring to you and who take their time to prove themselves worthy to be with you.

The combination of Saturn and Pluto you have is very powerful, but you must cut out its negative side by yourself; in my experience, only after this work with yourself you will experience true love, and this is a good thing, because you are here to experience something above average in love and by blocking you, the universe helps you to self-improve and attain that level so that you can experience it.

Hoping it helps, good luck!

posted January 27, 2015 11:29 AM            

The truth is most guys reject me when they find out I don't want to go too "fast" meaning I decline getting physical after a couple of dates. I want a commitment before taking that step.

I'm always approached by unavailable men in some way but I turn them down. I'm not interested in someone who views me as a side dish.

My main problem by far is that I invest too much too soon. I chase men when they're supposed to be the ones chasing me. Therefore, they take me for "granted" and don't bother making a single effort to win me over. This is by far my biggest flaw. I can't contain myself when I fancy someone. I literally put these men on some sort of "pedestal" and they're well aware of it.

As for finding men attractive, I have a "crush" every other year or so because it takes me a while to "move on" from a rejection. I retreat from these men's lives when they reject me, but deep down inside, I'm still hung up on them for months even years which makes it hard for me to find someone else. I'm not the kind of person who can easily throw themselves into dating again.

Last but not least, I have consistency issues. I can be into a guy but whenever he starts showing interest, I just want to get rid of him because I want "freedom". I have conflicting opinions on dating. I long for a "relationship" but part of me remains reluctant to getting involved with someone.

posted January 27, 2015 11:51 AM            

quote:

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Last but not least, I have consistency issues. I can be into a guy but whenever he starts showing interest, I just want to get rid of him because I want "freedom". I have conflicting opinions on dating. I long for a "relationship" but part of me remains reluctant to getting involved with someone.

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I can understand why you find dating a pain in the ass. I don't see myself go on another date in this incartation.

posted January 27, 2015 01:40 PM              

Pluto(r) in hard aspect to personal planets.