posted February 05, 2015 07:37 PM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Generally speaking those who look the part rarely act it because they never had to and may even work to fight their image (this is especially the case when a guy is especially big who can also be very gentle--they don't HAVE to act up to get what they want, most people do it just to stay on their good side) and like it when they can just relax without people (including women) acting somewhat intimidated. It's the ones who don't look the part who are more likely to act it because they have to (and some can become secure in that rather than hyperdefensive).

Men generally don't go out of their way to advertise themselves via appearances to the same length women do.

I'm not sure how often it's true (some say it's a silly stereotype though a stereotype some in the BDSM subculture say is true often enough) is that big and powerful men tend to prefer the giving up of power, perhaps because they get sick of being the one looked up to all the time which can be tiring (and also because it's exotic for them whereas other men not so big and powerful are sick of being without it and thus perhaps seeks a more dominant role).

The conditioning that men and women tend to get on how women are to be treated also tends to be different and big men can appreciate a woman not scared of him as well as not feeling so self-conscious as if she was obviously submissive so that others might see him as a bully who has to frighten a woman into submission rather than charm her (and perhaps even feeling bad if she was submissive as he's wondering if he's unintentionally scaring her which would make some feel terrible). A woman obviously not scared (as in taking a dominant role) could make a big man like that feel a lot better in more ways than one.

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PixieJane,

You made really solid points here, and I have to agree. My experience is kind of superficial since it is in sex entertainment, and I haven't had a ton of sex partners with whom I could explore the depths of sexuality. But I have to say that generally big guys like to be provoked into action, while the the "smaller" guys will to tackle you, first chance they get.

Successful men tend to be more into the power dynamic on a psychological level. They are usually the ones who want to be dominated, but if they want the power, they aren't just satisfied with "bending you over". They like to bring a more abusive, less sexual energy into play. These men don't just want to spank you, they want to hit you.

My Eros in Pisces allows me to look at any sexual fetish and at least attempt to find the pleasure in it, and so far I've been successful. I haven't found one that I had to say, "just, NO" to, with the exception of screwing dead people...

Oh, but I don't like to be humiliated. I think it's my Leo placement. I just can't do it. This one man "trained" me to successfully humiliate him. I was uncomfortable with it at first. I just didn't want to be so mean. But then I got good at it, and started to like it. You have to have a good teacher who can bring you to the heart of the fetish or fantasy so you can make a connection with it yourself.

That same man was obsessed with urination. He always talked about me peeing in his mouth. All I know is he was an Aries- lol. At first I was like, 'wtf', but then I opened myself to it because of how much he enjoyed it. Even if something doesn't fit into my personal fantasies, I can get pleasure from someone else's pleasure. I never did it. It was a phone sex fantasy, but I would have.

I always have liked the daddy's little girl theme, but I can be mommy too. Again, if it pleases him it pleases me too.

I agree that conditioning has so much to do with what role a person plays or wants to play sexually, but also my chart so well describes all the different ways I can go

Eros in Pisces
Mars-Neptune
Venus-Uranus
Sun-Nessus
Venus-Pluto

Addition: I am sure my experience with men and their fantasies was affected by the environment in which we came together. It's unlikely they shared this part of themselves with their wives. They were fantasies, nonetheless.

posted February 05, 2015 08:02 PM            

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Originally posted by Venusincap89:
No, it's actually really good. Come to think of it, I'd rather have saturn to be in 7th than anywhere else xD well I lied, actually 11th house. Other than that, yes 7th!!
But i do think, saturn in 7th people really gotta be careful with who they date. Gotta choose really spiritual and mature partner. And also, they gotta realize that they must work on their craft of the romantic or business partnership, sooner the better

I really love how Saturn in 7th house people take relationships seriously and don't give up on their partners! It is really rough out there these days in the dating zone!!

But, in my case, I am dating a saturn in 7th house person, who never had a relationship before me aha xD
so lack of efforts to relate to the romantic partner and business partners, can be a little frustrating at times, but I really love the stability

(obviously all these depends, but this is what I observed from pisces saturn in 7th house trine moon person, who is in her first relationship so far xD)

p.s I also love your mercury conjunct sun! only 2 degrees apart!

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Lol stop you're making me feel overly proud of my chart. I don't know what year she was born, but it sounds like we have a lot of similar chart placements. I've also never had a 'real' relationship and it takes me a while to warm up enough to get involved.

posted February 05, 2015 08:16 PM            

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Originally posted by lilting:

Lol stop you're making me feel overly proud of my chart. I don't know what year she was born, but it sounds like we have a lot of similar chart placements. I've also never had a 'real' relationship and it takes me a while to warm up enough to get involved.

[b]PS Out of curiosity when's your birthday?[/B]

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dec 7 since its house placement that matters, i ll just post the chart http://i1299.photobucket.com/albums/ag67/cap89/Mobile%20Uploads/MyVedicChart_zps73 a59daf.jpg

posted February 05, 2015 08:55 PM            

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Originally posted by Venusincap89:
dec 7 since its house placement that matters, i ll just post the chart http://i1299.photobucket.com/albums/ag67/cap89/Mobile%20Uploads/MyVedicChart_zps73 a59daf.jpg

I have north node in 7th house, so I used to cheat a lot in relationships, but recently my retrograde jupiter in cancer 12th house is forcing me towards spirituality xD

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Hey! I had a dream about a man born on Dec. 7th last night. I actually posted it in 'Astral Realms'. It had to do with mars in aries. Maybe it means I need to start incorporating your aries enthusiasm into the way I go about things instead of my less aggressive aqua/pisces energy lol

BTW I love how candid you are.

posted February 05, 2015 10:25 PM            

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Originally posted by lilting:
Hey! I had a dream about a man born on Dec. 7th last night. I actually posted it in 'Astral Realms'. It had to do with mars in aries. Maybe it means I need to start incorporating your aries enthusiasm into the way I go about things instead of my less aggressive aqua/pisces energy lol

BTW I love how candid you are.

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posted February 05, 2015 10:30 PM            

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Originally posted by lilting:

@pixiejane Do you believe the reverse could be true? Meaning a woman used to being the aggressor would like to be dominated in bed? I don't really consider myself an aggressive person, but I consistently find myself overwhelming men for one reason or another. I was wondering if you thought it could have anything to do with my preferences?

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I don't know of many women who are either oriented to being a dom or having a lot of power. In the latter case women who achieve power tend to face a lot more jealousy and resentment from men and women both and she has to armor plate herself which means she's going to guard her privacy, especially her sexual privacy.

It's possible but not that likely to happen. I suppose given how many straight women are raised that many can't feel like a woman unless she's overwhelmed completely, from the sex to his presence, and thus a powerful woman might hunger even more for a sense of powerlessness than even most other women do.

And I have heard women share that they played mind games trying to provoke a man into smacking her down (metaphorically or literally) though the irony here is that if he does then she's still the one in control since she successfully executed a plan to make it happen.

As for you personally I can't say (some of the above may apply or may not) but one thing I'd wonder about is what type of romances do you like reading or watching? If there was a female character who was spirited, demanding, spoiled, and/or intensely proud until she was broken in by her man, probably a prince or similarly powerful figure of some kind (a common enough theme in many romance stories, and doubly so for the erotic ones) then it could be that's how you learned to associate love and thus modeled yourself after it and are looking for a guy to tame you as the heroine you once identified with was also tamed.

posted February 05, 2015 11:12 PM            

Like other girls I saw Lion King, Little Mermaid, and Beauty and the Beast which emphasized that it's a man's place to be the protector and provider (to the point that all the lionesses in the Lion King couldn't rebel until they had a single man lead them) and a woman's place to stand by her man...more so, to submit to him and sacrifice herself to him to show her true love that will transform the man into some sort of prince (if he isn't already) and then her life will be complete (though children may also be important but should naturally follow), happy, and wonderful. She has no other purpose (though she may be allowed hobbies).

But unlike most girls I just felt bored by that. As the other girls got older they got into girl stories that emphasized that theme more and more and which featured her primary purpose as finding a man to orbit (though technically he'd orbit her as well even if he unrealistically also saw to all the demands of life outside of the home while doing so). Reading and viewing that theme over and over shapes and programs the mind.

I, OTOH, instead veered off into scifi and some fantasy (just natural from what I read before as a very young girl such as Dorrie the Little Witch and Pippi Longstocking--which I can recognize in retrospect as having shaped my character somewhat) which is unusual in that females are often main characters who stand on their own feet and carry their weight. Even Isaac Asimov did so back in the 1940s & 50s (I'm surprised it wasn't commented on, he was like the intellectual version of Joss Whedon when it came to gender roles). Men and women alike sometimes had love interests that were intense but it wasn't like the romance genre (notable exceptions exist of course but even then the dynamics between them were often different so that she was still his equal rather than submissive) and other times that didn't feature in the story at all (such as The My Teacher is an Alien series which I loved and Susan Simmons fit right in with the boys in the story who fully pulled her weight).

That also had an affect on me, my mind, and what I saw of as my place in society. Girls were often shocked by my behavior while women thought I'd "grow out of it." Many girls (and even some women) were so trapped by their programming that they couldn't understand my behavior as anything other than a strategy to get boys (and many boys did find me more interesting than girls into their makeup and such, I actually got far more support for being different from the boys and more hostility from the girls, all generally speaking of course).

This continued as I got older and I was far more independent than many women. I couldn't help but notice that many other women not straight (including asexuals and demisexuals, btw) were much the same way. There were exceptions both ways and that's what I looked at...what I found is that most of the time the lesbian searching for her "Princess Charming" to take care of her was still often raised on the same media as straight girls and identified with it growing up (even if they often changed the man of the story into a woman) whereas straight women independent like us were also those who eschewed romances (typically for scifi/fantasy). As a result they learned to think of their gender and thus themselves differently, and were thus different people from most straight women.

I also learned how women raised by different standards were also different, that is the software/environment matters more than the hardware/biology, and women aren't naturally submissive, they become submissive through childhood programming. Of course it's more than the media and the parents and even the chart. Peers (who also absorb a lot from the media and such, and some kids can identify with certain series with the fanaticism of gang members, including girls) have an affect as does the church or other organizations immersed within (naturally these all blend together and overlap).

I've also found it interesting to watch as the role of women changes in Disney and other books (like the Hunger Games), and I see that affecting girls (and their still developing brains) coming of age...heck, even archery became a lot more popular since Brave (btw, watch this from Brave!) and Hunger Games came out!

Speaking of which, this was insightful on "why the princess hate" (if you don't want to watch it all then go to the 6 minute mark where he brings all his points together):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAXEQswcv44

posted February 06, 2015 12:19 AM            

@pixiejane I'm an island unto even myself. I
thought I was headed somewhere with my domination theory, but you've given me so much more to think about. I like history and sci-fi. As a result I find the letters from Robert Dudley to Elizabeth I very romantic (Ol' Bess and Robin ) and my favorite 'romance' novel continues to be one about post apocalyptic earth and a man who happens to fall in love with an alien (no judgement). I read one of my mother's trashy novels in which the main character was fiery and 'not' raped in the way Scarlett was and I didn't really like it. I also wanted to read '50 Shades of Grey', but found the content sorta 'tame' :3 and I frequently found myself grumbling over Christian. As a result I didn't much take to the relationship or book.

I do have a thing for alpha women, but what you described (spoiled, boastful, demanding) is sorta missing the mark for me lol I'm not very fiery in that respect. Being playful and maybe a little coy at times is more me. I want someone to keep up with me mentally. I think I've gotten into the habit of dumbing myself down so people (not just necessarily men) will like me more (high school habit). I can be intense and demanding, but I've learned I catch more flies with honey.

I think this is what feminists mean when they say you're suppressing your inner goddess lmao You've given me a lot to think about and I think I had a moment there. As for the BDSM maybe it's just a bit of kink I like. > )

PS I also like how candid YOU are too lol

posted February 06, 2015 10:09 PM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
I'm very experimental (and that includes BDSM in which I've switched roles) and believe polyamory is actually more natural than monogamy (though ironically I seem more trustworthy than so many--possibly even the majority--of those claiming only monogamy will do, which is part of why I think polyamory is more natural) and I associate that with my 7H Aquarius (relationships), 8H Pisces (adaptable with sex), though I'm sure my Eros (along with Mars-Uranus among other placements) in 5H Sag also contribute to that...and maybe my 4H Scorpio Jupiter expands my mind (and my heart) to include more concepts and even more people (polyamory).

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Interesting. I have the same placements, except Jupiter in Scorpio in the 4H, and I have Moon conjunct Uranus. But, I'm monogamous - Relating to one person is complicated enough without having other people involved.

posted February 06, 2015 10:27 PM            

I have moon conjunct Uranus as well.

But polyamory isn't too common so it's not like you can look at the chart and see that someone thinks it's a good idea (at least a better idea than monogamy), at least not while it's relegated to the fringe.

posted February 07, 2015 12:55 AM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
^^But polyamory isn't too common so it's not like you can look at the chart and see that someone thinks it's a good idea

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I have all the same houses in the same signs as you do PixieJane. I would go for a polygynous relationship (I do not want more than one man. I just need the right man).

I need my space for so many reasons, and am not interested in the traditional relationship set-up. I would be happy to let a man get that traditional set-up in another relationship. But I need him to be able to hold me down financially and sexually. He doesn't have to pay my family home mortgage or pay the note on my 7 passenger vehicle. That's my job. But he does have to "prove it to me" and pay the rent on my condo where we meet for rendezvous, and the note on my Audi R8. Lol, just joking, I want an A7.