posted April 12, 2015 05:42 AM            

I have not been very active in this forum for some time and I have not followed many posts. Normally, I only read what calls my attention, so I can miss the background stories between people and how people can overreact to a comment (not because of the comment itself) but the reaction is to the commentator..

After reading some previous threads, then.. I sort of understand reactions, but again, I would invite ALL to to follow some rules to avoid this website being contaminated by negativity.

First at all, I want to apologize if I have offended someone's sensitivity with my comments. I normally don't edit my post and speak my mind without too much thinking on how my words may come across. I am not English native, so my spelling and grammar can offend some people as well. From my side, I have decided to read what I write before posting, just to make sure I don't send any unintentional attack.

I am genuinely interested in Astrology. I can read post of people I do not resonate with if the post is interesting.We all have people who are more attracted to and that is normal. what we like or dislike tend to be projections. I can mention a few names here, but better no.

anyway, this post is not about me.. I just happen to read a now closed forum (no need to enter in details as the idea is not to start attacking anybody now) and I was shocked. I realized how much negativity has been spread and I couldn't help but notice how contagious this can be. To name an example, I was attracted to the 12H forum because it is a topic I am curious about, but the personal attacks started taking priority. Even if I don't have any preference for the people involved, I noticed that I was also getting into the 'fighting' spirit (maybe my mars thansiting AC was the culprit and I just found the right environment for my EAGER mars)...in anycase, I realized that each member needs to be responsible for the vibes they send to the planet and to this forum in particular.. there will always be someone-something to blame for our behavior, but we always can choose to connect with the negative or the positive.. there is always a choice

After some self-examination and the awareness of how contagious hatred or love can be, I invite you to be part of a better atmosphere in this site. From my side this is what I would do. Please, notice that I am not prescribing the below receipt.. this is just my way i talk to myself. I dont feel entitled to impose my solutions.. this is just an invitation to reflect and see how we as individuals can contribute to a better forum climate..

1- Try to become aware how a post is affecting you: are you reacting to content, to the person posting?, to some emotional turmoil going on in your life and you use the forum to indirectly vent your anger?, are being dragged by the negative atmosphere? are you being mind-controlled and you are being used as a disruptive element here? if we become aware of our own contribution to hatred or violence, then it is easier to stop the loop.
2.- Change gears: if you feel that a thread is getting on you and your losing your objectivity, then withdraw. change gears,either read some different post with different climate or just stop and take a shower or do something that takes your mind away from that thread. some days later you can revisit and look with more objectivity. my advice is to let go on threads that can harm your emotions. I am not proposing hiding or not confronting, but after you have said your opinion (in a respectful and tolerant way) then go.. don't come again and check the thread and continue the diatribe... just let go, let go the need for replying. you may be just reacting, not acting.. and then the thread will be spoiled for ever
3.- try to respond to content, not to INTENTION BEHIND CONTENT... we may know the background of the person posting and we may KNOW where the person is coming from when they post. if we have strong feeling against somebody (because mentality, past threads, etc) be aware of that.. you have CHOICE
3.0 you can reply ONLY to content and immagine you are talking to someone with no history, as someone new in the forum. in this way you keep your comments to content, not to the person. this will help newcomers to follow easily the discussion. they have no clue about past histories. it is easier to keep the thread on topic if we just answer to the content, not to the person... to what is written no to past forum threads
3.1 If you think you cant answer just to content (we are humans) you always can ignore posts from person of your dislike. just be aware that if you engage in fighting, then the people who just want to read about 12H matter may leave the forum and go somewhere else for answers.. is that what we want?
3.2 if you are a moderator and have to take a more committed stand, then call on offenders by name and either remove them from the thread or the forum in extreme cases. I dont know what power moderators have over posters, but I believe that offenders should not be allowed to post certain things.. or certain post should be deleted if they violate some forum rules.and in extreme cases just to bann offenders.. what is offense? some gray cases, but hey, i have looked at some threads, and there was clearly ground for banning, in my opinion.
3.3 if you think you can work things up privately through e-mail. then DO IT. even if wrong many people do not like to be exposed in public. they may know they are wrong, but they will continue defending their point just not to lose face. I do not belong to that group, but I am aware than some people need to be right. considering this, it may be safer for all to solve privately what can be solved that way.
4. Do not use previous knowledge of a person chart or life history to humiliate somebody. even if the person is acting wrongly. the beauty about this type of forum is that we can disclose a lot of personal information. we all are searching for answers that give meaning to our struggles. People come here with different stories and many have disclosed sensitive information. it is cruel to use that info to attack someone. It does not matter how patronizing the person may be acting, but humiliating somebody is not going to do any better, it will only escalate the problem and the person will become more and more defensive.
if we already have decided that X person is not good, why to bother to read or reply to his-her posts?
5. be compassionate.. even for people who acts arrogant and self-assure. We all have our own flaws and if we can connect (at least mentally) with that pure or beautiful side of a person, then it becomes easier to forgive and even to change the chain of events.. I am not implying to not speak your mind and be hypocritical for the sake of a false peace. I mean that our vibration is send through our post. if we really connect with the positive in a person then it is easier to act accordingly...

All the best

posted April 12, 2015 07:02 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by DeepFreeze:

They happen, they go away, and they'll be back.

---

it is good to hear that may be a sort of MOMENT.. rather than a trend..

posted April 12, 2015 07:43 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by nordicsoul:
it is good to hear that may be a sort of MOMENT.. rather than a trend..

---

Exactly!
It'll die off. (But they'll pop up again at some point in the future)
The last few months have been peaceful.
Don't sweat it. You'll just stress yourself out.
I can't speak for others but you know.... Things get said, we respond poorly, but eventually we move on.

posted April 12, 2015 07:44 AM            

Some people come to this forum for help and they may be under lot of distress. We don't know these people' life, so we need to be sensitive to others vulnerable points.

posted April 12, 2015 07:54 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
Exactly!
It'll die off. (But they'll pop up again at some point in the future)
The last few months have been peaceful.
Don't sweat it. You'll just stress yourself out.
I can't speak for others but you know.... Things get said, we respond poorly, but eventually we move on.

Hopefully today we can move on.
If not, maybe tomorrow. LOL

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posted April 12, 2015 10:39 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by nordicsoul:
Sometimes we unintentionally offend people by being CARELESS. this is what I meant. Because I do not usually re-read before posting, I may have miswritten something or miss a sentence that could have conveyed what I meant more adequately. Even if without intention, we need to be responsible for what we communicate. If I send an e-mail to my boss without editing and by mistake I say something that I shouldn't I may be FIRED. Why not take the same CARE when I communicate to a stranger in an astroforum?. Just because I don't fear the consequences because it is anonymous?

Some people come to this forum for help and they may be under lot of distress. We don't know these people' life, so we need to be sensitive to others vulnerable points.

I see your point and to certain degree I agree. I cannot feel responsible for how other people react to my posts, but I should feel responsible for the content of my communications. I nee to be sure that what I communicate is what I want to communicate. Then if people misunderstands (as happens many times) then I let it go. But that is another story.

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posted April 12, 2015 11:34 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aleenaxo:
Being new here, I'm worried that one day I will express my opinion and get put down for it. I just read the 12th house forum. I think there should be a focus towards tolerance for other people's opinions. It's okay if someone disagrees. And the amount of insulting just makes me even more scared to be a part of L.L.

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posted April 12, 2015 11:41 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Blind writer:
The answer is simple - be part of the solution instead of the problem. Be the change you want to see in the world (or, in this case, the forum).

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posted April 12, 2015 12:03 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Blind writer:
The answer is simple - be part of the solution instead of the problem. Be the change you want to see in the world (or, in this case, the forum).

---

posted April 12, 2015 12:34 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by nordicsoul:
After some self-examination and the awareness of how contagious hatred or love can be, I invite you to be part of a better atmosphere in this site.

...

All the best

NS

---

I'm an infrequent poster, but a long-time lurker.

This is a fabulous site.

It's a storehouse of information on Astrology that

I refer to (and that I refer others to) for endless

valuable tidbits.

Lovely post, nordicsoul, and I agree.

I often wonder how much unnecessary friction could be

avoided by simply staying on topic. lol

Thank you.

posted April 12, 2015 12:53 PM            

I stay out of it mostly. But really, sometimes people just push too far. And that is usually when all hell breaks lose.

What I don't like though is bringing in things from one thread into another thread. If I disagree with you on one thread that doesn't mean I disagree with you on everything.

We are all people though, not robots, or at least I think some of you are people.

posted April 12, 2015 12:55 PM            

For the most part nordicsoul, this is a smooth running forum.
Discord happens, but not often.

posted April 12, 2015 01:40 PM            

-I've done what I didn't want to.
-I feel a little ashamed of myself.

posted April 12, 2015 02:01 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by LucieLemonade:
We are all people though, not robots, or at least I think some of you are people.

---

Yeah, except for those pesky reptilians. o______O

.

....

I kid, I kid.

But now that I have your attention, could anyone

point me to the FAQ that gives the code to post

video (youtube, etc)?

I would be grateful! Thanks

posted April 12, 2015 02:16 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gabby:
I know many ppl are saying this isn't a reoccurring theme and it's no big deal, but I disagree. I've been hear a long time, I stay out of ppls arguements...period!

I've only a few times stepped in and without throwing stones told EVERYONE involved to shut up(in a very libra soft spoken way)Lol

This is far from a rare event, I still see it happening to often but if it's not in my areas of moderation I just close out of the thread because I know several ppl that don't particularly like me because of the times I've spoken up.

There are a few very wise ppl that come here and share their wisdom yet somehow always end up getting snippy or taking offense easily...they always seem to be involved in the posts that turn ugly. My suggestion is when you see a post going wrong don't get emotionally involved or take a side even if you agree with someone's point. The issue has moved past it's original intintuom and is no longer about the posts question, topic or point it's become a post that's about their argument and in the name of peace you need to walk away so as not to add negativity to our forum.
If need be, send a email message to one of the moderators of that area and let them handle it.

I'm sorry you have seen this so quickly, yes it's ugly and makes our forum look ugly....I wish these ppl could see what their stupid, petty arguments look like from the outside and how they are tarnishing their OWN reputations while making our entire forum look immature and second rate.
We are supposed to be guiding lights to others searching for deeper meaning...they make us look like childish fools!

---

Letting go of grudges seems like something to work on
I came across this a week ago...it has really helped me so hopefully it will help others!

For helping your mindset to become more positive:

All or Nothing Thinking

Sometimes called ‘black and white thinking’, this is when we imagine that "nothing" will ever go well again, or that "everything" or "everybody" is wrong with the world and it will "never" be ok.

Over-generalising

This is when we draw broad generalised conclusions or when we see single events as a general rule. When we hear people saying "most people are..." or "people think..." or "people like that act such and such way".

Like black and white thinking, it is a habit that can be broken with self questioning - "do I really know what most people are thinking?", because really, our logical minds can over-rule and calm the over-generalising mind.

Mental Filters

This is when we tend to only hear evidence that supports an existing bias. So we might only notice our faults or peoples criticisms of us, and dismiss compliments... or dismiss criticisms and only believe in those that tell us what makes us feel good.

This is the person that you say "you sang the song beautifully" and rather than accept the compliment, they will reply "I missed a note, it was dreadful."

A first step (and I've done this one myself) is to learn to simply say 'thank you' and take some time with a comment, rather than dismiss it straight away.

Jumping to Conclusions

There are two types of jumping to conclusions:

Mind reading: Thinking you know what others are thinking. “He thinks I'm stupid”

And predicting the future: “If I say something, he'll just laugh at it.”

This style of thinking can be very limiting, because they excuse us from giving something a try, or from getting to know people. Sometimes we need to take the risk.

Magnification

Again, there are two types of magnification. It is when we take ideas or feelings to the extreme.

Catastrophising is when we Blow things up out of proportion. “He was hours late (15 minutes), in that area people are murdered every night, it was the most terrifying experience of my life, I thought I'd never get out alive.”

Minimising is the opposite, it is when we inappropriately dismiss the seriousness of something or making it seem unimportant. “It was nothing, just a silly argument” (He broke your arm and three ribs)

Emotional Reasoning

This is when we assume that because we feel a certain way, it must be true.

"I am afraid, so it must be dangerous." "I love him, so he must be loveable"... or one for SF "I feel negative about them, so they must be a negative person"

Both magnification and emotional reasoning can benefit from allowing the objective mind to self question the emotional mind.

Critical projection

Using critical words like ‘should’, ‘must’, or ‘ought’ sets us up to fail in ultimate perfection.

These are often habitual words, but when we catch ourselves using them, it is helpful to try to change them to words that allow us to see possibilities... "this might work for me" or "I could try this"

Labelling

Assigning labels to ourselves or other people.

I’m stupid. I’m completely useless. They’re such an idiot.

Labels are unhelpful because they are often defining of a person, rather than an action - an intelligent person may change a useless idea. But if they believe they are useless, there appears to be no possibility that they could try something different.

Personalisation

Blaming yourself or taking responsibility for something that wasn’t completely your fault. Or conversely, blaming other people for something that was your fault.

posted April 12, 2015 02:19 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aleenaxo:
Letting go of grudges seems like something to work on
I came across this a week ago...it has really helped me so hopefully it will help others!

For helping your mindset to become more positive:

All or Nothing Thinking

Sometimes called ‘black and white thinking’, this is when we imagine that "nothing" will ever go well again, or that "everything" or "everybody" is wrong with the world and it will "never" be ok.

Over-generalising

This is when we draw broad generalised conclusions or when we see single events as a general rule. When we hear people saying "most people are..." or "people think..." or "people like that act such and such way".

Like black and white thinking, it is a habit that can be broken with self questioning - "do I really know what most people are thinking?", because really, our logical minds can over-rule and calm the over-generalising mind.

Mental Filters

This is when we tend to only hear evidence that supports an existing bias. So we might only notice our faults or peoples criticisms of us, and dismiss compliments... or dismiss criticisms and only believe in those that tell us what makes us feel good.

This is the person that you say "you sang the song beautifully" and rather than accept the compliment, they will reply "I missed a note, it was dreadful."

A first step (and I've done this one myself) is to learn to simply say 'thank you' and take some time with a comment, rather than dismiss it straight away.

Jumping to Conclusions

There are two types of jumping to conclusions:

Mind reading: Thinking you know what others are thinking. “He thinks I'm stupid”

And predicting the future: “If I say something, he'll just laugh at it.”

This style of thinking can be very limiting, because they excuse us from giving something a try, or from getting to know people. Sometimes we need to take the risk.

Magnification

Again, there are two types of magnification. It is when we take ideas or feelings to the extreme.

Catastrophising is when we Blow things up out of proportion. “He was hours late (15 minutes), in that area people are murdered every night, it was the most terrifying experience of my life, I thought I'd never get out alive.”

Minimising is the opposite, it is when we inappropriately dismiss the seriousness of something or making it seem unimportant. “It was nothing, just a silly argument” (He broke your arm and three ribs)

Emotional Reasoning

This is when we assume that because we feel a certain way, it must be true.

"I am afraid, so it must be dangerous." "I love him, so he must be loveable"... or one for SF "I feel negative about them, so they must be a negative person"

Both magnification and emotional reasoning can benefit from allowing the objective mind to self question the emotional mind.

Critical projection

Using critical words like ‘should’, ‘must’, or ‘ought’ sets us up to fail in ultimate perfection.

These are often habitual words, but when we catch ourselves using them, it is helpful to try to change them to words that allow us to see possibilities... "this might work for me" or "I could try this"

Labelling

Assigning labels to ourselves or other people.

I’m stupid. I’m completely useless. They’re such an idiot.

Labels are unhelpful because they are often defining of a person, rather than an action - an intelligent person may change a useless idea. But if they believe they are useless, there appears to be no possibility that they could try something different.

Personalisation

Blaming yourself or taking responsibility for something that wasn’t completely your fault. Or conversely, blaming other people for something that was your fault.

These aren't my words and are from spiritualforums.com I believe

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posted April 12, 2015 02:21 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by nordicsoul:

5. be compassionate.. even for people who acts arrogant and self-assure. We all have our own flaws and if we can connect (at least mentally) with that pure or beautiful side of a person, then it becomes easier to forgive and even to change the chain of events..

All the best

NS

---

posted April 12, 2015 02:25 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
Weeeeell... I kind of just decided (impulse decision) that I will attempt to take a little break from LL.
That'll be about 25% of your problem solved immediately.

-I've done what I didn't want to.
-I feel a little ashamed of myself.

---

We all screw up. I screw up ALLL the time. I have had to apologize many, many times.

That is how we learn.If you don't make mistakes, you never learn.

You stay stuck in the fear of making mistakes.

Everyone is forgiving here.

I hope you stay, DF. You have a lot to offer

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