posted May 18, 2015 06:20 PM            

I read your posts and I resonate very much with them.
I was single my whole life /I`m 23y now./ and I can`t settle into ANY relationship,good or bad.I always pick unavailable men,they are either taken or lacking emotion,asocial and whatnot.
Just Like you,I fear deeply rejection and my self-esteem is in the bottom of the Mariana Trench.
I decided to change things,that`s why I`m currently teaching myself the importance of empowerment and self love,because giving up on dark thoughts and falling in the abyss of self pity is NOT an option.We can do better.

posted May 18, 2015 07:33 PM            

You only attract what you project. And you project a lot more subconsciously than you might think.

posted May 18, 2015 08:12 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MineAgain:

How to create it for myself?

Am I going to get guys to find me pretty or interesting all of the sudden?

LOL

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Hard to see but true. There are actually men out there who are not after women because they are pretty. External attractiveness has no relation to goodness or essential quality. Meaning a person's character is more important than their appearance. And in my perspective, this is what makes a person beautiful.

posted May 18, 2015 08:31 PM            

I can relate to what you are describing, and felt the same way until I had my first relationship. However, what I learned and several others before me have is that relationships do not solve problems nor do they make you happy. Getting into a relationship isn't going to make you feel any better, in fact, it could make you feel worse for a multitude of reasons. The grass is not always greener on the other side, many couples I know often wish they could be single and not to have to deal with the stressors that come with a relationship. Trust me when I say that seeing a couple across the street is nothing to be jealous of because who knows how happy they really are- they might be downright miserable.

Looks are only a small part of the equation, everyone finds different standards of beauty attractive- you do NOT have to look like a model to find love. I see people of all shapes and sizes happily together. The most attractive thing a man will like is confidence, and being comfortable in your skin will reflect on the outside.

I think you need to work on your confidence a bit because I noticed you have jumped to the conclusion that you aren't pretty enough for love. "Pretty enough" for what exactly? Love doesn't have a pre-requisite on being attractive enough for love, otherwise the human species would evolve as everyone looking identical.

What sort of guys are you interested in? What is it that you find attractive in a man and want in a long-term relationship. Do you even feel you are worthy of attracting a quality man? Sometimes the people we attract reflects how we feel on the inside. Have you tried going to new places, using online dating, or meetup groups?

Lets talk about the rest of your life: is everything else going well? What are the positives going on, I know you must have some. Write down every single day one thing you are grateful for, and I also would recommend writing confidence mantras on your bedroom door or bathroom mirror. These things go a long way in helping shift your mindset!

Being lonely is NOT a good reason to get into a relationship, you will find the reason for being lonely is actually due to something much deeper. When you truly love yourself and feel comfortable in your skin, you will be okay with being alone. It is normal to feel lonely at times, it is human nature, but to feel a body will take the void away from the loneliness is actually diverting from the true underlying cause.

posted May 18, 2015 11:51 PM            

quote:

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Your progressed shows nn at 7th and Progressed MARS is opposing natal Juno, be patient. You are still young.

[/B]

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posted May 19, 2015 12:38 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Seimei:
be patient, YOU'LL ME SOMEONE

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Thanks!

No, I understand this means I have to be patient, but how long does this transit usually last?

I always meet guys, they always disappear on me/reject me

posted May 19, 2015 01:18 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by astra7:

midnightV,
You are 19!! Have fun. You don't want to be tied down so early. You've got decades ahead of you and while you are free and single, have fun....definitely. Once you settle down, you'll be tied down with mortgage, kids, school, chores etc.... lol
Pluto in 7th is a different matter. Marriage delay is indicated by Saturn.

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posted May 19, 2015 07:12 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MineAgain:
If late means 40, when I'll be even more unattractive ... I'm doomed. Sigh.

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This cracked me up... not to say that your problem isn't real it's just that I know a lot of very attractive 40 year olds.

I didn't form a happily solid relationship until I was 38. It's not that I couldn't get or find a man... I just got and found the wrong ones. Be patient, it will happen and when it does enjoy the butterflies.

posted May 19, 2015 08:20 AM            

There are people who are single forever. I'm not going to pretend that those sort of people don't exist. Maybe you'll be one of them or maybe you won't.

posted May 19, 2015 09:55 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by iliketurtles:
what if Pisces man is a preview of sorts? You'll get your dude

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posted May 19, 2015 10:59 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Astra:
Ok, I'm just going to be blunt. Loving yourself and focusing on hobbies is great, but it won't make the love of your life walk in the door. Trust me. I'm nearly 30 and have been single for 5 years. I've had 1 boyfriend in my twenties, which was a huge mistake. I've been focusing on my hobbies and interests for many years and it hasn't made a difference in my love life. Lol.

There are people who are single forever. I'm not going to pretend that those sort of people don't exist. Maybe you'll be one of them or maybe you won't.

You have standards, which is a good thing. Of course, this means that you will have less opportunities for a relationship than others because there aren't a lot of "quality" men/women out there. Just continue focusing on your life and have fun! If the right person enters your life, then great! If not, then count your blessings that you aren't in a relationship with a loser.

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posted May 19, 2015 11:03 AM            

... I'm not sure how to deal with my loneliness.

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For one, your inner dialogue is killing you.

You can't think like that, and expect any kind of

happiness-- it isn't reasonable.

Before I read the rest of your posts and followed

the link for your chart, I pictured you as a sad,

mousy, not too bright girl, who probably didn't

bother to even fix her hair.

That's the picture you've painted!

(You're actually very bright, and you do take care

of yourself, and apparently-- you've been gifted

with actual TASTE when it comes to your wardrobe.)

Bottom line: You HAVE to take some responsibility

for your thought life... easier said than done, but

it can be done.

I don't know if you're a reader, but if not... there's

always audio: find out what author or speaker moves you,

and inundate yourself with better thoughts.

Use theirs until you can get a hold of your own, and do

it soon.

The older you get, the more difficult it becomes.

The things you're thinking are NOT rooted in reality,

but in your own faulty perception of yourself.

Change it... you deserve good things from this life.

------------------
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world; not even our troubles.

posted May 19, 2015 01:43 PM            

Well, I am not into older men to be honest. I usually like guys my own age or slightly younger (2 years max).

Older men tend to be at a different stage and put certain expectations on you which can be quite draining if you're not ready.

I still want to enjoy my youth with someone I can relate to and who can experience the same things I do. Older men (even if it's only a 3 year difference) tend to be slightly patronizing and never really see you as their "equal". Not all of them, I know.

I'd still feel far more comfortable with someone my own age.

I know I'm still young and it's easy to say when you've already experienced loved even if you lost it. I'm 25, not 19. As I said, everyone wants love and the "you're young" phrase is getting old in my books.

I went through stages when I was not looking at all for various reasons and I didn't find anything. I went for stages when I was desperately looking and I didn't find anything.

I'm not saying my happiness is dependent on this person's presence in my life, not at all. I know how to be content by myself because I have so many hobbies, passions, aspirations that I know I can be content on my own. Wanting to be with someone is not a remedy to my "loneliness". I'm not looking for someone because I want to fill a void, hoping to escape some kind of introspection.

I've done a lot of introspection and internal work, I think I really want to be with someone to experience something new. Not to be dependent on that person for my happiness or needs, no. It's because I really want to experience the feeling of love. That's all.

Of course, in every relationship, there's ups and downs but I will never know how it feels if I haven't been able to try.

posted May 19, 2015 02:01 PM            

Maybe you'll be more happy single. Maybe there's a world filled with pathetic women waiting to be dependent on "the one", "the other", "the perfect man" in pursuit of their happiness, well, no wonder, we're raised like that. Maybe you're really avoiding relationships, because deep down you know you're happier single. Maybe you just have some standards, and for that I congratulate you. Maybe it would be better if you wouldn't whine around, get your **** together and focus your energy in something more worthwhile. Maybe you should build your self esteem on something that comes innately from you, and not from the approval of others (meaning "that special guy" yadda yadda). Maybe you should stop fantasizing, because it makes everything worse, and entraps you in passive ways instead of being decisive and active woman you should be in all areas. Maybe you should fall in love with a woman. Maybe you should pursuit, choose someone, instead of waiting to be chosen. Maybe you should throw away the society ridden, centuries old patriarchal mind patterns, and think again about women's obsession with having a man to lean on.

posted May 19, 2015 05:37 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MineAgain:
Just because I want to discuss my feelings on a forum, doesn't mean I have my life together in other departments. Get off your high horse.

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I just wanted to give you another perspective and it was really very generally written, not about you per se, if you understood it as an insult on your persona, well, that just means you should toughen up a bit. I purposely used the word "maybe".
You probably meant "that doesn't mean you DON'T have your life together in other departments", oh I get that, never said that, no one is one dimensional, but I sensed a bit of desperation in your posts - which normally comes from lack of self esteem - hence my opinion. I didn't dwell on your posts and your chart, only read the first post and reacted, simple as that.
Oh, and believe me, I did have my fair share of writing about my feeling on this forum, so I am not on any "high horse" (nice phrase, btw, will add that to my vocabulary , I also (my gosh, no!) have my defects, but that doesn't mean I don't recognize them and try to change them, also by good ol' preachin'.

Have you never questioned yourself about things I have written, all the self-evident stuff - relations between the sexes, love, necessity to be in partnership etc., I really wonder why you'd be so insulted about me questioning some of social phenomena. I mean, you got plenty of predictable answers for which you've hoped to get and provided you with solace, I guess one that's different doesn't hurt, right? If you intend to DISCUSS your feelings on forum, then be open to discussion.

posted May 19, 2015 08:13 PM            

Although, I understand what you say that you attract losers, so do I. In my case, I know I have high standards and it makes everything more diffiicult, every man I have had a crush on, have always been unavailable men for some reason or they change me for a friend. But Once I read somewhere, that if you always aim to unavailable people it's because you, yourself are unavailable too, so you must check that too.

“Stop waiting for others to validate you. Be your own witness.”

posted May 19, 2015 09:05 PM            

I'm 19 as well and I have never had a boyfriend. Maybe start out by doing positive self affirmations if you already haven't.

I attracted a lot of scum too. Or all the guys I liked ignored me or treated me poorly. Around junior year, I became uninterested in the same old, "love yourself" I was getting from friends and family members. ESPECIALLY the ones who were in committed relationships, but it was evident they didn't love themselves.

Maybe it is because the guys you like can sense that you can see who they really are, and that would make anyone create a little space between you and them, eh?

posted May 19, 2015 10:03 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by SaturnFan:
Self-esteem and self-love are two very different things

It is great that you are aware of all the positive traits you posses.

In my experience, when the external world appears to be undervaluing you and rejecting you, it's because there are even more great sides of you buried, unconscious, which you need to discover in order to feel whole.

When people say in this thread that the key is loving yourself first, it's not only about being aware of what you 'have to offer', but actually being eager to spend time with yourself, dive into hobbies, interests and passions, see where your personality and unique individuality will take you, how incredibly far it can reach.

There's some aspect of your personality you need to integrate consciously, so embark on this journey

I met my first boyfriend when I was 18, and until then I felt like a loser for having taken so long. Our relationship was so traumatic, that I wished our paths had never crossed and I still have nightmares about him - but it served a purpose to show me what part of myself I had been neglecting.

So I truly advise you to not get entangled in social structures of what kind of experience is appropriate for what age. Your journey is your own, and very unique. Better focus on you, get intrigued by the endless layers of your personality, and explore

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posted May 19, 2015 10:18 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Belba:
So what if you are?

Maybe you'll be more happy single. Maybe there's a world filled with pathetic women waiting to be dependent on "the one", "the other", "the perfect man" in pursuit of their happiness, well, no wonder, we're raised like that. Maybe you're really avoiding relationships, because deep down you know you're happier single. Maybe you just have some standards, and for that I congratulate you. Maybe it would be better if you wouldn't whine around, get your **** together and focus your energy in something more worthwhile. Maybe you should build your self esteem on something that comes innately from you, and not from the approval of others (meaning "that special guy" yadda yadda). Maybe you should stop fantasizing, because it makes everything worse, and entraps you in passive ways instead of being decisive and active woman you should be in all areas. Maybe you should fall in love with a woman. Maybe you should pursuit, choose someone, instead of waiting to be chosen. Maybe you should throw away the society ridden, centuries old patriarchal mind patterns, and think again about women's obsession with having a man to lean on.

I don't care if it's not what you wanted to hear, I'm just so disappointed in the general pathos that prevails on LL.
Wish you all the best regardless.
I am exactly your age, single and so fu*king what.

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