posted May 20, 2015 02:39 AM            

I too feel like MineAgain on a day to day basis, but have to admit that my self esteem has taken a battering throughout my life and I'm finally in the stages of reclaiming it and coming into my own.

I've set myself some goals and achieved them. However, despite this, being a Gemini... I believe that I am still looking for my partner in crime and man to share my life with. It's something that I have always dreamed of, and the fact that I have not met him is annoying to me.

I've experienced love, loss and flings and now I'm ready to settle down and build a future. However, I've had notorious Venus opposite Pluto issues when it comes to relationships and they have scarred me! (Trust me MineAgain, nothing can beat the impact that this aspect has!)

Mine Again,

You know what you're looking for and that is GREAT. When it's all said and done, as lonely as I may be, I would now never trade being single for a convenient relationship or something that I know is not what I want because it has red flags all over it.

When you are single, you discover yourself. You come into your own and you set those boundaries! Self love is attractive and I'm not saying that I'm flawless or I am over the traumatic times in my life... But I would really encourage you to revisit that situation with Pisces (in your mind) and see if there is any unprocessed emotions there. 'Nothing quite holds us back like the memories and pains of the past.' It might be that through these delays, the universe is trying to tell you something.

Not in a bad way, (you're an aspiring lawyer after all), but you come across as someone who asks for help and then dismisses help. Like you are after a specific response to fit what you want to or need to hear. That's fine, not everyone is going to say what you want to hear or things that are relevant, but don't be so quick to dismiss suggestions made.

There are approximately 50 posts of pure gold here and perhaps it would be worth putting what you know to the side for sec, and approaching the suggestions from a different space/mind set. For example, you might already be taking care of yourself, but could you be doing it better?

It has been said, (even to me) that those who think they know it all have the most to learn. I now realise that there is some truth in this. I don't mean to offend you, because I actually understand your frustrations (!!!!!!!!)... But I definitely wanted to share my thoughts with you.

Singledom is hard (!!!!!!!!!!!). Even harder when people are telling you that there's still time and that you are young with your life ahead of you. However, there is beauty in this journey and there's no doubt in my mind that you are being prepared for a great relationship. xx

posted May 20, 2015 03:48 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by BellaFenice:
MineAgain, how do you actually know that you are being rejected? Do you ask men out and they flat out tell you no or it is that no one is approaching you and you take it as a slight? Men are just as insecure as women are and often will not approach a woman due to fear. For example, I often have to initiate conversation because apparently people find me intimidating. I'm not saying this as a humblebrag but rather show you there are probably plenty of guys interested in you but hold back due to insecurity.

I can relate to what you are describing, and felt the same way until I had my first relationship. However, what I learned and several others before me have is that relationships do not solve problems nor do they make you happy. Getting into a relationship isn't going to make you feel any better, in fact, it could make you feel worse for a multitude of reasons. The grass is not always greener on the other side, many couples I know often wish they could be single and not to have to deal with the stressors that come with a relationship. Trust me when I say that seeing a couple across the street is nothing to be jealous of because who knows how happy they really are- they might be downright miserable.

---

posted May 20, 2015 12:21 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by MineAgain:
I always meet guys, they always disappear on me/reject me

---

Cancer rising.

I asked you about that in another thread.

--

Regarding the quote, can you break that down?

Assuming you are looking for a solution--

There must be a pattern before they ultimately

reject or disappear on you.

------------------
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world; not even our troubles.

posted June 02, 2015 03:21 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by MineAgain:
I am very sorry to bother everyone again with my so-called insignificant "problems".

I am just slightly frustrated and sad because to be honest, my love life has always been a disaster. I've never been in a "proper" relationship. I keep getting rejected/disappeared on after a few encounters, or worse, I attract losers.

I can't seem to be attracting "quality" men because I think I'm not pretty enough (I'm not your "classical" beauty). I'll be turning 25 in a couple of months and all my friends/coworkers already have had a significant relationship or are in one, but I 'm still the same I was in high school - Ugly Betty crushing on guys who don't even know I exist.

That's probably the reason why I'm still pinning over the Pisces man, because I'm still lonely. Each passing year is a disappointment because I realize I didn't experience anything romantic. I never attract the type of guys I want. I don't know how to cope at this stage.

I'm not sure how to deal with my loneliness.

Advice would be greatly appreciated!

My Chart can be found here if you want some "logical" explanation (http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/000657.html)

---

Ok this is scary to me. I am a 1988 Sagittarius with Cancer Asc, Moon in 12th house Gemini and Saturn in 7th house Capricorn.Pluto and Venus in 5th house too..

.. and I feel the same way. No boyfriend yet in my life. I don't think anything is wrong with my looks, but I haven't really felt anything significant since 2010.. capricorn guy.. sigh..

I think hot, sweet and intelligent guys are joking when they show interest, and when I understand it's serious, they are already over it.

posted June 02, 2015 04:05 PM            

Fast-forward six years and some major life events later and I feel much better about myself now. And, actually it makes no difference or not whether I'm in a relationship, they're just less crucial to my well-being. They're nice to have, but it's really no reflection on me whether I'm in one or not (more a comment on other people's Good Taste ).

None of this helps, probably, true though it be (I always remember my friends saying "you want to get some self-esteem!" and me saying "How? Do they sell it in the @*$@ chemist??!!"). Really I wanted to share my ONE WEIRD TRICK THAT GETS RID OF FEELING OF ISOLATION (and doesn't cost anything). It's the Eye-Meet. I do this periodically when I feel low, strange and disconnected from people and it always always works.

If you do this already without thinking, then ignore it.

But... I find that when I'm low, I find it really really difficult to meet people's eyes, and it's really difficult to make connections when you don't, plus I suspect that people find it shifty and annoying. So, have a day (or two or three) where you say "Today I am going to Look People In The Eye" and then do. Look at people's eyes when you talk to them, and if you have to interact with them in any way. If you're in a shop and the assistant won't meet your eye (because they're tired and hate the general public) then stand there til they look at you to find out what you want, and meet their eye. Every time you meet someone's eye, smile.

I was going to say 'catch people's eyes in the street' but it depends where you live. I can do this in my small town, but when I'm in London people look at me like I'm weird and once a man followed me onto the Tube. So use with discretion, but definitely make a point of doing it to anyone that you have to speak to.

It's actually harder than it sounds to get going with if you're out of the habit, but you literally only have to do it for a second per person, it makes the world a much nicer place and people talk to you more. It won't necessarily catch you a fella, but I can't emphasize how differently people treat you when you do or don't do it. And you feel differently about yourself as well.

Like I say, ignore that if it doesn't apply, but if it does then try it. It took me 31 years to work out and I felt like I'd discovered the Secret Of The World once I'd got it.

posted June 02, 2015 04:10 PM            

"Self-esteem and self-love are two very different things ..." -- that whole thing.

Self-love is not vanity. It is self-acceptance and a full appreciation of yourself as a human being. Most of us have to get there by intentionally healing and separating from past hurts that demeaned us and left us something other than whole. It doesn't happen as we stand flat-footed here-and-now. It requires effort to take ourselves back fully.

It isn't about whether you can get dates. Its about whether you will take in hand the full power that is yours to color your relationships and their outcomes.

I don't know if/how much of this applies to you, MineAgain, but I'm willing to say that no one here would want you to be disappointed in a relationship again, and wishes for you that you to be able to hold such a place within yourself (however you accomplish it) that you attract nothing less than someone who can respect you fully and appreciate you as you are.