posted December 24, 2015 02:22 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by goatcat:
Yes I want casual sex but I'm not gonna have sex with just anyone. Having sex with someone with great conversation is great.

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This is what I meant when I asked "Are you really, though?"

posted December 24, 2015 02:30 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hearttreasure:
lol. Yes, I found one too and I think that is a game playing.

Although they will make it clear, they still test the water with you and the outside sometimes. They do not trust people easily, until they found you surrender in their feet, then they'll give their heart, otherwise, they secretly cheat as a revenge as you are not trusted enough.

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I do EXACTLY that too.

I just split up with someone, where we both had Venus in Scorpio.

He ws playing these games and so was I and in the end we ended up just imploding.

I would do things like this...

One day it was my "time of the month" and I wanted to see if he would still want our date that day, even if sex was off the table (a test) so I sent him a message saying "hey babe, it's my time of the month so I was wondering if maybe we should cancel tonight, I have a sore stomach and all that"

And he replied "no problem babe, I have heaps of work anyway".

I was hoping he would say "noooo, I want to see you". So I took this response to 100% mean that he didn't care aout me and just wanted sex nd broke up with him the next day.

Which is INSANE if you think about it, but I play these games all the time and sometimes it can end so badly!!! I genuinely felt he'd failed this test and proved he had no feelings for me from this simple interaction he knew nothing about.

I only do this if I REALLY like someone though, and it's something I need to desparately work on!

posted December 24, 2015 02:30 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Elysia:
This is what I meant when I asked "Are you really, though?"

I may be wrong, but looks like you're trying to ease yourself into a relationship by testing the waters with 'just sex' first. Hence trying to convince yourself that that's all you want.

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posted December 24, 2015 02:32 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Nine:
"You gave up too easily, you should've fought for me." I did! That is how we got involved in the first place. Sorry, but I refused to keep fighting the same fight over and over.

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This is exactly the situation with my most rcent breakup. I expected him to fight over and over again.

I would not say this goes on forever, just until my guard feels safe to go down, but sometimes it only ruins a perfectly good relationship!

posted December 24, 2015 02:37 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by misspriss:
I do EXACTLY that too.

I just split up with someone, where we both had Venus in Scorpio.

He ws playing these games and so was I and in the end we ended up just imploding.

I would do things like this...

One day it was my "time of the month" and I wanted to see if he would still want our date that day, even if sex was off the table (a test) so I sent him a message saying "hey babe, it's my time of the month so I was wondering if maybe we should cancel tonight, I have a sore stomach and all that"

And he replied "no problem babe, I have heaps of work anyway".

I was hoping he would say "noooo, I want to see you". So I took this response to 100% mean that he didn't care aout me and just wanted sex nd broke up with him the next day.

Which is INSANE if you think about it, but I play these games all the time and sometimes it can end so badly!!! I genuinely felt he'd failed this test and proved he had no feelings for me from this simple interaction he knew nothing about.

I only do this if I REALLY like someone though, and it's something I need to desparately work on!

I think he did really like me, and he had no idea why I kept breaking up with him.

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posted December 24, 2015 02:40 PM            

Most of the time I am pretty normal, but that sense of vulnerability is so strong, these tests are completely irrational.

posted December 24, 2015 02:42 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by goatcat:
Lundan I thought you were cool.

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posted December 24, 2015 02:43 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Elysia:
This is what I meant when I asked "Are you really, though?"

I may be wrong, but looks like you're trying to ease yourself into a relationship by testing the waters with 'just sex' first. Hence trying to convince yourself that that's all you want.

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posted December 24, 2015 02:44 PM            

Almost like you think the worst, and are so defensive and sure people are going to hurt you that you end up missing out on good things

posted December 24, 2015 02:44 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by misspriss:

The irony is the person who "aced" all of the tests was actually the worst man - a bad person inside - because truthfully a "good" man isn't going to want to stay with someone who behaves like that

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Aww.. don't say that.

Actually, on the other hand, it means your intuition was right about that one - since you felt unsure about him enough to test him that much. Whaddya think?

posted December 24, 2015 02:46 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Elysia:
Aww.. don't say that.

Actually, on the other hand, it means your intuition was right about that one - since you felt unsure about him enough to test him that much. Whaddya think?

When it happens, it'll happen. And you and your intuition will both know.

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Umm..I think it actually created a problem where there was none and ruined it. But you live and learn.

Hopefully if I ever feel that way again, I will watch myself a little better and know these feelings border on paranoia.

posted December 24, 2015 02:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by goatcat:
You're wrong! I don't want a traditional relationship!

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Mmmm.. Okay. I never said anything about traditional though.

I merely thought you wanted more than a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, unlike what you said.

posted December 24, 2015 02:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by misspriss:
Umm..I think it actually created a problem where there was none and ruined it. But you live and learn.

Hopefully if I ever feel that way again, I will watch myself a little better and know these feelings border on paranoia.

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posted December 24, 2015 02:55 PM            

quote:

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Sorry that you had to go through that.
P.S. whaddya mean all hell came loose? What did he/you do?

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posted December 24, 2015 03:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Elysia:
Aww.. don't say that.

Actually, on the other hand, it means your intuition was right about that one - since you felt unsure about him enough to test him that much. Whaddya think?

When it happens, it'll happen. And you and your intuition will both know.

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posted December 24, 2015 03:01 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Nine:
They tried to turn the people in our circle against me. Told all the confidential things I'd shared with 'em. Just became a very hostile and nasty person. Tried to interfere/sabotage my relationship. Recruit friends to spread lies to people who wouldn't give them an ear otherwise. Tried to isolate me. Ha!

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posted December 24, 2015 03:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Or maybe he was respecting the fact that she didn't feel well rather than he just wanted sex. I don't know for sure, but I can't tell from that

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Oh yes, that one did.

posted December 24, 2015 03:05 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Or maybe he was respecting the fact that she didn't feel well rather than he just wanted sex. I don't know for sure, I can't tell from that and would need more to go on.

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He actually just had a job application to do that day. He's a doctor so it was a surgical application, the type that takes forever, so he had reasons that were nothing to do with me.

This is the problem with "tests" is that quite often you're testing in a way where the results don't mean what you think.

posted December 24, 2015 03:06 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Elysia:
Oh yes, that one did.

'The one who aced' - here she was talking about some other guy I think, Pixie..

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posted December 24, 2015 03:08 PM            

quote:

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Aaah. This is how he tried to get back at you. I hope your friends stayed..

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posted December 24, 2015 03:10 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Nine:
I summoned the strength to be strong. Those who participated were put on ice - forever. Those who remained neutral became my dearest friends.

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The ones who stick by you are real. Now you know the wheat from the chaff.

posted December 24, 2015 03:18 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Oops, my bad. Yes, I meant telling someone that you don't feel well and have cramps then it would be respectful of him to accept that and be a good sport about it (as opposed it proved he just wanted sex), which is what it sounded like to me. Of course he could have expressed some regret, but guys often don't (that's generally not how they socialize), and just maybe he was worried about her feeling guilty if he had done so. Of course a really good player would've expressed regret and then called one of his other options.

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Yes, in this case he wasn't a player. Just a very confused man.

I was just making the point for Goatcat of the severity of the games that can be played, and also that:

1. they are often ridiculous
2. they are hard to spot
3. they are often self destructive
4. they are played as self protection, not with intent to harm the other.

I think often "game playing" can be put down to taking some enjoyment from the pain of someone else - but this is not the case for me with my Venus in Scorpio -it is more a case of me liking someone SO much, that I feel I am about to give them the power to wound me very deeply.

the "games" are both tests to see how much they fight for you, how much they care and also potentially exercises in self sabotage because if you ruin things - then you avoid the risk of being hurt.

I often feel Scorpio at it's strongest in me is self destuctive in nature and can greatly confuse others.

If I am in a new relationship and I am completely calm, happy, not feeling vulnerable, not blowing hot and cold, not testing...or not being a little "crazy", then I am not in love with the man...I just like him a little.

The rule of thumb for me, if the more I like someone...the worse I can act in those first stages.

It must be very difficult to be on the receiving end.