posted February 23, 2016 07:06 PM            

I have Saturn in the 5th House
Third House Stellium
Moon opposite Mercury (2)
Moon opposite Mars (2)
Moon opposite Uranus (1)
Mars conjunct Uranus (exact)

I have PTSD, Panic Disorder, and Major Depressive Disorder.

What about you guys?

posted February 23, 2016 07:59 PM            

Though an interesting experience: after I'd been tortured (as per the definition of some United Nations group) and coming off some strong meds, I was having terrible nightmares. This contributed to my being sent back to Granny's (as my screaming myself awake was disrupting Mom's ability to sleep, and she was going through a bunch of divorce drama--me, too, while I was there, it did not help). As I was a sleep-deprived 13-year-old, I was unable to articulate all that happened in the mental hospital I got sent to, and Granny told me it was best if I forgot about it.

And somehow I did. I'm now able to recall that I'd have nightmares at time and wake up remembering, but the memories would vanish again within minutes. It was many months later when I had to participate in divorce court (over custody) and Mom and Dad were making their offers, and they both blamed each other for sending me to that mental hospital, and the memories came back in a flood that was like ice water in my veins. How I hated them right then for making me remember. That's the only time I can recall repressing memories.

The standard is that I recall a lot, and that makes me prone to PTSD. The PTSD would have a vicious circle effect in causing other traumatic episodes to happen that were then layered over it. This was when Pluto was transiting my 5H Sag stellium, though I took away plenty that was positive as well.

Interesting enough, the best help I got was from myself trying to ease my own nightmares which had a side effect of calming my PTSD (as I realized part of my mind was "locked in childhood mode" and when I was able to overcome that mode then the PTSD became much less intense). Also, I was most helped by one still working to get a degree in psychology (I read somewhere about a study that the more degrees a psychologist had, the less effective they became) and also a support group in which a therapist merely acted as a referee and we mostly counseled each other.

posted February 23, 2016 08:06 PM            

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posted February 23, 2016 08:16 PM            

10th house stellium for the depression? Moon square Pluto?

posted February 23, 2016 08:35 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
I had PTSD (very little of it remains today), I guess that goes with having a very good memory.

Though an interesting experience: after I'd been tortured (as per the definition of some United Nations group) and coming off some strong meds, I was having terrible nightmares. This contributed to my being sent back to Granny's (as my screaming myself awake was disrupting Mom's ability to sleep, and she was going through a bunch of divorce drama--me, too, while I was there, it did not help). As I was a sleep-deprived 13-year-old, I was unable to articulate all that happened in the mental hospital I got sent to, and Granny told me it was best if I forgot about it.

And somehow I did. I'm now able to recall that I'd have nightmares at time and wake up remembering, but the memories would vanish again within minutes. It was many months later when I had to participate in divorce court (over custody) and Mom and Dad were making their offers, and they both blamed each other for sending me to that mental hospital, and the memories came back in a flood that was like ice water in my veins. How I hated them right then for making me remember. That's the only time I can recall repressing memories.

The standard is that I recall a lot, and that makes me prone to PTSD. The PTSD would have a vicious circle effect in causing other traumatic episodes to happen that were then layered over it. This was when Pluto was transiting my 5H Sag stellium, though I took away plenty that was positive as well.

Interesting enough, the best help I got was from myself trying to ease my own nightmares which had a side effect of calming my PTSD (as I realized part of my mind was "locked in childhood mode" and when I was able to overcome that mode then the PTSD became much less intense). Also, I was most helped by one still working to get a degree in psychology (I read somewhere about a study that the more degrees a psychologist had, the less effective they became) and also a support group in which a therapist merely acted as a referee and we mostly counseled each other.

I think my Pluto is a double-edged sword. In some ways, especially as it transited by Sag stellium, it could force me into the metaphoric fire to coax me into rising as a phoenix (and not really caring if I did or was destroyed in the process), and it may enhance other aspects of my chart to give illusions to others that were harmful to me, but at the same time I didn't shy from the bad and I found inner-strength. Ultimately, I think it was more a blessing than a curse, and yet if I were giving the choice of living another life with or without the same force in my chart, I'd be sorely tempted to choose "without."

---

Wow, thank you for sharing PixieJane! Pluto is so interesting to me, wow especially mixing with a Sag stellium. Much soul searching.Psychology can be very helpful and learning about it.

posted February 23, 2016 08:35 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Spongebob:
I had a shrink tell me that anxiety disorders arent actual mental illness. I think they siad garden variety depression (not manic) isnt either.

Im already placing bets this thread is going to take a hard left.

---

posted February 23, 2016 08:40 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Spongebob:
I had a shrink tell me that anxiety disorders arent actual mental illness. I think they siad garden variety depression (not manic) isnt either.

Im already placing bets this thread is going to take a hard left.

---

posted February 23, 2016 08:50 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I am just gonna listen for now, not that I can't contribute, but want to thank you for your bravery in starting this thread, M!

---

I respect that, sometimes one learns more listening. Thank you for your compliment

posted February 23, 2016 08:59 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Sulkyarcher:
Now I'm just confused, because many websites do consider depression as a mental illness.

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...Websites?

Everyday all day i see people on the internet trying to diagnose other people with some kind of psychological disorder - if they don't like the person, that is.

People can post anything on the internet.

Ive been to a couple shrinks in my day. Both made a point of telling me social anxiety is not mental illness, that mental illness has to do with issues with reality.

posted February 23, 2016 08:59 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sulkyarcher:
I have anxiety and major depressive disorder. Went psychotic for a few years, so maybe even psychotic depression a decade ago?

10th house stellium for the depression? Moon square Pluto?

Mercury in detrimental Sagittarius. Jupiter in detrimental Gemini, in the 3rd house, equal houses!

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posted February 23, 2016 09:11 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Spongebob:
...Websites?

Everyday all day i see people on the internet trying to diagnose other people with some kind of psychological disorder - if they don't like the person, that is.

People can post anything on the internet.

Ive been to a couple shrinks in my day. Both made a point of telling me social anxiety is not mental illness, that mental illness has to do with issues with reality.

I don't see leprechauns skipping around my room or hear voices, or (like some brad i used to know) think I'm a literal angel put here to save humanity from the anti-christ so...

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Like www.webmd.com, or
http://www.triadmentalhealth.org/what-is-mental-illness/

posted February 23, 2016 09:28 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sulkyarcher:
Like www.webmd.com, or
http://www.triadmentalhealth.org/what-is-mental-illness/

I do get what you're saying it though. Too many people think 'being a little sad' means they are in psychosis. But yeah, too many people want to diagnose people these days, and some even pretend to be mentally ill to get attention.

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I don't think I've ever come across someone pretending to be mentally ill. It can be humiliating. I know that I'd prefer to live without it - and I would have preferred to not have had people making it worse (that happened to me). It's astounding what some people will put others through, because they make incorrect assumptions, and think they have every right to act on them. The most confusing part of my life.

- - - - - - - - - -

Thinking about issues, and transits or natal placements:

PTSD initially came from being verbally bullied, and then being strangled, when I was a child. Transits at the time would have included:

Saturn and Pluto through the 12th, opposing Aries Jupiter, Mercury, Ceres, Chiron, and Sun.
Also squaring Saturn in the 9th.

Uranus conjunct NN, opposing Moon, Venus, SN, squaring Mars in Pisces in the 4th (when I was strangled).

Pluto and Saturn through the 1st continued the bullying at school, and I was a different person, and almost mute, by the time I got myself out of that situation.

Pluto conjunct NN, aspecting the same as Uranus above, had me becoming even more agoraphobic, and disappearing from the world. Along with Neptune square my Uranus/ascendant.

Over the past six years, a resurgence in the above: bullying both mentally and physically, and dealing with a lot of death, of both human members of my extended family, and animals.

Pluto and Saturn hitting all of my Cardinal.
Neptune hitting all of my mutable.
Uranus hitting all of it, but it tends to help me.

Natally:
Saturn square Mercury, Jupiter, and Pluto (chart ruler) probably helps with the social anxiety.

Uranus everywhere probably helps me to feel like an outsider in most respects, but I'm not really an outsider in most respects, and don't like to be seen as different.

Pluto through my 3rd. I've mentioned this several times. I think this has had the biggest effect on me in the past six years. I can't even describe it, but if anything is the heavy, I think it's that one.

I'll probably delete later. Sometimes I don't mind being open about things, but I'm not feeling so open tonight. Just thinking about the possible causes, planet-wise. I can't say what would be the cause with other people, though - contributing, I mean. I think it's triggered by fear, but then they seem to enjoy tearing someone down. My sister had Pluto cross her Sun, before it all started.

posted February 23, 2016 09:30 PM            

I have studied one Bible teacher for about a year. He really speaks to me and I credit this "crack in my reality" to him.

When I was 14, I asked my father if my mother was Ok.

He said yes.

At that moment, I went into shock/numb.

I thought about my mother all the time. It was like I was locked into this trauma and could not get out.

Recently, I have seen that it is something that was not really "real" and I have been locked into an unreality.

This is very recent.

------------------
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posted February 23, 2016 10:06 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by teasel:
I don't think I've ever come across someone pretending to be mentally ill. It can be humiliating. I know that I'd prefer to live without it - and I would have preferred to not have had people making it worse (that happened to me). It's astounding what some people will put others through, because they make incorrect assumptions, and think they have every right to act on them. The most confusing part of my life.

- - - - - - - - - -

Thinking about issues, and transits or natal placements:

PTSD initially came from being verbally bullied, and then being strangled, when I was a child. Transits at the time would have included:

Saturn and Pluto through the 12th, opposing Aries Jupiter, Mercury, Ceres, Chiron, and Sun.
Also squaring Saturn in the 9th.

Uranus conjunct NN, opposing Moon, Venus, SN, squaring Mars in Pisces in the 4th (when I was strangled).

Pluto and Saturn through the 1st continued the bullying at school, and I was a different person, and almost mute, by the time I got myself out of that situation.

Pluto conjunct NN, aspecting the same as Uranus above, had me becoming even more agoraphobic, and disappearing from the world. Along with Neptune square my Uranus/ascendant.

Over the past six years, a resurgence in the above: bullying both mentally and physically, and dealing with a lot of death, of both human members of my extended family, and animals.

Pluto and Saturn hitting all of my Cardinal.
Neptune hitting all of my mutable.
Uranus hitting all of it, but it tends to help me.

Natally:
Saturn square Mercury, Jupiter, and Pluto (chart ruler) probably helps with the social anxiety.

Uranus everywhere probably helps me to feel like an outsider in most respects, but I'm not really an outsider in most respects, and don't like to be seen as different.

Pluto through my 3rd. I've mentioned this several times. I think this has had the biggest effect on me in the past six years. I can't even describe it, but if anything is the heavy, I think it's that one.

I'll probably delete later. Sometimes I don't mind being open about things, but I'm not feeling so open tonight. Just thinking about the possible causes, planet-wise. I can't say what would be the cause with other people, though - contributing, I mean. I think it's triggered by fear, but then they seem to enjoy tearing someone down. My sister had Pluto cross her Sun, before it all started.

I can't seem to type tonight.

---

posted February 23, 2016 11:47 PM            

It mostly consisted of flashbacks, sometimes nightmares and feelings of paranoia. Mmm they developed partly because of traumatic events, but mostly because of the forced "treatments" I received. The traumatic events made me angry at the injustice and cruelty I faced, it gave the occasional nightmares, outbursts and problematic behavior, but nothing that could be counted as symptoms of a serious illness. Heh I think I didn't really have problems to begin with. If it wasn't for those treatments, it would not have grown into something else.

posted February 24, 2016 12:10 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sulkyarcher:
Now I'm just confused, because many websites do consider depression as a mental illness.

---

I remember researching that a long time ago and if that therapist said he doesn't belief that depression is a mental illness then he or she must be into evolutionary psychology and have read about the advantages of depression.

There is research that supports that depression is adaptive and evolutionarily advantageous. I feel that depression is both adaptive and maladaptive. There is no denying that with the rate of depression been as high as it is that depressive traits have survived bc it has some advantages:

"This is not to say that depression is not a problem. Depressed people often have trouble performing everyday activities, they can’t concentrate on their work, they tend to socially isolate themselves, they are lethargic, and they often lose the ability to take pleasure from such activities such as eating and sex. Some can plunge into severe, lengthy, and even life-threatening bouts of depression.

So what could be so useful about depression? Depressed people often think intensely about their problems. These thoughts are called ruminations; they are persistent and depressed people have difficulty thinking about anything else. Numerous studies have also shown that this thinking style is often highly analytical. They dwell on a complex problem, breaking it down into smaller components, which are considered one at a time.

This analytical style of thought, of course, can be very productive. Each component is not as difficult, so the problem becomes more tractable. Indeed, when you are faced with a difficult problem, such as a math problem, feeling depressed is often a useful response that may help you analyze and solve it. For instance, in some of our research, we have found evidence that people who get more depressed while they are working on complex problems in an intelligence test tend to score higher on the test."

"But is there any evidence that depression is useful in analyzing complex problems? For one thing, if depressive rumination were harmful, as most clinicians and researchers assume, then bouts of depression should be slower to resolve when people are given interventions that encourage rumination, such as having them write about their strongest thoughts and feelings. However, the opposite appears to be true. Several studies have found that expressive writing promotes quicker resolution of depression, and they suggest that this is because depressed people gain insight into their problems.

There is another suggestive line of evidence. Various studies have found that people in depressed mood states are better at solving social dilemmas. Yet these would seem to have been precisely the kind of problems difficult enough to require analysis and important enough to drive the evolution of such a costly emotion. Consider a woman with young children who discovers her husband is having an affair. Is the wife’s best strategy to ignore it, or force him to choose between her and the other woman, and risk abandonment? Laboratory experiments indicate that depressed people are better at solving social dilemmas by better analysis of the costs and benefits of the different options that they might take."

I just evolutionary psychology.

This entire article is fascinating: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/depressions-evolutionary/

posted February 24, 2016 01:09 AM            

Transiting Chiron 20 Pisces
Transiting south node 21 Pisces

I wonder if that's why things seem more bleak than usual.

posted February 24, 2016 10:07 PM            

I don't have it anymore
My psychiatrist said I'm doing so incredibly well that I only have to take half a dose now and one day none at all
So yeah I'm doing really well
But for a long time I wasn't (and that's before I was even diagnosed) so you could have a look at my chart

I have mercury square Neptune
And north mode square Uranus

posted February 24, 2016 10:22 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sulkyarcher:
I have anxiety and major depressive disorder. Went psychotic for a few years, so maybe even psychotic depression a decade ago?

10th house stellium for the depression? Moon square Pluto?

Mercury in detrimental Sagittarius. Jupiter in detrimental Gemini, in the 3rd house, equal houses!

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Thank you for posting, I could definitely see the 10th house stellium causing a depression. Maybe some transit/progression triggered your Mercury during the psychotic episode. I appreciate your honesty