posted June 13, 2018 10:06 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
I am very very familiar with attachment styles and attachment theory and emotion focused therapy as I am therapist.

Venus in the 8th or in scorpio could also manifest as someone with an avoidant attachment style. But honestly I feel my attachment sytle varies depending on who I am with and their own attachment style, when I am with someone who has an avoidant attachment style (strong need for control) it activates my anxiety, how can I feel secure with someone who is avoidant?! but with my partner I have always had from the start a secure attachment style, well he is a libra with venus in leo and moon in cancer, he is reliable, accessible and engaged; has never broken up with me or ignored me, has always fought for me; he has passed my scorpio test lol hence why we are still together, hard to find someone who can pass the scorpio test LOL. So I personally don't see attachment styles as fixed but fluid, perhaps my moon in pisces responds to the other person's attachment style.

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Omg! You are a therapist?! No wonder I'm spilling out my soul especially on your threads! I most have felt you being therapist

Ok great so you know well about them styles.
No that is correct of what I know of, that ones style tend to be fluid and it can often depend on ones partner and how the partners style is and if you are being triggered etc.
I loove talking about attachment theories! I read its neurological, programmed into our neurons at early age!

I too have a secure attacjemnet style atleast from the get go. But I will first start to "test " the person, as you mention, the scorpio test. And small stuff really that the other person won't often notice. And at early stages I can soothe myself easily.

Later on the more I fall the more sensetive I get to "rejection". And I have triggers of course, if the other person is secure and calm, my triggers will not be set. But as soon as the person starts to act cold or unintrested or avoidant, wooh I will be triggered like crazy! Often I can keep calm outwords. But inside I'm like a volcano!

posted June 13, 2018 10:13 AM            

"Adults with preoccupied attachment patterns are often feel desperate and assume the role of the “pursuer” in a relationship. They often have positive views of other people, especially their parents and their partner, and generally have a negative view of themselves. They rely heavily on their partner to validate their self-worth. Because they grew up insecure based on the inconsistent availability of their caregivers, they are “rejection-sensitive.” They anticipate rejection or abandonment and look for signs that their partner is losing interest.

These people are often driven to engage in pre-emptive strategies in an attempt to avoid being rejected. However, their excessive dependency, demands and possessiveness tend to backfire and precipitate the very abandonment that they fear"¨

->>>> This is me after the initial "flirting" phase. I'm ok until the other person starts to change a bit. The tiniest change I will notice. And the colder the person gets the more I will build up in anxiety and anger.

Like this " Many of those with preoccupied attachments are reluctant to express their angry feelings toward a partner for fear of potential loss or rejection. In some cases, the fears and anxieties can lead to more serious emotional disturbances, such as depression." https://www.psychalive.org/understanding-ambivalent-anxious-attachment/

->>>> I'm not an aggressive person thankfully, I just have to talk things through as the gemini moon I am. IF I can't talk to the person abut my feeling (which is hard if you are not in a real partner relationship with that person) then everything will build up inside of me, and I will start to act cold and withdraw!

posted June 13, 2018 10:32 AM            

"You want to be close and are able to be intimate. To maintain a positive connection, you give up your needs to please and accommodate your partner in. But because you don’t get your needs met, you become unhappy. You’re preoccupied with the relationship and highly attuned to your partner, worrying that he or she wants less closeness. You often take things personally with a negative twist and project negative outcomes. This could be explained by brain differences that have been detected among people with anxious attachments."

->>> Thankfully, I don't text or call much at all. I DON'T come across as needy at all! I keep all that inside of me!

I always let the other person initiate texting. Then I will "revard" the person with being responsive and funny on texts etc. Its like all my Aries forwardness disappears!

"To alleviate your anxiety, you may play
games or manipulate your partner to get attention and reassurance by withdrawing, acting out emotionally, not returning calls, provoking jealousy, or by threatening to leave. You may also become jealous of his or her attention to others." https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-change-your-attachment-style/

->>>>> Yap, the above is real SCORPIO tactics!

It begins in small doses, first to test the person a bit,, nothing too much or noticable. I will even know its just minor anxiety and that the other person is acting as usual, nothing to fear here. But if the person starts to be cold or for ex cancels I lunch meeting, my inner voice will go like " Look, he does not care about you at all!"

And all the above tactics will come on full on strenght.

I'm very veeery aware of my inner critics voice by now, and I can controll it better now! Especially since I started using a rubber band on my wrist! As soon as the inner voice begins with that **** , I snap the band and breath in heavily and refocus.

And thank god, I don't have low self image at all! I have a very good self image and also high self worth or what to call it. I know I'm worth the best and I know my self worth.
But still I can't stop all that anxiety and mind games etc. If I'm with a secure person, i will stay secure!

And so far I have never been with a person that is like me, or controlling etc. Not what I know of.

My latest crush maybe has anxieties like me, but if so he hides it very well. He has Leo Sun-merc. Libra Venus, Mars in Capri, so he alternates between being very warm, sunny and bubbly,( that makes me secure) and cold and passive like Capricorn. He is very saturnian and therefore reliable, always true to his words and follows up on his promises like I do, so thats great.

-< The most important thing is: I don't like playing games actually! I'm very straight forward like an Aries. I wan't direct open answers, I so hate the indecisiveness Libras and Pisces are masters of. Be direct with me. Say Yes or No. Don't play with me or my feelings! So how come I fall into this scorpio games? Its spelled ANXIETY. Its all about how I wanna sooth my anxieties and get them under controll.

So having an Aries Venus in 8th house Aries-Scorpio melting pot, is so contadictive and weird!

posted June 13, 2018 11:59 AM            

This is especially so when Venus is in Taurus,Libra or Pisces. Otherwise this position can increase loss in the area of life Venus rules.

posted June 13, 2018 12:36 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
Do you have venus in the 8th?

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posted June 13, 2018 12:50 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Melinn:

I too have a secure attacjemnet style atleast from the get go. But I will first start to "test " the person, as you mention, the scorpio test. And small stuff really that the other person won't often notice. And at early stages I can soothe myself easily.

Later on the more I fall the more sensetive I get to "rejection". And I have triggers of course, if the other person is secure and calm, my triggers will not be set. But as soon as the person starts to act cold or unintrested or avoidant, wooh I will be triggered like crazy! Often I can keep calm outwords. But inside I'm like a volcano!

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I am the same LOL, I think that I should have just rectified my chart based on the time my mother said I was born, she is confident I was born close to 1PM but I did not trust her but it would explain why I feel so plutonic having venus conjunct mars in the 8th, my valentine, vertex and eros there too; it would mean I have sag rising though instead of scorpio but with all that in my 8th it would explain my intense nature. What you described is my struggle too. I have been reflecting on this a lot lately. Venus in the 8th or in scorpio are tough placements. A lot is making sense right now about my love life and reactions, how I approach relationships and love and sex etc.. I will tell you this placement makes love harder on us, not easier, I don't think is a blessing although there is beauty to it too.

posted June 13, 2018 12:51 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by FireVirgo:
Yes, in Leo

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posted June 13, 2018 01:03 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
Venus in 8th-Sensual approach to sex and intimacy. Sex must be beautiful with a lot of tlc (tender loving care).

This is especially so when Venus is in Taurus,Libra or Pisces. Otherwise this position can increase loss in the area of life Venus rules.

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IDK know about that, Orange and I are virgos with Mars in Leo and based on what I gather from Orange she can handle rough, she is into BDSM and I like some aspects of BDSM too.

I like tender I do and that is important to me for sure but I also like rough, I need both....like I need you to give me your soul with a kiss and I want to feel your intense tenderness in that moment bc that will make me melt but I also need you to slap me around, scratch me, man handle me, and grab me firmly and strongly, maybe leave some bruising while you are at it LOL. My first screen name as a teen was Savageinnocence, I have that savage primal side and that sweet tender side equally strong in me. I think the mars in Leo plays into it since I have the conjunction.

posted June 13, 2018 02:16 PM            

Your Mars in 8th definitely adds to it. Mars adds aggression and Leo is theatrics, drama and lots of props.

Ven/Mar conj is an aspect of contradiction i.e "hurry up slowly" effect so to speak.

I dated a Venus in Taurus in 8th with Libra Asc. He liked things slow and gentle: massages,deep kissing,oral play etc. He didn't like it rough at all.

A friend of mine has Libra on the 8th house cusp,Pisces rising. He is bisexual and he has a strong underwear fetish.

He tells me that he loves to have sex with women when their underwear is still on. Thongs, bum shorts and swimsuits arouse him. With guys its speedos and shorts.

His Mars is in Libra. "Gentle violence" seems to appeal to him with guys. He likes it when a guy can "snatch" him and dominate him in bed. He takes the passive role.

With women, he is the aggressor and loves it when the woman "yields" to him. He likes the high heels, "ultra feminine" type.The more she moans,the better.

posted June 14, 2018 12:32 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Melinn:
Some exemples that I will quote (putting in the links)

"Adults with preoccupied attachment patterns are often feel desperate and assume the role of the “pursuer” in a relationship. They often have positive views of other people, especially their parents and their partner, and generally have a negative view of themselves. They rely heavily on their partner to validate their self-worth. Because they grew up insecure based on the inconsistent availability of their caregivers, they are “rejection-sensitive.” They anticipate rejection or abandonment and look for signs that their partner is losing interest.

These people are often driven to engage in pre-emptive strategies in an attempt to avoid being rejected. However, their excessive dependency, demands and possessiveness tend to backfire and precipitate the very abandonment that they fear"¨

->>>> This is me after the initial "flirting" phase. I'm ok until the other person starts to change a bit. The tiniest change I will notice. And the colder the person gets the more I will build up in anxiety and anger.

Like this " Many of those with preoccupied attachments are reluctant to express their angry feelings toward a partner for fear of potential loss or rejection. In some cases, the fears and anxieties can lead to more serious emotional disturbances, such as depression." https://www.psychalive.org/understanding-ambivalent-anxious-attachment/

->>>> I'm not an aggressive person thankfully, I just have to talk things through as the gemini moon I am. IF I can't talk to the person abut my feeling (which is hard if you are not in a real partner relationship with that person) then everything will build up inside of me, and I will start to act cold and withdraw!

Its like passive aggressiveness, but its merely bc one is afraid one will explode otherwise, so one keeps all in until "shut down" mood kicks in.

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posted June 14, 2018 12:39 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
Yes!!! Welcome home

He tells me that he loves to have sex with women when their underwear is still on. Thongs, bum shorts and swimsuits arouse him. With guys its speedos and shorts.

His Mars is in Libra. "Gentle violence" seems to appeal to him with guys. He likes it when a guy can "snatch" him and dominate him in bed. He takes the passive role.

With women, he is the aggressor and loves it when the woman "yields" to him. He likes the high heels, "ultra feminine" type.The more she moans,the better.

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"Yes!!! Welcome home "

Thank you!

posted June 14, 2018 12:46 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
Venus in 8th-Sensual approach to sex and intimacy. Sex must be beautiful with a lot of tlc (tender loving care).

This is especially so when Venus is in Taurus,Libra or Pisces. Otherwise this position can increase loss in the area of life Venus rules.
I have Venus in Pisces in the 8th house is this a good placement to have? I've read that people who have Venus in the 8th house tend to have issues in regards to relationships.

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posted June 14, 2018 02:12 PM            

When you are in love, your body reacts to it like is a life or death matter and puts you in a state of emergency activating your fight or flight mechanism in the body.

^This can lead to multiple ways of reacting to love:

1. You learn to associate love with anxiety, stress and pain so you develop a coping mechanism to shut down and avoid it when you come across love in order to not feel the fear and anxiety that comes with it, you avoid it all together, run and hide, don't deal with it period. This is survival mode (flight) and also a type of self-sabotage.

The last guy I was with kept using the word turmoil to describe his internal conflict around me. He chose to run.

2. You let yourself feel the fear and anxiety and it takes over you, robbing you of your peace of mind and eventually it leads to you pushing away what you love and self-sabotage.

3. You label the issue and see it for what it is and you learn to practice mindfulness around this and learn to manage the anxiety and keep it under control. You accept this is how you are and gain a deeper understanding of how you function and learn to manage the side effects so it does not dominate your behavior and ruin your relationships.

4. You find a partner who is understanding and patient with you and has that self-awareness of how his fight or flight mechanism plays out when he comes across love so he doesn't self-sabotage too. I say this bc if you have venus in the 8th you will probably feel drawn to a plutonic venus.

Ideally you want 3 and 4 to happen together.

5. You avoid plutonic or intense relationships and only get involve with people you love but without that fatal attraction theme of lets consume each other.

6. You channel your need for intensity with brief intense encounters. Warning: this MAY lead to sex addiction and promiscuous behavior LOL.

posted June 15, 2018 08:07 AM            

However I’m addicted to tv-series and movies.
Its a venus square neptune thing which I have, I read it can mean ”having a relationship with your tv”, which is true, its just as a means to stop thinking too much and ”escape” pain. I drug yes.

thankfully we have an amazing nature here so I’m out in the nature everyday, running hiking.

posted June 16, 2018 02:46 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
I have a hx of addiction with Tv Series too and binge watching LOL Venus in the 8th sextile pluto and trine neptune. But lately I feel I need a new hobby.

This guy you were into, do you have his time of birth? I wonder if you had with him moon in the 8th?

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Yes I’m tired of my tv addiction too!

I made him find his birth certificate last month and I have his exact birthtime now. I thought he was pisces moon before that, but his birthtime confirmed he has an Aries moon so:

Yes indeed he has moon in Aries conjunct my Venus-jupiter n.node in 8th! Why did you ask?

And his sideral and draconic moon is Pisces! As my sideral-draconic venus is in pisces.

posted June 16, 2018 01:31 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Melinn:
Yes I’m tired of my tv addiction too!

I made him find his birth certificate last month and I have his exact birthtime now. I thought he was pisces moon before that, but his birthtime confirmed he has an Aries moon so:

Yes indeed he has moon in Aries conjunct my Venus-jupiter n.node in 8th! Why did you ask?

And his sideral and draconic moon is Pisces! As my sideral-draconic venus is in pisces.

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Moon in the 8th is intense and the last guy I had a romance with we had moon in the 8th and I got attached really fast. The way you talk about him and how challenging it has been to let go of him and the impact your attraction to him has had on you psychologically parallels to some extent to my recent struggles with this last guy and I thought, we both have venus in the 8th, I bet she has moon in the 8th with this guy too in synastry.

There is a video by my favorite astrologer at the end of this thread that breaks down very well moon in the 8th in synastry. She specializes in synastry. I agree with her 95% of the time, her mind fascinates me a lot, I wish I knew her bday.
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum35/HTML/007935.html

posted June 17, 2018 01:15 AM            

You will find this video very helpful, she goes over the psychology behind obsession:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyKy8vBJJPU&t=20s

Venus rules our self worth
Venus in scorpio is in detriment and I feel so is venus in the 8th.

On one hand I feel I have a good self worth as I have venus and mars in Leo trine AC and IC in Aries but when you add that my venus and mars are in the 8th it becomes less clear cut. I still have a good self worth but it can be shaken easily bc venus in the 8th is in detriment. Let me explain.

Venus is at home in Taurus which is the natural ruler of the 2nd house. This makes me wonder why this is the case? The second is our income and what we earn ourselves with our skills. The 8th focuses on others, loans, money borrowed from others and joint finances. If venus rules self worth and finances it may be in detriment in scorpio/8th house bc it puts us in a position were our self-worth is more dependent on others and their approval, how much they invest in us, how much attention they give us. Essentially our self worth is borrowed and acquired through others, we did not earn it ourselves (2nd house). It puts us in a vulnerable position were we don't have the power, others have the power.