posted September 05, 2018 06:53 PM            

I'll start.

I'm ALL OVER the place. On the one hand, I feel confident. I can sometimes look in the mirror and say "oh, wow, you are a beauty" and just pleasantly enjoy my god given body, sans narcissism.
I've got my Venus squaring Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune. My rising has no affliction.

On the other hand, there are days where I can REALLY HATE attention I get. I just want to be left alone, want people to stop flirting with me. I get scary and mean, then people think I'm just a moody b****. If people knew I've been hit on, groped, cornered, nearly raped, and been on the receiving end of loads of unsolicited attention since I was 14 and grew a pair of jugs, they'd understand my occasional mean facade. For awhile, as a teen, I hide my body under super baggy clothes, and tried to be as unattractive and boyish as possible. Now that I am older, I don't do that, but it was a struggle to get to where I am now. Being liked for my looks, even by my own family members, who made me feel like that was my only value, did a number on me.

I learned later that if I dressed sexy, I was treated kindly. And by others, well, I felt so sh**ty for being liked for my looks after awhile, it made me feel like that was ALL I had to offer the world. So, I did learn to do things with my appeal to earn a living and get by, since, to me, no one valued me, or wanted to know the real me. I kind of hated people for that. "Is this all you care about?" - and I hated when people asked me for pictures and selfies up front. I hated when people complimented my looks. Sometimes I wish I could wear a burka, and then other times I remember I shouldn't have to just hide everything like a nun.

I've come a long way. I still struggle, but I'm getting better, slowly, at accepting my lot, and learning to manage it and navigate it. I'm still getting used to my looks and how I feel about myself. Even if I wear something simple, though, people can come after me, and this has taught me to be afraid of going out alone.

I wonder if moon opposite mars plays a part with how my own mother treats me. When I was younger (and even today when I see her) - I could have been wearing what every other girl was wearing, and she would chastise me for being too sexy. And now that I am older, she gives me tiny things to wear to show myself off like a trophy. "Look at my sexy daughter." I've told her that her behavior is a little disturbing. She doesn't think so. I also know this is the best way she can express her concern for me, since I have not settled down.

If you met me, you wouldn't really know this is all how I feel. You'd think I was fine and confident, you'd believe my lie.
Draconic chart, my Venus is in Scorpio.

posted September 06, 2018 04:01 AM            

Then I thought" Oh no Aries. Too deep. Too deep. Chill out!"

But yes, it touched on the same themes you raised about beauty not making life "better" or "easier". And how its mostly other people's perceptions that make it seem that "Pretty is Power".

One thing I have learned of beauty (or handsomeness in my case lol) is that contrary to popular belief, its always entirely based on how you FEEL. And not what others think.

Don't ever look into the mirror, go shopping for clothes or get a haircut without first getting the momentum of feeling good going. And that's the honest truth for me.

Because if one waits for or depends on external validation i.e mirror, other people's feedback , then one is only regurgitating what others are observing. Its not internally felt and thus the feeling of being " attractive" never lasts long.

And the other tragedy(which I have seen many "attractive" people fall prey to) is getting used to the compliments to a point where it becomes an addiction, a need for self esteem and competitive "edge" from which to judge or invalidate others on etc.

Many beautiful or handsome people who have been told their whole life that they are attractive, start to associate that as an intrinsic part of their ego. And then cling on to looks for dear life as they age because they fear that they are NOTHING without the applause.

I met a really dashing dancer at a party once and we flirted up a storm before I gave him my numbers. But before the night was over, several people I knew told me that they had also given him their numbers. And I was disappointed.

After observing him from a distance I realised that I was more sincere than he. That for him the number or "quantity" of people that found him attractive was more important than the quality.

Because for him it was a form of validation that his self esteem depended on. He still wanted to feel that he still "got it" and the number of people that gave him their numbers, validated this need for him. It was not meant to hurt me. He needed that to survive being HIM.

And that was the last time I went for model/dancer/aspiring actor types lol.

Back to your question however. Because I digress(as usual lol). The aspect that can have one feel confident about ones looks and content is IMO Venus-Moon easy aspects or Moon in Taurus.

For me the Venus easy aspect when positive works more from the inside out than from the outside in.

There are gorgeous people physically who don't believe the hype around their looks and feel "average" or even "less than average".

And then there are gorgeous people who do believe the hype around their looks to a point where it defines them.

In both cases, Venus is afflicted because it is not doing the inner work of holistic acceptance that is inwardly focused and less outward looking.

Taurus energy tends to positively bring a " accept me as I am" which I like. And Venus-Moon is similar to this.

Moon-Mars tends to extremes about feelings and competitive feelings. I have the close square. And the trick is to work on the momentum of feeling good and THEN looking in the mirror.

Don't accept a compliment from others before you believe it intrinsically about yourself. Because usually the compliment they give is more about them than it is about you

And for those who treat you badly or like trash(I have been guilty of this too when threatened by someone's looks). Its only because they want what you have and believe you have it "easy" or living the life that they want.

Its all envy and jealousy really. Nothing more than pure ugliness and feeling "less than" when standing next to someone like you because they have not done the inner work of being happy.

And its more about how they FEEL chronically or at that moment. They feel angry that they don't feel good. And that frustrates them because they feel "lack" (which is the worst hell).

Pity them and walk on please because I can testify to being one of them on my "off" days. Feeling "ugly" hurts

posted September 06, 2018 06:45 AM            

Now, that I’m an adult, a lot of times I look in the mirror, I like the way I look. I feel like my features have changed quite a bit and I like how I look in the mirror. However whenever I take a picture, my confidence drops tremendously. I look awful in pictures. I wonder if that’s how I truly look. So Im not completely confident in my appearance. I still feel like Im lacking tremendously. I have this ideal look I imagine myself being. It doesn’t help that I daydream about it. So it’s highly idealized. I find myself to look weird without makeup, sadly. I am constantly concious of my physical appearance and it gets annoying. Im always looking in the mirror, more than the average person. It’s probably my Venus in the 1st house. Being vain. Im not pretty and I realize that. But at least in my fantasy world I can look exactly how I wish I did. It just bothers me when reality hits me, and I realize I don’t look like that in real life.

posted September 06, 2018 12:26 PM            

Women are the image of beauty, you literally just have to sit there if you are "pretty" enough and the world will just give you everything. I got to thinking the other day that being a good looking man really does not help in the long run. Sure you may get noticed quicker but that is about it. Men and beauty don't equate. Men aren't judged by their looks or social skills but what we can provide and how confident we are. It honestly sucks because I know for a fact I'm a pretty decent looking guy but all I get in return is weaker men trying to one up everything I do, stalkers, and sh1t tested constantly. A lot of "good looking" dudes tend to actually have it pretty hard in life. Girls think your a player, like, it literally doesn't help at all unless you are like at a club or some **** .

posted September 06, 2018 12:52 PM            

Thank you! 😢

posted September 06, 2018 01:26 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by bananaz:
They could literally have one pair of jeans and change their shirt every day and no one would be the wiser.

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posted September 06, 2018 01:29 PM            

At no point have I ever thought Men have it harder. Ever!

Unless those same men are gay? But then it is only within a smaller pool of other gay men that they are severely judged.

posted September 06, 2018 01:37 PM            

Now I am not self conscious at all, because I understand it's about perception. If I feel good inside, I can have not washed my hair for 3 days and not wear makeup and feel like I look great. If I feel bad, I can put all the effort I want into my appearance and still think I look bad. So now I just ignore all of that inside my head.

It was the same with eating disorders, I was a restrictive anorexic from like 11-16ish, and then on and off when I would get depressed. But nothing I did on the outside made a difference in how I felt, I would go from thinking I was 'fat' to hating how skinny I was, it just made no sense.

Now I just embrace everything, and my style is a bit attention grabbing and strange so I get a lot of looks, which I'm fine with. (Realizing that it doesn't f*cking matter what people think of you really helped me just have fun with looks and embrace everything)

posted September 06, 2018 03:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
Guys have a higher suicide rate in part bc of testosterone, you engage in higher risk behavior from birth bc you are ruled by MARS and have more testosterone so your preferred methods of attempting suicide tend to generate higher success rate with suicide. Also guys tend to want to numb the pain more (e.g. alcohol, drugs) bc they have been socialized to not feel their pain and tough it out and not process their emotions which means they don't heal and stay in a chronic state paradoxically of been in pain and feeling stuck. Chiron hurts bc it brings the pain to the surface so you can heal, that is the only way to heal, to feel that pain and then you can truly heal.

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That's all very true, and well said.

There's also the biological factor. In the wild when a "male" is rejected by a female, or even others of their kind, they generally do not survive, are left to die, or are just killed off.

Take the years of evolution translated into human men, and there's still that leftover "drive" to die once that feeling of extreme rejection kicks in. It's a leftover from our evolution. It's a basic drive like the need for sex and food. But we are able to overcome this if we know about it and push on through and realize that hey, just because our marriage is over/lost our job, does not mean you should just kill yourself.

posted September 06, 2018 03:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lalafortunaea:
That's all very true, and well said.

There's also the biological factor. In the wild when a "male" is rejected by a female, or even others of their kind, they generally do not survive, are left to die, or are just killed off.

Take the years of evolution translated into human men, and there's still that leftover "drive" to die once that feeling of extreme rejection kicks in. It's a leftover from our evolution. It's a basic drive like the need for sex and food. But we are able to overcome this if we know about it and push on through and realize that hey, just because our marriage is over/lost our job, does not mean you should just kill yourself.

And another example of biology, I know a woman who cannot have kids. For her, it makes her feel worthless. Now, while I understand the pain, to me, it's mostly a mechanical biological response, which can be overcome by strengthening the will, realizing we are more than what we are. But if we don't think so, or try to be, we never will be. She's still learning to see her worth even though she cannot have children.

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I evolutionary psychology, that is one of my passions, I am so glad you shared this with me . Very interesting insight.

posted September 06, 2018 07:55 PM            

Sometimes i feel so absolutely gorgeous, sometimes i feel gross.

I have a leo ascendant, so i really like to be complimented. My ego almost needs it. If I don’t hear that I’m gorgeous, sometimes I assume I’m ugly. Then other times, I think everyone is jealous of me.

posted September 06, 2018 08:12 PM            

And for those with a cynical sense of humor, here's a Tinder experiment a guy did:
http://thoughtcatalog.com/clint-conway /2017/03/this-guy-made-a-fake-tinder-profile-to-prove-that-girls-never-think-hot-dudes-are-creepy/

quote:

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A bodybuilding enthusiast named GermanLifter decided to conduct a social experiment to see how much easier life was for attractive dudes.

He created a Tinder profile using pics of the guy from the “Call me Maybe?” music video. The model has an ideal body type, and is well, a gorgeous male model.

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He tried to see how much was too much, and he got away with almost everything.

And on a much more trivial note (but related to female appearances), a guy recently expressed jealousy at how much money I was saving by skipping haircuts, far more than he could. Not worrying about cosmetics and name brands frees up a lot of money, though some jobs frown on that.

posted September 06, 2018 10:51 PM            

My self-esteem is great but I'm also humble about myself. I know I am gorgeous but there's things I need to work on to reach my own standard.

posted September 06, 2018 11:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
I evolutionary psychology, that is one of my passions, I am so glad you shared this with me . Very interesting insight.

As for your friend, if I was in her shoes, it would annoy me due to pride realizing I am not "fertile" but ultimately it would not impact me too much, I would see it as a blessing and adopt if I really want to go there, I personally LOVE the idea of adopting. I actually feel more drawn to that as I feel "why have a kid when there are kids that already need love and attention" but again our biological drive kicks in and our desire to live on through our offspring. I feel this is stronger in some people, cancer placements have this need stronger in them like my sis who is a cancer.

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I read a few of the replies in here and I feel like an alien lol. I can't believe that there are women who feel worthless because they can't have children, it's one thing to feel sad, hurt etc if you really want children but it's totally different to feel worthless like a woman is only good for making babies..

posted September 07, 2018 01:37 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Plut0nian2:
I read a few of the replies in here and I feel like an alien lol. I can't believe that there are women who feel worthless because they can't have children, it's one thing to feel sad, hurt etc if you really want children but it's totally different to feel worthless like a woman is only good for making babies..

By the way I am Cancer Sun, Mercury, AsC and South Node,Pisces Moon, Pluto in 5th H Scorpio and I never ever wanted kids in my life nlt even as a child ( I never got a fake. baby to play with, when someone bought one for me I started crying).

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I was thinking the sane thing! I thought wow I must be weird because I don’t feel a strong urge to have kids. And saying this as a woman is probably even weirder to people. Im the same way, when I was little I thought about not having kids. Having kids is not even one of my top priorities. When she said a lot of women feel worthless if they can’t have kids. I honestly find that strange. That wouldn’t make me feel worthless. But I can only speak for myself. There are other women that strongly want kids. I think I’m the weird one.