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Author Topic:   Venus/Pluto break-ups
Odette
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posted September 21, 2020 08:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If you have a Venus/Pluto aspect - how do you break up with someone? and how do you react when they break up with you?

Do you relate to the "all or nothing" vibe of this aspect?

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Dumuzi
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posted September 21, 2020 08:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dumuzi     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
my ex had venus conjunct pluto exact in scorpio

we broke up constantly for almost 15 years but then the last time she had this severe meltdown and actually left, i didn't care by then so i was just like "alright leave"

i attempted to be friends for a bit because we had been friends first and had known each other so long but she was weird and erratic and toxic and eventually i told her to **** off and she continued to try to get in touch with me through social media accounts i forgot existed and doing **** like sending packages to the house in her name etc

that was over a year ago in july and the last time she made an attempt at contacting me was last month

**** that crazy **** 🤣

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Ami Anne
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posted September 21, 2020 09:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Very hard. Very long time getting over it but, in time, you can.

------------------
Want to Read Simple, Fun,Sexy Articles on Astrology? Check Me Out, DUDE.


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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hearttreasure
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posted September 22, 2020 01:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hearttreasure     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Venus/Pluto trine.

If I want a break up I usually tell the partner immediately and straight forward. (Aries influence)

If the partner wants a break up with me, I'll ask first what's wrong, then I will try to explain if there's a misunderstanding, but 99% I usually agree, I don't like make things complicated, if they don't want the relationship, I won't try to make them stay, no matter how much I like them. (Aqua Sag influence) -- but I hate a disappear-reappeared act in a relationship, like ghosting but then reappear claiming no break up once you enjoy your single life or someone gets close to you. wtf.

Usually once break up/off time, my trust starts decreasing, if the relationship has too many on-off the trust keeps decreasing until I don't care anymore. (Pluto influence)

I don't think I relate with "all or nothing" because I don't think I can fully hate someone (exalted venus + moon/jupiter conjunction) but I can fully detach from someone if I reach a stage of "I don't care anymore" and it's very hard for me to change my mind no matter how much
the partner tries to make it up because the process to that stage is painful for me.

I don't think I have a hard time to move on, but I usually need a long time for myself to be in another relationship. I honestly enjoy single life because the freedom you can't get from having a relationship.

Soft aspect gives a very positive influence I think for the individual although not that in your eyes luck. In a relationship, the partner feels enchanted by this aspect in the individual.

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ilunatique
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posted September 22, 2020 09:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ilunatique     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Venus conjunct Pluto synastry in 8th

Both considered suicide

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SadalSuud211
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posted September 22, 2020 03:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SadalSuud211     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Dumuzi:
my ex had venus conjunct pluto exact in scorpio

we broke up constantly for almost 15 years but then the last time she had this severe meltdown and actually left, i didn't care by then so i was just like "alright leave"

i attempted to be friends for a bit because we had been friends first and had known each other so long but she was weird and erratic and toxic and eventually i told her to **** off and she continued to try to get in touch with me through social media accounts i forgot existed and doing **** like sending packages to the house in her name etc

that was over a year ago in july and the last time she made an attempt at contacting me was last month

**** that crazy **** 🤣



I have Pluto sextile Venus natally and tbh this sounds like some **** I would do.. The only other aspects I have to my Venus is its conjunct Mars and Neptune, but Pluto is square my Sun and Moon and opposite my Midheaven so I think thats where the crazy comes from 💁 lol

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Gracha
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posted September 22, 2020 09:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gracha     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I've venus opposite Pluto...if I liked the person alot it's hard letting go. But if I'm iffy about them from the start, I'm not phased and usually forget their name a month later.

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Dumuzi
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posted September 23, 2020 01:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dumuzi     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by SadalSuud211:

I have Pluto sextile Venus natally and tbh this sounds like some **** I would do.. The only other aspects I have to my Venus is its conjunct Mars and Neptune, but Pluto is square my Sun and Moon and opposite my Midheaven so I think thats where the crazy comes from 💁 lol

seems senseless to me, i feel like stalking someone and doing all of that makes less sense when you're the one who left

it's not ok regardless, but at least if i broke up with her then it would've seemed more reasonable to me

i was just going to stay and just drink/use drugs to make being with her tolerable indefinitely because the one time i said "i think i want you to leave" she told me i would need to get the cops involved and **** to get her out and being high was easier and we were still having sex (this was a few months before we broke up) also i made her plenty of promises and knew her 21 years

so i was looking at it like i'd have to die to get away

might still be true if she keeps up the weird contact attempts

she contacted my mother too one of the times i didnt answer her, had to delete everything block numbers etc

she has a scorpio stellium (venus conjunct pluto there and her mercury further away on her mid heaven) and her ascendant is in aquarius square that venus pluto conjunction

her mars/jupiter are in pisces trine her venus

moon (aries) square neptune probably added to some of her **** though she also had her sag sun sandwiched between her saturn and uranus

post break up i offered to help her get psych help and whatnot when she was calling me about suicide but when i'd say that suddenly she was "fine" and "really happy" etc even though she had just been crying at me saying goodbye until the next life(because apparently she wants to hold on even post death) etc

i'm curious what purpose does that behavior serve for you? you're self aware enough to see it in yourself so you have to know it helps nothing so is it pure compulsion you can't reel in? and what thoughts are behind it?

edit: she also tried stuff like offering me drugs to get me to see her knowing full well i'd been trying to stay sober, offering me drug connects she made, sending me pics of her in lingerie etc refusing to take her stuff then threatening me with cops about it as if i was denying her access to it (i had someone else bring it to her and she refused it because she decided that her and i agreed she could see me when she got it) just a lot of really weird ****

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Odette
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posted September 23, 2020 08:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Dumuzi - That really sounds like a bad situation. I'm sorry to hear all of that is happening. After 15 years I'm sure you both had feelings and it's always sad when things end badly.

My ex has a Pisces Mars.. although his Venus is in Aries.. but he also has Sun opp Pluto (in Scorpio). He contacted me weekly or sometimes.. even more often.. after our breakup for a whole year. He has only now, recently stopped emailing.
He felt as though I ended it.. but really his own behaviour was a big part of why this ended... so it's a similar situation to what you described..

In the past .. when I was younger I would've run from this situation, but I didn't want to do that.

I did reply to him a number of times.. throughout this period and basically said the same things calmly....... that he meant a lot to me, and I genuinely wish him happiness.. but after everything we went through we are just not right for each other.. and this isn't something I can go back on - or change my mind .. (and I meant everything I said!)

^^ I must've said this, or something along these lines, about 50 times or more... but I feel like over time.. he calmed down and this helped him get closure. He is now (in the past 3 months) finally moving on, and he is even dating someone new. He is *much* happier and his behaviour has gone back to normal.

I don't know whether this would work with your ex.. and I realise her behaviour is really triggering you... But if you try to stay calm and approach her from a place of compassion.. I think things would probably end on a more positive note between you.

If I had totally avoided him.. and blocked him out.. I think this would have escalated things between us in a negative way.

I know a lot of times the advice is to -block the person everywhere-... but in my experience... it's not actually the best solution (at least not always!). When someone is chasing you because they feel like they -need- something from you.. and in this case, she needs closure... and you run.. they will have the instinct to chase harder.

quote:
i'm curious what purpose does that behavior serve for you?

Imagine being in a situation where you really feel like you need something... maybe drugs could be an example from your past.. And imagine you know that someone has what you need.. but they are running away from you (with that thing.. drugs or whatever else) whenever you approach them.
Don't you think you'd chase?

I'm trying to explain what I see as the psychology behind this..as best as I can..

So I think that what you need to do is - stand your ground in a way that is assertive, but also kind and respectful of the good times you shared.

quote:
i was looking at it like i'd have to die to get away

You're really very very strongly affected by her behaviour..
You need to somehow detach and see this with a cool head.
She is not the enemy. She is just a woman who was in love with you, who is hurt and who needs closure.
She's a human being..

It's not the end of the world. No one needs to die.
Eventually you will both move on.

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Dumuzi
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posted September 23, 2020 10:48 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dumuzi     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@Odette

i'm actually not sad it ended though, relieved, i wanted it to end but it was literally like

"i want to break up"
"no we're not doing that"
"guess i'll drink instead"

my feelings for her died a few years before the break up happened, she wasn't the person i started things with by then and had become unrecognizable (i was literally trying to force myself to love her and felt guilty that i didn't and like i had to lie to other people about it)

i did reply to her at first (there was a point post break up where we spoke near daily) telling her i'd help her get help, giving her numbers to contact etc but around january i was pretty done with it and it continued well past that

like i said last month was the most recent at over a year in

she's been dating someone new, she was with someone new sending me pictures of her in lingerie talking about how she wanted to cheat on the guy

she was with him offering me drugs to try to get me to see her etc

i told her multiple times i want zero contact with her, but that i don't hate her i just don't want a life with her in it because i'm significantly better off and happier this way

reality is when you don't miss someone quickly after a break up after living with them for over a decade it's a pretty clear sign that them being in your life is a net negative, i felt guilty about not missing her, but that's how it ended up being

how is offering to get her help not compassionate? yeah eventually i had to block her because she wouldn't stop and having her in my life was ultimately detrimental but i find it funny that you're assuming i handled it tactlessly when that really isn't the case

because for around 6 months or so i was friendly towards her and like i said offered her help with her situation, getting off drugs etc i said i didn't want to date ever again but i was fine with helping her if she needed it (even after her threatening me and **** like that, even though i was struggling with my health issues and didn't need the additional stress)

sometimes no contact is the right solution, especially in cases where a person clearly exhibits cluster b disorder issues and is the sort of person she was

this is someone who tried to plant drug paraphernalia on a coworker who was going through a divorce, had 3 kids, and was her "best friend" who she got paranoid about and told me she was "going to destroy" nope didn't want that **** in my life

i don't want to have to hear about psycho **** like that or be a party to it through inaction or deal with retaliation for "betrayal" if i give the innocent kids involved consideration and say as much

that's just not a thing

you don't know a lot of details (why would you? i don't talk about the entirety of anything here but without knowing them it's easy to get the wrong idea about me cutting her out), you're projecting your situation (which doesn't sound similar i tried to get her help and was being made to pay for years because i stopped her from killing herself over a tantrum she threw when her sister went to spend the night at a friend's house because her sister's presence was creating issues with our landlord and in the end she broke up with me, her behavior didn't drive me away she left of her own free will) and making a lot of assumptions

i never said it was the end of the world, only that i haven't seen her let go yet and if she's anything like her mother or sister etc (and she is) it could be years, and before that i meant it in an "i was committed to staying in that shitshow pre breakup" i'm not really sure why you're putting feelings like that on me (you took a joke too literally)

it's a net positive that she's gone and stays gone

detaching and seeing it with a cool head is why i've gone no contact, not detaching is me feeling bad for her and offering her help and letting toxic **** in my life

sure she's just a woman but she's also one who does a lot of crazy ****** up **** that i want no part in and i don't want to be around hard drugs like that either (i've been addicted to heroin and i don't need someone around me offering me drugs, telling me they can get it, and talking about how they're thinking about buying some)

she left and i gave her months of my life after that being kind to her but there was a point where it was clear that there was no point

there's a point where disconnecting is the right thing to do and it was for me, am i over it? yeah i'm comfortable with her gone, i don't miss her, and i'm doing significantly better with her gone

her behavior was just relevant to the topic

edit: she was also going around lying to people saying i was beating her and **** , which not only didn't ever happen, but had it happened she likely wouldve done something extreme and i wouldn't be typing this right now

🤣 why the **** would i want to keep someone in my life who does **** like that? i'm not even the only one she was telling huge lies about to anyone and everyone who would listen

she lost her reputation job wise too going around lying about past employers right down to insisting muslim ex bosses were funding terrorism secretly

she was telling people my brother who was in the middle of a custody battle was a terrible father, lying about how my niece was treated etc on top of that

**** that 🤣 i gave her more than half my life, i gave her months post break up, i don't owe her "closure" by keeping myself available and open for her **** indefinitely

sometimes in life we don't get closure from another person we have to find it in ourselves, she can find it in herself and i can keep going with my life

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GalacticCoreExplosion
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posted September 23, 2020 12:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GalacticCoreExplosion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have Pluto in Libra in a near exact trine to it's ruler, Venus which is in Aquarius, where Venus rules my Moon, MC, 3rd House, and as mentioned Pluto Sign. Venus is in the 7th and in a wide opposition aspect to the Asc degree.

For me, it really depends on the individual and connection involved. I'm fairly good at letting go of most people, most of the time. Not so much when younger and when I was more insecure.

There has been one exception to this pattern in these latter years, that I have had a very difficult time in letting go of fully and completely. My human, ego level of self would love to completely and utterly let her go.

Speaking in general, I'm probably a bit more passionate, deep feelinged, and intense in connection with relationships than the average Aquarius Venus, and I see that as being related to the close Pluto trine as well as Venus being rather highlighted/amplified in general.

I'm not particularly magnetic or attractive to the opposite (nor same) sex though. There is often too much of a mismatch between vibratory levels/wavelengths for that to be the case. I've found that most people, most of the time, have very little interest in deeper connection with me, though part of me desires deeper connection with others.

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hearttreasure
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posted September 23, 2020 09:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hearttreasure     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by GalacticCoreExplosion:
...

For me, it really depends on the individual and connection involved. I'm fairly good at letting go of most people, most of the time. Not so much when younger and when I was more insecure.

.....


Yes.

I start entering a serious relationship when I feel secured of myself, feel matured and when I start finding some pieces of me that I didn't understand before. That's why I don't feel hard to move on but sure for the next having a more careful step to enter a new relationship because I actually do not feel proud having a failure relationship but at the same time don't mind about it if it's really toxic.

I'm glad my younger I didn't focus on having a relationship or a man. Too scared of Momma with her Aries Moon + Cancer Mars combination of hot anger if you break the rules: "DO NOT dating anyone until you are matured!" hahaha..

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GalacticCoreExplosion
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posted September 23, 2020 09:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GalacticCoreExplosion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
"She is just a woman who was in love with you, who is hurt and who needs closure.
She's a human being.."

That's a very compassionate take. To be honest though, she sounds like she has major issues and almost like she is possessed/influenced by some very negative entities. That doesn't mean that he shouldn't have compassion for her, but it's not his job to try to fix her or make her feel better about herself.

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GalacticCoreExplosion
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posted September 23, 2020 09:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GalacticCoreExplosion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That's a pretty mature and centered approach Hearttreasure.

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Odette
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posted September 23, 2020 10:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you for saying this is compassionate. But I wasnít always that compassionate.

Iím pretty sure I have a dismissive-avoidant attachment style.. and what happens with this attachment style is that you shut down and run from emotion, rather than deal with it... specially negative emotional situations.

People who are dismissive generally have a lower threshold than the majority.

So for example.. a person with a secure attachment style might find this kind of constant calling by an ex.. unnerving ó- but ó- someone with a dismissive attachment style will feel (and act) as though they are being literally chased by an angry rhinoceros and their life is seriously at stake ó so they need to run for their lives .. and climb the first tree... or they might actually die.

So there can be a lot of exaggeration and over-reaction. They very much react in a fight or flight kind of way... and itís not always warranted.

I guess for me.. realising these attachment issues has made me really re-think my own behaviour in relationships... and it has helped me a lot in having better relationships as well as dealing with negative/toxic emotional behaviour in myself and others.

For instance.. with my ex.. Itís true that he was contacting me a lot and on several social media platforms including email...
But I stopped and asked myself..
ďok.. is this guy actually a threat to me? Has he tried to physically harm me? Has he shown up on my door step? Is he throwing rocks through my widow at night? Is he showing up at my workplace trying to get my fired? Is he trying to kill me?Ē

And the answer was No.
He is just calling. Thatís all.

Yes calling can also be harassment .. but itís not on the same level as other things.. and I realised that actually reacting with such fear and anger towards someone who is simply calling/messaging... is actually pretty unwarranted in the scheme of things....

So yeah the compassionate approach worked for me with my ex. Iím happy that I was patient and did this.. I feel like Iím doing a lot better with the attachment issues..

Dumuzi and Galactic - I know that you are both basically saying that Iím projecting my issues on this situation. I think I am to an extent because obviously I donít know how bad the situation was.
But .. Dumuzi I guess.. purely based on your replies and tone.. it reminds me a lot of the way I would have reacted in this kind of situation some years ago. I would have completely panicked and done everything I could to block that person and shut them out... like I said... as though I was being chased by an angry rhino lol

I could be totally wrong and Iím sorry if this doesnít help at all. But you kind of reminded me of myself.. which is why I replied the way I did..

Also.. Iím not at all saying that you should actively try to help her or allow her back into your life. That is going in the opposite extreme from completely avoiding her.
I was thinking about a more consistent approach where you basically just let her know that you do respect the connection you once shared and that you respect her as a person and a human being.. but you canít go back to talking or interacting because the relationship was toxic for both of you and you both need to move on... and that you wish her well basically..

I understand you donít think this would work. Maybe youíre totally right and it wouldnít. I donít personally know her .. But I definitely was not suggesting that you should allow her back into your life.

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hearttreasure
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posted September 23, 2020 10:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hearttreasure     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Dumuzi:
my ex had venus conjunct pluto exact in scorpio

....


My husband's ex is also a venus/pluto conjunction in Scorpio close aspect.

And now, he is with a venus/pluto trine, me.

He said, I and she are a very different in a relationship, like, the opposite. I don't know what thats mean because I don't know the whole story of their relationship only a few (he is not the most open and honest person I know, which kind of annoyed me).

But, I know she has a hard time letting him go while I let go of him easily.

Your relationship story looks similar to their relationship: on-off continuously, lots of promises made up that he ends up can not deliver those, seducing/make-up sex (I see some as her way to keep him stay and he takes the advantage), lots of manipulation & toxic anger, stalking, unanimous contact.. Aaaannd, at the beginning of our relationship he brings that baggage, bump!, for several years I stupidly crush my own world upside down dealing with those stupid drama situation that I didn't know exist.

This year I feel calmer because I have reached the stage of "I don't care" anymore. I have a little girl that I should focus on of her happiness, so I need to be happy on my own too.

I think, his relationship with her has shaped his view on a relationship unconsciously that keep clashing with me.

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Odette
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posted September 23, 2020 10:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think Iím derailing my own thread lol Sorry guys!

Dumuzi - I know you were replying about Venus/Pluto and her emotional intense reactions are very much in the Venus/Pluto ballpark.
I only replied because your situation really reminded me of my own ex-relationship, and my own behaviour, so I had to tell you my two cents.

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Dumuzi
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posted September 24, 2020 03:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dumuzi     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
I think Iím derailing my own thread lol Sorry guys!

Dumuzi - I know you were replying about Venus/Pluto and her emotional intense reactions are very much in the Venus/Pluto ballpark.
I only replied because your situation really reminded me of my own ex-relationship, and my own behaviour, so I had to tell you my two cents.


except i didn't just avoid and treat it that way, so you're completely wrong and projecting and i've said as much several times

my initial response to the break up was to try to maintain a friendship because her and i had known each ofher for so long, and while i was relieved to not be dating her anymore i had nothing against her

i offered help, i was more than kind even while she was threatening me with **** and purposely destroying herself and burning that bridge

she is not your ex, and i did not react the way you would have

i came to a point where it was better for me and in general to not allow her access to my life and did so, and i detached and did what i did (after repeatedly telling her things like what you suggested during the "maintain friendship" phase and even post that i let it go gently initially)

the reality is i never treated just contact attempts like threats and without knowing the finer details of the relationship (including her tendency towards violent behavior and how often she's destroyed my **** , the rumor spreading smear campaign etc) you have no idea what you're talking about and are just projecting

you also have completely ignored the multiple times i've stated that i tried to maintain a friendship, tried to get her help etc

i was there for her post break up when no one else would be (because she destroyed all her friendships, were all those people just lacking compassion for this poor woman or do you think maybe just maybe she's not a good person to keep around?) even though i became uncomfortable with it (due to her behavior during those interactions not the fact that she was interacting) because i was being compassionate and she followed that up by not only taking it forgranted but by being a **** too

i got tired of being a security blanket for someone with severe mental illness who was horrible to date and then ****** as a friend too

i chose myself and i'm comfortable with my choice, i showed myself compassion for the first time in over a decade by walking away (because i stayed through a lot of ups and downs because i felt bad for her and was hoping she'd get help eventually) and i did the right thing

it isn't some detached attachment style like what you're talking about, it was never me just treating attempts at contact as threats and so on, it was actual threats being treated as threats (and some of them i let go because i was still there for her after when she told me she had no one else) and again me caring about getting away from drug/alcohol abuse after struggling with those things for longer than i had been dating her

showing myself compassion wasn't wrong, and i don'f feel guilty for it considering i sacrificed my entire late teenage years and early 20's helping her on/off raise her siblings and take care of their friends depending on her mother's whims and stayed even longer dealing with her ups and downs

stop projecting because there's so much you don't know and plenty you've been told and have ignored

i tried your suggested approach on many occasions, i've said as much, but clearly it didn't help

i did the right thing in my circumstance for myself and doing that for myself took a lot to come to and it came from detaching and looking at things objectively, because had i never detached and been objective i would still be letting her on/off use me as a security blanket based on her whims

she isn't your ex i'm not you this situation wasn't and isn't an exact reflection of yours sometimes compassion needs to be directed at yourself not the other person

a recovering addict has every right to walk away from someone who knows they're trying and is offering them drugs, even without anything else i've mentioned being involved because it can take one bad day to undo months of work when it comes to addiction (and she was actively putting me down for trying tp clean up as well, completely toxic to be around)

edit: btw no one ever owes someone who's literally and repeatedly told them their own feelings don't matter anything, this is a woman who on many occasions told me only her feelings and needs and thoughts etc mattered and no one else's did

that she felt "more than anyone" and never took me feeling any type of way to heart because she felt that my capacity to move on and be happy or content meant i mattered less

this is a person who literally would pick fights with me then tell me later she did so because i "looked content" while she wasn't and was in a bad mood about something i didn't even do

her entire logic was if she was unhappy i should be too and it'd make her feel better to get under my skin when she was in a bad mood, this could be over problems with work,her family, a dream she had whatever...

she'd get mad at me for writing, for playing guitar, for speaking to other people etc and so on because if my world didn't immediately revolve around her the second she decided she wanted attention (because if she was doing something she was "busy" but i could never be otherwise occupied with anything) she would lose her ****

this is someone who couldn't even give me 3 minutes to finish playing a song if she felt like endlessly complaining about other people and telling me her plans to "get" them if they "crossed" her

she broke plenty of my things during her regular tantrums, threw **** at me constantly, would respond to simple **** by picking fights etc

she'd get mad at me for having health issues because they inconvenienced her as if i were doing it to her and she'd accuse me of that as well

have a day where i'm all ****** up and can't even stand for 5 minutes and am in excruciating pain and it'd be "you don't feel that bad you just don't want to do (insert whatever here)" trying to fight with me about me not being ok

so nope don't give a **** anymore and your attempts to paint me as someone who lacks compassion because i didn't continuously bleed myself dry for someone who lacks empathy on any level for others are pure bs and for as much as i've said there's plenty you don't know

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Dumuzi
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posted September 24, 2020 03:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dumuzi     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hearttreasure:
My husband's ex is also a venus/pluto conjunction in Scorpio close aspect.

And now, he is with a venus/pluto trine, me.

He said, I and she are a very different in a relationship, like, the opposite. I don't know what thats mean because I don't know the whole story of their relationship only a few (he is not the most open and honest person I know, which kind of annoyed me).

But, I know she has a hard time letting him go while I let go of him easily.

Your relationship story looks similar to their relationship: on-off continuously, lots of promises made up that he ends up can not deliver those, seducing/make-up sex (I see some as her way to keep him stay and he takes the advantage), lots of manipulation & toxic anger, stalking, unanimous contact.. Aaaannd, at the beginning of our relationship he brings that baggage, bump!, for several years I stupidly crush my own world upside down dealing with those stupid drama situation that I didn't know exist.

This year I feel calmer because I have reached the stage of "I don't care" anymore. I have a little girl that I should focus on of her happiness, so I need to be happy on my own too.

I think, his relationship with her has shaped his view on a relationship unconsciously that keep clashing with me.


yeah that's part of why i'm single right now, spent a good chunk of my life in that relationship and i want to be in a different headspace and not project **** onto someone new

i feel like it'd be a disservice to myself and another person right now to get involved without taking time off for deep self reflection and work

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GalacticCoreExplosion
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posted September 24, 2020 02:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GalacticCoreExplosion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Dumuzi, I think your choices reflect a growing self awareness and maturity, and not a lack of compassion in the least.

There are some rare people out there, that can and will try to drag others down with them. It's rare that others can reach or help them, because they have such a severe lack of self love (and/or severe body/chemistry imbalances).

If you two had any previous karma--well clearly you've done your best and paid your dues. All you can do now, is occasionally send her some positive energy via thought/feelings and ask powerfully positive and Love attuned levels of guidance to try to help her.

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Dumuzi
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Registered: Oct 2018

posted September 24, 2020 11:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dumuzi     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by GalacticCoreExplosion:
Dumuzi, I think your choices reflect a growing self awareness and maturity, and not a lack of compassion in the least.

There are some rare people out there, that can and will try to drag others down with them. It's rare than others can reach or help them, because they have such a severe lack of self love (and/or severe body/chemistry imbalances).

If you two had any previous karma--well clearly you've done your best and paid your dues. All you can do now, is occasionally send her some positive energy via thought/feelings and ask powerfully positive and Love attuned levels of guidance to try to help her.


there was definitely a lot of karma there, felt a strong tie there for a long time like i had to stay in spite of not wanting to be there, and even post break up there was this sense of obligation right up until our last phone conversation and the aftermath of it back around new years actually day before new years eve and then on new years day or the day after i told her i couldn't do it anymore

just got to a point where i couldn't be on that rollercoaster with her even as a friend

i felt really guilty cutting her off, it wasn't an easy thing for me, but i absolutely had to do it, spent too many years of my life drowning with her couldn't move forward if i kept going back to do the same **** over and over

she became a monster in a lot of ways, but i knew all the **** that led up to it, knew the **** that was there before i met her and all the **** i couldn't save her from so it was hard for me to not feel bad for her even though i absolutely couldn't be around her

and i could feel it too, whatever had been there was just gone, where i had been stuck i was free and she was on her own and vice versa

at a certain point you have to let people go, and let fate take care of them

like you said i did everything i could do but you know can't save someone from drowning if you can't swim and you can't rip pieces of yourself away for another person over and over again when there's nothing there for you

so it wasn't this easy thing for me to do, it took a lot, but like i said i didn't even miss her and it'd kill me inside when she'd tell me she missed me and talk about suicide while i knew i was glad she was gone

then when she'd be totally fine and everything was perfect after her dragging me through her suicide talks and asking me to take care certain things and tell her brother **** for her and all kinds of things like that, just these emotionally draining conversations she'd beg me to have over and over again

apologizing for everything then taking back those apologies and all kinds of **** like that it was way too much on top of a lot of other ****

i don't have the energy for her to send her positive vibes tbh, that's just all done

i hope she eventually gets help and that she doesn't destroy herself or other people along the way but i absolutely have nothing left in me that i can give to her energetically or otherwise

well damn that went to a heavy place 🤣

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GalacticCoreExplosion
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Posts: 1328
From: Somewhere
Registered: Sep 2019

posted September 24, 2020 11:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GalacticCoreExplosion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wish I could give you a hug. But thankfully, it's all in the past now. And eventually even the scars of the past will completely fade.

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Odette
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posted September 25, 2020 01:22 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Before I was with the ex I mentioned, I was in a relationship with a man who was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, so I've been through the suicidal threats and many of the things you are describing, with him.

My thoughts on psychology have changed considerably since I've learnt more about attachment styles.. so I'm not all that convinced that cluster B disorders are exactly what they seem to be.. or that they are even disorders at all.

I also don't see any of this toxic behaviour as incurable.
I believe it is more like a "phase".. and unfortunately it is the kind of phase that any human on the face of the planet including yourself.. can go through, in the "right" (or wrong) set of circumstances.

But that's just my opinion on things.
I try not to point fingers, because I might as well point them at myself.

I guess these days, I see some of these crazy emotional situations, that we all go through (in different ways, with different people, at different stages in our lives) as part of being alive... because at the end of the day, we are not in "Heaven" and can't expect things to be perfect.

I think the only alternative to experiencing negative things is living in an asbestos suit... Like I said there were many times when my comfort zone was to totally shut things out.. as though if I shut everything out and choose to only look at sunshine and rainbows - all the negativity would disappear.
But I feel in retrospect like there isn't much point in doing that.

I don't like turning people into monsters....
I just don't believe in the "bogeyman"..... and I think cluster B disorders are portrayed in a way that creates "monsters".. right out of a storybook...

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GalacticCoreExplosion
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posted September 25, 2020 02:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GalacticCoreExplosion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
"I just don't believe in the "bogeyman"..... and I think cluster B disorders are portrayed in a way that creates "monsters".. right out of a storybook..."

Don't know much about BPD, but you should read Dr. Hare's seminal book about his research into psychopathy called "Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us". From a nice, polite Canadian even..

In same, you'll read about 6 year olds from healthy, loving families and whom have "normal" siblings, but who clearly exhibit extremely psychopathic traits--not due to any psychological trauma nor head wounds, but because they were just born f'ing evil/slow vibratory/lacking in Love AF.

There is such a thing as "dark Souls" though they are relatively rare. I personally have gotten repeat guidance about an entire ET species that is collectively psychopathic and has been messing (primarily psychically/energetically) with humans practically since we've been around.

To deny that that the larger reality has a dark side, and has real monsters in it, doesn't do anyone, any good. Often that repression comes not from Love, compassion, and wisdom, but from deep, unconscious fear of these harsh and uncomfortable realities.

With that said, I have compassion for all beings, especially those suffering as these surely are in a very core way. I have had very intense retrieval dreams of being in the lower realms emanating golden light and trying to retrieve/pull out these very slow vibratory, towards the sociopathic spectrum Souls. In one dream, I pulled one such fellow out, cradled him in my arms like a child, and poured pure, universal, unconditional Love energy/consciousness into him (trying to raise his vibratory levels), which looked like a very bright, golden light.

Some can eventually be reached, but many more can't. Many end up snuffing out their own consciousness light and committing an unwanted, unconscious and true, permanent Soul suicide via complete consciousness entropy. Guidance tries to move Heaven and Earth before it comes to that, but some just cannot be reached--just too far gone down the path of pure selfishness and complete, total sense of separation from everything and everyone.

Reality is far bigger, more complex, and nuanced than many humans give it credit for. The good news is that the huge majority of the Universe/larger reality and the various nonphysical and physical beings in same, are from decent to positive in nature. The truly very negative and completely lacking in all attunement to Love, just like among humans, is fairly rare compared to the majority.

But make no mistake, both in humans and in the cosmos, there are intelligent, self aware sharks out there whose only thought, desire, and self chosen purpose is power accumulation, control over others, and destruction/chaos. Trying to remake the larger reality in their twisted, distorted image.

For the record, I don't consider Dumuzi's ex to be in that category. She just sounds like a very wounded and/or unbalanced person. There is probably some definite, probable hope for her. Whether in the body, or more likely out of the body, can't say for certain. I don't want to tune into her and her energy in any deeper way.

Thankfully, speaking in a very general sense, female bodies are more innately and biologically wired towards felt empathy--there seems to be less female psychopaths out there, because of that. Plenty of NPD, MNPD, and BPD types, but hardcore, completely lacking in all felt empathy psychopathis--less so, or at least it seems.

Again, partly because of the biological wiring and nature involved. Also, as a dark Soul looking down on the Earth and planning another life--you're more likely to choose to incarnate in a male body, because male bodies tend to have much more access to power and extreme wealth than female bodies. In many ways, unfortunately, it's still a "man's world". So that is likely part of the reason for the higher percentage of these hardcore types in connection with male bodies.

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Dumuzi
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Registered: Oct 2018

posted September 25, 2020 05:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dumuzi     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
Before I was with the ex I mentioned, I was in a relationship with a man who was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, so I've been through the suicidal threats and many of the things you are describing, with him.

My thoughts on psychology have changed considerably since I've learnt more about attachment styles.. so I'm not all that convinced that cluster B disorders are exactly what they seem to be.. or that they are even disorders at all.

I also don't see any of this toxic behaviour as incurable.
I believe it is more like a "phase".. and unfortunately it is the kind of phase that any human on the face of the planet including yourself.. can go through, in the "right" (or wrong) set of circumstances.

But that's just my opinion on things.
I try not to point fingers, because I might as well point them at myself.

I guess these days, I see some of these crazy emotional situations, that we all go through (in different ways, with different people, at different stages in our lives) as part of being alive... because at the end of the day, we are not in "Heaven" and can't expect things to be perfect.

I think the only alternative to experiencing negative things is living in an asbestos suit... Like I said there were many times when my comfort zone was to totally shut things out.. as though if I shut everything out and choose to only look at sunshine and rainbows - all the negativity would disappear.
But I feel in retrospect like there isn't much point in doing that.

I don't like turning people into monsters....
I just don't believe in the "bogeyman"..... and I think cluster B disorders are portrayed in a way that creates "monsters".. right out of a storybook...


you experienced some stuff i described so you must be an expert, that's cool, and you must know the entire sum of my experiences too huh? even though i've clearly mentioned that you have just the tip of the iceberg here

your opinions on things are not necessarily fact, you realize that yes?

this was not a phase that she went through, this is someone i knew for a very long time, over 20 years, she progressively worsened but this was not a phase

>including yourself
say what you will i've never done that **** and again you don't know the whole story or about her as a person

>i try not to point fingers

well that's a joke coming from someone who felt the need to point them at me and act as if you have any clue what you're talking about

this is beyond me expecting "perfection" and again i suggest you maybe try dialing back and not acting like you know all there is to know here

i don't care what your past experiences were, because this was about you trying to paint me in a certain light without really knowing much of anything and projecting a lot

if i ran from every uncomfortable situation i wouldn't have been with her half my life or up to the point where i chose myself and you have no right to tell me everything that was behind that decision when you don't know yourself

even if she could be fixed, i'm not qualified to do it and it's not my responsibility to

this doesn't stem from avoidance or a lack of compassion it comes from me learning to give a **** about myself on some level

again you don't know her, how she is with other people or anything other than what's been stated here

you don't even really know me

maybe you should stop playing armchair psychologist and preaching or alternatively if you're going to don't direct it at me, my situation, or other things you don't know about

as for the way cluster b disorders are portrayed my ex is pretty textbook npd, they don't portray anything she isn't really as a matter of fact many phrases and behaviors are so exact it's almost like she had a script she was reading from

so you can dislike their portrayal all you want, but in my experience it's pretty spot on

@GalacticCoreExplosion

sentiment is appreciated

that being said her being a woman doesn't mean she felt empathy, she clearly didn't and would say as much repeatedly throughout my relationship with her

not always in a negative way either, not just anger or directed at me, but in legitimate "i don't know how to care about this or feel for this person but i need x from them can you tell me what to say so i sound like it?"

"why can't i do x to them? i'm asking because you're my conscience"

i can recall on multiple occasions watching interviews with psychopaths with her where they'd be explaining their world view and their views on people with her and they'd either say things she already said or say things she agreed with and felt and she'd say as much

she was very open in her lack of empathy with me, and this often extended to her own family

she would ask me to be her empathy and her conscience, to tell her what wasn't ok and that went on for a long time before she decided she didn't care to try anymore

her and her siblings all had no issue using the cops as weapons against each other, getting each other fired from jobs, stalking people with violent intent, actually following through on the violence, stealing from each other etc and so on and the same extended towards other people in their life regardless of who these people were unless it didn't benefit them

just because i share some things doesn't mean i share everything, and ultimately many (only one person on ll knows me well) of you don't even really know me half as well as you'd think let alone the details of her as a person

she meant it when she said she felt more than everyone and that no one else had feelings that mattered like hers mattered

she meant it when she'd say that she could do anything she wanted to whoever she wanted and it was fine

she meant it when she said repeatedly for years she had no conscience, this was no exaggeration on her part

this is someone who never felt any kind of guilt or remorse for anything she did, and that's not me putting it on her just because the relationship didn't work out, this is something that just was and she'd say it herself

these were not emotional things, they were often very matter of fact statements that would be said while she was in a perfectly good mood

at worst she'd be slightly annoyed that someone else might have expected her to care about their life to be their friend and get whatever benefits came from that

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