posted February 09, 2021 11:23 AM            

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
i'm very similar, i feel guilty if i need something and like i shouldn't ask but if someone else does it's fine

not sure what causes it, we both have some similar aspects though no? pretty sure we both have moon/rahu descendant at the very least

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posted February 09, 2021 11:30 AM            

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
i'm very similar, i feel guilty if i need something and like i shouldn't ask but if someone else does it's fine

not sure what causes it, we both have some similar aspects though no? pretty sure we both have moon/rahu descendant at the very least

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Yeah I also do feel some type of guilt!

And many times I think I can't rely on the other one to do it the way I think it should be done so it's also a control thing.

I have moon conj ascendant but rahu is not involved there. But we both do have similar Neptune and Uranus aspects if I recall correctly.

posted February 09, 2021 11:34 AM            

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Originally posted by Chanterelle:
But, in case it helps, a long time ago I had an interesting encounter where a total stranger took me by the hand and just started telling me all sorts of stuff about myself. One of the things he said was: “All your life people are going to be coming to you with their problems. You don’t have anyone you can talk to about your problems — but that’s okay, that’s not really what you need! You just need interesting conversation to fully engage your conscious mind, and your problems will usually work themselves out in the background.” Only trouble is, I’m really not a natural talker either.

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That is an interesting way to look at it. And yeah oftentimes I thought I just do not need help but I don't know how much of that thought is conditioned because I had to sort everything out on my own since childhood. I don't even know what it feels like when someone has my back if you know what I mean.

posted February 09, 2021 11:35 AM            

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Originally posted by Librapurr:
Many time when I needed somebody’s help they let me down or made it worse so it’s less upsetting if I just don’t ask for it. And generally, I’m not good asking for it.
What makes me amused some people are too comfortable with it. They could get angry or upset when I say no even if I said yes 5 times before like I have karmic responsibilities...

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posted February 09, 2021 11:57 AM            

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Originally posted by LuckyLeo:
When I hear the word “independent” I immediately think Aries. Maybe you have significant influence from that sign? I know someone who is like you described and I think she is an Aries rising with Mars (ascendant ruler) and Venus (descendant ruler) in the first house. She also has an Aries south node. Like you, she had to be responsible for things since childhood so I think it is also caused by her life experience and the way she grew up.

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posted February 09, 2021 01:14 PM            

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Originally posted by Chanterelle:
I don’t think I’ve ever felt guilty about asking for help, more like I’m constantly surrounded by people going “let me know if you need anything, let me know if you want to talk about it” ... and taking it way too personally that I usually just don’t. OTOH, I’ve had to get better about not just going off in my head and leaving everyone wondering. Or saying things like “I don’t want advice, I just need to vent about it.” That is actually the hardest part for me— great listener, terrible adviser, yet people always seem to think otherwise.

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i was but i'm drunk and mixed her up with someone else 🤣 but yeah venus conjunct south node is in my first house

i've had people get mad at me for just refusing, but it just feels wrong even if i can't do something on my own i'm likely to just suffer instead of ask for help

on the flipside i'll gladly step in for other people without them needing to ask and i'll offer help

just like "let me distract myself from my own **** by focusing on you"

i can listen, i can give people advice, i can handle advice being given to me but like... i'm probably just going to keep doing what i'm doing until something else to try occurs to me because idk...

posted February 09, 2021 01:16 PM            

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Originally posted by kani:
Yeah I also do feel some type of guilt!

And many times I think I can't rely on the other one to do it the way I think it should be done so it's also a control thing.

I have moon conj ascendant but rahu is not involved there. But we both do have similar Neptune and Uranus aspects if I recall correctly.

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i'm drunk and thought you were hikaru for some reason, i decided to drink for the first time in a while and i just wish i had better drugs tbh

my moon is trine mercury and trine uranus square mars opposite venus conjunct rahu/descendant 🤔 i think that's it

my neptune trines my sun and conjuncts my mars, in placidus i have it 3rd house

i trust people to be capable, even moreso than me because i mean i was capable i wouldn't need help at all, but then i feel like i owe them or like i'm a burden and then i get too anxious about it and it feels like pressure and then it doesn't work out

edit: btw i never feel like anyone owes me anything like i'll do **** for you that's fine don't give me anything for it just go along your way and do good for yourself and that's fine, but if it's me who needs something i feel like i need to do extra to make up for it

probably stems from abuse and so on but 🤷‍♀️

posted February 09, 2021 01:21 PM              

Another is often being so used to being in the role of giver/higher empathy/nurturer. It becomes a habit, and you just get used to be the one giving more so. So receiving just feels odd and off to even uncomfortable at times.

Sometimes these can overlap and both contribute simultaneously.

One of the negative (maybe not outright negative per se, but something to work on and balance/moderate) Plutonian things about self is my lack of trust in others (in a general sense). This comes from a combo of a direct past life wherein I was majorly manipulated by a group of Machiavellian types to both my detriment and to the detriment of my service to the nation I so loved/was trying to help, and from a fair number of experiences of other Souls and lifetimes within my/our larger Spirit self that have experienced major betrayals, manipulation, etc at the hands of others. We have been tricked, betrayed, and/or murdered or imprisoned more times than I care to remember. In one life, even our own Twin Soul did this (though she later freed our other self after having him imprisoned).

Even with all that, I came into this life fairly naive, trusting and open hearted, until life via certain situations taught me "Be as harmless as a dove, but more cunning/street wise like a serpent/viper." And apparently I am called to apply this now to romance/love as well as generally i.e. don't give your heart to another willy nilly, but only to those that have shown that they deserve/have earned it, and not just take without giving much at all in return.

posted February 09, 2021 01:42 PM            

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Originally posted by Chanterelle:
🍺Fair enough... I’m off to get some help teaching my kid to read. Even that was kinda hard.

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posted February 09, 2021 01:50 PM            

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Originally posted by GalacticCoreExplosion:
Ime, there are often two major contributors to this. A lack of trust in others (this can come from many things, including having been majorly manipulated/hurt by others in another life or lives).

Another is often being so used to being in the role of giver/higher empathy/nurturer. It becomes a habit, and you just get used to be the one giving more so. So receiving just feels odd and off to even uncomfortable at times.

Sometimes these can overlap and both contribute simultaneously.

One of the negative (maybe not outright negative per se, but something to work on and balance/moderate) Plutonian things about self is my lack of trust in others (in a general sense). This comes from a combo of a direct past life wherein I was majorly manipulated by a group of Machiavellian types to both my detriment and to the detriment of my service to the nation I so loved/was trying to help, and from a fair number of experiences of other Souls and lifetimes within my/our larger Spirit self that have experienced major betrayals, manipulation, etc at the hands of others. We have been tricked, betrayed, and/or murdered or imprisoned more times than I care to remember. In one life, even our own Twin Soul did this (though she later freed our other self after having him imprisoned).

Even with all that, I came into this life fairly naive, trusting and open hearted, until life via certain situations taught me "Be as harmless as a dove, but more cunning/street wise like a serpent/viper." And apparently I am called to apply this now to romance/love as well as generally i.e. don't give your heart to another willy nilly, but only to those that have shown that they deserve/have earned it, and not just take without giving much at all in return.

Part of the Virgo cusping Leo NN in 1st path I suppose.

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posted February 09, 2021 01:52 PM            

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Originally posted by LuckyLeo:
Wow yes I could see Pluto and Saturn in your fourth house as showing childhood adversity. Maybe that explains why you had to be responsible from a young age.

Also check to see if you have significant Capricorn. I have a Capricorn rising and I tend not to ask for much help. I don’t attribute it to being independent (I also don’t have any Aries planets). But with Capricorn rising, it is natural for me to feel that I have to shoulder my own burdens and responsibilities so that they don’t fall onto anyone else. It does not occur to me to put them onto someone else, that is like a foreign concept to me. I think this is the nature of Capricorn.

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Nothing in Cap either. Funny enough, my bf has a Cap rising and has no issues asking for help.

posted February 09, 2021 02:32 PM            

Where's Saturn, Uranus and Pluto? And what are they doing?

Do you have strong Taurus/2nd house? What rules your 2nd house and how it is aspected?

Do you have any squares to the Lunar Nodes?

Check your Draconic chart too.

posted February 09, 2021 02:41 PM              

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Originally posted by kani:
Mmh I think I just ooze competence in a way I suppose (I got told that a couple of times) and I'm not easily shocked so people do open up to me and tell me their dirty little secrets (I do enjoy listening though). and there is DEFINITELY some past life stuff with me, too. I remember several of my past lives and I was either let down (intentionally but also unintentionally as it was due to circumstances) or my personality was just self sufficient. I don't remember a past life where I was needy (although it doesn't mean there were none), so maybe asking for help just doesn't come naturally to me? This coupled with my parents constantly disappointing me during my childhood and not making me feel I can rely on them.

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Sounds like it can be an option/alternative. I don't remember your chart, so I'm not sure how to correlate that pattern with your chart.

Pride can also be another factor that I didn't mention earlier.

I seem to have all 4 going on simultaneously, and I also have a hard time asking for help or just receiving. This has permeated every aspect of my life (including even sexually. I tend to focus more on pleasuring which is pleasurable for me).

But, I also remind myself that even Yeshua allowed people to do things for him, occasionally asked for help or something, because allowing oneself to receive from others, can be a different side of the coin of giving.

It allows others to be in that same role of being of service, kindness, or giving, which is so, so, so necessary for Soul growth. Hence, if one doesn't allow others to give to self, you end up being a block to them in that area.

posted February 09, 2021 02:58 PM            

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Originally posted by GalacticCoreExplosion:
Sounds like it can be an option/alternative. I don't remember your chart, so I'm not sure how to correlate that pattern with your chart.

Pride can also be another factor that I didn't mention earlier.

I seem to have all 4 going on simultaneously, and I also have a hard time asking for help or just receiving. This has permeated every aspect of my life (including even sexually. I tend to focus more on pleasuring which is pleasurable for me).

But, I also remind myself that even Yeshua allowed people to do things for him, occasionally asked for help or something, because allowing oneself to receive from others, can be a different side of the coin of giving.

It allows others to be in that same role of being of service, kindness, or giving, which is so, so, so necessary for Soul growth. Hence, if one doesn't allow others to give to self, you end up being a block to them in that area.

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Oh yes pride is a factor as well. For sure.
And yeah it's a life lesson of mine, too to learn to receive. I have actually practiced receiving from life (as in being open to receiving something I wanted or needed from the universe if you will, you know trusting it will come to me) and that has definitely become better. I had a weak left side of the body (the left side symbolizes the feminine, the receiving side) and I strengthened it and I feel almost balanced in my body. I'm still reluctant to ask people directly for help though.

posted February 09, 2021 03:07 PM            

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Originally posted by Sunnya:
What's happening with your 11th house? And its ruler? And with the 7th and its ruler? 12th?

Where's Saturn, Uranus and Pluto? And what are they doing?

Do you have strong Taurus/2nd house? What rules your 2nd house and how it is aspected?

Do you have any squares to the Lunar Nodes?

Check your Draconic chart too.

Just some things to check. It could be many things and could even be connected with self sufficiency/autonomy lesson.

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With me it's more a asking for help/receiving lesson. Autonomy is something I'm very familiar with.
My 11th house is empty, except for Chiron. Taurus is in the 11th and its ruler, Venus is in the 9th house.

The 7th is completely empty and its ruler Saturn is in the 4th. The 12th house is empty as well and its ruler, mercury, is in the 8th house.

Saturn is in the 4th house. It has no aspects except for a conjunction to Jupiter.

Uranus is in the 5th house and trines the sun, the moon, mars, MC and a wide trine with the ascendant. It also squares mercury.

Pluto is in the 4th house. It trines mercury and tightly squares my moon and my ascendant (which is conjunct the moon). The moon also rules the ascendant. Pluto is also inconjunct my sun and biquintile my Venus but I don't know if that aspect really counts.

Taurus is not strong in my chart. I have Chiron in Taurus and that's it. I have only the north node in the second house. The second house is ruled by the sun and my sun is strongly aspected (trine moon, conjuct Venus, conjunct Mars, conjunct MC, square Neptune, trine Uranus...).

In the draconic chart sun, venus and mars are in Scorpio...