posted July 27, 2009 11:14 PM         

Also, I can talk about some things online that would come back and bite me on the butt if I talked about them in real life. Maybe I have to smile and nod when someone else says something really stupid, racist, or the like, but online I can say something back without fear of losing money or having my home vandalized.

Granted, nobody has a perfect life, and many seek to improve it, and that will include looking into astrology and going to others on the net, among so many other things.

Technically, I'd say it's just as accurate to say if we already had a perfect life, we wouldn't be religious (or at least not convert to any new ones), or seek to effect political change, or buy books or watch TV (as these would detract from our perfect relationships, assuming that a "perfect" one wouldn't need to commune by watching TV), or so many other things. Because it would already be perfect. So why do ANYTHING, why meet new people anywhere, why talk to anyone outside that relationship, job, etc?

posted July 27, 2009 11:22 PM         

quote:

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Granted, nobody has a perfect life, and many seek to improve it, and that will include looking into astrology and going to others on the net, among so many other things.

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posted July 28, 2009 06:19 AM         

I've only skim read through so this is an initial gut response. Where does it come from? I don't know, maybe buying in too much into media hype and the social expectations of childhood.

Marriage isn't going to be one long honeymoon, friendships will have their testing moments, sometimes you might feel like you need a break from your children, etc.

You can't rely on anyone else to make you happy.

It is a myth to think get a partner, have those children you are yearning for and your life will be complete, tickety-boo. If it does happen and you are happy it will still all take a bit of effort, not always feel perfect. It won't be one long Disney movie.

Skimming through the comment on people on messageboards making up for not having a life ...I'm not sure that is quite true. How many people are posting on here either because they are:-

* bored at work

* looking after their kids at the same time

* are flicking between this and writing something or some other kind of computer based self-employment

* taking their mind off ill-health

* bored in general

* displacement activity

posted July 28, 2009 12:13 PM         

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although I do see more people here who are obsessed with "impossible" relationships (meaning, relationships that just aren't actually happening in real life.) Astrology is alluring that way, because different astrological practices and tools offer different ways to validate experiences that would otherwise just be incredibly depressing rejections--"Even though he has a wife/girlfriend, we are soul mates," "He rejected me because he's running from the incredible intensity of our Soul blahblahblah", "He is a famous movie star I've never met, but I'm not a groupie--we are linked in our SOULS, as proven by all of our asteroid contacts."

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I'd add "he has a wife/gf, but we are soulmates.. coz we aren't dating yet". :P

People sometimes doesn't realize that when they meet someone else that seemed so great, this passion is just like any other initial passion that any new relationship can provide anyways (just like your current relationship had once provided anyways). But then why doesn't this passion die, like the initial passion you had with your current partner? Probably coz you're not dating this person yet. ^_~;

Sometimes, people just focus too much on the passion = love.. This is sad coz deep bonds can be often so easily destroyed by boredom, instead of being worked out and nourished.

posted July 28, 2009 01:42 PM         

To be realistic, relationships are likely to suffer the same intrusion of the mundane. By some telepathic irony my husband called me half way through writing this and we discussed, rather tetchily, house insurance and pensions.

posted July 28, 2009 03:08 PM         

Seriously, though, I think life can consciously designed to maximize beauty, fun, honesty, and the extraordinary, and to minimize the mundane and mediocre. "Settling" for mediocrity and boredom is more often optional than most people admit. There is nothing actually mundane about the complex miracles of the human mind and body, and the incredible creatures we share our universe with.

I actually feel like, other than in my (temporarily?) shabby and lonely love life, my life is full of inspiration and excitement...ever since I decided to do what I love as a career instead of doing something tht felt boring and obligatory.

quote:

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I'd add "he has a wife/gf, but we are soulmates.. coz we aren't dating yet". :P
People sometimes doesn't realize that when they meet someone else that seemed so great, this passion is just like any other initial passion that any new relationship can provide anyways (just like your current relationship had once provided anyways). But then why doesn't this passion die, like the initial passion you had with your current partner? Probably coz you're not dating this person yet. ^_~;

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Sooo true, although, I have had relationships that stayed passionate for years (yet, sucked for other reasons.) But when you don't actually have a relationship with a person, the relationship you COULD have is a fantasy. And THAT'S why it seems so deep and close to you--not because you're "soul mates" in a "soul family", but because the relationship completely fits your fantasy, because it IS only your fantasy.

And the reasons people choose to project fantasies on each other are soooo predictable. I don't see a lot of people on Lindaland obsessing about whether or not the urine-scented homeless person outside the local shelter is their "soul mate" or in their "soul family"--it's usually an attractive or compelling person of the opposite sex, sometimes famous, sometimes not, who they feel aroused by. Most often, if not a celebrity, someone who sends out mixed messages, creating an ongoing rollercoaster of hope and despair in the obsessed person.

THe clinical syndrome that ladders up to stalking behavior involves the (pre)stalker believing that the person he/she is obsessed with holds a deep love for him/her. I see many instances of fantasizing a soul connection as indicative of this syndrome.

posted July 28, 2009 03:09 PM         

Like, right now, I've just been left alone for a sec so I took my cell phone out and checked What's up on LL.

Also, it depends on what one does for a living, what ones life is about because some people as deux said, due to the nature of our lives spend more time on the net, or in my case, I spend my time here in intense stints. On and off.

But as Dervish said, I do come on here to "whine" but it's not a habit, and it's more like finding someone who can identify with my problem, to offer me a new perspective or to show me how they handled a similar situation. I also log on to support others, or to gain a new perspective, and to be part of another community out of many which I'm part of. It also helps me keep abreast of what's going on.

It's got little to do with how happy I am in my relationships. But, I do have an escapist type of personality but I usually find refuge with my loved ones. I just sincerely enjoy most people on this website and miss them. So, I come here to see them virtually, not to dump on them.

posted July 28, 2009 03:18 PM         

One of my friends extols the virtues of a good dump and a read of the racing section of his paper.

posted July 28, 2009 04:00 PM         

Re work/relationships--I feel like my work life is something soooo much within my control, with such an abundance of wonderful options. I am an adult and I can create my own career--I live in a society where that is possible. Whereas I feel with love, it's feels like no matter what I am feeling, I can't create what I wish for. I wish people I lusted after loved and wanted and sought after me just cause I'm me, like they did for the first 30-odd years of my life. I don't understand why they don't now, but they don't. So I have to find some way to adjust to that. Whereas with work, there are all these concrete, immediate, effective ACTIONS I can take. There's nothing like that with my sex life.

posted July 29, 2009 04:40 AM         

All the women left without their fiances after the World War were the victims of circumstance, not bad attitudes. The statistics didn't favour them getting a new man, even if they wanted one.

If you are in a relationship one or both of you might change significantly over time, perhaps reacting to difficult life circustances like biological bad luck. It's a bit harsh to put all the blame on bad attitudes.

posted July 31, 2009 01:26 PM         

Some are in it for sex...I have observed too many relationships based on sex and at times sex is given away too easily. Even though I'm a nonconformist, I think with the traditional values - there are some really good ones that are well worth practicing. I just think that some of the good values were flushed away in the toilet long ago.

Too many relationships are rushed. What ever happened to those days where 2 people met and became friends and slowly built up the friendship? Actually taking the time to get to know one another and having things progress naturally.

One's purpose and reason about being together....what's the topic - money, convenience etc. Are two people together cause they chose to be with one another and share their lives together? Or is it a rebound? Or trying to get back at somebody? Etc....

An arranged marriage where you just meet the mate and get married.....I can see why it wouldn't work at times.....

Not knowing who oneself is....haven't found oneself......this stems from the fear of being alone. I spent 3 years being single and that was the best thing I have done for myself! I was able to find myself more, become my own person with my own interests. I was able to show myself that I can live independently and support myself. It was a nice feeling to rely on myself cause I know if I can do that for myself then I can help others.

Some "relationships" are affairs...the folks who cheat on others...running away from their current relationship problems cause they think the grass is greener on the other side...Some folks growing up did not learn how to effectively deal with things in a relationship. One person misunderstands something or makes a small mistake and the person is dumped. Maybe the person has a it's MY WAY or the highway attitude....try a relationship with a narcissist....