posted July 26, 2009 05:22 PM         

Why are we never satisfied with what we have? Sure, I would want to be in a relationship but it would have to be with the right sort of person. Is the wait worth it? Would you settle? Why do we feel so lonely ?

If coupled, why would you treat someone that way? Do you take your partner for granted as you struggle to deal with the monotony of the day to day? Do you feel lost being a couple?

Are we just projecting our insecurities on other people? Further, why do we long for things when they're not meant to be ours?

posted July 26, 2009 05:35 PM         

I'm mad at myself. I think that's why people treat each other badly! Self-hatred. I say this because I can't even speak to him without lashing out. So, I cease to speak. Then my silence becomes a problem... so everything I do is a problem.

But, I don't mean to feel sorry for myself. It's probably all my fault!

Aaarrrrgggg!

posted July 26, 2009 06:10 PM         

We are on an Internet message board, if we were happily in a relationship, and I’ll even add to that – happily in a job, with a happy family, happy friends, etc, we would not be here. We would be out with our loved one, working, having great face to face conversations, doing things, etc. A message board is meant for this sort of thing – sadness, whining, complaints! Especially astrology ones where we can pick apart every detail and understand Why? Why? Why?

I know that if I didn’t have such job woes (that is – not having one) I would not be here (well, not nearly as often)!

posted July 26, 2009 06:23 PM         

Okay – how did we get here?...

Too much time on our hands. Too much media exposure to “perfect love”. “Pursuit of happiness” in the Declaration of Independence. Huge egos and too-high expectations. Divorce is (fairly) easy to come by. Easy access to birth control. High cost of living. More stock in fantasy over reality (this is starting to change). Keeping up with the Joneses. The Grass is Always Greener. Idle hands (and minds). Lack of personal responsibility. Coddling. 10th place trophies. Glamorization and romanticizing of cheating/affairs/illicit relations. Technology...

There are many more reasons (yes, I am one of those society blamers, lol) and I am just as susceptible as anyone else but I try to see it for what it is…

posted July 26, 2009 06:41 PM         

Another reason:

Because we have let ourselves be brainwashed by popular culture and mass media on what LOVE is and how relationships should go?

posted July 26, 2009 06:42 PM         

1. We pretend to be someone other than we are, and so does the other person. Sometimes such people don't take off their masks until after married and then both are wondering who the heck they married.

2. We expect our relationships to work out like in fiction: all bliss, never ending passion, perfect rhythms, no messes, etc, and real life doesn't work that way, and we wonder what's wrong with ourselves and/or the other person (maybe I need a pill?). And many make it even worse by turning molehills (in themselves and/or others) into mountains.

But I've also seen a few people attract really bad ones. Like 1 guy who would ONLY date back stabbing ***** , but he'd disdain all women who were not like that without ever giving themselves a chance to prove otherwise but date those who who would confirm his view. I especially noticed this as a good friend of mine had something of a nervous breakdown and temporarily turned into a back stabbing **** , and suddenly he was into her. Likewise, I've known multiple women who believe all men are violent ******** , but ONLY date those kind, not because those are the way most to all guys are, but because those are the ONLY guys they'll feel an attraction to.

Anyway, I suspect those are extreme cases, and that a great many people look for unresolved drama from like their developmental years so that they can try to work it out again (at least if they ever become lucid) in future relationships.

posted July 26, 2009 06:53 PM         

Because we expect other people to make us happy. This is the worst as it's like giving someone power over you, making you feel "un-whole" without them.

posted July 26, 2009 06:56 PM         

quote:

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Because we have let ourselves be brainwashed by popular culture and mass media on what LOVE is and how relationships should go?

They're all telling us that we should all look for our soulmates! They make lots of money just using the soulmate concept.

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Definitely, definitely! You hit the nail on the head!

I grew up with 80s movies that played on our beliefs that one perfect, popular guy would pick you, the lowly math nerd, from the crowd because he has a soft spot for you and is really a nerd inside…Ahhh…

Real life, the popular guy will never step out of his clique and he is way too insecure to “be himself” in front of his posse. But, we buy the books, rent the movies and we believe this junk.

Another one is the couple who fights (aka – “The Notebook” syndrome). Underneath all of that heat, passion and fighting is an all-consuming, decades spanning love for each other…Ahhh…

Real life, you two really just hate each other and aren’t compatible. But, it’s hard to move on because maybe, just maybe we are two passionate “kindred spirits”. Nope, you just don’t get along. It is that simple.

We like drama. We think our lives are like movies. We like to make things complicated because we don’t want to believe that life is that simple. Our existence should be exciting and ooze intensity. Nope. It is mundane. As long as we accept that, we will be fine.

posted July 27, 2009 05:22 AM         

I think, and this is pretty cliche', that lonliness is the human condition. We're born alone, die alone, suffer alone, etc..

posted July 27, 2009 05:33 AM         

http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum3/HTML/002426.html

posted July 27, 2009 02:53 PM         

after all it is our light not our darkness that frightens us the most.

downtown mars - i think you are being extremely presumptive to assume that people are on here becasue they have an unfullfilled life, job, marraige, friends whatever...maybe that is why you are on here, but you can only really speak for yourself.

perhaps even some with all of those things you listed and new cars and new house to boot, might just still enjoy logging on, studing astrology and bonding with like minded people from around the world and learning fresh perspectives.

and yes aquarian, a lot of unhappiness IS a persons own doing. it is thier choice.

what happens we cant change, how we re-act we can control and therefore the outcome of many situations in our lives lies at our own feet.

and i know a butt ton of women that get disatisfied with the person they are with for the very things that attracted them in the first place, then they want the man to change as all of a sudden, he isn't good enough, then he is miserable, then she is miserable and nine times out of ten she is no morning glory herself. love the person for who they are instead of who you want them to be and you will be a lot happier.

posted July 27, 2009 03:13 PM         

example number 2 - i met this new guy, i love him so much we travel all the time with his job it is so cool...2 years later - he's going to have to get a new job or lose me, i can't just go now with the baby and i can't deal with him beinggone all the time. wah wah wah - cry- whine - bitcch - manipulate

even i married a messy and i am a neatie and thought he would like a clean house and be a neatie too. WRONG - he's still a messy - BUT - he is also my best friend - and i will deal with it creativly and compromise or hire someone to clean up after him...but i will never leave him for not noticing messes. his carefree artistic ways was what i found attractive in the first place.

just wanted to give some examples why a lot of women in particular are unhappy.

men don't pull that crap on us so much, women do it all the time. the want the nut sac in thier purse and won't rest until he is miserable, she is miserable and everyone around is suffiecently unhappy.

my suggestion, get a hobby, have your own life, paint a piture, get a life and let your partner live his own life too and quit whining about it.

if you are that miserable in a relationship ...leave....trust me ALL of the friends, even the best friend... gets sick of hearing about it after so many years.

posted July 27, 2009 06:41 PM         

The perfect love we often long for takes a lot of time (years) and effort. No matter how compatible we are with someone, there are always differences, and it takes time and effort to learn how to live each other.
The initial passion always goes away, but a new kind of passion actually takes place. Isn't the deep bond you developed with someone after some time more precious than the initial passion?

Never expect someone to always be there to save you, or that this person can fully understand you or even read your mind.
The effort someone puts to understand us and be there for us as much as he/she can is often much more precious than this person just being able to naturally understand you.

posted July 27, 2009 06:47 PM         

were so afraid to get hurt that we end up hurting the other person by being stupid. or being cold and ignoring what they want. we cant hash it out. i dont know why but its like were cowards we just flee.

posted July 27, 2009 06:55 PM         

quote:

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We are on an Internet message board, if we were happily in a relationship, and I’ll even add to that – happily in a job, with a happy family, happy friends, etc, we would not be here. We would be out with our loved one, working, having great face to face conversations, doing things, etc. A message board is meant for this sort of thing – sadness, whining, complaints! Especially astrology ones where we can pick apart every detail and understand Why? Why? Why?

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I agree to an extent, DowntoMars...if I were having a happy love affair right now, you wouldn't see me here! But I'm happy in certain other areas of my life. This sort of activity is kind of a crutch through a period of tricky transition for me. A LOT of the people I meet who are off having real-life lives and (probably) not using internet message boards are miserable in their love lives....although I do see more people here who are obsessed with "impossible" relationships (meaning, relationships that just aren't actually happening in real life.) Astrology is alluring that way, because different astrological practices and tools offer different ways to validate experiences that would otherwise just be incredibly depressing rejections--"Even though he has a wife/girlfriend, we are soul mates," "He rejected me because he's running from the incredible intensity of our Soul blahblahblah", "He is a famous movie star I've never met, but I'm not a groupie--we are linked in our SOULS, as proven by all of our asteroid contacts."

If I sound judgmental about this stuff, it's cause I am...in myself, too. It is definitely a relationship version of sitting around getting fat on processed foods instead of getting off my butt and hitting peak fitness out in the real, sun-filled, tree-filled, people-filled world. (I'm good with the health/fitness part--why am I such a miserable relationship couch potato? Time to get off my butt.)

On the other hand...there are lots of people here with a great attitude toward relationships, who have inspired me! Like Woah City, who decided to turn a relationship with someone she cared about into something more open and honest. And there are plenty of people who want advice and feedback about regular relationships that aren't miserable. It reaaallly depends on how a person uses the site--for me I use it in a relatively unhealthy way a lot. A bunch of you clearly use it in a healthy way.

posted July 27, 2009 07:23 PM         

quote:

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I’ll even add to that – happily in a job, with a happy family, happy friends, etc, we would not be here.

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I just want to clarify - I meant those as examples, it only takes one of those things to be missing/unfulfilled for people to want answers online, I have observed that this is what about 80% of the questions/posts are about...