posted September 21, 2009 12:02 PM         

i don't get it either. anyone with no motivation and no follow through. i don't want a la la life and great lives don't just...happen....you make it happen.....

i don't get moochers, slackers and unmotivated. maybe they really don't want to have goals and meet them. maybe they really don't care how they live....

the ones who care end up carrying everybody elses load if they want things a certain way.

some just hang on and enjoy the ride you provide. not nice...not nice at all.

posted September 21, 2009 01:50 PM         

i have to say that even if he is as useless and childish as you say, that the fact that you KEEP ending up with these guys makes me agree with BM...it is YOU who ends up with them.

why? it most definitely is NOT that all men are lazy/unmotivated, or even men in a certain age range. something in you is attracted/ attracting to them, and THAT is what you can work on, not them, to change the situation...

posted September 21, 2009 02:12 PM         

Well, what you're saying...this is just IT. As a narcissist the guy sees people not as people but as objects - so realizing this made me realize it wasn't *me* that was the problem, and enabled me to stand up to him. And as for gaslighting and treating everyone around him like sh*t - honestly, the guy was trying to convince me that I smelt and tasted of garlic, when I hadn't actually EATEN the stuff, had brushed my teeth with extreme-clean toothpaste, gargled with extra strong mouthwash and eaten a whole packet of Extra Strong Mints. By then I knew he had to be bullsh*tting and said so.

Frankly the guy is gonna have no friends left if he carries on like this. The people from the various mental health organisations he's been in contact with (due to his alleged mental health issues) "hoping" to get some "power" on their board of trustees - he's p*ssed some of them off no end because of his rude behaviour towards them, and deep down he knows he's at fault. It's like he shoots himself in the foot all the time and he actually ENJOYS not succeeding because he apparently thinks it's "cool not to" (this seems to be the mantra of everyone who is deeply insecure).

I actually think he felt seriously threatened by me in the end because he said: "you're always doing so much stuff and I'm not, how do you get it done?" and I said, well, I just DO it - make timetables and what not.

He apparently "tried" to do a normal daily routine (i.e. getting up and going to bed at a reasonable hour) and "just couldn't manage it" after 2 days. Sorry, but this is just all about non-existent self-discipline. Because he is on benefits (mollycoddled) there is no sense of urgency within him so he just fills his days with rubbish.

I actually think he went after me originally because he thought I might have some money (I do, but only enough to keep myself) and that I might "look after him" and "hold the fort". When it became clear that a) I wasn't going to give him any money (because I expressly told him so - he asked me to fund his recording sessions to the tune of several thousand pounds - HA!) and b) if we were to do anything together, it would require some effort on his part, not just messing around (like he has with several of his friends in the past, all of whom have become very fed up with him), c) that he would have to look after a few of MY sexual needs as well as his own, i.e. I wasn't just a receptacle or a blow-up doll, and d) that he would have to listen to ME talk rather than dominate the conversation - he lost interest.

These discussions are good - at least we know where we stand now!!!!!

BTW his chart is full of Water - mostly Scorpio (about 5 planets) but Cancer Moon & Pisces Jupiter. So perhaps it is not surprising that he finds it hard to reason - he is unfortunately not particularly intelligent.

posted September 21, 2009 02:21 PM         

he broke up with me, and boy, was I glad! & told him so!!

I was speaking about what you state to a friend on the phone earlier on and it does seem to be a case of *I attract them*.

I think I have a love of trying to fix someone who seems to need help - only their requests for help never seem to end, it's like a bottomless pit and it can never be enough. Someone also suggested a while ago that I might be codependent. This may be a behaviour pattern laid down in childhood, where I had to prop my mother up a lot of the time (my father lived in the same house but was rarely home as he didn't like home life very much . So unfortunately I'm attracting men who are like my MOTHER (lazy) rather than my FATHER (who is a trier).

I also have to be on the lookout, in future, for people who seem really nice and modest, really charming and seemingly easy to get on with, too good to be true, as if butter wouldn't melt in their mouths. Actually on a subconscious level I always know there is something wrong but weirdly, I am fascinated by it, because somehow I find them very physically/ mentally attractive. Maybe I need to listen more to the *Devil* tarot card!! It is clear that these people know how to get into someone else's psyche.

posted September 21, 2009 07:52 PM         

I feel I can do nothing but WIN.

"Hello, Mr. Scorpio...is your refrigerator running?"

(Damn...spelling seems to take such a long time...)

posted September 21, 2009 10:34 PM         

--Homer Simpson

How profound that struck me growing up with a Mom & Dad who drank A LOT.