posted July 22, 2003 05:31 PM              

Well... of course unless you're just left speechless and immobilized from the AMAZING sweaty-hot Jungle sex you just had... then... Silence is Golden

posted July 22, 2003 09:35 PM              

as you know, i'm a cappyboy. i also have aquarius rising and a saggy moon, just for the record. Might be useful to mention that venus & mars are both in scorpio too.

while i totally agree with many of the turn-offs mentioned so far, i feel someone needs to acknowledge that, as humans, over time we are also guilty of expressing these turn-off's ourselves; namely smelliness, self-centredness, ego, ....the list goes on. at least i am anyway!

having said that, i can imagine pid's next hypothetical: "what turns a lover off you?" it would have much the same content! sorry pid, i don't mean to pre-empt you here - inserting profuse apology here X.

anyway, now that i have made my disclaimer, i have more turn-off's for you all.

top of the wazza would have to be a lack of compassion & understanding, the absence of which seems to logically suggest a degree of self-absorption.

next, and i'm fairly sure it has not been mentioned earlier, is possessiveness & jealousy; nothing makes me run faster! having said this, i am prone to flirting - but just for sh*ts & giggles. i believe this is healthy - comments anyone? sometimes we can be so preoccupied with other things that we don't see the "real" person we are with - can't see the forrest for the trees so to speak.

another doozee for me is self-centredness which seems to have a plethora of ways by which it is manifested. the victim scenario in which the slightest hurt is carried round and repeatedly used in an attempt to cause emotional guilt/blackmail really leaves me soft. "i'm sorry i was 3:52 sec. late for our fourth date" - but accept some responsibility & get over it.

quickly, one last turn-off for me is low self-esteem, especially the physical manifestation. i'm turned on mentally - the chase, cheekyness, its all good. what the whole female body image drama makes me really sad for girls. physically its her call, if a girl does'nt think she's sexy, desirable or appealing enough in bed, i'll believe her - its her body, she'd know.

posted July 22, 2003 10:14 PM              

I can't stand~

1. The "rugged-out-doors-y" look
2. Stubble
3. I don't know if this is considered a turn-off ,but I'd never date a guy who's shorter than me
4. and really thin or really fat

call me shallow,I don't care.

Anyhow, more to add to the other list

posted July 22, 2003 10:47 PM              

1. bragging about how much money you make

2. bragging about material possessions

3. making fun of people

4.bad table manners

5.lack of empathy

6. bad conversationalists

7. a "know-it-all"

8. lack of humor

9. Overwhelming sarcasm to the point of almost being cynical

10.a "better than the next guy" attitude

11.stuck on their physical appearance (no meatheads/muscleheads) I like athletic but not the puffed up ultra mach look.

12. lack of consideration for others

13. a cheapskate...making money an issue in either direction.

14.drug users...yes...even weed...I have zero tolerance for that behavior.

(bad hygene both oral and physical is a given)

15. if he shaves his chest hair...
(I've dated 3 men who did this...it's totally totally disgusting and such a turnoff...either get it waxed off or let it grow)

16. a typical "jock" attitude.

posted July 22, 2003 11:05 PM              

But it's no wonder why all of you women are still single...

3rd party perspective looking in... you all are anal! These lists are ridiculous, there is NO WAY a man could fit into ALL these things

*pop*

Sorry ladies, had to do it.

posted July 23, 2003 12:44 AM              

Of course, no one could be ALL of these things. Each of us have different ideas.
What turns me off, might turn someone else on! And the reverse.
But I do think, by and large, we are describing a very attainable state.

I am genuinely curious, because it is sooo hard to get a guy to talk about these things, which of these traits do YOU think are the toughest for a guy to live up to?
I would love to hear your point of view!
Perhaps, even, a more reasonable list of male characteristics?

posted July 23, 2003 03:35 AM              

being with someone is hard work, you have to be prepared to compromise and if one party fails to do that the relationship is doomed.

And it really does't matter if you're twin souls, clones or total opposites, you still have to work at it.

posted July 23, 2003 09:40 AM              

Otherwise like in sewing, if it's not long lasting and hard wearing and doesn't do anything for you, why bother, when there is good material out there. (And there is)
That said, my Libra has had several nasal conditions and toothaches, and I did not throw him out;>

posted July 23, 2003 12:16 PM              

That's a good point

1. Very choosy, picky
2. Difficult time trying to relax
3. Sensitive
4. Moody
5. Vengeful
6. Enigmatic
7. Workaholic
8. Pensive silence
9. Untrusting
10. Do not know how to receive love

posted July 23, 2003 01:22 PM              

a) Admitting my sensitivity.

People seem to get very annoyed with the fact that when i open myself up to them they get the whole deal, not something in bitesize peices.

b) Sincerity

I think many people i've been with have found the fact i'd literally drop everything for them slightly disconcerting.

c) Intelligence

Oh yes, i was told on multiple occasions in one relationship that i was always "showing off" whenever i went off on a tangent about anything.

d) Stress

No doubt about it - i'm a "naturally stressed person". My imagination can often run away with me in my simulations of future possiblities and there's only so many times someone can say "stop being silly and get on with it!"

Also, when i get wound up, It takes alot to get me wound down again.

e) Moodiness.

If i've been hurt, ill get crabby, no doubt about it. I'll just isolate myself for a while until i feel better. If you don't like it, tough.

f) Ultra-moodiness

If i get hurt repeatedly then thats it - amphitation.

g) Vengeance

If someone pushes an issue past the point of all reason then i'll quite literally take it upon myself to make their lives as unpleasant as possible until i feel their "debt" has been repaid. Very nasty - thankfully it doesnt happen very often.

posted July 23, 2003 02:46 PM            

NW brings up an excellent point, there also needs to be tolerance. I do not believe in compromising, but I am a big believer in tolerance. Can I accept a man that belittles his family? No, not at all, because in time he will also do that to me and more importantly our children.

Will I accept a man that abuses animals or children? Hell no, he's a psycho path. Can I deal with a few bad table manners, yes - that's easy. Can I deal with an occasional odor, slip of the tongue, fight, or even if he brags because he feels a bit insecure: yes...if we can talk about it.

Cappyboy is also right in that by looking at what we want / don't want, we have to also look at what we do to offend people.

For myself: I run. I shut down and walk away - leaving the person to wonder what the hell happened. I get pathological about my freedom and I can be very intolerant of certain things, like a lack of intelligence. My ex pointed something out last weekend and I realized he was right. I become very intolerant of a persons annoying habits, to the point where I focus on that habit and want to get away from them because of that.

My relationship with Mr. Leo has taught me so much about staying the course and talking things out. I would have run away two years ago, if something hadn't made me think twice. I see the things I do that cause a person to want to just be done with me, like the tone of voice I get when they annoy me or say something I think is stupid. So, it is a learning process.

posted July 23, 2003 03:07 PM              

Pid - My list is short silly! And it's general personality traits, not stupid minute tiny little annoyances that ONE SHOULD be able to OVERCOME if they like/love someone.

posted July 23, 2003 03:13 PM              

I'm turned off by men are a-holes...to anyone - men, women, children, animals - whatever. That's about the only quality that I don't think I could overlook.

Ok, obesity is out too. (don't want to offend anyone, but I just couldn't date an obese person. Maybe freinds, but nothing more.)

posted July 23, 2003 03:24 PM            

Yeah, I would have a hard time with a huge dude.

What people would hate about me? :

1) I live, breath, love my job.

2) I need a ton of freedom, but don't always give it in return.

3) I am moody. I can be joking / happy / having fun one minute, but then turn serious and if really angry -very cold and dismissive. It doesn't last long, but can cause hurt.

4) I clam up: I used to say very mean things to hurt the other person, but then realized how mean that was.

5) I don't take criticism well.

6) I can be too flighty.

7) I am stubborn....very, very stubborn.

8) It is very hard to get to know me. I have so many walls, gates, moats...etc... I just don't let many people inside.

9) I can be conscending to people I don't like, although I rarely embarrass them in front of others, unless I see them pick on someone.

posted July 23, 2003 03:42 PM              

Hey Pid, quick question...

posted July 23, 2003 04:38 PM              

Pid - Well have you ever considered that your ideals/insecurities about freedom/family may play a big part in being an obstacle to kids and the possible long-term relationship/marriage that you would have them in, assuming you'd have children while in wedlock?

posted July 23, 2003 04:50 PM            

I don't normally put things out there unless I sincerely mean them and if someone wanted me to cut off my family for them, I wouldn't do it. I don't live near my family, in fact I moved out as soon as I could at 18 and lived on my own since. I've lived out of state (Oregon / Washington and Maryland) now for about 10 or 11 years, but I still talk to them often and see them when I can.

As far as kids go, once I have them, I will devote my heart to them, but in return I would never stay in a bad marriage for the sake of children. I would get out of a bad marriage for the sake of the kids instead. I already went through a bad marriage to someone that was incapable of showing true intimacy. Nothing hurts in this world more than truely loving a man that cannot or will not touch you or show you love. I dealt with it and moved on, but I won't compromise my heart again and go through that. I wanted a family, but he didn't nor did he want any physical contact.