|
Author
|
Topic: Does Anyone LIKE Being Single?
|
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 8450
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted November 16, 2011 08:29 PM
  
Not sure any longer.
Being married has not worked.
Three times I called ends to my marriages....
so should I go for a 4th. time?
Sigh.
I thought with number three that living together 1 1/2 years before marriage,
would have helped.
Well it did not.
My experience to date is once you marry a man......He changes towards you.
He feels maybe too safe?
Feels he does not need to treat you as his lover but this person always there......assuming everything is fine.....
I mean he is happy, built in laundress, cook, you name it. And he can flirt and all but oh man, you do so much as just be friends with a guy and it's jealousy time.
I like being girlfriend in some ways far more than my to date experiences as wife.
Guys when married tend to treat their wife too often as property and not their friend and lover. 
I hate being alone too.
Sigh.
But alone and lonely whilst married is awful.
I really do not know what I think anymore.
------------------
Be with someone who knows
what they have
when they have your love
{{{♥♥}}} IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Knowflake Posts: 137
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
|
posted November 16, 2011 09:50 PM
I've enjoyed being single and being with another. They both have their pros and cons. Though interesting enough I considered living with another to make things easier financially but I found out this wasn't necessarily true when I lost a lover and found that even without the extra income I had more money at the end of the month without my lover's spendthrift ways and addiction to cigarettes. Lexx: more than one woman has said she'd rather be a mistress than a wife. Just one example:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/staar/who-emwouldntem-rather-be_b_143674.html
IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 8450
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted November 16, 2011 11:29 PM
quote:
Originally posted by PixieJane:
I've enjoyed being single and being with another. They both have their pros and cons.
I agree. quote:
Originally posted by PixieJane:
Though interesting enough I considered living with another to make things easier financially but I found out this wasn't necessarily true when I lost a lover and found that even without the extra income I had more money at the end of the month without my lover's spendthrift ways and addiction to cigarettes.
Oh yes, I know that bit too well! It was definitely that way with the first two. With ex to be #3 it is complicated and we are both trying to finish a few projects in hopes that we can both be financially free and independent
as soon as possible.
It helps that we still love each other and remain good friends even though the spousal aspect and sex is over.
quote:
Originally posted by PixieJane:
Lexx: more than one woman has said she'd rather be a mistress than a wife. Just one example:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/staar/who-emwouldntem-rather-be_b_143674.html
I read the article.
I do not want that.
I am also not into such high maintenance treatment.
If I let someone into my life (and my body)
I want them under the same roof with me.
I want respected, appreciated, and equality.
And of course love.
If I could afford it,
I would want the following:
1.
Separate bathrooms.
I clean mine, he cleans his.
I swear men are clueless or pretend to be when it comes to cleaning, or cooking or laundry, or grocery shopping etc.
once they marry.
I am tired of being a drudge and or worse, a kind of mommy to men.
2.
separate bedrooms and a shared one.
While I love sharing a bed, my sleep is often disturbed by my being disabled and my narcolepsy and sleep disorders as in REM in seconds upon falling asleep instead of the normal 90 minutes average.
I am easily disturbed by noises and want silence. Sound machines, music and so forth
are not for me.
Snoring is OK unless very loud.
So I need a bed of my own to go to when I am having a bad night.
I can then heat or cold pack as needed without disturbing the other person or them knocking such off me.
Also most folks like a sleeping surface way too soft for my comfort.
I would sleep on marble if I could with a thin padding.
Or a very firm futon.
I also hate tucked in sheets, such just creep me out. There are reasons for that which I shall not disclose here.
The shared bed could be for when my body is not acting up.
Any of the 3 beds can be used for lovemaking.
Also, at times I simply want private, (and yes, sometimes intimate) times alone with myself.
3.
Equal distribution of chores and money, and living expenses/bills etc.4.
4.
No socially obligatory in-law get together nonsense.
Sure if we all like each other, great!,
but otherwise,
no.
5.
I am also a bit of a recluse.
So would be nice to not have to deal with guests my partner might have over to visit,
unless I enjoy their company too.
And I also on bad body times am just not up to guests.
So would like my room to be a place I can retreat to in such times, a sitting room/bedroom. With again, my own private handicap accessible bathroom.Well all that is subject to change and negotiation, and of course finances to afford such amenities.  Just jaded by many things to date concerning marriage.
Maybe I will get lucky next time, if there is a next time.
However I will have to feel it will really work.
No more making do or good enough.
I do not want to lose myself and who I am again.
I have no issue with give and take and sharing.
I want that.
However I have always been more the giver and the others the takers.
I deserve to get as much as I give to a relationship. It is just after 3 marriages.....I want space for me and to be truly appreciated and not taken for granted. Rant over for now.
------------------
Be with someone who knows
what they have
when they have your love
{{{♥♥}}} IP: Logged |
DepTaurus
Knowflake Posts: 1590
From: canada
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted November 16, 2011 11:56 PM
i LOVE LOVE LOVE to be single.IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Knowflake Posts: 137
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
|
posted November 17, 2011 04:04 AM
Oh, the article is just one example. The general idea is that men treat mistresses well and with passion but take their wives for granted and generally expect women to help with finances (unless he's controlling and wants to keep her dependent) but she's also to take care of the home with little (or no) help from him (ie, she helps him, but he doesn't help her). I once wondered how come it's common historically for men to have many wives but generally rare for women to have even 2 husbands. But after I first lived with a male I stopped wondering. One was enough to take care of, I'd hate it if I had to take care of many!  (Btw, my granny has a pretty horrid story of when she and a small group of other women not only had to take care of themselves and their children but also the men--while men made all the decisions--on a hippie commune and thus agreed with me that one man was enough of a chore without getting any more.) I'm also dismayed by how many straight women, many married, get into their 30s and never have an orgasm (at least not during sex) despite having a lot of sex. I say straight women because the stats are radically different for lesbian and bisexual women and that leads me to believe that men just suck at sex, probably believing that as long as he's enjoying it (by using her as a masturbation toy) then she must be, too. But in general mistresses seem to have better sex with men than wives do with their husbands (probably a side effect of men not taking a mistress for granted as he would a wife). 'Course a lot of married people, both men and women, also complain of loneliness. It seems the ideal of marriage is very different from the reality. Anyway, as for me I also always manage to get a room for myself (which is where I keep my computer) as well, which includes a futon, sleeping bag, or currently cushions that I can sleep on. It's where I go when my scales get out of whack. And everyone knows if the door is shut, leave me be unless it's important (and it had better be...), otherwise I leave the door open (or at least cracked) which means I'm available. IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 8450
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted November 17, 2011 06:29 AM
 ------------------ Be with someone who knows
what they have
when they have your love
{{{♥♥}}} IP: Logged |
starfox
Moderator Posts: 744
From: London England
Registered: Aug 2010
|
posted November 17, 2011 03:25 PM
quote:
Originally posted by PixieJane:
I'm also dismayed by how many straight women, many married, get into their 30s and never have an orgasm (at least not during sex) despite having a lot of sex. I say straight women because the stats are radically different for lesbian and bisexual women and that leads me to believe that men just suck at sex,
All of mine have always had orgasms..  
IP: Logged |
Lonake
Moderator Posts: 6142
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted November 17, 2011 06:42 PM
quote:
Originally posted by PlutoSquared:
I do. Just wondering who else is like me...
I like having only the food that I like in my refrigerator.
I could live a few doors down, or even next door, from someone I dated/was married to but never in the same household. I always need a place to escape to that is mine.IP: Logged |
sand
Knowflake Posts: 1632
From:
Registered: May 2011
|
posted November 18, 2011 04:32 AM
^me too with the place to escape to that is mine! i sleep diagonally LOL no idea if that is on purpose..IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 8450
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted November 18, 2011 09:23 AM
quote:
Originally posted by starfox:
All of mine have always had orgasms..
Are you sure?
I have faked most of mine to date with anyone.IP: Logged |
1-scorp
Knowflake Posts: 92
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
|
posted November 18, 2011 07:02 PM
"I feel like I get the message now the one you should be with makes your world a better place, and doesn't complicate your life"I'm just now getting the message too. I've never had one of those relationships before. I want one! IP: Logged |
1-scorp
Knowflake Posts: 92
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
|
posted November 18, 2011 07:12 PM
Lexx:  IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 8450
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted November 18, 2011 07:28 PM
1-scorp
 IP: Logged |
starfox
Moderator Posts: 744
From: London England
Registered: Aug 2010
|
posted November 19, 2011 05:01 PM
quote:
Originally posted by LEXX:Are you sure?
I have faked most of mine to date with anyone. [/B]
Yes I'm sure. Why fake it? thats not much fun. IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 8450
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted November 19, 2011 07:19 PM
quote:
Originally posted by starfox:
Yes I'm sure. Why fake it? thats not much fun.
Because most guys are either clueless slam bam thank you ma'am types,
or Mr. two hour marathon man just banging away with no variation.
And if you do not fake one they will
A. Keep banging whilst you stare at the ceiling thinking about anything but them.
B. Both types will demand you tell them you came and how great they are,
or they will get pouty or mean.
So geez....
another reason for celibacy and doing my own solo pleasuring which guarantees multiple orgasms and no jerk off guy's ego to stoke who has no sexual prowess whatsoever.IP: Logged |
Stawr
Moderator Posts: 1211
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
|
posted November 19, 2011 10:16 PM
I like being single after getting out of a bad relationship...and life becomes drama free, and I don't cry every day anymore. I'm glad to be single when so many men treat women like crap. (I know it can be vice versa too sometimes though) But it's annoying when I'm content being single...and I guy seems to dig me and it seems to be mutual...but then before anything happens it doesn't work out...and I regret ever liking/lusting them. That's where I am right now. I'm sick of the disappointment...and going from feeling content being alone...to getting existed about a guy who seems to feel mutual respect for me...to the guy changing his mind. And then feeling like a crappy disposable person. Maybe it's cause I'm not in school right now...and and looking for romance and lusty things to fill the void. Maybe I should do more enjoyable things for myself. Like go to a spa?...to get that I'm single and content feeling back. Oh I also hate being single for one those events where damn near everyone has a date. I feel like I am cursed. I am always stag around those times. Like seriously why? Well one time I kinda wasn't. My sisters wedding and also my cousin's wedding...but by that point my whole family hated my ex...and bringing him would be drama...and I couldn't do that for my sister and cousin's day. Plus my ex was an @ss clown with no class. lol I do have fun at those events being single anyway...but its really the weeks and days before...thinking about the event that makes me feel like a single outcasted freak show. Ugh...and friends wanting to play match maker. Why do people find that fun?... IP: Logged |
starfox
Moderator Posts: 744
From: London England
Registered: Aug 2010
|
posted November 20, 2011 05:13 PM
quote:
Originally posted by LEXX:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by starfox:
[b] Yes I'm sure. Why fake it? thats not much fun.
Because most guys are either clueless slam bam thank you ma'am types,
or Mr. two hour marathon man just banging away with no variation.
And if you do not fake one they will
A. Keep banging whilst you stare at the ceiling thinking about anything but them.
B. Both types will demand you tell them you came and how great they are,
or they will get pouty or mean.
So geez....
another reason for celibacy and doing my own solo pleasuring which guarantees multiple orgasms and no jerk off guy's ego to stoke who has no sexual prowess whatsoever.[/B][/QUOTE] Well; you know a lot of guys are just reflecting back what they see as the expectation of male sexuality,that's shown by much of the media/pornography. The 'stud' who can 'last for hours' image is quite dominant in male sexuality.
IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 8450
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted November 21, 2011 01:39 AM
Well I do not actually like being single
but I hate being lonely whilst in a relationship worse.So what are my options now?
Celibacy and being alone for the rest of my life?
Or be a mistress or date around?
None of those are appealing to me.
But marriage has not worked.
So here I am in Limbo. I feel so lost.
------------------
I must perhaps resign myself to having only stolen and brief tastes of happiness,
for it appears that I may never be invited to the feasts.
~LEXX The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation A stereotyped but unconscious despair is concealed even under what are called the games and amusements of mankind.
~Henry David Thoreau IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Knowflake Posts: 137
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
|
posted November 21, 2011 04:08 PM
quote:
Originally posted by starfox:
Well; you know a lot of guys are just reflecting back what they see as the expectation of male sexuality,that's shown by much of the media/pornography
It's a pity so many buy into media images. Women do it to their detriment as well. And the media is so full of crap that even their so-called news broadcasts should be viewed with healthy skepticism, and as for people thinking they know how things work by watching wildly unscientific shows like CSI or think they're an expert on guns because they've watched plenty of movies and crime dramas featuring them are actually jaw dropping ignorant on the subjects they think they've learned by watching TV. (What's really scary to me is that belief in the media--even fiction--is so intense that I heard people seriously arguing over whether or not King Kong was based on real life events!)
And porn is so ridiculous and silly, how can anyone take it serious? It boggles my mind that some mistake such blatant male fantasy with reality.
But if a man wants to learn what women want sexually by watching porn he should at least watch porn (or read erotica) made by women for women instead.
And btw, I recall back when a boy gave his girlfriend a pornographic cowboy novel (with VERY explicit sex scenes to go with over the top macho behavior) to show her "what guys want" and we (his girlfriend and us, her friends, most of us 14 at the time) took turns reading it out loud to each other and laughing long and hard as it was just so silly (and that at least one boy thought we should take it serious made it even funnier). Though after the hardcore jackhammering anal sex scene we stopped laughing, became very disturbed, and started talking with each other about setting limits with guys early on. IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 8450
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted November 22, 2011 10:39 AM
LOL!
Yeppers.....
lots of guys out there like that!  IP: Logged |
starfox
Moderator Posts: 744
From: London England
Registered: Aug 2010
|
posted November 22, 2011 05:03 PM
quote:
Originally posted by PixieJane:
It's a pity so many buy into media images. Women do it to their detriment as well. And the media is so full of crap that even their so-called news broadcasts should be viewed with healthy skepticism, and as for people thinking they know how things work by watching wildly unscientific shows like CSI or think they're an expert on guns because they've watched plenty of movies and crime dramas featuring them are actually jaw dropping ignorant on the subjects they think they've learned by watching TV. (What's really scary to me is that belief in the media--even fiction--is so intense that I heard people seriously arguing over whether or not King Kong was based on real life events!)
And porn is so ridiculous and silly, how can anyone take it serious? It boggles my mind that some mistake such blatant male fantasy with reality.
But if a man wants to learn what women want sexually by watching porn he should at least watch porn (or read erotica) made by women for women instead.
And btw, I recall back when a boy gave his girlfriend a pornographic cowboy novel (with VERY explicit sex scenes to go with over the top macho behavior) to show her "what guys want" and we (his girlfriend and us, her friends, most of us 14 at the time) took turns reading it out loud to each other and laughing long and hard as it was just so silly (and that at least one boy thought we should take it serious made it even funnier). Though after the hardcore jackhammering anal sex scene we stopped laughing, became very disturbed, and started talking with each other about setting limits with guys early on.
How old was the lad who gave you the cowboy book? Tbh my little dog gives me more fun and love than a lot of human to human relationships have... IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Knowflake Posts: 137
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
|
posted November 22, 2011 10:56 PM
quote:
Originally posted by starfox:
How old was the lad who gave you the cowboy book?
I'm reasonably sure he was 14 at the time. IP: Logged |
starfox
Moderator Posts: 744
From: London England
Registered: Aug 2010
|
posted November 23, 2011 07:45 AM
quote:
Originally posted by PixieJane:
I'm reasonably sure he was 14 at the time.
Oh! I wonder how he turned out then after reading stuff like that at 14. IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero
Knowflake Posts: 508
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
|
posted November 24, 2011 10:10 AM
I honestly like being single. Some people are suited to the single life, some are not. Some are suited to married life, others are not. I'm one of the ones who is suited to being single. It's that simple.I love thinking about love and romance and relationships; just don't feel a need for it in "real life". It interests me in the abstract, not in the concrete. I have no shame about being how I am. It's other people who take issue with it. Oh well. I do know a few people who are understanding, and am grateful for them. ------------------
*I use the whole sign system* Personal Planets:
Sun, Mercury: Libra
Venus: Scorpio
Moon: Cancer
Mars: Capricorn See my profile for my complete chart. IP: Logged |
sis
Knowflake Posts: 80
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
|
posted November 29, 2011 06:39 PM
I'd like to contribute as well.I like being single. I am 37 and although I had affairs lasted for many years, I reserved my title as "Single" Just once, at the early stages of my teen days, I tried to be a couple. Cos' at that time I was made believe that being a couple is a natural process of growing up. After that, I decided it is more fun to be friends having sex rather than lovers sharing a bed IP: Logged |
Lindaland
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! 
