posted July 22, 2011 10:35 AM            

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Originally posted by MoonWitch:
I love pixie. She stated things so eloquently.

When I was a teenager, I was 5'10" and a half inches tall and weight 125 pounds. I wanted to be a model because that's what tall, unreasonably skinny girls tend to do in large cities. I had some pictures taken and went to a few agencies where I was told:
"Too all- American"
"Not exotic enough"
"Too Christie Brinkley"
"Nostrils aren't perfectly symmetrical"
"A$$ is too big"
"Hair is too short"
"B00bs are too small"
"Feet are too big"
"Too pale"
"Too many freckles"
"Dye your hair darker"
"Bleach your hair"
"Get implants"

I was approached one night by a modeling scout. I had been approached many times before by creepy guys claiming to be modeling scouts but this guy actually turned out to be one and worked for one of the largest modeling agencies in the world. I went to a huge posh party filled with models and photographers where he introduced me to everyone as his 'next big thing' and that his commission was going to be another Rolex and he was extremely pleased with himself. I made an appointment to see him the next day at the agency with my father because I wasn't 18 yet. I was told when I showed up that they would LOVE to sign me but at 125 pounds with a BMI of less than 18 which is underweight, I was too heavy and if I lost 10 pounds I'd be able to get work.

It became a mute point anyway because my father wouldn't sign any contracts at the last minute but the thought that they wanted me to be 115 pounds still sticks with me... especially now that I'm in the upper normal range of BMI's. I struggle with this almost every single day. I guess this stuff was pushed into my face in a very specific and personal way at a vulnerable age but -

We, as women - ALL OF US - are accosted by media daily... hourly... constantly showing us what the 'ideal' is and for 98% of us it's not what we were born with. Even for the 'perfect' ones there is always something wrong with them. They're 5 pounds too heavy. They have to wax their unibrow. They have to shave their big toe. They were genetically blessed with cellulite even while underweight. Websites, tv shows, radio... we hear about these famous beautiful women that were seen at the beach looking absolutely HIDEOUS because they enjoyed their Christmas holidays and gained a couple pounds. Look at that one with her undyed roots! She's really letting herself go!

Or so and so celebrity had a baby 48 hours ago and she's in a bikini on the catwalk. Nevermind she has personal trainers, personal chefs and an army to help her with make up, hair and caring for the baby. Suddenly, people are looking at the rest of the new moms saying "Hey... if she can't do it why are you so fat a month later?"

And don't get me started on the people that go on and on about how FAT and horrible Khloe Kardashian is when she looks perfectly normal weight to me.

There's some website that has a special every week about who used to be hot but is now a total fugly zero. It's almost all women and all of them are 20 or 30 years older than they used to be. Picture one is from the 80's and photoshopped to heck and picture two is the same person last week walking down Hollywood Blvd. with no make up on. HELLO. We all age. It's like if we're not younger than 30 or a "MILF" or "Cougar" then we don't have much value in society's eyes.

Female politicians are judge by their looks. There can be 50 ugly old guys but they are powerful and it doesn't matter what they look like so no one notices. One older female politician comes in without a perfect figure and botox and that is most of what is commented about. Who cares what her issues are or what's coming out of her mouth? Let's give all the attention to cute Sarah Palin instead even though she has a vacuum between her ears. EYE CANDY! Sure, keep talking as long as you stay trim and wear a tight skirt. We'll just shake our heads and laugh. Maybe pat you on the head.

Prince William? Not hot. Maybe sort of cute in some light but not really because he looks like his dad. No one cares. BUT OOOOH Kate is beautiful because she's so skinny and perfect and a size 0. Imagine if she had been a size 12 and plain... oh poor William.

I could brush it off as men being more 'visual' and women being more 'cerebral' but some women are just as if not more vicious than men are against women so I just don't know.

I think I could go on and on about this... Even the most confident woman can easily waver with constant bombardment. I have days where I feel like a goddess. I have days where I feel cute and perky. There are days when I am a master seductress. There are days when I'm strong, unstoppable, ambitious, smart and irresistible. And, unfortunately, there are days when I am too fat, too old, too jiggly, too frumpy and no amount of pep talk or make up will change it. That's when I just need to put out "Bridget Jones" on DVD or roll up with a good book on the beach (with a cover-up, of course) until the mood passes.

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*I love you too*