posted June 28, 2011 08:31 AM            

quote:

---

My friend, Donny, and I were dining out yesterday, and the waitress told us about her boyfriend cheating on her multiple times. She said she had no friends, because he slept with all of them. Her excuse for staying with him was that she had been with him for four years and that she didn't know how to be with someone else. Why do girls put up with that?

---

It really hurts to read this even tough I know of a girl (couple) that went through the same (except for the friends part).

He (Pisces-Sun/Mercury/Venus - Cap-Mars) cheated on her (Taurus-Sun/Mercury/Venus - Cancer-Moon/Mars/Saturn conj. in the 12th) multiple times with different women which he finally confessed.
When this happened they were living together for about 8 years (they still are..) and had bought a house together once.

What happened on the long run?
SHE started cheating on him, and not A BIT!
As if all the anger she felt inside HAD to find its way out..

So what I really think is that somewhere somehow at some stage it WILL find its way out.. and God save the Queen for that day!!

posted June 28, 2011 10:47 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by AstrologicalMan:
because you can't change the nature of things. It is our animal nature. It is how we were created. You know, the man spreads his seed. It is amazing that humans have such a thing as marriage. Which either gets dull or ends horribly.....Do you see the male animals sticking around after they have sex with the female?

They sold these dreams to girls at young ages, that there would be a man, the best man and he would only be interested in you but that isn't the reality of things.

---

AstrologicalMan is incorrect in that monogamy isn't the "nature" of things...

In fact, the common thing was the female to mate with the "seed-spreading" alpha male, and to leave him for a beta-male.

The beta-males were able to help raise children, and be monogamous.

So, what I'm saying in terms of biology here to the ladies is -

While the ALPHA looks good on the surface, it's only his superficial qualities that are appealing (his good DNA, and let's hope he has this).

Otherwise, in the long run, in terms of raising children and having a family, a man with Beta qualities will be very appealing.

posted June 28, 2011 10:59 AM            

My friends were not the kind of guys who would hold back information with me, either. A group of average punks with no reason to shield others from the truth.

Granted many of them were extremely intelligent. So, maybe that's the key! Intelligence, and the ability to self-moderate?

Women, please spend the TIME to look for desirable qualities in your men. While sex may be good with a "stud" why sell yourself short? Find a man with whom you have BOTH sexual attraction AND comittment.

posted June 28, 2011 12:39 PM            

Venus, you said why can't women argue to men that it's not acceptable, and like stealing, etc..
Then can! Then really can, but men do not want to argue or debate with the woman they love on this issue, so they will tell you that you are right, to avoid an argument.
They will tell you what you want to hear, b/c they love you. Which is why I say that the act of sex is not about love, to them.
They can distinguish between making love and screwing, whereas, some of us women cannot, and will not.

Ask a man, that you are friends with, one that has been in a LONG relationship this question:
If you had the opportunity to cheat with a sexy, attractive woman, with no strings attached, and it's guarenteed that YOU WOULD NEVER BE CAUGHT, would you do it?

posted June 28, 2011 02:21 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by GypseeWind:
Well, I disagree that it is an intelligence issue.
Look at our politicians and actors.
The internet and media is only making known what has ALWAYS been happening.

Venus, you said why can't women argue to men that it's not acceptable, and like stealing, etc..
Then can! Then really can, but men do not want to argue or debate with the woman they love on this issue, so they will tell you that you are right, to avoid an argument.
They will tell you what you want to hear, b/c they love you. Which is why I say that the act of sex is not about love, to them.
They can distinguish between making love and screwing, whereas, some of us women cannot, and will not.

Ask a man, that you are friends with, one that has been in a LONG relationship this question:
If you had the opportunity to cheat with a sexy, attractive woman, with no strings attached, and it's guarenteed that YOU WOULD NEVER BE CAUGHT, would you do it?

and see what they say.

---

posted June 28, 2011 02:27 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Maybe a man has to REALLY be committed to spiritual/moral values to be monogamous.
Heck, that would be the same for a woman

---

posted June 28, 2011 02:36 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by AstrologicalMan:
................. The only men who don't cheat are the ones who don't have the option of cheating with a beautiful woman (or woman more beautiful than his wife) or the ones who can somehow use their spiritual energy to convince themselves otherwise. So if your man isn't cheating, it is probably because he is not really desired by other women.

---

OK back to add to this!
Men do not require the fling/sexual encounter to be beautiful or better looking than the wife/gf.
Toothless women, young or old are very popular in the oral sex arena!
Less attractive women are often sought out because she may not be as risky in the STD area some guys think, or more grateful to get any kind of attention. If a guy wants extramarital sex he will find someone no matter how unattractive he may be or the woman he chooses. I mean how unattractive can such a man be? He has someone to cheat on after all....so someone wants/wanted him.

quote:

---

Originally posted by AstrologicalMan:

A woman who accepts cheating is generally weak in my opinion but then again we don't really own someone, so getting angry about them cheating is a little illogical.
I don't really understand the concept of cheating. People talk about cheating like it is wrong but who are you to say that they can't sleep with someone else? We don't control people, they don't belong to us. This a selfish way of viewing someone that you are in a relationship with.

---

posted June 28, 2011 03:12 PM            

I also think alot of this comes down to maturity.
Everyone loves that rush of endophins that you have when a relationship is new, and you are with that person intimately.
There is nothing like that feeling in the world.
I think alot of cheating is done b/c people are just trying to recapture that feeling.

You cannot.
Nothing new stays new, it's just a fact.
It may deepen and grow into something different, and just as lovely..

IDK, like the way a leather jacket becomes soft and molded to your curves after you've worn it many, many times.
One can insert their own analogy..
Anyway, the feeling will never be as it was when it is new..

I happen to think that women can handle this better than men (MOST men), that's just my observation.

posted June 28, 2011 03:23 PM            

And also how a man will choose a "no strings attatched woman" who is "beneth him and his wife" because this women is more likey to suck up to him(literally! lol), and do whatever he wants type of thing.

I wonder if thats why most dudes don't like chicks that are too high maitenance.

posted June 28, 2011 03:23 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by GypseeWind:
I think it's unrealistic in the long, long term Lexx.
Not impossible, but improbable.

I also think alot of this comes down to maturity.
Everyone loves that rush of endophins that you have when a relationship is new, and you are with that person intimately.
There is nothing like that feeling in the world.
I think alot of cheating is done b/c people are just trying to recapture that feeling.

You cannot.
Nothing new stays new, it's just a fact.
It may deepen and grow into something different, and just as lovely..

IDK, like the way a leather jacket becomes soft and molded to your curves after you've worn it many, many times.
One can insert their own analogy..
Anyway, the feeling will never be as it was when it is new..

I happen to think that women can handle this better than men (MOST men), that's just my observation.

---

posted June 28, 2011 03:36 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Stawr:
Yeah I've read an article on why men will cheat on their wife, with a less attactive woman, lower class, ect.

And also how a man will choose a "no strings attatched woman" who is "beneth him and his wife" because this women is more likey to suck up to him(literally! lol), and do whatever he wants type of thing.

I wonder if thats why most dudes don't like chicks that are too high maitenance.

I'm sure that its not always with a less classy or less attractive woman, but that is just one of the reasons behind it, and I'm sure that there are other reasons too.

---

So no, the man nor the woman needs be attractive.
Look around, plenty of unattractive folks breeding and often with gorgeous folks.

posted June 28, 2011 03:46 PM            

I do think that men and women are capable of monogamy but the relationship has to be right and too many people are just in the wrong relationship.

Triangles are complex and often point to unconscious parental/childhood stuff that gets played out as an adult. I wouldn't cheat myself but I do get why people do. I tend to feel that if a man/woman does it once and gets away with it.... you've given them permission to do it again.

I think you have to "know" that you won't accept cheating from your partner...and they do pick up on this and so wouldn't risk losing you unless they wanted out anyway.

But I think by far the biggest reason for people putting up with cheaters comes down to denial.

I don't think men cheat for the physical either...I think men do it for emotions and the connection...the amount of times you'll hear "my wife just doesn't understand me" whereas it's the women who'll complain about the lack of passion in the bedroom.

I don't buy into the "nature" argument too much. If you sleep with someone it takes a certain amount of premeditation which suggests intelligence (or at least the mind) is in action. These things don't "just happen".

posted June 28, 2011 05:03 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Maybe a man has to REALLY be committed to spiritual/moral values to be monogamous.
Heck, that would be the same for a woman

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by LEXX:
I am hoping that is indeed true!
Moreso the love/spiritual/psi.
Not the moral, which again goes back to a denial thing.
I would want it to be a natural love/spiritual/psi thing that would make the guy have no urge to wander.
Not because it is deemed a naughty no no.
Is that possible?

---

I am not interested in anything less. I think you both need God at the center of it for this to happen but that is a whole other discussion to which I have no interest to go

posted June 28, 2011 06:07 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by dysfunctionalmystic:

I do think that men and women are capable of monogamy but the relationship has to be right and too many people are just in the wrong relationship.
___________________________________________
I don't think men cheat for the physical either...I think men do it for emotions and the connection...the amount of times you'll hear "my wife just doesn't understand me" whereas it's the women who'll complain about the lack of passion in the bedroom.
___________________________________________
The girls I've known that have put up with cheaters.....are usually quite needy and very reluctant to be single.

___________________________________________

---

As to the last statement, it can also be they do not think monogamy was/is possible from a guy.

posted June 28, 2011 07:21 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by dysfunctionalmystic:
yeah I'd agree with that. It's too readily accepted that "men can't keep it in their pants". I've known some faithful men over the years, I've known some @rseholes as well but hand on my heart, if the right kind of connection is there...then I know they will never cheat.

hope you got your pc issues sorted lexx, I'd completely freak out without the internet.

---

Oh, still having computer issues but was very ill the past few days, main reason for being not around. So did not get my computer issues resolved yet.

posted June 28, 2011 08:03 PM            

quote:

---

that people, especially women, are starting to accept that men cannot be monogamists, every man can be a monogamist just keep ur damn pants on

---

Why should anyone be forced to be monogamous? They can do what they please (whether they are male or female)..
If someone chooses to have an open relationship - it's their call.

I'm the sort of person who would happily go back in time and burn down every single religious institution that has ever existed.

I find it disturbing that sex is NOT appreciated as a form of physical contact.. as hugging or anything else..

People see animals having sex and call that "basic instinct" while we're all high up on our horses.. of spirituality and intellect.

It's NOT true. There's no separation there between sex and spirit. Whether you have sex out of love or for sexual satisfaction... your spirit is right there with you - as happy as always. Fear of the 'boogie man' or 'the devil' is only there due to conditioning.

There's no need to downplay your existence on this planet as an ANIMAL. Because there is nothing ugly about that reality.

I mean look at any other animal. If you have a pet - a dog for instance - look at him/her. He wees and does his business every morning. He has friends/enemies etc.. He's exactly LIKE you in most every way.

And yet people like to think they're *different*.

If you were standing naked next to a female ape in a mirror.. would you feel that different? Honestly?.. Because I don't see many differences.

And apes have multiple sexual partners, quite naturally.

posted June 28, 2011 08:10 PM            

quote:

---

men can't keep it in their pants

---

My point is not what men and women - can or cannot do.. but my point is: WHY should they keep it in their pants? For what reason?
OR "Says WHO?" - GOD? Because I strongly doubt that. Not MY GOD.

If we are talking about mutual consenting adults enjoying their bodies and their lives and having 'safe-sex' -- WHY should anyone be keeping anything in their pants?

What exactly is the moral behind that?

Because all I see behind that is fear and 'made-up' religious dogmas.

posted June 28, 2011 08:21 PM            

For me personally, what I don't like about cheating is the LYING that goes along with it.
I don't like the sneaking.
I hate the feeling that other people know something I don't, and the inevitable feeling like a dumba ss when I figure it out.

All ego? Yes, true.

So, maybe I would be right for open relationships then.
Only, I think it's natural for people to gravitate towards another, in twos
like the animals on Noah's Ark,
so, then you have it,
someone being left out in the end,
which is no fun at all.

ANYWAY, I just read Randall's OP, cuz
it seems to me like this has went all over the place...

posted June 29, 2011 03:14 AM            

LEXX I agree with what you said. However, in terms of death - anything can lead to that if you don't do it properly. You could drink-drive and die.

Astro Man - I just saw what you said earlier.
You are very incorrect about male animals not sticking around after sex. It depends on species but many mammals live in packs. The alpha of the pack 'takes care' of the females/offspring in that pack.
But it depends. Elephants have a different set up for instance.. and penguins are more monogamous than most.

We are most similar to apes, so I looked it up on wiki:

quote:

---

Gorillas live in groups called troops. Troops tend to be made of one adult male or silverback, multiple adult females, and their offspring.

---

quote:

---

Both males and females tend to emigrate from their natal groups. Dispersal from natal troops is more common in females than males for mountain gorillas.[22][25] Female mountain gorillas and western lowland gorillas also commonly transfer to a second new group.[22] Mature males tend to also leave their groups and establish their own troops by attracting emigrating females.

---