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Author
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Topic: Why Do Girls Put Up With Cheating?
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Randall
Webmaster Posts: 22150
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 27, 2011 07:31 AM
  
My friend, Donny, and I were dining out yesterday, and the waitress told us about her boyfriend cheating on her multiple times. She said she had no friends, because he slept with all of them. Her excuse for staying with him was that she had been with him for four years and that she didn't know how to be with someone else. Why do girls put up with that? IP: Logged |
Venus
Moderator Posts: 1569
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted June 27, 2011 08:28 AM
i believe her friends' behaivior is far worse than her boyfriend's! she probably has self esteem issues, not all girls, hell probably a minority of them can stand cheating..
i dunno if i can forgive a person for cheating on me, i mean if the relationship was very important to me then yes maybe after i take him through hell and probably bring it up every now and then.. i have a very suspicous scorpio moon and venus, i dont think i can trust again!no girl deserves to be treated that way i hope she realizes that! IP: Logged |
juniperb
Moderator Posts: 5083
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 27, 2011 09:27 AM
Sometimes I find it difficult for these stories to be true. I can`t imagine a woman enduring such emotional and mental abuse while offering such a weak excuse for acceptance.  Cheating in general isn`t acceptable and know no women who would stay in the scene you speak of. I live in "shotgun" country  ------------------
Christian, Jew, Muslim, Shaman, Zoroastrian, stone, ground, mountain, river, each has a secret way of being with the Mystery, unique and not to be judged. Rumi IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 37417
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 27, 2011 09:31 AM
Loooooooow Self Esteem  ------------------
Enlightenment doesn't result from sitting around visualizing images of light, but from integrating the darker aspects of the self into the conscious personality
Jung
I am my Beloved's.My Beloved is mine.
Song of Solomen
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
ChantelMonique
Newflake Posts: 5
From: Phoenix, AZ USA
Registered: Jun 2011
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posted June 27, 2011 10:43 AM
In my opinion, even a normal esteemed woman can suffer from wanting what she can't have, or the challenge of making a man love her and only her. However, there comes a time when a healthy person should demand to be treated correctly and it doesn't sound like she is there yet. Air (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) and Fire (Sagittarius, Leo, Aries) seem to hold on to a broken relationship even though they usually have confidence. I believe they don't take it personally because they think they're all that, vain, self centered!!! I once read the Leos are far from being jealous, and are shocked if they find that a lover cheated on them-How Vain! Another reason is because they don't want anyone else to have them... LOL especially the other person.Water (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces) and Earth (Virgo, Capricorn, Taurus) all seem to take it personal. Cheating on a Water or Earth sign is almost like dying and leaving them forever! So could be self-esteem but in my opinion I would like to see her chart!!! IP: Logged |
Stawr
Moderator Posts: 1972
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted June 27, 2011 11:50 AM
The thing I don't get is people who cheat...Why do they want to be in a realationships!? Why do they think they can have both? A significant other, and women or dudes on the side? They act like they want a comitment and a significant other, AN EQUAL!???
But they obviously don't!
If they want to be a player, they should play by the rules. And treat people the way they want to be treated. I think people should either be in a comitment and only do it with their partner. Or be single, and do it with other single people...If only the world worked that way. And we are all humans, no one is perfect. I'm sure people have cheated, and learned from their mistakes, GREW UP, and have desided to change, and break the habbit. But people who feel no guilt and shame and keep doing it, should not be in relationships. IP: Logged |
GypseeWind
Knowflake Posts: 5722
From: Love Street, she lingers long on Love Street..
Registered: May 2009
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posted June 27, 2011 12:45 PM
Some people don't equate the act of sex with cheating, like, they think having an emotional connection with someone else is worse.
To me, it would be a worse betrayal for my loved one to speak to another about deep emotional things than it would be for him to have sex with another person.
I wouldn't want him to, but I probably would forgive, b/c stuff happens, and I do believe that monogamy is a bit..
IDK, difficult... for some.Also, tradition.
Like when I lived in Italy, it was simply acceptable and normal for a man to have a wife AND a mistress.
Sometimes the two were friends, and went shopping and dining together!
It took me awhile to get used to that, but see.. religion plays into this as well.
Most Italians are catholics, and don't believe in birth control.
So.. I asked my landlord once if it hurt her feelings that her husband had a mistress and she said, "No, I helped him pick her out, and I need a break (sexually) so I am grateful to her."
I know this sounds outdated, but it really does go on. As far as the girl in the restaurant, IDK, if they aren't even married, and have no children, then I agree with the others, may be low self esteem and perhaps a little bit of a martyr thing there. IP: Logged |
NickiG
Moderator Posts: 5625
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010
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posted June 27, 2011 12:58 PM
this girl here does not put up with such dishonesty, nor will i put up with abuse...if either happens that guy will be out the door so fast he wouldnt even have time to pack------------------
What happens on Venus stays on Venus -Nasa IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 37417
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 27, 2011 02:37 PM
quote:
Originally posted by NickiG:
this girl here does not put up with such dishonesty, nor will i put up with abuse...if either happens that guy will be out the door so fast he wouldnt even have time to pack
Pluto  ------------------
Enlightenment doesn't result from sitting around visualizing images of light, but from integrating the darker aspects of the self into the conscious personality
Jung
I am my Beloved's.My Beloved is mine.
Song of Solomen
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
lalitree
Knowflake Posts: 204
From:
Registered: Apr 2011
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posted June 27, 2011 02:48 PM
Yes, in this situation it definitely sounds like low self esteem. Probably the kind she hasn't even realized is there. She is probably a docile woman who is just really into him and also probably just doesn't let things like that affect her as much as most people do.I think in this situation it is wrong because these were her 'friends', and also I am sure there was no openness in the beginning about such things going on. But--about polygamy itself--I think it is still more instinctive in most people than monogamy. Not that some people aren't better suited for monogamy, just that most people (especially men I think)are hardwired for being with more than just one person. Personally, I am a very jealous person, and (I don't really know how much I believe in astrology but I do have scorpio as sun and moon sign so that may make me a little extra jealous), but all i know is that I wish I were not so. My rational mind sees this polygamous reality but my heart still yearns and dreams of the perfect eternal duo in love. I appreciate in wonder those people like that lady who selected her husband's mistress and even went shopping with her. I think if more of us were like that (including me definitely) there would be so much less heartbreak and hate in the world IP: Logged |
GypseeWind
Knowflake Posts: 5722
From: Love Street, she lingers long on Love Street..
Registered: May 2009
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posted June 27, 2011 03:10 PM
Yup.
I am too Lalitree.
The only reason I can deal with it is from a lifetime of it happening over and over.I just don't think the majority of men (majority, sure there are some) are hardwired to be monogamous, so that puts one in the position to do one of three things:
Accept that this is the way it is, and try to learn about and understand it, Be Alone Or keep looking for the ones that DO believe in monogamy. Which puts you back into category two for however long.. (BTW, I am talking about monogamy in the lONG term. Almost anyone can be monogamous for awhile.. I mean, I am talking about relationships that last over five years..) IP: Logged |
bunnies
Knowflake Posts: 477
From: u.k
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 27, 2011 05:03 PM
I have absolutely no idea. I truly don't. There is a thread on one of the forums that makes me want to weep with hopelessness.
I can't even comment on it because I wouldn't know what to say.
I always have said to men (and as far as I know none were unfaithful to me)"I will never check your phone, or look in your pockets. Nor will I care if you go out with your friends. But if I ever find out from someone that you have been unfaithful please realise that the relationship will be over from that moment and I will never have contact with you again. So basically, there is your yard and a half of rope. Go hang yourself if you so wish" IP: Logged |
GypseeWind
Knowflake Posts: 5722
From: Love Street, she lingers long on Love Street..
Registered: May 2009
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posted June 27, 2011 05:13 PM
Alot of people think (and I'm not saying this is so in your case Bunnies, you just reminded me of it) that their current and ex's were faithful to them.Maybe b/c of the fact that I've been a bartender so long, and hear and see things I wish I didn't.
Some of my biggest bubbles have been popped by finding out that couples I thought were perfect, were not, not at all. I just read the stats, 85% of men have been unfaithful, and the women are not too far behind! I DO believe that men cheat for the physical, and women cheat for the emotional.
I really do. But, you know, in my case, I wish I DID'NT know some of the things I do know.
I think my merc in scorp forced me to obsess and dig, until I found things, I just couldn't let it be. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, and if you go looking for trouble, you just may find it. I believe that ^ now, b/c I ripped my life apart over some things that were probably very petty in the bigger picture. IDK, it's a touchy subject, and it's different with different couples/circumstances, etc.. IP: Logged |
sand
Knowflake Posts: 6997
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted June 27, 2011 06:07 PM
quote:
Water (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces) and Earth (Virgo, Capricorn, Taurus) all seem to take it personal. Cheating on a Water or Earth sign is almost like dying and leaving them forever!
i'm earth water mostly and a lot of fixed signs. i would just stop speaking to that person if they ever did anything trashy especially in public/ if people know bout it. i think water suns would allow it or stay but not be happy bout it definitely. even scorpios. it's just an observation of what i see round me. no idea of the other planets in them. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 37417
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 27, 2011 06:09 PM
quote:
I DO believe that men cheat for the physical, and women cheat for the emotional.
I really do
Why do you say this? I understand the female part just not the male ------------------
Enlightenment doesn't result from sitting around visualizing images of light, but from integrating the darker aspects of the self into the conscious personality
Jung
I am my Beloved's.My Beloved is mine.
Song of Solomen
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
GypseeWind
Knowflake Posts: 5722
From: Love Street, she lingers long on Love Street..
Registered: May 2009
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posted June 27, 2011 06:11 PM
I just believe it's in mens DNA to spread their seed, from way back in caveman days.I know for a fact from talking to some of them, that these encounters mean nothing to them, so why else would they do it?
It's just a physical urge that some cannot repress, I believe.
I'm not condoning their behavior, I just try to understand it, is all. IP: Logged |
NickiG
Moderator Posts: 5625
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010
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posted June 27, 2011 09:40 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Pluto
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I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate? IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 37417
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 27, 2011 09:43 PM
quote:
Originally posted by NickiG:
I love you  ------------------
Enlightenment doesn't result from sitting around visualizing images of light, but from integrating the darker aspects of the self into the conscious personality
Jung
I am my Beloved's.My Beloved is mine.
Song of Solomen
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
PlutoSquared
Knowflake Posts: 4500
From: Mars
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted June 27, 2011 11:37 PM
Many women are so emotionally wrapped up in their relationships, that leaving the cheating guy is MORE painful than staying with him; turning a blind eye to his bad behavior. (Even if this sets a bad example for kids, and exposes her to disease... but, hey, whatever). Overly-sensitive, sentimental women who want to keep their relationships with a cheater, are prone to delusional thoughts (like they will change him if they stay committed) and rationalizing all sorts of abuse. I recommend that women like this, who only have a cheating male as an option, kick the guy out, take up being a hermit and learn to masturbate. It may not be a story-book future, but at least it's less degrading Seriously. IP: Logged |
AstrologicalMan
Knowflake Posts: 435
From: Brickenton
Registered: Jun 2011
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posted June 27, 2011 11:53 PM
It is all about perspective.Maybe she is using him for a place to stay or she is using him for his money, so her being cheated on doesn't really matter when she is betraying him as well. If a woman gets cheated on and she really believes that she loves the guy then it could be a few things. She could feel that no one else would want her if she left the man. She could have the mentality that cheating is in a mans nature anyway, so what can you possibly do. Most all men will cheat given the right circumstance. If the man has the opportunity to cheat than he probably will. I guess it is conceivable for a powerful man to have options and still stay faithful but unless he is evolved in a way that one cannot understand than him NOT cheating would be going against his nature and he would be suffering. The only men who don't cheat are the ones who don't have the option of cheating with a beautiful woman (or woman more beautiful than his wife) or the ones who can somehow use their spiritual energy to convince themselves otherwise. So if your man isn't cheating, it is probably because he is not really desired by other women. A woman who accepts cheating is generally weak in my opinion but then again we don't really own someone, so getting angry about them cheating is a little illogical. I don't really understand the concept of cheating. People talk about cheating like it is wrong but who are you to say that they can't sleep with someone else? We don't control people, they don't belong to us. This a selfish way of viewing someone that you are in a relationship with. IP: Logged |
Venus
Moderator Posts: 1569
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted June 28, 2011 03:11 AM
what i dont get is that people, especially women, are starting to accept that men cannot be monogamists, every man can be a monogamist just keep ur damn pants on !this really frustrates me, giving more excuses based on gender, loyalty is the basis of a good relationship, emotional or physical if you feel the need to be with someone else than you should re-evaluate your relationship!
IP: Logged |
GypseeWind
Knowflake Posts: 5722
From: Love Street, she lingers long on Love Street..
Registered: May 2009
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posted June 28, 2011 03:15 AM
I think they are just starting to become realist, instead of idealist.Astrologicalman said that given the right circumstance, MOST (not all) men will cheat.
I've heard this soooo many times. It would be great if it wasn't this way, but it is.
 IP: Logged |
AstrologicalMan
Knowflake Posts: 435
From: Brickenton
Registered: Jun 2011
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posted June 28, 2011 04:21 AM
quote:
Originally posted by GypseeWind:
I think they are just starting to become realist, instead of idealist.Astrologicalman said that given the right circumstance, MOST (not all) men will cheat.
I've heard this soooo many times. It would be great if it wasn't this way, but it is.
but I am here to give hope as well. There is a such thing as a twin flame. Your ultimate partner. It may or may not be reserved for the afterlife. IP: Logged |
Venus
Moderator Posts: 1569
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted June 28, 2011 06:45 AM
quote:
Originally posted by GypseeWind:
I think they are just starting to become realist, instead of idealist.Astrologicalman said that given the right circumstance, MOST (not all) men will cheat.
I've heard this soooo many times. It would be great if it wasn't this way, but it is.
but this is how it starts GW, why dont women have the same problem with infidelity, why cant we insist that its unacceptable, i mean i can argue that its human nature to steal, would that make it more acceptable? IP: Logged |
AstrologicalMan
Knowflake Posts: 435
From: Brickenton
Registered: Jun 2011
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posted June 28, 2011 07:28 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Venus:
but this is how it starts GW, why dont women have the same problem with infidelity, why cant we insist that its unacceptable, i mean i can argue that its human nature to steal, would that make it more acceptable?
because you can't change the nature of things. It is our animal nature. It is how we were created. You know, the man spreads his seed. It is amazing that humans have such a thing as marriage. Which either gets dull or ends horribly.....Do you see the male animals sticking around after they have sex with the female? They sold these dreams to girls at young ages, that there would be a man, the best man and he would only be interested in you but that isn't the reality of things. IP: Logged | |
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