posted August 31, 2011 03:10 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by snarly:
LEXX - Double :thumbs up:

---

posted August 31, 2011 03:13 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rishifter:
I was in love with a girl who was very open with me about everything. We used to talk about what's attractive in another girls quite freely. She, in fact, told me once that it was okay if I felt like sleeping with someone else and even did it, as long as I didn't tell her that. I was surprised and realized that she must be just testing me. I don't like to play games and I just told her, in total honesty, that just the fact that she'd tell me that made me value her a lot and it actually made me want to think less of other women and think more of her. Any guys out there relate with that?

---

posted September 01, 2011 01:54 PM            

Randall: yup! Men are quite visual...and now I am beginning to get this, (at my half-centurian marker!!)And the flirting thing, I totally agree!!!

Voix~Its ok, lots of can put ourselves in the place of a man, I, personally cant...And I feel ya, the realationship thing...up and down, back and forth...sigh...

dysfunctiona: that is what I think, but men???

Malena: Awesome!!! heck yea social conditioning has a role to play...I have heard some men take their young boys out, to well..ummm...and a woman who checks out men and may be a bit flirtatious..well!

sand: are you a water sign? cause your statement has feeling qualities....I try not to project what I think onto what men think....but I make the same mistake over and over...

wavelink, I am now beginning to understand men...before I was befuddled...cause I was trying to project my own woman femaninity onto a man's thoughts...

charmainec: brillant!!! see, this what I keep thinking!!! and questioning...and I will agree with men "flirting" to bolster their own ego...been there done that myself...but have been sexually secure for years now, and just dont feel the need to flirt...unless I AM INTERESTED!!!

LEXX: Awesome!!! I really needed a Scorp's view!! Very, very well stated and my sentiments are exact!!! I am beginning to think it is not only a man thing,, but a man who is in an emotionally growth period, thing as well...

Rishifter:I can certaily realate. Was she an Aqua?

Thank you all agian...

SOrry for the late replies, been working and working on my house to get it on the market!!!

blessins all

posted September 01, 2011 02:52 PM            

quote:

---

sand: are you a water sign? cause your statement has feeling qualities....I try not to project what I think onto what men think....but I make the same mistake over and over...

---

earth sun actually but water rising in scorpio and water dominant. and to think we scorp risings get a bad rap for staring LOL

maybe it's the jupiter/ neptune in cappy too. what da hell is da point of "looking".

i reread and noticed you included flirting lol! i think i do that but maybe unintentionally tho i'm more aware of it now. maybe it's more a need to be liked for me and not really sexually charged. lol dunno! taurus sun and venus in 7th.

posted September 02, 2011 11:26 AM            

You said you don't flirt?

posted September 02, 2011 12:59 PM            

There is a big difference betwixt predatory or on the prowl flirting (with its implied and or clear sexual agenda)
compared to mischievous playful sweet fun happy flirting
and jaunty high spirited bantering.

posted September 02, 2011 05:32 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by pixelpixie:
Thanks Lexx! You know, you're totally right! That's a good way to look at it! Well said!
I'm only a little predatory. (snicker)

---

posted September 02, 2011 06:43 PM            

err.. i said/ meant i don't look. tho if i'm flirting then i probably would be looking ryt? don't have crazy eye last i checked lol!

i think it's a pet peeve of mine. swimsuit calendars, sexy desktop wallpapers, fat dudes in car shows taking pics with women. can't exactly put my finger on it why it is so.

"I thought you were classy and refined when I met you" (Then I open my mouth to tell a joke and ruin it)haha

LMFAO! trick is not to speak but may be harder for a leo riser. i have an aries merc so i kinda get watchu mean. the weird part is ever since reading up on astro and i find out a woman is a scorpio i go from 0-100 and talk about sex DOH! it's happened like 3 times in a row now and they're there staring at me like wtf or take offense for something i didn't sorta say ehehe!

I actually WORRY about my flirting... I sometimes don't know how to shut it off, and when I need to be respectful, or professional, I have to remember to get that smile or twinkle out of my eye.

posted April 12, 2012 02:11 AM            

------------------

quote:

---

Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.

---

posted April 14, 2012 01:56 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
I don't think it's a testosterone thing, women get those urges, too.

At least those of who are highly-sexed.

---

posted April 14, 2012 01:42 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aquaguy91:
It is testosterone thing,women will try to tell us men that they like sex just as much as us men but at the same time shame us for our sexual desires,so in that case how can the average woman be as sexual as the average man? And its not just fun for us guys it is a need! Lol

---

In all fairness, I DID say "for those of us who are highly-sexed."

posted April 14, 2012 03:49 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
I don't mean to come down on you too hard but I really, really resent that condescension. People have no right to invalidate a woman's feelings or to dictate to her what her own urges are. All it does is perpetuate gender stereotypes that hurt couples when their own realities don't "fit." I have been struggling with libido discrepancies with my boyfriend for a very long time, it's having a huge impact on our overall getting along, so to come here and have someone tell me that women like myself don't exist is a huge slap in the face. As ever, I encourage those people to question themselves and what they may be doing wrong if they have trouble with this with various partners. The only constant in all of any person's relationships is themselves.

---

--agreed

The most highly sexed person whom I have ever met was a woman. And a Pisces with strong Aquarius influence to boot (I don't tend to think of those signs as super-sexual--not like, say, Aries, Scorpio, Taurus, or Leo).

I'm not a highly sexual person. Sex and death and spirituality fascinate me, as I have some reasonably strong Scorpio influence in my chart, but I don't have a strong sex drive. I also don't believe in casual sex. Personally, for me, it would have to be THE one or no one.

However, there are definitely women out there who have high sex drives and other women who, even if celibate, have high sex drives. Women run the gamut, just like men do.

posted April 14, 2012 03:54 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aquaguy91:

It is testosterone thing,women will try to tell us men that they like sex just as much as us men but at the same time shame us for our sexual desires,so in that case how can the average woman be as sexual as the average man? And its not just fun for us guys it is a need! Lol

---

Sex is not a need, technically. You can live without it, unlike food or water or air. It's a desire and a want, but you won't literally fall down dead if you don't have it. I'd also say that no one owes another person sex and that it's a privilege, not a right. No one has the right to demand sex or get mad if someone doesn't want it. No means no and that has to be respected. Even in a relationship, no one is entitled to sex.

As for 'shaming' men: as I said in the last post, it's HOW one uses sexuality, and not simply being sexual, that should be shamed. Simply having desires, no, but going about fulfilling them in the wrong way (such as making unwanted advances, rape, bullying or pressuring someone into sex, sexual harassment, etc) is what's wrong, and yes, I do feel that men (and women) who do that should absolutely be shamed for it. Those behaviors are never, under any circumstances, good, respectful, or acceptable. Most people have some level of desire, but there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to deal with it.

posted April 15, 2012 04:00 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aquaguy91:
It is testosterone thing,women will try to tell us men that they like sex just as much as us men but at the same time shame us for our sexual desires,so in that case how can the average woman be as sexual as the average man? And its not just fun for us guys it is a need! Lol

---

You should try seeing the world from the point of view of a woman who grew up with different experiences and expectations put on her than you. In this case you should imagine being **** shamed by both men and women for being sexual, any nude and/or erotic pix taken of you shared with friends and even strangers which somehow make her "available" to men (who are sometimes significantly larger as well as more physically aggressive or predatory) who lose respect for her as a person (assuming they ever had it). Just as many men revel in a reputation as a lady's man (and that's putting it kindly) women gain infamy instead of praise for having easy sex, so as a result even most women desperate for sex will at least try to be discrete. After all, anyone (male or female) who lets a male casually touch her sexually is shamed by men and women both, not given high fives.

Even worse, men who see a woman as sexually available will become even more aggressive with a woman seen as a "**** " and it's not something she can correct. Speaking from experience as having the rep of a **** before I can share how all the boys who came to me expecting me to "give it up" lied to their friends saying I did when I actually refused them, because they weren't going to say they couldn't "tap" me when all their other friends did (at least so they believed because so many of them were liars), which of course led to more males coming after me. And what's worse is that girls labelled as ***** are even more vulnerable to rape because not only will aggressive males target her, become angry if she refuses him when he believes she's not refusing other guys, but also most everyone will say she wasn't raped, she wanted it because she's a **** (I've heard of one woman who had her teeth and bones broken during a rape but her rapist walked free because of her rep a **** that the rapist's defense attorney exploited).

(I believe the only reason I wasn't raped while enduring **** rumors as Granny feared I would be was because some older cousins of mine made it real clear what extreme violence they'd inflict on anyone who harmed me, no matter how respectable he was, even if he "found Jesus" after and was sorry as some like to say they did to escape consequences for their crimes, etc, he was going to suffer to the point he'd probably commit suicide after they were done with him.)

I know this is very hard for you to understand because you replied to me in another thread that shows your complete lack of understanding about this which I didn't bother to reply because I personally don't like giving details of when I've been sexually assaulted (and thus my caution around men who initiate contact in similar ways because it's just not worth the risk--it's like playing Russian Roulette, sure a lot of guys mean well, but it's not worth the risk the same reason that most chambers in a revolver being empty doesn't mean one is willing to chance it, and yeah, trusting guys can be a lot like playing Russian Roulette). But when men become loud and aggressive they can be scary, and when they can pretty much rape you without consequence as they often can to those labeled a "**** " then they go from scary to terrifying.

Try imagining half the men were not only wanting to use you sexually but also a hundred pounds bigger than you with more muscle capability and some of them with a feeling of entitlement to you if you're not already with another man who wants your bod. And if they decide you're a submissive boy toy for them (that is, the male form of a **** ) they can pretty much do whatever they want to you (at least once he gets you alone) and about everybody will say it's your fault, that is you wanted that homosexual rape, because you have a reputation (deserved or not), even in a court of law. And if you're a **** then even having a boyfriend won't really help because many feel they just simply have to wait their "turn" rather than winning you over somehow. Can you imagine how vulnerable that would make you and how scary it could be? And even if you liked sex with guys can't you see why you'd be careful about entering into sexual relationships no matter how much you "needed" sex with such consequences for being "too easy"?

Furthermore, what if instead of getting high fives for your sexual adventures if instead the men you know stuck their nose up at you as they saw you as a **** instead of a stud, that is instead of bragging about it you have to hide it save with your closest friends (who won't be friends if they spill your sexual secrets to everyone else).

That is why many women are careful of their reputations for not giving it up so easily, not because they're just not interested in sex.

posted April 15, 2012 10:40 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aquacheeka:masculine influence in my chart so perhaps this is why I empathize deeply with the masculine psyche and masculine struggles with desire

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aquacheeka:I'm still in my mid-20s and from what I understand, desire begins to wane for women around the age of 40).

---

And interesting enough I knew one woman who said she panicked over not having a child when she was about 40 and had to struggle with sexual urges over it despite that she was asexual (and single) at the time. What was really weird is that after menopause she left her asexuality behind and actually entered into a sexual relationship and said she couldn't imagine doing otherwise.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aquacheeka:In a relationship it is imperative that both partners be mindful of one another's needs, whether that be for support around the house, non-sexual affection, words of affirmation, an empathetic ear, or yes, an active sex life. If you are rigid or unwilling to meet your partner's needs and expectations, why be in that relationship?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aquacheeka:I think this whole, "No one is entitled to___x___" attitude is a by-product of our self-serving "me" generation

---

However it could be you and I define relationships very differently. For example, a strange man once bought me a pepsi and gave me a ride and then demanded I give him a blow job (I was also 15 at the time and he was in his 30s at least), and said he'd take it by force if I didn't give him what I owed him. Perhaps to you we were in a relationship and therefore I was being selfish in not sucking him off in exchange for simple kindness that I freely give to people without thought of sexual payoff, but to me we were strangers and he was predatory and manipulative. If you think I owed him a blow job than we'll just have to agree to disagree. Maybe you even think I'm selfish because I fled the group of drunken men who after cat calling me from a balcony came running down the stairs rather than my waiting up for them so that I could tend to their needs. Otherwise, you're not on the same page as the rest of us when we're talking about men who feel entitled to sex because we're talking about completely different circumstances.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aquacheeka:Will I die without internet connection? No. But being deeply depressed/sullen/withdrawn is no way to live either, so for all intents and purposes, I classify having a certain amount of time online as a need. This is an example.

---

So if you lose everything you feel entitled to people giving you access to their computer simply because you wipe their windshields or offer to clean their home (which you think they're obligated to accept) or even just because? (And if they owe you that then surely they owe you their roof, food, etc, and heck they should put out for you, too.) Because in the context we're talking about above this is how your example would have to be applied, not as in your being close to someone giving you access to their computer. (And btw, I've allowed people I'm close to access to my computer, but that doesn't mean they're entitled to it, because if they were entitled to it then it wouldn't be my computer, it would be theirs.)

And going with your example in context I can add that I once salvaged a computer from a guy and got him to pay for several months of internet for me and in exchange (as agreed before he did this) I did a lot of boring real estate research for him while he was in Mexico. However, this was a mutually benefiting deal, not an entitlement either way. I wasn't entitled to the internet and he wasn't entitled to have me do hours of research for him, but rather it was an agreement where we each made a choice that made each of our lives better. If I were entitled then he'd have to have provided me with computer and internet without my doing anything in return, or if he was entitled then I would not have had the freedom to say no (and btw, even if he still provided the computer and internet it wouldn't mean I wasn't a slave if I was deprived of the ability to say no to the deal).

Maybe some men really need sex (and not just masturbation) to be happy, but I don't get it. But even so, women also have the intense need to feel safe & secure from violence, STDs, unwanted pregnancy, and other dangers, and if she's obligated to open wide or spread her legs to someone entitled then she's the one facing depression. I don't think it's ok for a woman to be depressed so that a man isn't.

Luckily, most women also want sex so finding a woman for sex shouldn't be difficult to do as long as he displays a certain sensitivity and doesn't take her for granted (such as feeling entitled to her). In any case, it's not a man's sexual needs that are the issue here, but some unfortunately common obnoxious attitudes and behaviors that some men have towards women which too many (women as well as men) are willing to shrug off with "boys will be boys."

Of course if we're in an intimate relationship then that changes the dynamics. If either partner has needs that aren't being met then the one not providing them has to decide whether it's worth it or not to start meeting them (or to not have those needs met), and if not, then yes it's best if both go their separate ways to find someone more suitable to their individual needs and boundaries. But if so then yes, they work together. Compromise doesn't imply entitlement, however, as compromise still keeps control of one's individuality and body within control of the said person whereas entitlement means the other person becomes a slave to the other person's needs (that is, becomes property rather than a person). Hopefully things like sexual needs aren't that much of an issue, especially if other aspects of the relationship are good, but if, for example, he had some need for a specific sex act or condition she didn't feel like meeting but chose to because the relationship is worth it, then she can CHOOSE to do so (or not), whereas if he's entitled then it's implied she doesn't get to choose, her body belongs to him to use as he wills (I'd say it's just as true in reverse if a woman has a compelling specific desire that her man feels uncomfortable with as sometimes happens). Of course you're free to say she's selfish if she doesn't fulfill his every nasty desire on demand, but others are free to say he's the selfish one for demanding she do whatever he wishes without regard to her own feelings or comfort level as well.