posted July 26, 2012 12:30 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
lol i really dont see how that makes me a horrible person, its just my method of screening my potential gfs. unlike most guys i dont lie to get into a girls pants. i understand its a lie but only to protect myself lol. like this story i was reading about this rich guy who was also a fireman, he tested women he was courting by not letting them know he was rich, he only told them he was a fireman, and most of them didnt stick around, but they would suddenly want him back when they found out he was rich. his test was to find out if the women were only after money and it worked great his suspicions came true more often then not. i personally dont think what he does is unreasonable, sure its a lie but not a lie to hurt people, its a defense mechanism.

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posted July 26, 2012 01:47 PM            

But it's still wrong, no?

You would still lose a lot of trust and/or respect for her if you found out afterwords, no?

Not really seeing how it's any different... If you say a really high number jokingly and then say the real thing after she tells you that's one thing, but it doesn't sound like that's the case.

posted July 26, 2012 02:26 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by FireMoon:
Ok but... if a girl lied to you about how many guys she's been with, and said a lower number because she didn't want you to judge her, couldn't that also be considered a defense mechanism? To protect herself (in her mind from the judgments she assumes you'll make)?

But it's still wrong, no?

You would still lose a lot of trust and/or respect for her if you found out afterwords, no?

Not really seeing how it's any different... If you say a really high number jokingly and then say the real thing after she tells you that's one thing, but it doesn't sound like that's the case.

And it's not that you're a "horibble person" I think the bigger problem is that you have such a huge distrust for women in general that you shoot them down before even giving them a chance. And then when things don't work out you take it as rejection, and further "proof" of how women are and how they treat you.... I get that you've been hurt, but we all have. You're not the only one who's had your heart broken or self esteem damaged by the opposite sex, it's not some strange phenomenon where you're just a victim of the way women innately want to treat you for whatever reason. I try to stay out of threads where you talk about your relationship problems, but it's just frustrating because I feel like you are sabotaging yourself and then blaming it on "things women usualy do". If you go into every relationship expecting you're going to be lied to or judged/rejected, that can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy

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posted July 26, 2012 03:55 PM            

I understand your point. I really do. Values are important. And so is self worth. I just dont like that you would judge or look differently if someone had a higher number of sexual partners than you... Why does that make them a loose goose? I dont get that part?!

I get not sleeping with a stranger, barebacking it on day one of a a first date... Ummm that may be a tad too much freeedom lol but going with a moment and letting that moment take you wherever its going regardless of the amount of time invested with a person should not matter. Should not be frowned upon and have a label put on it that "she/he" must do this with everyone else... Why even go there and ruin a beautiful moment between two people who felt hot passion for each other in a moment in time.

Woman want to be honest with their partners, but its a mentality of being labeled a "wh*re " that feeds insecurity and watering down their experience.

Its a shame really. I experienced this with my guy.

When we first met. He had me fresh out of the package brand new... That was a problem lol no patience with me and suspicious because i was super attracted to him, loved him and was eager to learn and please him... Iam not sure what he expected after being seperated 4 years with two long term relationships under my belt lol... Ive had time to practice and pick up a trick or two lol...

I dont care who was before me. I only care that no other woman is around while iam in the picture lol thats all. The rest... Well knowledge is power lol its good to be. Bombshell in the bedroom

posted July 26, 2012 05:43 PM            

I dunno, maybe its my cancer moon, mars in libra, asc in taurus that enjoys pleasing and fussing over my guy and wanting to prefect what keeps him satified, full and happy. Aside from my cooking skills

posted July 26, 2012 06:05 PM            

Ive never actually thought about all his love conquests being a dealbreaker for me. As for my conquests well... I dunno. I am a relationship oriented kinda gal... But me being with someone for 3 years and almost having a kid, setting up a family. really bothers him... I really dont understand why. Thats how life works, relationships evolve to more mature and solid grounds... He has lived with multiple woman, had unplanned pregnancies with 2/3 woman... Altho said pregnancies were terminated. So no kids.... and ive only shared a home with 1 person lol... But iam the suspicious one lol its a double standard. Its not fair

Was i supposed to stay all "fresh and pure" the last 4/5 years we were apart?! Lol...

posted July 26, 2012 06:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Junethird:
I agree. Good point.

Ive never actually thought about all his love conquests being a dealbreaker for me. As for my conquests well... I dunno. I am a relationship oriented kinda gal... But me being with someone for 3 years and almost having a kid, setting up a family. really bothers him... I really dont understand why. Thats how life works, relationships evolve to more mature and solid grounds... He has lived with multiple woman, had unplanned pregnancies with 2/3 woman... Altho said pregnancies were terminated. So no kids.... and ive only shared a home with 1 person lol... But iam the suspicious one lol its a double standard. Its not fair

Was i supposed to stay all "fresh and pure" the last 4/5 years we were apart?! Lol...

Life goes on...

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posted July 26, 2012 07:17 PM            

Sex kinda determines a lot. Lol.

posted July 26, 2012 07:37 PM            

In some people's version of a relationship (men and WOMEN - not only men) - it is ok to stare. It's not an issue. It is ok to watch porn together. It is ok to experiment. It is ok to have a threesome perhaps.
Sometimes it's even ok for the relationship to be 'open' and for them to have sex with other people.

These things need to be discussed so that everyone is on the same page.

posted July 26, 2012 08:25 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Junethird:
Lol we can go on forever on this topic i like going back and forth with you. Mature and peaceful debate. It's good. But I don't see it that way... Woman have needs just as men do. And shouldn't make any apologies for their love conquests. Regardless how long the connection latested with a person.

Sex kinda determines a lot. Lol.

I Don't judge my guy or any of my bfs for being "players" I was honest with my number with them... Some took it alright. Some didn't care and one actually is bothered lol

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posted July 26, 2012 09:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
i'm old fashioned. apparently thats a bad thing , i take a lot of sh!t for it, as i said i have been called gay and everything else, simply because i refuse to have sex with people i barely know.now i'm not judging people who that, its just not something i would want to do.

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I don't care if you were completely celibate and wanted an asexual relationship or if you were a manhoe who wanted to be a "swinger," that's irrelevant to me. What I think makes you bad is that you're a liar and see nothing wrong with that.

Furthermore, you're not "moral" you're "insecure" because you treat them in a way you wouldn't want to be treated (The Golden Rule is how I define morality, not one's sexual ethics beyond things like truth, honesty, trustworthiness, etc) and because you don't want to be compared to other guys as you feel you'll fall short (meaning you see yourself as inferior). This is something you should really work on because I think that lack of self-esteem is messing you up in other ways as well, especially in your relationships with women.

posted July 26, 2012 10:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
I don't care if you were completely celibate and wanted an asexual relationship or if you were a manhoe who wanted to be a "swinger," that's irrelevant to me. What I think makes you bad is that you're a liar and see nothing wrong with that.

Furthermore, you're not "moral" you're "insecure" because you treat them in a way you wouldn't want to be treated (The Golden Rule is how I define morality, not one's sexual ethics beyond things like truth, honesty, trustworthiness, etc) and because you don't want to be compared to other guys as you feel you'll fall short (meaning you see yourself as inferior). This is something you should really work on because I think that lack of self-esteem is messing you up in other ways as well, especially in your relationships with women.

And btw, it sounds as if you spring this question on them really soon, because if you waited until this was an ok question to ask then you'd already know if she was fast & easy without needing to resort to lies. I've stayed out of your "creep label" thread so I don't know if this got covered, but if someone I didn't know that well asked me how many lovers (as opposed to relationships) I had and how often I had sex, I'd probably dump him as a creep (without answering). Until we got a lot closer that's not your business.

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posted July 26, 2012 10:26 PM            

You are so closed minded sometimes. I remember you saying something negative about a previous post of mine here where I was explaining in very clear terms what happens during Hetero sex and hence used the word penetration. For a Capricorn it is pretty unrealistic of you to take issue with the reality of that word. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this here. It's just that in between your very pig headed take on everything and aqua guy's generally negative take on everything - I'm getting a headache here.

posted July 26, 2012 10:32 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
YTA - Is checking out porn together distasteful as well?

You are so closed minded sometimes. I remember you saying something negative about a previous post of mine here where I was explaining in very clear terms what happens during Hetero sex and hence used the word penetration. For a Capricorn it is pretty unrealistic of you to take issue with the reality of that word. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this here. It's just that in between your very pig headed take on everything and aqua guy's generally negative take on everything - I'm getting a headache here.

You should both get over yourselves and

grow up and realize that there are

different people in this world and not everyone will confront to the rules you personally decide to live by...

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posted July 26, 2012 10:46 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Of course I regard porn as distasteful. I find it debasing. You can describe me in whatever way you want. I call not oogling being respectful. I call it proper behavior. It's your prerogative to describe me in whatever manner you see fit and it doesn't cost me a dime.

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posted July 26, 2012 11:06 PM            

Ok. So I agree with aqua that morals are good. I agree with YTA that we should not openly oggle and drool over the opposite sex in public and in front of our significant other. A quick discreet once over should suffice and not hurt any partners ego. I smile extra big to the cute Starbucks boy who does the lattes lol. I would be annoyed if my guy got jealous. Because it really means nothing.

I just don't think your number of partners/lovers should. Be held up against anyone or be judged solely on that.

Random stranger sex/hook up is not my thing either but it is a reality that face guys and girls ... At a club/bar I see tons of drunk people flirting and prolly a nice % go home with someone they just met. Empty lustful love. Sure. But I wouldn't judge. Hey, whatever floats your boat. 2 consenting adults doing their thing. Use a rubber before going to town is all I care about in the end. Did you use protection or not?

I do agree that at a certain age/rite of passage you outgrow certain Behaviors. Just like you outgrow the club scene. But you past shouldn't be thrown back in your face by a potential lover/partner.

Why should someones judge someones behaviour before they met you?

If you like someone you should be prepare to accept their past and not frown upon it.

And why would anyone call you gay? Or insult you for. not jumping into the sheets with a girl lol I don't get it?

I still say either you feel the heat or passion and go with the flow and let the moment unfold organically or you don't feel anything at all. Everything changes. The moment you kiss someone. The moment You are intimate with someone you know everything. It all clicks or it doesn't.

My longterm ex bf shared a story with me. We met very randomly. He surprised me and he kissed me. It was perfect. I liked it. But I wanted to wait a little longer. And he had no problem. He would wait 4/6monhw if he had to lol... I asked him what was the longest he waited for a girl. He said 4 months and he should have ditched the first month. Because its a stupid game and it turned out to be a dud anyway. She was nice but not for him. But he felt like he was in a trap because if he left her it would seem like he couldn't wait and if he left after sleeping with her after waiting so long it would have looked like he was after sex, a conquest only. He ended things with her a month later because he wasn't that into her. The whole sex thing just prolonged the inevitable. But that doesn't make either person loose if it had happened a month into the relationship or 4 months later.

Let the moment unfold when it's suppose to. Not plan it after x amount of time.